He wondered if he supposed to act defensively. No one gave him the rules to this, no one told him a shinki could rebel or refuse, even just act out whenever they wanted to. But even without that knowledge, Rin knew he wasn't in any position to be afraid. Rin was a stranger, yes, but he still knew Sousuke and he knew him better than anyone else. Even like this-- This was the most he'd ever do. So what reason did he have to be defensive? It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault he forgot, it wasn't his fault for wandering... for dying. So he pulled him into the room, steadied himself and balanced their weight to keep them from toppling over, because he felt awful and didn't know what else to do. He said he'd protect him, help him in any way he could, but what did that even mean? Where was he supposed to start?
I know you better than anyone, but can I really know how to do this?
Once inside, Rin didn't look up, but he didn't try to slip his hand away either. He simply gave them a moment to breathe, to relax, to dispel the icy chill crystallizing and blooming in his chest. Of course he was angry. And maybe he'd be angry for a long time after this. But I can't tell you. If I tell you why-- I don't even know what will happen, but what if it's bad? What if it comes back to harm you? The growing apprehension held Rin's silence until finally his arm lowered and Sousuke's shadow faded from sight. Light, he thought, relieved and breathing, fingers absently touching his wrist before dropping back to his side. Warm, heavy... but drenched in light. ... So he was going to stay. Begrudgingly maybe. But he would stay nonetheless.
Well... he supposed if there was any place to stay, it would be here in this room, which Rin could finally glance over and silently scrutinize while Sousuke stood before the window. A single bed, black and gold velvet curtains, dressers and a mirror all made of rich cherry wood... an open view of the sea of pink trees fluttering and standing tall in the breeze. A little extravagant as usual, but it would do. And maybe in a way it even suited him.
Of course you'd be standing all the way over there. Shielding yourself, blocking me out.
Unconsciously Rin's eyes wandered over Sousuke's back. Every hill and valley, slope and turn, until they led him straight to his shoulder where that name stood bold against his tanned skin. No longer red, hopefully no longer aching, but still covered and clinging to a dream even here. His brows furrowed slightly at the thought and the look in his eyes turned sharp and cold. ... This same boy with his back to him, once held a deep, heavily guarded secret. He lied to him, didn't even trust him, and now here Rin was mirroring exactly that. Was this how it felt, he wondered? Like a constant, violent storm rocking and battering a tiny, fragile boat. Could this honestly be what this world expected him to harbor for as long as he lived? Why didn't you just tell me, Sousuke? If this is how it felt all that time, why didn't you just tell me?
Blood rushed through his veins, quick and hot, and without any effort the blossoms in the grove below began to still. His fingers ached, eyes stung, but the one thing on his mind was his own voice, chained up, locked away but desperate to call out to the boy across the room. If he only looked at him, he could tell him. If he just turned his head, he could show him. But just as the temperature in the room bloomed along with the phantom scent of roses, Rin blinked, shook his head, and everything abruptly returned to as it was. Whatever invisible aura consuming him retreated back into his chest and he did his best to contain it, to keep it from reaching Sousuke and his thoughts in the glow of the sun. This power... He didn't understand it. But it was so strong, so intoxicating.
I wanted to see you smiling at me.
"... You're right," he finally replied, his tone tired and weary, done. "I've got a lot on my mind. But I need time to figure out what I can and can't tell you." He turned and walked back towards the door, and just before stepping out into the hall, a single cherry blossom petal fluttered behind him to settle softly on the windowsill. "I know you're upset. And I know you have no reason to trust me..." A brief glance over his shoulder-- "But I'll be waiting for you."
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I know you better than anyone, but can I really know how to do this?
Once inside, Rin didn't look up, but he didn't try to slip his hand away either. He simply gave them a moment to breathe, to relax, to dispel the icy chill crystallizing and blooming in his chest. Of course he was angry. And maybe he'd be angry for a long time after this. But I can't tell you. If I tell you why-- I don't even know what will happen, but what if it's bad? What if it comes back to harm you? The growing apprehension held Rin's silence until finally his arm lowered and Sousuke's shadow faded from sight. Light, he thought, relieved and breathing, fingers absently touching his wrist before dropping back to his side. Warm, heavy... but drenched in light. ... So he was going to stay. Begrudgingly maybe. But he would stay nonetheless.
Well... he supposed if there was any place to stay, it would be here in this room, which Rin could finally glance over and silently scrutinize while Sousuke stood before the window. A single bed, black and gold velvet curtains, dressers and a mirror all made of rich cherry wood... an open view of the sea of pink trees fluttering and standing tall in the breeze. A little extravagant as usual, but it would do. And maybe in a way it even suited him.
Of course you'd be standing all the way over there. Shielding yourself, blocking me out.
Unconsciously Rin's eyes wandered over Sousuke's back. Every hill and valley, slope and turn, until they led him straight to his shoulder where that name stood bold against his tanned skin. No longer red, hopefully no longer aching, but still covered and clinging to a dream even here. His brows furrowed slightly at the thought and the look in his eyes turned sharp and cold. ... This same boy with his back to him, once held a deep, heavily guarded secret. He lied to him, didn't even trust him, and now here Rin was mirroring exactly that. Was this how it felt, he wondered? Like a constant, violent storm rocking and battering a tiny, fragile boat. Could this honestly be what this world expected him to harbor for as long as he lived? Why didn't you just tell me, Sousuke? If this is how it felt all that time, why didn't you just tell me?
Blood rushed through his veins, quick and hot, and without any effort the blossoms in the grove below began to still. His fingers ached, eyes stung, but the one thing on his mind was his own voice, chained up, locked away but desperate to call out to the boy across the room. If he only looked at him, he could tell him. If he just turned his head, he could show him. But just as the temperature in the room bloomed along with the phantom scent of roses, Rin blinked, shook his head, and everything abruptly returned to as it was. Whatever invisible aura consuming him retreated back into his chest and he did his best to contain it, to keep it from reaching Sousuke and his thoughts in the glow of the sun. This power... He didn't understand it. But it was so strong, so intoxicating.
I wanted to see you smiling at me.
"... You're right," he finally replied, his tone tired and weary, done. "I've got a lot on my mind. But I need time to figure out what I can and can't tell you." He turned and walked back towards the door, and just before stepping out into the hall, a single cherry blossom petal fluttered behind him to settle softly on the windowsill. "I know you're upset. And I know you have no reason to trust me..." A brief glance over his shoulder-- "But I'll be waiting for you."
--And he was gone.