Penny Rose [ Serah Farron ] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rememberher) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thenearshore2017-02-22 06:45 pm
rememberher) wrote in thenearshore2017-02-22 06:45 pm
(no subject)
Who: Allen and Lux
What: First(?) meetings between a god and a shinki.
When: June 16th, before training shenanigans
Where: Michael's Temple (church?)
Warnings: Heartbreak and pain probably. Okay no who am I kidding this is gonna hurt.
[ At first she felt nothing—a strange emptiness that felt almost calming in how weightless it was. Liberating? Could something like this truly be described as such?
Suspended maybe. At least, until it all came very suddenly crashing down. Because while, as her eyes opened and she slowly began to come to, not really questioning the nature of why she was where she was (she knew that much at least, and it was just as quickly accepted, almost like one might when being told that the sky was blue). But that emptiness, the complete lack of anything save for one thing.
Her name.
A painted smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, she was polite when she received no such answers. They directed her where to go, and she uttered a quick "thank you" before ducking her head in a way that was both respectful and rushed. Uncertain and perhaps a bit frayed. One foot, then the other, propelling her forward, first at a walk then quickly gaining momentum. Keep moving, keep going forward, it's all right, it's all right.
It's all right...
(Cycling that name in her head, over and over again like a mantra. Her name. The only thing she immediately had outside of what she carried on her person. The only thing she had, save for the red-and-black dress she wore.)
Coming upon the temple, the newly arrived shinki hardly stopped to catch her breath. A church..? Stopping at the iron gates there, the blond hesitated, raising a black-gloved hand, nearly drawing it back...
Then pushing them open. Her hand lingering for a moment before falling back to her side as she willed herself to step forward. ]
...Hello?
What: First(?) meetings between a god and a shinki.
When: June 16th, before training shenanigans
Where: Michael's Temple (church?)
Warnings: Heartbreak and pain probably. Okay no who am I kidding this is gonna hurt.
[ At first she felt nothing—a strange emptiness that felt almost calming in how weightless it was. Liberating? Could something like this truly be described as such?
Suspended maybe. At least, until it all came very suddenly crashing down. Because while, as her eyes opened and she slowly began to come to, not really questioning the nature of why she was where she was (she knew that much at least, and it was just as quickly accepted, almost like one might when being told that the sky was blue). But that emptiness, the complete lack of anything save for one thing.
Her name.
A painted smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, she was polite when she received no such answers. They directed her where to go, and she uttered a quick "thank you" before ducking her head in a way that was both respectful and rushed. Uncertain and perhaps a bit frayed. One foot, then the other, propelling her forward, first at a walk then quickly gaining momentum. Keep moving, keep going forward, it's all right, it's all right.
It's all right...
(Cycling that name in her head, over and over again like a mantra. Her name. The only thing she immediately had outside of what she carried on her person. The only thing she had, save for the red-and-black dress she wore.)
Coming upon the temple, the newly arrived shinki hardly stopped to catch her breath. A church..? Stopping at the iron gates there, the blond hesitated, raising a black-gloved hand, nearly drawing it back...
Then pushing them open. Her hand lingering for a moment before falling back to her side as she willed herself to step forward. ]
...Hello?
1/3
A church that is also surrounded by a small garden—and what is row upon crooked row of gravestones that remain blank of names. Blank and nameless—until one looks down upon them.
Which would be where Allen is when Lux first approaches, his back to her and a white-gloved hand resting upon one of the gravestones, his expression hooded in thought and—well... let's be honest. A lot of things. Like that he knew she—well, someone—was coming but had gotten lost in his thoughts and lost track of time.
"A shinki to be your weapon..." A what? Another person? (A soul?)
How could you ask that of someone— ]
! [ Someone's there. His shinki, is it? (It feels surreal.) ]
Hello? [ A little hurriedly, he lets his hand drop back to his side, startled out of his reverie. ]
Are you—
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[ "I felt something snap..."
He's probably staring too long, but a name's on his lips and he's curtailed and so unable to say it he's left unable to say anything at all for a moment. Mirrored in pair with her, a distinctive badge bearing a ♖ where hers does a ♕ and the uniform coat he wears matching hers save it being black where hers is red, reinforced with pale gold and white draconic armor plating that's illuminated from within with a holy radiance.
