thenearshore | 34 - Love is in the Air

34 - Love is in the Air

Who: Everyone!
What: An enterprising pair of shinki is trying to spread love throughout the Far Shore with exciting blind dates.
When: February 14
Where: Hot romantic spots throughout Tokyo
Summary: Blind dates on Valentine's Day? Sounds like fun (or possibly a disaster, but everyone needs some good disaster stories.) That's not all that's going on, though. Ayakashi are looking to chow down on the negative emotions that a romantic holiday can generate, and those who aren't busy with their own dates might be sucked into helping out followers who need help to make the day go well.

The Dates

Blind Date Matchups

Date One: The Romantic Brunch.
Couples will find themselves with reservations (and pre-paid coupons for the prix fixe menu) at a swanky French restaurant with a wide balcony overlooking the lake in a central Tokyo park. They can dine on dainty pastries, sweet milk coffees, bowls of grapes and hothouse strawberries, and a selection of fancy chocolates and petit-fours-- plus, some of the trees in the park are blooming in holiday-appropriate red and white!

Date Two: The Aquarium.
Couples scheduled for this date have tickets to a rooftop aquarium in Ikebukuro: brightly colored fish, animals including penguins, seals and pelicans, a small petting zoo and plenty of shadowy, secluded nooks to cuddle in make for a fun lunchtime date. The tickets even include admission to the one o'clock penguin and seal show!

Date Three: The Amusement Park.
This date sends couples to spend the evening enjoying themselves at a seaside amusement park. Ride the roller coasters! Take selfies with the costumed attendants! Share an overpriced ice cream cone while you watch the fireworks after sunset, then wind up the night with a ride on the colorfully lit Ferris wheel with a romantic view of the Tokyo skyline.

Ayakashi Menace

dove

shadow

teddy bear

need

Praying for Love

Wild Card

In Summary:

Enjoy your dates
Fight some ayakashi
Make sure to answer prayers for a good Valentine's Day
Have fun~

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hakkai's smile goes a little more sincere, and affectionate, as Gojyo leans in to inspect his owl-inflicted wounds.]

Ah, well, you see, apparently Chikusa signed me up for a few of those dates too. I had an argument with that delivery owl about it.

[He hadn't wanted to kill Chikusa's pet, which was not actually at fault, and so he had been doomed to lose the argument.]

How was your day?

[ Chikusa's really pushing his luck! Gojyo sits back, surprise and a bubbling kind of mania warring for dominance on his face. Chikusa tried to set Hakkai up? On more than one date? The kid's lucky he didn't get tossed out of the house!

...Okay, no, Hakkai probably wouldn't have done that, but still. The kid's probably going to be doing all the crap chores for a week. A month! Gojyo might actually swing by the temple more often, just to see that. ]

Me? Better'n I expected. [ The waitress catches his eye from across the room and he nods her way, holding up his empty glass. ] I got through both of mine without that Minako kid showin' up like she'd threatened to do, so I'm countin' it as a win.

[Hakkai waves at her, and adds a two-beers-please gesture to Gojyo's order.]

I think I saw her at the brunch, but that was all. Ha ha, I'm just as glad she didn't bother us too much.

[Or he might have had to take her head off.]

It was awkward enough being set up with a girl who couldn't have been older than sixteen.

[From the dryness in his tone, Chikusa is definitely going to be doing the crap chores for a week. At least. Feel free to stop by the temple and laugh at him, Gojyo; it's no less than he deserves.]

A kid? [ Yes, two beers, thanks! ] I think I'm offended for you. At least both of mine were adults.

[ It's not like it was a real date, but still. Chikusa should have known better. Hell, they both should have! ]

That girl, Minako? She was gonna follow me around on my dates an' spy on me to make sure I behaved. [ Can you believe it? ] But I guess that's what happens when you've got a couple kids settin' up dates for everyone.

I'm afraid teenagers just don't understand the adult perspective.

[His sigh is a bit overly dramatic.]

To make sure you behaved, though? Really?

