[Belatedly he worries there might be something wrong with what they’re doing, not as two friends or even as two young men, but as god and shinki. When he last spoke to Bishamon, there wasn’t any talk about romance, because there wasn’t a need to bring it up. Not just romance, but... intimacy. Physically, emotionally being so close they’re not just touching, they’re joined. So far he can think of a couple repercussions. He could overwhelm himself if they go too far, too fast. He could regret the entire evening if tomorrow comes and Sousuke’s no longer at his side, gone from this world or taken away after a tragic accident in battle. The possibilities scare Rin to no end... but are they enough to keep him from staying here, touching and exploring his best friend like he’s never done before?
Maybe if he thinks of this another way, it won’t be so frightening. Maybe if he thinks of them as they usually are, as they should be... he won’t want to stop. That’s right. That’s what he promised himself at the start of this evening anyway, right? Right now there’s no gods, no shinki, no ayakashi or the two shores. I only want us to be... us. Like we should be.
He notices Sousuke’s been pressed against his tongue longer than expected and in his surprise he reflexively darts his tongue back towards his throat. But he can still taste him. The natural salt from his skin mixed with the ever-present, bitter twinge of chlorine...He must think he’s strange. He’s losing his mind, he’s acting out of line, that stupid beer is finally catching up with his head. But... he knows what he’s doing. All of it he’s doing out of his own free will. And Sousuke... he doesn’t seem to mind. Hn. So carefree. Rin wonders if he’s going through the same conflicts in his heart right now. Hard to tell when he’s looking at him so intensely and his heart won’t stop flipping, feeling light and heavy all at once beside his own. It’s like some sort of convoluted dance going on in his chest. Sousuke’s emotions and his, trying and failing to come together like water and oil.
Which is why he’s worried he’s bound to do something wrong. His mind, heart and body haven’t all settled. It’s easy to read all the books and train for something like swimming, but this...? What are the steps? Where are the boundaries? How can he know if he’s doing something right? He wants to laugh at his partner for what he says then. Of course he can do something wrong. There’s so much room to mess up. The bed, the room, the entire world have all never felt so big...
... He doesn’t expect the touch, so when it comes he widens his eyes and quickly darts his gaze downward. His sleeves. He almost forgot they were falling off his arms. At first he thinks Sousuke’s going to tug them back up... but that doesn’t make much sense. Not when he’s taking his time, gathering the folds between his fingers, guiding but not tugging until the crumpled fabric bunches up just below his elbows. He’s only managed one arm, but already Rin’s whole torso feels freezing cold, warmed only once he flickers his gaze back up and sees just how deeply Sousuke’s staring back. Piercing teal, jade shadows, reminding him of the deepest wave beneath the sea.
Before he knows it, Rin’s body responds without a hitch, one ankle hooking tighter around Sousuke’s to give himself enough support when he rocks inward and reclaims his position up top, his other leg swinging over while the other nudges to hopefully tip the other swimmer onto his back. Unlike before, he’s chosen to keep his hands out of the sheets, and unlike before he now sits (just a little awkwardly) right above Sousuke’s waist. Now out of the shadows, his skin meets the moonlight directly, already pale skin now white and slightly glistening from a few stray beads of sweat. Fingers stay crossed below his chest, uselessly twisting into his sleeves since he can’t yet decide what he wants to do with them. They’re already falling off, but now he’s expected to push them the rest of the way? How... can he do that without looking... stupid?
Out of habit, Rin turns his head away, face back to bright red, and hugs his arms tighter to himself. Shit. How did he think this was a smart idea? He thought the sudden change in position would give him that boost of confidence, but now he’s on open display here! It’s humiliating.]
Um... [Yeah, they’ve undressed and all that in front of each other countless times. Just... never like this. Should he be slow? Is he supposed to say something... sexy? Ugh, no, that’s ridiculous. As if he even knows what that sounds like! In the end, Rin waits a beat more... then starts tugging his arms free with a few shrugs and pushes. Not the most graceful, but it does get his shirt off, which he’s already bunched up and tossed to the edge of the bed in a panicked rush. ... Back to looking away. And crossing his arms. As if that can cover him up now.] It’s off!
