He didn't want to be this way in front of Sousuke. Not then and not now. Especially not now. Because of course he didn't expect Sousuke to understand why he was this way to begin with. He didn't know Rin had always been a crybaby. He didn't know why he was in pain, why he smiled and knew his name, called out to him because all he wanted was to see him smile back-- He didn't know Rin. And for all he knew, maybe he never would. Though most importantly... There was everything else. Would he still know how to swim? Would he still know all his favorite foods and places and songs? Every letter they ever sent each other across the sea and back again...
No. Of course not.
But, perhaps, forgetting was all for the best, because he knew for certain now that there were certain memories within him he could do without. Losing his career to his own body, succumbing to it and letting it drag him beneath the waves... Rin didn't want to know it. If he had the power to, he would have chosen to forget it himself. But better him than Sousuke. Better for him to carry that burden than Sousuke.
A faint scoff escaped him then, eyes shutting for only a beat. Don't cry, he says... Even now, can't you think of anyone else but yourself? He could have easily turned right back around to leave Rin by now. Surely there were more important things, less strange and emotional things to deal with. But despite that, despite all of this, there he still was, just like the stubborn guy he always was. Always beside him, quietly supporting him, telling him not to cry. Don't cry, don't cry, Rin... All right. Maybe he could try.
His eyes opened and this time around they stayed locked onto Sousuke's own, tears obscuring his vision but never blinding or distracting. Sadness and pain were both still present, but there was no way around that no matter how strongly he fought and yelled. And when Sousuke repeated his name back he had to bite his tongue to suppress a stronger reaction from tearing its way right out of his heart. He didn't know what that name meant, none of the history or emotions attached to it... but now, at the very least, he could say it.
You won't come back to me one way or another... But maybe--
"I know it's complicated... and I don't really understand all of it either." A small gust of wind picked up and blew through his hair, pushing it back and drying some of the tears on his cheeks. In the midday sun the maroon strands tinted pink and his eyes, still damp and quivering, reflected Sousuke's figure like the surface of a ruby. Undoubtedly there was a connection between them, and whether that was intentional or not, whether the heavens planned this or not, Rin couldn't help but feel bittersweet. A cruel joke, he thought. Bringing him here, immortalizing him here, only to take away everything that makes him Sousuke... You should have saved him. If I knew, maybe I could have done it instead. But... his best friend wasn't an empty vessel. He wasn't a shell, wasn't devoid of his emotions, and as he witnessed the concern in his face and the way he reached for him, Rin smiled again, perhaps even a little bit hopeful.
You won't come back... not exactly as you were before. But you can start over.
And I won't let anyone take that away.
With a soft, shaking sigh, Rin clenched his hands into fists at his sides, a new sense of determination coursing through him and slowly pushing his sadness into the shadows. Later. Later he could be sad. Later he could curse and scorn every god for bringing this upon him and those he held dear. But for now-- I can do this. I can do this for you.
"... But you feel it, don't you?" he asks as he glances down at Sousuke's chest. "You and I are connected." Another brush of wind and flutter of petals at his feet, swirling in a full circle beneath him before breaking off to reach towards Sousuke. Rin watches them quietly for only a moment before meeting Sousuke eye to eye once again. It all sounds ridiculous, even coming out of him like this, but it's all he knows and all he can say. Sousuke would call this stupid. He wouldn't believe a single word. But he has to try. "We're going to be expected to fight together. Protect each other. ... Because this place can be dangerous-- And I can't let you wander around on your own."
I can't let you wander farther than you already are.
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No. Of course not.
But, perhaps, forgetting was all for the best, because he knew for certain now that there were certain memories within him he could do without. Losing his career to his own body, succumbing to it and letting it drag him beneath the waves... Rin didn't want to know it. If he had the power to, he would have chosen to forget it himself. But better him than Sousuke. Better for him to carry that burden than Sousuke.
A faint scoff escaped him then, eyes shutting for only a beat. Don't cry, he says... Even now, can't you think of anyone else but yourself? He could have easily turned right back around to leave Rin by now. Surely there were more important things, less strange and emotional things to deal with. But despite that, despite all of this, there he still was, just like the stubborn guy he always was. Always beside him, quietly supporting him, telling him not to cry. Don't cry, don't cry, Rin... All right. Maybe he could try.
His eyes opened and this time around they stayed locked onto Sousuke's own, tears obscuring his vision but never blinding or distracting. Sadness and pain were both still present, but there was no way around that no matter how strongly he fought and yelled. And when Sousuke repeated his name back he had to bite his tongue to suppress a stronger reaction from tearing its way right out of his heart. He didn't know what that name meant, none of the history or emotions attached to it... but now, at the very least, he could say it.
You won't come back to me one way or another... But maybe--
"I know it's complicated... and I don't really understand all of it either." A small gust of wind picked up and blew through his hair, pushing it back and drying some of the tears on his cheeks. In the midday sun the maroon strands tinted pink and his eyes, still damp and quivering, reflected Sousuke's figure like the surface of a ruby. Undoubtedly there was a connection between them, and whether that was intentional or not, whether the heavens planned this or not, Rin couldn't help but feel bittersweet. A cruel joke, he thought. Bringing him here, immortalizing him here, only to take away everything that makes him Sousuke... You should have saved him. If I knew, maybe I could have done it instead. But... his best friend wasn't an empty vessel. He wasn't a shell, wasn't devoid of his emotions, and as he witnessed the concern in his face and the way he reached for him, Rin smiled again, perhaps even a little bit hopeful.
You won't come back... not exactly as you were before. But you can start over.
And I won't let anyone take that away.
With a soft, shaking sigh, Rin clenched his hands into fists at his sides, a new sense of determination coursing through him and slowly pushing his sadness into the shadows. Later. Later he could be sad. Later he could curse and scorn every god for bringing this upon him and those he held dear. But for now-- I can do this. I can do this for you.
"... But you feel it, don't you?" he asks as he glances down at Sousuke's chest. "You and I are connected." Another brush of wind and flutter of petals at his feet, swirling in a full circle beneath him before breaking off to reach towards Sousuke. Rin watches them quietly for only a moment before meeting Sousuke eye to eye once again. It all sounds ridiculous, even coming out of him like this, but it's all he knows and all he can say. Sousuke would call this stupid. He wouldn't believe a single word. But he has to try. "We're going to be expected to fight together. Protect each other. ... Because this place can be dangerous-- And I can't let you wander around on your own."
I can't let you wander farther than you already are.
"... Ok?"