[What has Chikusa been telling her?]

Yeah, [ he snorts. ] I don't know what he told her, but... [ And he shrugs. ]

[ There's actually no shortage of things he could have told her, but most of them wouldn't have ended with Minako letting him into her dating game party. Not a fair-minded kid like her. Chikusa must have kept his mouth under control... although Gojyo can't for the life of him imagine why. ]

Although, that Minako girl? She's a weird one too. Doesn't quite understand personal space. [ He glances up, smirking, giving Hakkai his best can you believe this bullshit? grin... and his brain completely derails.

Hakkai smells like a carnival -- sorry, but it's the truth -- and it's stupid, it's so fucking cliche, it's just a moment, just the... what, the light, it's the heat from his ridiculous jacket, it's all the beer in his gut, it's going on three dates in one day that's got him thinking about flowers and candy hearts, he doesn't know. If it's real or if it's a... a program he's running, if his memories about back there are real, if his memories about here are real...

I don't think I know how to live anymore without you, he thinks, but it feels more like a memory than an idle thought. It feels true.

He is so fucked. ]

The, ah. [ So very, very fucked. ] Guess I shouldn't be calling anyone weird, though, right? Dressed like this. [ He fingers the edge of the furry lapel – he has to admit, as ridiculous as it looks, the fur feels really nice. Sleek, and warm, and he's pretty sure the collar folds up into a hood. Maybe he'll keep the coat after all. ] That Hokuto's to blame for this. That girl's a whirlwind. I'm kinda scared of her.

Oh, I don't know about that, it looks quite good on you.

[And comfortable; Gojyo's fingers are almost disappearing into the depth of the fur on his lapel. Hakkai looks up, catching the look Gojyo's giving him--

-- it's almost longing, he thinks, and his heart clenches in his chest. Things have been better between them, these few weeks. He's been trying to be a good friend instead of a hair-trigger, stubborn, angry lover. It's their friendship, after all, that he's missed the most bitterly.

But that doesn't mean it's only friendship he wants.

Smiling, very slightly, he reaches across the table to run his fingers across Gojyo's very furry coat, too. It's even softer than it looks.]

She has a good eye. I should ask her for help picking my outfit for the next formal event.

[ Given some of the outfits Gojyo tried on (there was a purple suit, okay, he looked like a slipper), it's anybody's guess what she'd pick out for Hakkai. He'd probably look amazing in it, even if it was ridiculous, he thinks.

For once, his hair isn't up in its usual topknot, and Hakkai's fingers are so close to the tips of his hair, close enough that Gojyo can almost pretend that Hakkai's touching him instead of the jacket. The table behind him bursts into laughter over something or other, but Gojyo barely notices.

Slowly, but without hesitation, his hand rises to the top ruby-red button. ]

You should see the whole thing before callin' it good, don't you think?

[ The collar, weighted down with all that soft fur, falls opens, exposing the perfectly knotted tie, right at the hollow of Gojyo's throat, as his fingers seek out the next button. He's been trying so hard not to say or do anything flirtatious for far too many days now, but Hakkai just reached over and petted him. All bets are off. ]

[Almost longing, Hakkai had thought about Gojyo's look a moment ago. There's no mistaking the deliberateness of what he's doing now. The soft fur collar of his coat falls back, baring the line of his throat right down to a crisp shirt collar and a half-Windsor that's so neatly done Hakkai's not sure Gojyo tied it himself.

Hokuto, perhaps. He could be jealous of her for that opportunity. Instead, he indulges himself in a brief fantasy of being the one to untie it, cool silk slipping through his hands and warm skin beneath.

He doesn't move -- his fingertips rest on the coat collar, and the rest of his body is held very still as he meets Gojyo's eyes, and lets himself want. It's greedy of him, and worse, stupid, to want to take Gojyo up on his offer again every time things go right for half a minute between them. He's not forgetting that the friendship they have isn't the friendship they had had, but the friendship they have now is better than the disasters they've had, too.

