thenearshore | Open and Closed

Entry tags:

Open and Closed

Who: Yamazaki Ayumu, Cho Hakkai, and you!
When: late July 17th to July 19th
Where: Various spots on both the Near and Far Shores
What: Wardrobe problems, borderline practice in the park, and shopping.
Warnings: Possible mentions of violence, torture, and rape in the Hakkai thread if it comes up.

July 17th, night, the Far Shore (Open)

[The first few days of Ayumu's afterlife have been decidedly bizarre. How she'd gone from her present self to an ill-mannered child and later a cocky teenager is beyond her understanding but she's grateful when that final burst of energy comes, finally turning her back into herself even it did strand her on the Near Shore far away from her god's temple with nothing but a child's yukata and sandals to wear.

Ayumu's nothing if not resourceful, however, and the dilemma was solved easily enough with a little convenience store theft. And that's how Ayumu can be found strolling through the Far Shore back to her god's temple wearing a neon-orange glow in the dark rain poncho, a pink child's yukata tied around her waist in a makeshift skirt, and carrying a tiny pair of sandals in her hand. It's hard to tell for sure but she appears to be clutching a large wad of bloody paper towels in her right hand.

Regardless of her present attire, Ayumu makes eye contact with anyone she happens to pass by, offering them a cordial smile and cheerful greeting.]

Good evening! Nice night, isn't it?

July 18th, daytime, the Far Shore, the park (Open)

[Given Ayumu's current lack of wardrobe, her clothing options are pretty much limited to whatever she can find in her god's closet. His pants are a lost cause, being far too big to fit her small frame. However, the shirts are salvagable so she helps herself to one of those. He's taller than her, enough so that it hangs down low enough on her thighs to be somewhat decent enough to go outside in. But then again, Ayumu's definition of decent tends to be downright scandalous by modern standards, perhaps made worse by the fact all she's wearing at the moment is a shirt clearly recognizable as Hakkai's.

Currently, she's sitting on a bench, knees pressed together rather primly while she reads the information pamphlet given to her on her first day. Mentally, she's in a much better state to comprehend and absorb the information today so she's taking advantage of that with a little private practice on her borderlines. It's been a little rough going so when she finally gets it right, Ayumu jumps up from bench with a little cheer and fistpump at her victory.]

Yes! I did it!

[She's all smiles for the time being. Ayumu knows she still has a long way to go before she'll be able to consider herself a good shinki but it's a start. Dismissing it is much easier after which Ayumu celebrates by merrily scooping up a rather startled, floppy-eared puppy and holding it aloft.]

And you, my dear, are witness to my triumph.

[Ayumu drops a light kiss on its nose, apparently oblivious to any other witnesses to her antics.]

July 19th, morning, the Near Shore, shopping district (Closed to Hakkai)

[And at least, it's time for another victory to celebrate - clothing of her own! It'd taken patience and a careful strategy of wearing nothing but Hakkai's shirts for him to prioritize a shopping trip over work but it'd succeeded. Even without the bond between god and shinki, Ayumu's clearly in good spirits as she looks peers through the windows at the different clothing on display. Most of the styles look odd to her as they had when she'd been wandering the Near Shore as a child but clothes are clothes at this point and Ayumu will literally wear anything that she hasn't had to steal or improvise on her own.]

There's so many different styles, Hakkai-sama. I'm not sure what to pick. What do you think would look good on me?

[She turns to him for an answer, still barefoot and wearing another one of his shirts. Even though it's morning, it's still warm enough that she isn't cold.]

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[Is that a knowing glance she casts his way? Maybe. But she's in a good mood and inclined to be merciful even if Hakkai did put his shinki's lack of clothing after announcing classes were back in session. And it's not like she had to go naked; she had access to some clothing, at least, and managed just fine on her own, weird aging magic and memory loss and all.

Ayumu gives the indicated dress a once over. It's certainly one of the more appealing styles she's seen despite being unfamiliar to her. The flower patterns are nice; it seems she likes those. When she was trying to steal yukatas from vendors, those drew her eye the most.]

