Cho Hakkai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reformedsinner) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thenearshore2017-05-26 09:08 pm
reformedsinner) wrote in thenearshore2017-05-26 09:08 pm
[closed] doesn't mean she's holy
Who: Cho Hakkai and Lux Crownguard
When: June 18th, after Hakkai's classes
Where: The abandoned temple school
What: What, you mean not everyone's going to smooth over that whole disappearing act with a morbid joke or two? This isn't how he's used to coping with emotions.
Warnings: Yelling. Feelings. Possible mention of past sibling incest and suicide, depending where the conversation goes, since it's on Hakkai's mind after deaging.
[He waves the last of his students off after class with a smile that fades as soon as the door closes behind her.
Nothing, of course, has actually changed about the situation here, and there's a part of him that's disgusted at himself for being so affected by having seen Kanan's soul here, months ago -- years? His sense of time is still shaky where his memories of this place meet his memories of home. And yet: however long ago it was, it was so much more recent than the last time he saw her face. And he hadn't known. And he'd freed her soul without a word to her.
He pinches the bridge of his nose against the tension headache threatening behind his eyes.
Jeep, drowsing draped around his neck like a winged scarf, raises his head and cheeps worriedly, and Hakkai softens into a tiny smile. He reaches up to scratch the little dragon's chin, gently.]
It's all right, Jeep. I'll grade these, and we'll head home in a little while.
[Jeep, chin still outstretched for the scratch, scolds him in a series of muffled little chirps. Hakkai supposes he hadn't been too subtle with his expression.]
Well -- it'll be all right.
[This chirp sounds downright vindicated. Still smiling, faintly, Hakkai closes his eyes for a moment. He'll grade, once he's had a few seconds to relax in the understanding company of his dragon....]
When: June 18th, after Hakkai's classes
Where: The abandoned temple school
What: What, you mean not everyone's going to smooth over that whole disappearing act with a morbid joke or two? This isn't how he's used to coping with emotions.
Warnings: Yelling. Feelings. Possible mention of past sibling incest and suicide, depending where the conversation goes, since it's on Hakkai's mind after deaging.
[He waves the last of his students off after class with a smile that fades as soon as the door closes behind her.
Nothing, of course, has actually changed about the situation here, and there's a part of him that's disgusted at himself for being so affected by having seen Kanan's soul here, months ago -- years? His sense of time is still shaky where his memories of this place meet his memories of home. And yet: however long ago it was, it was so much more recent than the last time he saw her face. And he hadn't known. And he'd freed her soul without a word to her.
He pinches the bridge of his nose against the tension headache threatening behind his eyes.
Jeep, drowsing draped around his neck like a winged scarf, raises his head and cheeps worriedly, and Hakkai softens into a tiny smile. He reaches up to scratch the little dragon's chin, gently.]
It's all right, Jeep. I'll grade these, and we'll head home in a little while.
[Jeep, chin still outstretched for the scratch, scolds him in a series of muffled little chirps. Hakkai supposes he hadn't been too subtle with his expression.]
Well -- it'll be all right.
[This chirp sounds downright vindicated. Still smiling, faintly, Hakkai closes his eyes for a moment. He'll grade, once he's had a few seconds to relax in the understanding company of his dragon....]
no subject
To tell the truth, the last few days felt like a dream; so much so that, at first, Lux just assumed that she had imagined it. Much of the Far Shore had something of a holiday, it would seem, and while there were those who were left reeling over the whole thing, for Lux it was hard to sort out what she actually experienced and what she simply imagined.
Seeing Hakkai's goddess post on the BBS not to long ago, she just assumed seeing the man at the school had been something her mind created to help cope. The thought that someone who, admittedly, she hardly knew, disappearing without a trace...
Would he return as a monster, like his first goddess..?
So to see a text from him on the BBS (she couldn't believe that it was him at first—no longer a shinki, but a god, was that possible?—she almost responded. In fact, the message still sat on her phone, ready to send should she want to.
But instead she found herself making her way elsewhere. Somewhere she knew he would be. If she ever had to find Cho Hakkai, the one sure fire place to look:
The school.
And so, with a sort of unbridled urgency that propelled her into a near jog, she found her way there, through the gates, into the building itself. Only then did she finally let herself breathe, slow down, even if, even if she felt like she had to find him as soon as she could.
Hearing the murmurs of someone speaking behind a closed door, her walk turns more brisk, more purposeful, until she grasps the door knob, pulls the door open and...
Stands there, seeing both man (god) and tiny dragon standing there, conversing as if nothing had changed. ]
...
[ Hand still holding the door knob, Lux stands there in stunned silence. She had gone through so many revisions, had any number of things she wanted to say, but in this moment, she can't.
It really is him. He's here. He's back... ]
no subject
Hakkai stares back for a moment, uncertain how to respond to the intensity of her silent look, until Jeep breaks the moment by nudging his hand with a whiskered nose.
She must have missed him, too.
He lets his hand fall back to his side, to Jeep's visible annoyance, and smiles at her. It's a sympathetic expression, although there's something distant in his gaze. He's still remembering.
But he's always had a talent for managing the socially acceptable minimum no matter how he feels, and so he pulls a welcoming note into his smile and gestures her into the room.]
Lux, hello. I'm glad to see you again.
How have you been?
no subject
Watching him smile and beckon her to enter, like nothing had happened, takes Lux aback, and taking a slow breath through her nose, she slowly put one foot over the threshold, then the other, pulling the door closed with an audible (loud) click.
Somehow, talking like this with the door open felt uncomfortable. Hell, this whole thing did, really, and leaning back against it rather than stepping away, she lets her other hand sweep behind her back to grip the door knob as well.
Give her a minute, Hakkai. She needs something to keep her tethered. ]
How have I been..?