He's not sure they've built a foundation strong enough to hold the weight of a love affair. He still wants; his throat is tight when he replies at last.]

Hmm-- no, it still does look good on you.

[ Two more buttons... one more... and with a smooth shrug the coat slips off his shoulders. He doesn't know Hakkai well enough yet to be able to read that look, read his actions, but it's got to be interest. It's got to be.

(The suit's effect is ruined a little bit, without the jacket. He and Hokuto were able to find a suit that fit a man his height, but it's not cut for his breadth. The shoulders pull at the collar with each movement, and the material of the upper arms is stretched as tightly as the seams will allow. It's not the worst fit, just... tight.)

Now, the last time -- the last two times, actually -- that Gojyo tried making the first move, Hakkai had shut him down. This time, it feels different. Maybe he just needed to keep offering? Maybe something happened on Hakkai's other dates today, and now he's in the mood just like Gojyo is? Or maybe he's misreading this whole mess again, and any second now it'll blow up in his face.

With his luck, it'll be that last one, won't it? But Hakkai had a suggestion for that, one that Gojyo's been bad about taking hum up on. Maybe it's time he fixed that. ]

Why are we here, Hakkai? [ They're close enough that he could reach out, run his fingers through Hakkai's hair, pull him in and kiss his breath away. ] This is a date, right?

[Ah-- he's been caught. Hakkai settles back into his chair, letting his hand fall to rest on the table.]

Yes. [Yes, but, he wants to say. Yes but he doesn't know that it's a good idea for that to mean passion, of the emotional or physical variety. He is no good at being in love, and when Gojyo doesn't understand him, he can't presume on that understanding to excuse his own failures. That, if he's honest, is what he's been trying to build, more even than the trust that's been so badly damaged between them; understanding.

It's an effort that could take years. He's not sure he wants it to take years, but there's a part of his heart that's always flinched away from taking risks, and that would be happy taking as long as it takes to feel safe, first.

There's another part that doesn't. And all of that reckons without what Gojyo had said to him, not the first time they kissed but the second. They could disappear at any moment. They don't have forever to waste.

Carefully, he interlaces his fingers, looking at them instead of at the way Gojyo's jacket strains over his shoulders.]

I'm not sure how slow to take this, though.

[ So it's a date, but it isn't a date? It's a date, but Hakkai doesn't want to be here? ...No, no, if he didn't want to be here he wouldn't have asked Gojyo here in the first place, he chides himself. Don't be stupid. Ask, don't assume. ]

I don't know what that means. I... [ From out of nowhere the waitress appears, and Gojyo's mouth snaps shut as she sets out their beers. No, thanks, they're not ready to order yet. A couple more minutes, yes, thanks.

And then she's gone, and they're alone again.

He can't help but notice that Hakkai didn't dress up for this date. Did he come straight from whatever carnival his last date was at? He sure smells like it. And here's Gojyo, in a suit he picked out days in advance.

He's making a total fool of himself being here, isn't he? With an uncertain glance at Hakkai, he picks up his beer, methodically downing half of it in a series of smooth gulps. It's a date, but it's not important enough for him to clean up first. It's a date, but he wants to go slow. It's a date...

...but it's not actually a date, is it? ]

Ah, I...

[Gojyo's sinking behind his beer glass, fragile enthusiasm transmuting to sullen uncertainty, and Hakkai slumps in return, reaching for his own glass and taking a long swallow. Gojyo's dressed beautifully and expensively for this date; he'd gotten Goku's shinki to help him pick out that suit and the gorgeous coat over it, and it's clear he'd wanted this to be something important, a meaningful development, a--

-- a dinner date, on Valentine's Day, which Hakkai had not quite realized is exactly what he was proposing.

He sets his beer down, fingers fluttering to clasp together again, and chooses blunt honesty.]

... I care for you very much, but I think -- last time -- we were moving too fast.

[Falling into bed together without talking about what it meant, or what they thought of each other, or what next; it's no surprise it ended terribly. That had mostly been Hakkai's fault, too; he'd been far too shattered from the disaster that was Ayumu's ablution to make good decisions, and too shattered not to rely too much on Gojyo.]