Oooh, I like that. It's very pretty. Maybe more like that.

[It doesn't look like it'd be too hard to move around in either but Ayumu supposes she could always cut slits up the sides if he needed to. As for their shirts matching, Ayumu doesn't mind or give it a second thought. Besides, a god and his shinki matching is almost poetic, isn't it?]

[Some would say poetic. Some, on the other hand, would say it looks like she'd slept over at his house and grabbed the first thing to hand when she woke up: which isn't an entirely inaccurate assessment, except for all of the assumptions that accompany it.

But at least she likes that option. He pulls open the shop door, and the bell tied to its top chimes merrily against the wood as he holds it open for Ayumu.]

Shall we look inside? They may have more in that style.

[The price hadn't been unreasonable, either. He squashes the penny-pinching habit that suggests to him he should be looking for a sale. Money isn't too tight -- he's earned more here than he would have at home, and with most household expenses magically eliminated by living in the heavens, he's doing quite well.]

Sure.

[If Ayumu had more understanding of today's economy and pricing, she'd look for a sale herself. However, with her present level of ignorance, she has no choice but to rely on the wisdom of others until her own knowledge increases. And it's certainly a problem Ayumu plans to work on solving as quickly as possible. Whether she'd been this independent in life doesn't matter; she is now and that's what matters.]

I'll try not to make this too expensive of a trip. I mostly just need enough to wear until I'm able to work. Once I find a job, I intend to look after my own needs as much as I can.

[Her god's take priority, of course, but no matter how much it's expected for shinki to be provided for, Ayumu refuses to live as anyone's kept woman longer than she must.]

It might take some time, though. There's so much I don't know and can't provide for myself yet.

[It's a painful admission but if they're going to be living and working together, it's best to be honest.]

I'd prefer if you got what you think you'll need now. I'm not quite so helpless a god that I can't afford clothes for my own shinki.

-- Especially since you're unfamiliar with things here.

[He smiles faintly. He's still not looking at her; instead, he glances around at the racks, and heads for the one topped by a cardboard cutout wearing a dress similar to the window display. There are several different color and pattern options in that cut, it seems, or similar cuts. It's a good season to shop for sundresses.

He's focused on trivialities in order to pretend that he's not angry, and he knows it. He's not -- mostly -- angry at her, although he's fairly certain that no matter her original time, she knows that going out dressed in a man's clothes in a risque and improvised manner is the sort of thing that has very marked effects on reputations, and he plans to make pointed comments about it later, when it won't be quite so obvious that it's gotten to him.

No -- it's not that. It's a low-grade, inchoate rage that sullies the corners of his mind. It's that he'd been bereft of all memories of her for months here, and the moment he was here with his mind whole again, he'd been tricked into laying all those memories out for anyone who wanted to see.

He hardly ever talked about her, even to Gojyo. Now he is going to have to explain her to half of the Heavens. He feels like a sideshow.

The fact that his shirt was just barely long enough to be decent on Ayumu is not helping.

He picks a dress off the rack - red, with white flowers - and holds it up.]

What do you think of these colors?

I think they're very nice. I like red.

[If Ayumu had known any other way of making sure she got the clothes she needed, she would have been glad to take it. Without knowing anything about herself, she'd simply done what had come naturally to her, what her intuition told her was a viable method. That she's the type of woman to bed a stranger so quickly isn't the first impression she would have liked to give people's she meeting for the first time. She's well aware of the effect such things have on reputations, not just his but hers, too, and she'll be all too happy to point that out to him later.]

I'm not sure what I'll need exactly. These clothes seem different from what I'm used to. I don't what clothes are appropriate for work in places like these.

[Or even what skills she has to offer. Or what kind of jobs are available. But those are bridges to cross when she gets to them. Just having clothes to wear at all is the first step to a lot of things, including being able to educate herself.]

But I know for sure that I need footwear. The paths are too hot to walk barefoot for very long.

