[Ayumu's quiet a long moment, just relaxing into the hot water as she ponders. What she'd done to those men is something she'll have to live with, too.

It feels like she has a lot of things to live with somehow. There's been a heavy invisible weight on her shoulders ever since her arrival and it's been a very heavy weight to bear. She's often found herself wondering about it, why she struggles so much to just carry herself much less support those she's meant to support.]

It's hard - carrying the weight of things we've done. Or even just think we may have done. It's a lot for a person to bear.

[A brief pause before continuing with a self-deprecating laugh.]

Maybe that's why I lost my temper with Hakkai when he died. I was just so angry with him putting himself at risk so much and I was furious when he came back and didn't even know who I was. Maybe I was hurting...

[Spoken like a true alien trying to understand human emotion, Ayumu.]