[ It's quiet, not reproachful but certainly with some bite to it. Like he was asking something ridiculous; truly, he was. ]
How can you—
[ Hands gripping the door knob pressed at her back tighter, she draws her lips together into a fine line. Gaze lowering, she lets her hands fall at her side, no longer leaning back. ]
Disappearing without a word and then suddenly... How can you possibly ask me something like that? When you had some of us so worried that something happened, that you would never come back?
[ Looking up again, meeting his eyes, a deep frown creases her brow. ]
How can you ask me how I've been after all of that? That's not fair, Hakkai, and you know it.
no subject
Well, he'd tried. Jeep grumbles a tiny complaint at the shift in his shoulders as his posture straightens, but his attention is on Lux for a long moment, his expression very mild, before he shakes his head.]
Maybe it's not, but I didn't have any advance notice, you realize.
[It's not that he doesn't understand the anger. He understands it too well, and maybe that's what sparks an answering anger in him. Nothing's ever annoyed him quite as much as seeing his own flaws reflected in someone else, which is, he supposes, unfair.
It's worked for him so far, though. More or less.]
... I don't think any of us get advance notice.
[He reaches up to coax Jeep down from around his neck to his shoulder. The little dragon continues to mutter at him, but obeys reluctantly.
He continues dryly.]
Luckily, my disappearance was more temporary than some, and it is good to see you again.
no subject
The logical way to react would be to listen, and to take his dry sense of humor with a grain of salt. To be happy to see him, genuinely happy (she was, really!), and to tell him as such. That he was right—of course they had no advanced warning of what would happen to them.
But really, that isn't what bothers her about this. His attitude about this, however... ]
I know that—
[ It's even, and while there's no bite in her voice, the way she averts her eyes before looking up at him again speaks volumes. ]
I'm glad you're back. When I saw Yuri asking about where you had gone, I...
[ Drawing her lips together into a fine line, the shinki took a breath, steeling her resolve. ]
Did you really not think to let those people who might have been concerned about you know that you had returned? I thought that I would never see you again, or if I did—
[ She stops herself from finishing that thought, exhaling deeply. While her face hardly shows it, her hands give her away, clenching and relaxing at her side, like they felt uncomfortable. ]
You did tell her, didn't you? Before you made that posting on the BBS.
no subject
And the sensible thing to do, just now, would be to assure Lux that yes, he had; he'd found her at the training session before he'd even managed to track down his own new shinki, and spoken to a few others there. He'd meant, in fact, to do all kinds of things the next day. Reannouncing his presence and checking on his friends had been at the top of the list. Then he'd found himself seventeen and stupid. Then he'd spent two days looking after little children and searching for a long-dead woman.
He folds his hands, outwardly ever so polite and calm, smiles at her, and says, with a bite in his voice:]
Lux, I really don't see how my relationship with my former goddess is any of your concern.
[It's clear from the way her hands are working at her sides that she's aching to shout at him. Well, he's already alienated Gojyo today and annoyed his new shinki. Hakkai finds himself eager to throw out the bait and see if she'll rise to it.
His personality is a problem, too.]
no subject
It's faint, but there's a certain glow about her, almost like colors trying their hardest to spill out, and her hands... that seems to be where it's the most concentrated. It's less that she's wringing her hands because she wants to lay into him, but because she's trying to will herself not to, and to calm down.
To not get emotional.
Which she would have succeeded, had Hakkai not thrown that out at her. If he was trying to get a rise out of her, then mission accomplished, that light growing ever more present even if her voice is deathly flat. ]
It's my concern because I hate to think of someone who was so genuinely upset with your disappearance not knowing that you had returned. But you don't seem to care that there were people who were worried about you while you were gone.
[ Hands clenched and white knuckled at her sides, Lux took a pinched breath through her nose before staring up at him. ]
I came here to make sure that you were all right, but you seem to be well enough to throw my good will back in my face.
no subject
[That's just the impression he had gotten from her first few questions, of course... is she glowing? His eyesight is not the best, but he's certain that there is, and that it's brightening. He stares back at her without blinking.]
I'm assuming you haven't spoken to Yuri about it, or you'd know whether she knew I was back. So you're taking it on yourself to scold me on her behalf?
Really, if you're upset because I didn't talk to you before I made that announcement, be honest. Shinki shouldn't hide their feelings.
[He should know.
Luckily, he's not a shinki anymore. He can balance the calm awareness that he's overreacting and the hot, wounded rage that goads him to lash out regardless. The guilt carries no sting.]
no subject
...But she was, at least a little. More than a little, really, and looking genuinely flabbergasted at that, Lux struggles to find the words to counter that.
A hand clenching at her side, she bites back the words she wants to say. Of what should he care of whether or not she hides his feelings, that anger that's quickly starting to reach a quiet boil. She came here because she was glad that he was back! This wasn't what she had in mind!! ]
...Don't act as if you understand how I feel, or assume that you know why I came here to see you.
[ It's quiet, her gaze lowering. She didn't come here to argue, and yet...
Ugh, why was she so terrible with things like this? ]
no subject
[Her voice is quiet, even if her hand is still clenched at her side, and from her face Hakkai's accusation had hit its target.
The sharp edge is gone from his tone, leaving weariness behind, as he glances down at his desk and his papers. Jeep's wings rustle in his ear as the little dragon relaxes enough to settle back against his shoulder. He'd like a fight, but, he thinks, not this fight. Not any fight that he can actually have, and besides, it's unsatisfying to go after someone who's already backing down.]
I know how it feels to have someone disappear. I also know enough people here that a public announcement was the only way to notify everyone in a reasonable time frame, especially since I'd already lost two days to those -- [He flicks his fingers out in a tiny dismissive gesture.] -- unfortunate events.