[Ayumu learned that herself the hard way.]

Edited 2017-05-29 06:05 (UTC)

[Other techniques that would have worked well: reminding him. He's unused to having someone so dependent on him, but he's not deliberately neglectful.

Accidentally neglectful, well -- her comment about the paths freezes his expression for a moment. He folds the red dress over his arm, and turns toward her, face still distant and stony as he gives her a quick, evaluative glance. She'd wear a small, he thinks, and pulls out another of the blue-patterned dresses from the window to add to the pile. He holds them out to her.]

I don't think they sell shoes here, but we can stop for those next. There's a changing area at the back to see how these look on you.

[He indicates the signs just visible over several more racks of summery blouses and jewelry, and adds, his gaze flicking to her face:]

Please put one on before we leave the store. I'll look for something work appropriate for you while you do.

[It's the first time he's given her a direct order, but he brushes away the discomfort it leaves in its wake. He doesn't want to be the type of god who doesn't respect his shinki's autonomy.

But, also: if she doesn't put some more appropriate clothes on, he's going home.]

[It's a direct order Ayumu's all too happy to comply with. After all, getting her decent clothing is a shared objective. It's the whole reason she orchestrated such a maneuver to begin with. She's not a deliberately malicious person by nature. Misguided, perhaps, but not malicious.

Ayumu reaches out to take the dresses from him and heads toward the changing room as instructed. Thankfully, they look like simple enough garments to figure out, unlike some of the other ones she's seen in window displays the past couple of days. She tries the blue one on first; it'd looked so pretty in the window.

It looks good on her figure, Ayumu thinks, and she really does love the color blue. Maybe it's her favorite color? However, the flaws in her appearance are glaring - the disfigured eye, the ugly scars clearly visible on her arms and legs. The first day, they hadn't bothered her too much; she'd been ignorant at the time, the only self she'd known had those scars.

But when she'd been a child and a teenager she hadn't had them. Ayumu's been trying not to think about it too much, that sense of revulsion and foreboding overwhelms her when she dwells on it too long.

Okay, time to move on to the next dress.

Ayumu takes off the blue one and puts on the red. It's nice, too, but she thinks she prefers the blue. It's a little more her color but there's less of that 'I'm not pretty enough to wear this dress' feeling so maybe it's the better choice.

With that thought, she gathers up the other dress and Hakkai's discarded shirt and exits the dressing room, looking outwardly calm and cheerful if a little subdued. Self-control must be maintained for the welfare of her god, after all.]

I think these are the right size. But I'm not sure how good they look on me...

[Ayumu isn't exactly the best objective judge of her appearance right now.]

[Hakkai is picking out a third work blouse for her -- modest, light enough for warm weather, the soft cloth bow at the neck that he's seen many women wearing at their jobs here, off-white -- when he's struck by a secondhand pang. He doesn't wince; his face goes blanker for a moment as he looks over at the closed doors of the changing room.

It's followed by a sharper one, with the sick undercurrent he knows too well from his own doubts, his own too-risky questions about his past.

He looks back at the shelf, and picks out a black-and-white houndstooth pattern in a similar style. When she emerges from the changing room, in the red floral dress, he smiles at her without a flinch and looks her up and down.

There are scars on her arms that hadn't shown when she was wearing his shirt, and scars on her legs that had. Either might be what she'd doubted, what had made her wonder about her life and her death. A few of them, he can identify. It seems unfair that he should know, and she not, when he barely knows her.

He remembers Elsa saying to him, I don't know how you got that scar, and glances back up to meet Ayumu's gaze. He remembers how it feels that she'd known he had that scar.]

I think it looks very good on you. Do you like it?

[There are long-sleeved light summer dresses, too. There are stretch shirts and pants that she could pair this one with, if she wants to avoid those looks and those questions the way he's always wanted to. He's seen plenty of women dressed that way, too; it seems like a popular style.]

I do.