"Lux—" and a million other sentences running together. You're here, are you okay, why are you here, what happpened, and wanting to rush forward and hug her in relief that's also mixed with dread because.. if she's here, then...
(He feels sick and sicker every time he wants to say any of that and finds himself unable.)
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
And so instead of screaming at god he will slowly take a shaky breath and not fall apart, even if it still sounds like screaming in his ears. Will clench his fists at his side for a moment, hard, and force himself not to move. Will have to hope she doesn't question that.
And... ]
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[ And he'll have to cock his head and smile and say that instead.
Because it also wouldn't be fair to her to cry. ]
Sorry. You're... here because they sent you, right? [ It wouldn't be fair to her—
He'll just have to keep reminding himself of that. ]
[1/2]
...An angel, they said. And in that moment, even clad in black as he was, Lux would believe it.
Frozen in what she could only properly describe as reverent awe—yet that didn't seem quite right, this feeling, how it knotted her stomach with how absolutely elated yet at the same time uncertain she felt—it took her a moment to snap to.
Like... like she should be doing something right now, yet her feet were very firmly cemented in place.
Why did that smile make her stomach drop? She had no real reason to feel that way. But it... She couldn't place her finger on it, but something didn't feel right.
(...It wasn't supposed to be like this.) ]
[2/2]
Yes, that's right. I take it that you're the archangel Michael. Or are you one of his shinki?
[ It wouldn't be an unfair conjecture, since they were dressed so similarly.
And still repeating that name echoing in her head like some sort of spell. Holding tightly to it, lest she lose that too. Her name, who she was.
Even if it hardly seemed to have meaning... ]
I am at the right place, aren't I?
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He knew as soon as she smiled like that but that still really stings. And not just because he loathes the idea of being... well, anyone other than himself. But especially a god or an angel. He already disliked being called a priest or an apostle even. But to be called by a different name entirely— ]
...
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How cruel is it to not be able to say "it's good to see you again". ]
I'm Allen, though. Allen Walker.
[ It's gentle but firm. A soft-spoken certainty. ]
"Archangel" isn't something anyone needs to call me.
no subject
She smiled that way because of how absolutely wrong this all somehow felt.
From the moment she saw his smile and the cold dread, the sudden urge (no, need) to do something but finding herself very much locked in place, even if that was strangely the last thing she wanted. Knotting at her insides, making her want to do something, say something. That something so small, so seemingly minor might get such a visceral response...
As he continued to speak, it fell then. That rehearsed, almost doll-like smile that spread across her lips yet didn't quite catch in her eyes. Something in that tone... ]
Allen Walker.
[ She repeated it then. Slowly, like one might while trying something on for size. Pausing, preparing to speak—
"'Archangel' isn't something anyone needs to call me."
While not meant harshly, she still noticeably winced.
I'm sorry, I didn't— ]
...
[ Stopping the quick apology from spilling out, she offered the first natural-looking smile she managed to muster—not radiant, but rather muddled to him. Surprisingly unsure. ]
...All right. Allen, then.
My name is Lux. Lux Crownguard.
[ A hint of hesitation before her head tilted just so, eyes closing in something of an apologetic (worried, upset, tightly-wound) half-smile. ]
Unfortunately, that is all I can tell you.
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... even if you can't remember, Allen recognizes that. That china doll smile. Something she would do so much when she struggled with her purpose and was afraid to tell him—or anyone—about how much those doubts ate at her...
Probably against his better judgement like so many times before, he'll smile a little more gently and step forward then. Like it's with such sad understanding and because of that he has the certainty to approach finally—and reach to take both her black-gloved hands in his white ones. Without batting an eye and like it's the most normal and accepting sort of thing.
Please don't feel like you have to bear that all by yourself again. ]
It's okay. That's a good name.
[ All too painfully aware that it's all he can do, he just gives her hands a light squeeze, fingers hooked behind hers. Reassuring and with gentle certainty, it's alright.
