You die.

[ He's not mincing his words. You want to learn about your past then you better be ready to swallow the consequences. ]

You turn into the very thing you're meant to destroy. An Ayakshi. The people who are most likely to bear the brunt of it will the ones closest to you. Your god will be the worst off. They feel what you feel. Don't think you're the only one who suffers when you go down this path.