If you're a fake, then I'm a unicorn.

[He's not a unicorn. But he is a fox god.]

Wish you'd been around when I needed some miracles to happen to my wallet. . .

[He'll mumble about this, so it's okay if she doesn't quite hear what he's saying.]

Looks like we have a free afternoon now.

[He looks so pleased about that. Is she really going to pester him to clean more?]