thenearshore | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Yona, her shinki, and others happening to be wandering by her temple.
When: Mid-to-late July (following certain conversations among her shinki)
Where: Yona's Temple
What: Information (and volatile emotion) is being shared among Yona's three shinki and it has some less-than-pleasant side effects for their goddess.

[ It had been a few days since she'd revealed the truth behind her nightmares - and the happenings that haunted one particular chamber within her temple - to Shizuo after he'd pressed for her trust and it had given her a lot to think about as well, revisiting that place and the memories of that night. Not that she didn't still see it so vividly in her memories and nightmares, but here... she hoped that being here might be able to give her new perspective on that night.

So far, she wasn't having much luck finding it. But she hadn't spoken any more about it to anyone either, spending a few days quieter than normal and immersed in her own thoughts as she dealt with her own emotions and the grief Shizuo told her she needed time to accept. It's distracting enough that she doesn't immediately realize how much it's affected her first shinki until she feels the sharp stinging pain that she knows come from him, but feels it much more intensely this time than she has before. Giving a yelp, she drops the book she'd been holding (and definitely not paying attention to enough to be reading) to rub at the sharp pain in her upper arm.

Well. That had been decidedly unpleasant. And far worse than the stings she'd gotten from her shinki before. Troubled by that, she debated what to do and whether or not to confront him over this one, but as it seemed serious, she finally pushes herself to her feet to go looking for him. Unfortunately, he proved rather difficult to find (because she hadn't thought of the roof) and while she looks, her other two shinki have, in the meantime, discovered him. And the hole he'd left in the wall. And then got the story directly from him about why it was now there.

Which is why, in abrupt succession, There is more stinging, each more painful than the last but still annoyingly in the same spot on her upper arm as tempers flare and the negative emotions created by the information has a direct physical effect. Shizuo's own is still mixed with the guilt of having damaged her temple and the effect rebounds between the three until Yona gives a soft cry, clutching at her arm near the entrance to her temple as she staggers for a moment and leans against one of the bright crimson pillars.

Her arm throbs in a way it's never done before, the pain deep and aching, and without thinking, she draws the sleeve of her dress up to reveal the dark discoloration of Blight now staining her skin and she stares at it in alarm, completely caught off-guard. ]

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[ She tries to lift her head at that, her expression startled as she seeks to search his face, trying to understand what he means. ]

I.... I don't know? I don't know how you feel. [ The link only tells her so much, after all. ] You could... ask the other shinki, I suppose?

[His expression is flat as he stares off into the distance at that, keeping his head and gaze up so that she still can't get a good view of his face.]

I guess I could...

[Except he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to know how they feel about her. If there's one thing he's sure they could agree on though, it's that she's oblivious.]

But you don't want to.

[ Sometimes she's observant. It's just that sometimes, with Hak, it's hard. She never knows how much she might be reading into his teasing, something she's as familiar with as the sound of his heartbeat or the exact timbre of his laugh. It's just who he is, who he's always been.

She reaches up, sliding her fingers against his cheek this time as she searches what she can see of his face. ]

Then tell me, Hak.

[He seizes up for a moment at the feel of her hand on his face and he reaches up to clasp his own over it and gently pull it away from his cheek and he lets it go. He had tried to express them once before and he hid like a coward behind his sarcasm. Making jokes and teasing her felt much more natural than this, but how many more times can he tell her that her hair is a mess, or that she looks particularly funny today?

So he answers with a low voice, guilt and shame rumbling in his chest.]

It makes me angry to think about you with other people, or that you might trust others more than you trust me.

[ When he pulls her hand away from his cheek, she turns instead to clasp his wrist, refusing to let him pull away from her. She pushes up on her knees, to bring herself more eye to eye with him. ]

Then let me assure you, you have nothing to be jealous of there. I know.... I know you may not have known me very long, Hak, but there is none I trust more than you. No one. I feel safer just having you by my side and I don't want you to doubt that. Not ever.

[He frowns down at his wrist in her grip, a fire burning in his gaze as he slides his other hand up to clasp his fingers around hers.]

All that did was worsen the Blight. I've done nothing to earn your trust.

[And he doesn't know what to do to make things right.]

That's not true. [ She keeps her grip firm on his wrist, a fierce light in her eyes. ]

We can fix the Blight. I know that you, or Shizuo, or Jae-Ha would never intentionally try to harm me like this. Just as I know that sometimes... there's no way to avoid negative emotions like anger or sorrow or guilt or regret. To expect you to ignore those feelings... It's not right. And if I knew of a way to reverse this, I would. I don't hold it against you, any of you, if you have these feelings but I do know that I don't want any of you to become mired in them any more than I wish this Blight to linger. The only way to solve both problems seems to be us being honest and open with each other.

You've already earned my trust, Hak, whether you've realized it or not. I just hope you'll give me the chance to earn yours in return.