Even if he has to swallow for a moment at that and push it aside. ]
There isn't anything else you need to tell me.
Even I feel like I barely understand anything anymore.. so you shouldn't feel bad for something you can't do anything about. [ But he'll help her with that.
Somehow. He'll swear to that. ]
Because the only way to go from there is forward.
[1/3
And for a moment, the shinki deeply considered it, already beginning to formulate her response in her head. Readying it, and— ]
[2/3]
Like it was something so strangely natural for him. Perhaps it was, and for a moment her eyes flickered between his in almost awed silence. Like he... understood? But no, that wasn't right either. That wasn't right at all. How could he?
(Not the fear of dying or being dead, but having nothing left to your name except for simply that. A name. Starting over?)
...She should pull them away. Step back. ]
[3/3]
[ ...But she couldn't. Because that smile of his, the way he looked when she approached; his shoulders squared and notably straight, but at the same time so very heavy with something she couldn't place...
That was loneliness, wasn't it? Or something else far more profound. What had you experienced, Allen Walker, that made you smile in such a way that cut so deeply? And what could she do to—
(No, that was presumptuous.)
Because for all the fear that ripped through her, the dread that bounced and echoed off the bare walls of her mind, it hardly held a candle to something like that. The profound sadness that one could only smile through, because truly what else was there? Something she... strangely understood?
Gaze lowering to their gloved hands, her expression stilled. And tentatively, she gave his hands a small, somewhat uncertain squeeze in return. ]
Maybe we can figure things out together, then? How to move forward.
[ She thought that the god she was supposed to serve might have the answers, but... This was all right too. ]
All right?
no subject
Even if that makes him cock his head to the side and smile so very brightly at that—with a real gladness—it's still like his choice is either to smile like that or break down entirely. And because he'll always be the sort of person to want to reach out and take someone's hands in reassurance, in warmth and certainty, so that he can tell them it will be alright—even if Allen himself doesn't feel anything close to "alright".
Even if to her he's hardly any better than a stranger.
And because sorry, Lux... he's so sorry. He was too late to save you apparently. Either of them, even if the last person Allen would think of saving is himself. ]
Mn.
It's not so scary when you have a friend.
[ And because he's her friend... he'll never tell her just how hard that is to say. ]
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She doesn't move her hands yet. Stay here, her intuition told her, like this.
Try to figure it out. Find a solution.
And while he might have been a stranger, there was such a strange sense of... what was it? Nothing she quite had a word for, a seemingly foreign yet familiar feeling that caused her smile to grow subtly at that. A friend...
(Protect this one. Don't let him out of your sight. Don't let him disappear.)
Her smile beginning to radiate outward, forcing it sonewhat to strengthen, Lux offered it to him. ]
You're right. It's like a second chance, maybe. It would be terrible to waste it!
[ To do things right. Even if she wasn't quite sure what went wrong, if anything at all. ]
And I feel like there's so much we should be doing. Although I imagine you already have things in order.
[ He was a god, after all. Surely he had everything together, right? ]
1/2
hahaha—she really has forgotten him then.. ]
2/2
... well she'll probably find out anyway. And if Lux is still Lux in even the smallest capacity she'll find a way to ferret it out. So she wins such a very sheepish sort of smile from him. ]
...I've only been here a few hours now.
[ Haha. Ha. ]
no subject
Blinking a few times, that seemed to surprise her. Wait, that's not what she was told?
Well okay, she wasn't told much of anything, but it wasn't how she assumed this would go! Hoped? maybe that was more accurate. ]
A few hours?
[ Wait. That didn't make sense any sense. Not that much truly did at this point, but that was a point that very clearly confused her. Looking up, she brows furrowed gently in thought. ]
What do you mean?
[ ...There was no way that he arrived the same way she had. Was there? Not that she knew quite how that worked but... Give her a moment to figure all of this out. ]
no subject
Is he squirming? This elegantly uniformed god with his wispy, almost ethereal pale hair and posture too good to not be practiced? Who should by all means cut the lonely and faraway sort of appearance of someone forever beyond reach? Fierce yet gentle?