I need to be a better friend to you, or I won't be good at being anything more, and I don't want us to hurt each other again.

So what I mean is, I'm not sure I know when I'm going to be able to be more.

[ I care for you very much, but... and Gojyo sets his beer down. He can see it coming from a mile away -- he'd been expecting this to go wrong, expecting 'I simply can't trust you, Gojyo' or 'you're terrible in bed, sorry' or even 'there's someone else'. But this is a date, Hakkai asked him on a date, dates are supposed to be romantic. Dates mean things are going well! If Hakkai wanted to tell him he was fucking up, there were so many other times he could have done it. This? This is just cruel.

Let's just be friends, Hakkai says, and Gojyo's vision goes red. ]

Are you fucking kidding me? [ He keeps his voice low, not wanting to attention, but his fury can't be concealed. ] You asked me out on a date, on our first date, on fucking Valentine's Day, so you could break up with me?

What?

[Break up with-- Hakkai's expression is that of a man who isn't accustomed to being caught so completely off guard.]

No, I don't mean--

[There's a world of difference between I don't know if I should kiss you yet and a breakup, and he hadn't meant this to be a first date as much as he'd meant it to be a refuge after an awkward day.

(And perhaps, also, a quiet claim to make up for the dates Gojyo'd agreed to with other people: but not a date, nothing so formal.)

He at least has enough sense not to say, I didn't mean this to be a date. Gojyo might punch him.]

You asked me what I meant about taking it slow. I mean, I don't want things to go wrong between us again.

That's not what you said, though.

[ It would be so easy to let Hakkai backpedal, to take whatever's being offered and pretend that he's good with that. But he's getting better at respecting himself more lately -- thanks in no small part to Hakkai's care and attention -- and he can't just sit back and take this kind of shit. He can't. ]

You said you don't know when you can be more than my friend. And if we're bein' friends and nothin' more, than that's not dating.

[It is what he'd said-- it's what he'd said first, that he didn't want them to hurt each other-- but Gojyo's angry denial stops him, and he sits back, straightens, as careful with his posture as if he's readying himself to take a blow.]

... I don't know when, but I want to be.

[Can't that be enough?

Maybe it can't. He can't really blame Gojyo, if what he wants isn't someone who's admitting he isn't ready to trust what's between them to the stress of passion. If what he wants is a lover, and not a man who isn't able to let himself be a lover yet.

Neither of them know how much time they'll have left, after all.]

[ So they're only breaking up for now, is that it? At some unknown point in the future, Hakkai will decide that he wants someone to hold, and only then will he come back around to Gojyo's side. Until then, he's on his own.

Later, when he can think about this more clearly, Gojyo will accept that Hakkai's maybe-later is fair, -- they are different people than they were, it has been a chaotic couple of months -- and moreso, it's better than he deserves. He's been hot and cold to Hakkai this whole time -- he can't very well get mad at Hakkai for doing the same thing.

But today... today he just feels lied to. ]

Fine.

[ What else can he say? He's not going to walk away, and he can't demand Hakkai date him. His hands are tied.

He tries to toss back the last of his beer, but his necktie is choking him. With a muttered curse he yanks it loose, the rough movement popping the collar button off his shirt. This outfit is ridiculous -- what the hell was he thinking? ]

You wanna be friends, tomorrow we can be friends.

[Gojyo swears, and yanks his tie loose, shirt button catching the light as it tumbles away, over the edge of the table, lost somewhere on the ground. Hakkai can hear the fuck you, no, that's not enough clearly in that 'fine.'

All right, then. His gaze tracks across his beer, but-- no. His mouth is dry in a way that alcohol won't help; he refolds his hands on the table, careful and fussily precise, and doesn't know what to say.