You will fix the Blight.

[It isn't offered as reassurance, but more a command than anything else.]

I trust you. I trust that you're strong enough to fight past this and move on. That you'll move on from whatever in this temple is holding you back. I will be there at your side... should you ask that of me.

[He made a vow - the day she named him as her shinki, and he intends to keep it.]

[ Something in her expression softens at that and she reaches out to squeeze his arm lightly as she nods. ]

I will fix it. I'm stronger than I look, Hak.

[ Which wasn't hard. She knew she didn't look strong at all, even though she's at least changed very much from the days she'd been a spoiled, pampered princess, locked away behind these castle walls. ]

Stay by my side, Hak. No matter what. Please?

[ It's a request she had asked of him before - more than once. And even if the deeper meaning of it might be lost on him this time, it was not lost on her. ]

I don't plan on breaking any promises.

[He moves so that he can wrap his robe around her tighter, suddenly feeling a little cold himself despite the warm summer air. His fingers linger on its collar, balling the fabric into his fists, and he looks up at her with a small nod but with a fury and fiery determination burning in his eyes.]

How do we fix it?

I think... I think I have to speak to each of you about what happened and make sure that whatever caused the stinging that led to Blight, that's it's resolved. Or forgiven, although that should be a given, considering. I think once I do, the holy water should work then. Although so much of this is new, I'm still learning about it myself.

[Resolved? Where would he even begin...? How many different thoughts did he think to help bring on this Blight?]

What can I do?

[ She glances up at him, searching his face in the moonlight. ]

Will you tell me about... why you were upset? [ She hedges carefully around the question. That should be a good way to start, yes? ]

[It's a question he was hoping she wouldn't ask, but one he knew would inevitably come. He's stubborn at first, looking away from her again when she does that annoying thing she does with her eyes when she looks at him but his shoulders eventually relax.

... Does he really have to?]

Will it help with the Blight?

[Yep, he's gonna be stubborn about it.]

I think it will, yes. I think. I think I have to hear it from each of you.

You think...?

[He doesn't like this doubt but... he heaves a huge sigh (no, but really, it's a big sigh) and buries his face in his hand again to hide the deepening frown.]

I've already told you. You were having nightmares and I didn't know, and couldn't do anything to help it.

[Someone else did instead of him... And now he's just leading her around in one big emotional circle with no way for him to get out of it.]

If they have nothing to do with my past, then why?

[ She tips her head to the side and for a moment there is a tiny smile playing at the corner of her lips, despite the very serious topic. ]

What would you have done, Hak, had I told you? Bad dreams and memories are not something I expect you to protect me from. [ Not anymore, at least. ] Would you have preferred I ask you to sleep next to me each night, so I would feel safe?

[ Even if she had asked him, she knew what his answer had been once. She wasn't sure what it would be here and now. ]

[No, he can't protect her from anything of the sort, but he can be an ear to talk to or a shoulder to lean on or...

Her question immediately flushes his cheeks and he makes an uncomfortable noise, looking down at her with wide eyes Did she really just ask him that...? WHAT KIND OF A MAN DO YOU THINK HE IS?]

I-Is that what you want...?

[ Despite the seriousness of the situation, she can't help but laugh at his expression, hand lifted to muffle the sound. ]

Don't worry, Hak. I won't ask that of you.

[ Besides. She knows she'd never be able to sleep with him so close. Not when he doesn't remember... well. Anything. While that would solve the problem of unwanted nightmares, it opens up a whole new number of problems. ]

[It takes a bit before his expression softens at the sound of her laughter, and he takes comfort knowing that even in times like these, she's still able to do that. Even between all of the stinging and the nightmares, she still found a reason to smile around him.

That must mean he isn't doing everything wrong, right?]

If I slept near you at night, would it make you feel better?

I know you are nearby, Hak. I can... I can feel you, for lack of a better word. It's comforting in itself.

[ As much as it might be accompanied by the ache of understanding, by never forgetting what it means that he is here as her shinki. ]

[~~There are about five other ways I can think of answering this.~~ He's forgotten about the link she has with him - being able to feel his presence and his anger, and he bows his head, his smile disappearing.]

That isn't enough for me, but if it is for you then I will accept it.

[ She startles at that, her head coming up as she searches his face, both puzzled and concerned. ]

What... It's not? What do you mean? [ It takes a moment to realize that her efforts to not be a bother to him - to any of them - might have created more problems than it has solved. Far more. She flushes, looking momentarily ashamed. ] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I'm doing it again, aren't I?

Doing what again?

[He hides the inklings of his smile by turning his head enough that she shouldn't be able to see it, even from where she's sitting.]

You do a lot of things.

Making things worse by trying not to be a bother.

[ She huffs out a sigh, her shoulders slumping. ]