[It's not a complete lie. She really does like it; just not quite as much as the other one. The positive response does cheer her a little, make her think that maybe she doesn't look quite as bad as she feared. Maybe a little bit more brave, enough to wear the blue one on another day.]

I like the blue one, too. I'd like them both if it's not a bother.

[She notices the long-sleeved ones, too, but dismisses them for the moment. They are pretty but somehow turning to those feels a little cowardly somehow. And one thing the past few days have shown her is that she's not a coward.]

Not at all. [He hefts the blouses he's collected, smile warming just a little in response.] These are more formal, for work. They'd go with any skirt.

[He pauses, and clears his throat.]

I think. I'm not actually very good at modern women's fashion.

[He knows where to start, at least, which is more than she can say for herself. Ayumu smiles a bit softly, an echo of the one she often wore as a goddess. She truly is very grateful for his help; it's a strong, steady thrum through their bond.]

This is a good start, though. I can make whatever adjustments I need to on my own. I seem to learn well by watching others.

[It's an oddly comfortable activity in her mind, just learning through the demonstrations of others, and replicating what she sees. Maybe it's a talent? Ayumu doesn't know for sure, herself. She just needed help setting a baseline to get started.]

But I think these will suffice for now. Thanks, Hakkai-sama.

[Even if he couldn't feel it, he'd guess from the softer note in her smile that she was grateful. He hands over the blouses, glancing away. Shoes next, wasn't it? There are a few here, although he can't guess her size.

It's not just modern women's fashion he's not very good at. He doesn't think he's very good at this: being responsible for someone who's almost a stranger. Being in a close relationship with someone who's almost a stranger -- and he can't imagine anything closer than feeling every twinge of emotion like sandpaper on his skin, whether she wants it or not.

He can't be Elsa. He doesn't, frankly, want to be Gojyo, regardless of his own feelings there.

He nods towards the shoe racks.]

You should pick out a few pairs of shoes, too.

Ayumu....

[He hesitates.

Communication is important, isn't it? Particularly when he has no idea what he's doing, except that he knows he's not very good at it. He exhales.]

... What is it that you want from me? As your god?

[It's on the tip of her tongue to say she doesn't understand, to ask why what she wants should be a consideration. Isn't that how these things are supposed to go? He's the commander; she's the commanded. It's simple enough in her mind. But then she remembers what he said when they'd first met, how he'd told her he wasn't used to heading a household. She's said she'd help him that day, hadn't she?

So Ayumu's quiet for a bit, mulling over the question carefully, while she browses the shoe racks. Some of these are really funny looking with long, thin heels and straps that look more like some kind of modern torture device designed to make the wearer fall and break their neck.]

I haven't thought about much beyond survival the past few days or learning my own duties. As I've said before, there is much I have to learn myself to perform them well.

[The information pamphlet and input of the other shinki have been helpful guidance so far. But she's supposed to help guide him, too, isn't she? So she need to think about this more. She's quiet for a bit longer before finally answering.]

I want you to learn your role as it is written. Study it thoroughly. Be absolutely certain you understand it completely. Study the heavens as much as you can, how they do things, why they do things, learn it as intimately as if you stood with them. If you still wish to rebel, you'll have a firm grasp of what it is you're rebelling against and the most effective way to do so.

[Oh, those are some nice sandals. Ayumu stops her train of thought to pick them up and slip one of them on her feet. Drat. A little too big. She puts it back and looks for smaller pair.]

As a god, I want you to be competent, knowledgable, and wise. And please share that information with me. I'll have more guidance for you then.

Edited 2017-05-30 06:00 (UTC)

[Rebelling isn't exactly how he'd put it, but then, he hadn't meant to talk business, just then. That is the easy part. The part he really needs guidance on is the personal.

She'd given him a little guidance on that, too, though, hadn't she? Share that information with me. So, she doesn't want secrets.

He picks up the sandals she's discarded, checking the size.

That'll be hard to adjust to.]

Try one of the ones marked 22?

[He sets the sandal back down.]