Better friends is more than what they have been to each other; better friendship is moving closer to love, and he'd asked Gojyo to dinner wanting it to be a comfort and a refuge for them both from Chikusa's schemes-- even if he hadn't thought he was going to be caught up in them too. He's not sure if the problem is that they're misunderstanding, or if the problem is simply that what they want is that different, after all.

In the end, he just nods.]

[ He'd been intending for that to be his parting statement: tomorrow we can be friends, but today I'm gonna hate you for awhile. But Hakkai doesn't respond, doesn't do anything other than fold in on himself meekly, as though Gojyo's the one making unacceptable demands. As though Gojyo's the problem.

He can't bear it. ]

But you're gonna tell me why. [ He folds his arms, the suit material creaking as he strains the seams to their maximum, and settles back in his chair with a scowl. ] What'd I do wrong this time?

You didn't do anything wrong. I did.

[If he'd thought Gojyo was the one in the wrong here -- if he thought it was unreasonable -- this would be easier; he'd be able to argue. It's not unreasonable to want to move faster than Hakkai feels ready to. It's not unreasonable to expect a dinner date on Valentine's Day to mean he is ready for--

-- well, their last dinner date ended in bed, after all. Reasonable expectations, that he should have clarified. Hakkai's tone is distant.]

I'm sorry. I'd rather not fight.

I don't really give a fuck what you want right now.

[ It's Valentine's, Hakkai. He's not going to forgive this for a long time to come. ]

If it's not my fault, then it's something else. I want to know.

[ It's got to do with him, right? Hakkai can't pull this honestly crap and then clam up when it's his turn to share. ]

[Hakkai unclasps his hands, picks up his beer glass, and lifts it to his lips, throat working as he drains it. He sets it down again too hard.]

You asked me if this was a date. I wanted to clarify my expectations. I want this, but I don't know if I could bear it if things went wrong between us again like they have.

[He doesn't think it'll be as bad as it's been. But it's been bad, at times. They have pushed each other almost to destruction. Hakkai feels very fragile, contemplating that, and watching the suds slide down the inside of his glass.]

I want us to have a strong foundation. [Wanted? Is this another breakup, again, or is it something else? He doesn't know. Present tense, then.] I want to be a better friend to you because I can't be your lover if I'm not a better friend to you, first. I'm sorry because I should have thought-- it's Valentine's Day, but I didn't want to imply that I'm ready for something I'm not ready for yet. It may be a little while.

[Which is to say:]

I meant this to be the kind of date where we could enjoy a meal together. And drinks. Perhaps a goodnight kiss.

[ Or maybe there's nothing to forgive. Gojyo hunches his shoulders, looking abashed. ]

Why th'fuck couldn't you have said that from the beginning?

[ But he knows why, doesn't he? Hakkai's idea of being 'just friends' is dating... but it's dating without sex. He's had this idea from the first that Gojyo's only interested in one thing, and even though Gojyo keeps saying otherwise, here he is in a stupidly tight suit with a fur collar -- fucking fur! -- showing himself off for Hakkai. ]

I don't just want sex, you know. That's not why I'm here.

[Hakkai clears his throat as he glances down at his hands. The tips of his ears are red.]

I, ah.

[He'd thought he was saying that, but he wasn't, to be fair; not in so many words. Certainly not if Gojyo is relaxing like that at the clarification. He may have to stop watching so many terrible rubber-suited monster horror movies when he can't sleep and pick up a habit of watching romance instead. It seems he has a lot to learn.]

... I don't think you just want sex.

[At least, not now that they've had it out over that particular misunderstanding. He is capable of learning. A little stiffly, he adds:] It's not that I don't want it myself, but I don't want to mislead you about what I'm ready for yet.

[His ears are still scarlet: not out of embarrassment at the subject. No, it's embarrassment that he sounds like a delicate maiden, carefully protecting his virtue, as though any claims he had to virtue weren't long shattered by sins much worse than sex. He's always hated admitting his vulnerabilities.

He is capable of learning, though. And one of the things he's learning from Gojyo, now, is that when he doesn't admit them Gojyo won't see them: he'll see coldness and cruelty. He'll be hurt.]

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