[Why did he say that!? There was no need for it! It’s already obvious!
no subject
Maybe if he thinks of this another way, it won’t be so frightening. Maybe if he thinks of them as they usually are, as they should be... he won’t want to stop. That’s right. That’s what he promised himself at the start of this evening anyway, right? Right now there’s no gods, no shinki, no ayakashi or the two shores. I only want us to be... us. Like we should be.
He notices Sousuke’s been pressed against his tongue longer than expected and in his surprise he reflexively darts his tongue back towards his throat. But he can still taste him. The natural salt from his skin mixed with the ever-present, bitter twinge of chlorine...He must think he’s strange. He’s losing his mind, he’s acting out of line, that stupid beer is finally catching up with his head. But... he knows what he’s doing. All of it he’s doing out of his own free will. And Sousuke... he doesn’t seem to mind. Hn. So carefree. Rin wonders if he’s going through the same conflicts in his heart right now. Hard to tell when he’s looking at him so intensely and his heart won’t stop flipping, feeling light and heavy all at once beside his own. It’s like some sort of convoluted dance going on in his chest. Sousuke’s emotions and his, trying and failing to come together like water and oil.
Which is why he’s worried he’s bound to do something wrong. His mind, heart and body haven’t all settled. It’s easy to read all the books and train for something like swimming, but this...? What are the steps? Where are the boundaries? How can he know if he’s doing something right? He wants to laugh at his partner for what he says then. Of course he can do something wrong. There’s so much room to mess up. The bed, the room, the entire world have all never felt so big...
... He doesn’t expect the touch, so when it comes he widens his eyes and quickly darts his gaze downward. His sleeves. He almost forgot they were falling off his arms. At first he thinks Sousuke’s going to tug them back up... but that doesn’t make much sense. Not when he’s taking his time, gathering the folds between his fingers, guiding but not tugging until the crumpled fabric bunches up just below his elbows. He’s only managed one arm, but already Rin’s whole torso feels freezing cold, warmed only once he flickers his gaze back up and sees just how deeply Sousuke’s staring back. Piercing teal, jade shadows, reminding him of the deepest wave beneath the sea.
Before he knows it, Rin’s body responds without a hitch, one ankle hooking tighter around Sousuke’s to give himself enough support when he rocks inward and reclaims his position up top, his other leg swinging over while the other nudges to hopefully tip the other swimmer onto his back. Unlike before, he’s chosen to keep his hands out of the sheets, and unlike before he now sits (just a little awkwardly) right above Sousuke’s waist. Now out of the shadows, his skin meets the moonlight directly, already pale skin now white and slightly glistening from a few stray beads of sweat. Fingers stay crossed below his chest, uselessly twisting into his sleeves since he can’t yet decide what he wants to do with them. They’re already falling off, but now he’s expected to push them the rest of the way? How... can he do that without looking... stupid?
Out of habit, Rin turns his head away, face back to bright red, and hugs his arms tighter to himself. Shit. How did he think this was a smart idea? He thought the sudden change in position would give him that boost of confidence, but now he’s on open display here! It’s humiliating.]
Um... [Yeah, they’ve undressed and all that in front of each other countless times. Just... never like this. Should he be slow? Is he supposed to say something... sexy? Ugh, no, that’s ridiculous. As if he even knows what that sounds like! In the end, Rin waits a beat more... then starts tugging his arms free with a few shrugs and pushes. Not the most graceful, but it does get his shirt off, which he’s already bunched up and tossed to the edge of the bed in a panicked rush. ... Back to looking away. And crossing his arms. As if that can cover him up now.] It’s off!
[Why did he say that!? There was no need for it! It’s already obvious!
Once again, the cherry blossoms fall still.]