I don't mean, "Do something that's different from smiling and different from not smiling."

[After all, there might be plenty of room between smiling and sobbing, but there's not a great deal of room between smiling and not smiling. If he were saying that, he might as well be setting her a koan.]

I just mean that, in a difficult time, it's all right if you express feelings that are difficult for other people. You shouldn't feel like you have to behave in any particular way.