I'm afraid I have some disagreements with my role as written, but I'll do my best to meet your expectations, Ayumu. And if there's anything you need from me, or anything you'd like me to do differently--

Open communication between gods and shinki is very important.

[He casts her a glance.] Just tell me what it is. I may not always agree with you, but we can talk it over.

'Kay. Thanks.

[Ayumu scans the shelf for the suggested size, while she mulls things over. She's not in the best frame of mind for this sort of discussion, not when she's only just now getting a pair of actual shoes. But he's her god and she's supposed to listen to her god so she's going to give it a try, at least.]

People don't always have to agree to get things done. They don't even have to like each other most of the time. They just need to remember the primary objective at stake and be willing to work toward it.

[Oh, there's some 22s. Maybe they'll fit better. She takes them and slips them on her foot. Still a little big but better. Ayumu puts them back and looks for something just a bit smaller.]

If you find my work unsatisfactory in some way, please let me know and I'll try to do better.

Of course.

[Ah, those don't fit either? Her feet are very small. She seems to have it under control, though, so he remains silent as she keeps searching the shelves.

She's right that there's no reason for them to need to be close to get things done. They don't have to be friends at all: they just have to share a goal. He'd had a god he felt that way about, too.

He may not like comparing himself to that god, but if he has to--

He exhales, almost a sigh, and crosses his arms. It's unsettling to think of not being close to someone whose emotions he feels. He knows too well how unsettling it must be to her, to have her feelings shared with someone she barely knows and doesn't necessarily expect to like. It's an intimacy that calls for profound trust.

She is, he concludes ruefully, much tougher than he is. And he doesn't really know what to say to that, other than to wait quietly until she's done finding a pair of shoes that fit.]

[Tough? Had Ayumu known about her own past, could think deeply with any clarity, or been in any shape to make any heartfelt confessions, she would laughed at the idea. She's weak, soft, shy, uncomfortable with emotions and overtures, and doesn't even know her own mind. Perhaps she would have even cried herself to sleep.

Her final moments had been horrifying and painful, full of so much emotion and pain, her ability to think reduced to a simple refusal to tell her captors anything, a scattered mantra to protect the loved ones she knew she'd leave behind. Her memories might be gone but the damage had been done; Masuya's men hadn't gotten the information they sought but they'd still broken her. In life, her sense of self had never been very strong, molded almost entirely by her occupation and the different roles she had to play. Early on, she'd realized that Yamazaki Ayumu wasn't strong enough to bear the burdens she must so she'd remade herself into someone who could.

And in the end, that mask broke into pieces under the torture she'd endured, leaving the weary soul beneath it bare, and some remnant shards of self-protection in place.

Ayumu tries on different pairs of sandals in silence. One size down turns out to be the right size and now she's moved on to different styles, trying to think of which ones will be practical or supportive in which situation. After a while, she finally speaks. Maybe it's some of her natural perceptiveness coming to light, maybe it's women's intuition, or maybe it's just compelling instinct. She doesn't know. Only that she feels the need to say something.]

I think I need time, Hakkai-sama. Maybe. I only just arrived and everything is strange to me, even me. If it helps, don't think of me as a woman, think of me as a child. An infant. When it comes to this world, this life, I feel like that's what I am.

[She doesn't look at him; making such an admission as that is deeply embarassing for her but perhaps it's only fair considering how she'd embarrassed him. Maybe fairness needs to be part of a partnership, too? This, too, feels very new and strange to think about.]

[Hakkai's gaze snaps to her the moment she begins to speak, but she's not meeting his eyes, and, after a moment, he looks away too. There can't be much distance between a god and his only shinki. What privacy she can have -- slight as it is -- he wants to be sure he offers.

But he shakes his head, still, and keeps his voice quiet as he replies.]

You're not a child, Ayumu.

[Maybe parts of her life will come back to her, and maybe they won't. He hadn't remembered any of his last fight, even when he'd remembered so much. He had remembered nothing after asking Gojyo to stop him if he came close to losing control. He can only hope, even if she remembers, that her death remains equally a mystery to her.