Yes. Yes he absolutely is. With his fingertips wiggling for a moment against hers like a guilty kid trying to explain why his homework is late. ]
Well, there was one other person here before you who tried to explain everything to me. Some of it, at least...
no subject
...
[ ...Was he hiding something? Should she press? Call him on it? ]
No, no, that's not important right now.
[ Never mind that a moment ago she was more focused on having someone who knew better than her--him, she assumed--to explain everything to her. No, this brought something else to light. ]
Did you...
[ Gears turning. Trying to figure this out.
"...I've only been here a few hours now." ]
You just arrived here, didn't you? Like me.
[ Not a question, a statement. ]
no subject
[ Yeah, might as well just own up. Just—not as to why that's unsurprising to him. ]
Mn. [ Ehehe...
He will let go of her hands then to rub a little at the back of his neck. Just that. Just "mn".
Please don't kill him.]no subject
[ Why would she kill him
again?! Instead, she takes a step forward, eyes somewhat wide and a certain inquisitive sparkle shining in them.A look he probably knows. The only time she gets that excited usually involves talking way over his head. Usually.
Run away? Avert? Do something? Or accept the inevitable? ]
no subject
..he sobers at that, actually. Expression smoothing and dropping for a moment at that as his eyes slide back to her, too pale to really be grey, but.. only smile at her a little then. In a very quiet and hard to read sort of way.
Like someone remembering something both fond and bittersweet. Important. ]
I remember dying. [ It's the only answer she'll get out of him. One said quietly and like it isn't something to be ashamed of at all. ]
But I don't think of anyone here as being dead.
no subject
Like there was so much that wasn't being said.
(He remembered..?)
Pausing, studying his expression for a moment, her grows quiet, a small, sad yet strangely... grateful smile lighting her features. It hardly bothered her that she died. It should, she knew, but somehow it felt so far detached from that state of being. Perhaps because she didn't remember?
...Did it bother him, then? Or was it something else?
But putting it the way that he did, with such conviction—that he didn't think of them as being dead... ]
...How do you think of it, then? Of the people here. Of us.
no subject
But he can't because she doesn't remember that—and that really would be too oddly forward. ]
Why would I think of you as anything other than what you are?
[ It's so simply said; like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Peaceable as the sun-dappled church around them, the garden warm and green and smelling of fresh dirt. ]
Our memories aren't the only things that make us who we are. What makes humans strong is their hearts—it's their greatest weapon. What will make them the strongest weapon.
The true state of the soul.
[ "Them", not "us". ]
As long as we have that—as long as we have somewhere we can belong and people we can belong with, some place to call home...
[ Ah.. ]
...then we're still alive.
[ At least in every way that matters. ]
no subject
[ "Our memories aren't the only things that make us who we are."
Why did that...
Feeling her throat tighten and chest seize, as if something caught itself there and refused to budge, she faltered in such a way that she wished she could say was so unlike herself but... she couldn't. She didn't know whether it was like her or not. More than the idea of dying, something that felt so distant in some respects, the thought of having nothing left, of a clean slate was terrifying.
Like... like perhaps she wasn't herself anymore.
"Our memories aren't the only things that make us who we are."
His words seemed to repeat in her head as it washed over her like a wave, the sheer weight of it all bearing down like an overwhelming force. Suddenly waking up here, not knowing why or when or how, being told to seek out this man who she would now serve who was honestly far more kind than she could imagine.
It didn't matter who she was, it didn't. But she couldn't shake the feeling that she had lost something so very important, so dear to her, that it made the ground she stood on feel unsteady.
Ducking her head, shoulders shaking like a dam threatening to burst, she couldn't look at him. Don't look at me right now, was the only thought that really processed in her mind.
Don't look at me right now. ]
Even—
[ Her voice cracking, she stopped, eyes closing tightly. Dammit, why now, why in front of this person?
Take a deep breath. Try again. ]
Even if you say that... I feel...
[ "...as long as we have somewhere we can belong and people we can belong with, some place to call home... then we're still alive."
It was still thin and a bit fragile, like her voice threatened to retreat. Swallowing, she opened her eyes. They stung horribly. ]
I feel like I've lost something important.
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