But even before he'd remembered anything... his arms are still crossed, his posture relaxed, but he's very still as he looks at the shoe racks in front of them.]

When I was a shinki, I used to think, "this is a new life, and whatever came before is dead." That's true, as far as it goes, but it's a new life you're born into as an adult.

I know it's difficult. Trust yourself -- you're not as strange to yourself as you think.

[He casts her a glance, at last, breaking his stillness.]

In any case, I won't push, but when you do need something from me, tell me. [The corner of his mouth quirks wryly.] I'm selfish, so I may not notice if you don't.

[There's a brief surge of resignation and frustration; where it comes from is a mystery yet something about it feels almost familiar.]

Fine. I'll try.

[Was it this hard to simply express herself clearly when she'd been alive? Its like she keeps saying words and thinks they're coming out right only to discover their meaning keeps getting lost somehow. It's aggravating. And discouraging.

At least, she knows better now than to lash out and make a scene, even if most people just pass them by unnoticed. He's not to blame for what she's feeling anyway. It's not his fault she's confused, dealing with a lot of feelings, and communication is hard.]

I think these will be just fine for shoes, Hakkai-sama.

[She's managed to find a couple of more pairs of sturdy looking sandals and a pair of lucky cat houseslippers she thought looked cute. Some indoor shoes would be nice, too.]

If I could get a comb and some things to put my hair up, I'd very much appreciate them. My hair is very thick, you see, and it's very hot.

[And after a moment of uncertainty, she adds. It feels like she's asking for too much but he'd said to ask for what she needs.]

...and if it's not too much trouble, a patch of some kind to cover up my eye. I'm not sure where to find those...

Edited 2017-05-31 23:23 (UTC)

An eyepatch? I found a shop a few weeks ago for mine.

[It had been a rather frilly costume shop, but a frilly costume shop with a variety of eyepatches ranging from the utilitarian black piratical look to the elaborate with lace, leather and embroidery.

As for the combs, though -- he glances around the store. There don't seem to be many accessories for sale here.]

But yes, of course. I'll show you.

Thanks.

[After a moment, she jumps with start, suddenly remembering something very important. How could she forget such an obvious staple? And it's one Ayumu needs input and help on very much, too, considering she's not sure what to expect in this world.]

Oh, I almost forgot! I'll need undergarments, too, Hakkai-sama. Do you know where to find them?

Over on that side of the store!

[... Does she know what a bra is? They're fairly modern inventions....

Hastily, he wipes the stricken expression from his face, and holds his hands out.]

I can hold those shoes for you while you pick some out. [He clears his throat.] And, ah, if you have questions, it's not my area of expertise, but I'll try to answer them.

'Kay. I'll be right back.

[Ayumu hands her things over and walks to the side of the store he'd indicated. She'd brought it up mostly to rib him a little; undergarments doesn't feel like something she wears normally but she's a bit more sensitive to draftiness at the moment. And she is honestly trying to fit into this world without being too much of a spectacle.

She sees the different bras, even though she doesn't know the name for them, and they're pretty enough with silky fabric and lacy adornments. Ultimately, she passes them over because she just doesn't see the point. The panties are easier to swallow, those are a little strange to her, too, but not as out there as the other garments, so she grabs a few of those in different colors and along with a couple of slips that just feel good on her skin.

A little while later, Ayumu returns.]

All done.

[It's possible, perhaps, that he should say something about the fact that there don't seem to be any bras in her pile of clothes, but Hakkai would frankly rather be peeled with a potato knife. He smiles cheerfully at her, and nods towards the cashier.]

Well, in that case...! Is there anything else you'd like here, or shall we buy these and head out to get hair supplies and an eyepatch?

No, I think this is everything I need from here, Hakkai-sama.

[She smiles back, equally cheerful. Who would have ever thought the notion of simply having clothing of her own to wear would be this thrilling? Already the future's looking a little less intimidating now that she doesn't have to worry about confronting it barefoot and naked.]

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