thenearshore | Before and After (Open + Closed posts)

Who: Eric and you! IV is for Eric and Ren
What: Playing with a pup, fire training, not sleeping, and dealing with nightmares. Just a grand ol' time
When: Early August
Where: Far Shore
Warnings: IV contains death, blood, nightmares

I. August 3rd - Playing and Training a Pup

[ The pup that Eric had found, found a home with him and Ren. The little shiba inu was more then happy with the new place and Eric enjoyed taking it out for walks and giving it some play time. He was in the park, treats and toys abound as he was throwing a ball or frisbee to the puppy. When he wasn't playing with him, he was trying to give it some training, learning to sit and come when called. Though it seemed more interested in playing with a ball more than learning to lie down. ]

II. August 4th Morning - Playing With Fire

[ It was a nice day to train, and Eric was getting pretty used to these fire powers. Now he was trying to expand and learn more of what he could do with them.

He made a makeshift target and squared off against it. He was learning how to put the flames on a knife and slice the target from a distance. Sometimes small flames, sometimes large. When he wasn't using a knife he was using his hands, varrying between large and small balls. He was learning more about control and power. How much can he push this thing while still being in control.

Stop to bother him or help with training. ]

III. August 7th/8th - What is Sleep?

[ It's a quiet late afternoon, early evening when Eric's on a bench in the park area. He has his legs curled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Although he seemed to be zoning out, he was also pretty jumpy, constantly looking for the source of a noise. It didn't seem he was leaving or even moving from that spot any time soon.

To say he was and looked tired was an understatement. Even though he seemed to try and doze, he always shot back up, ready to stay awake even longer. ]

IV. August 6th Morning - Closed to Ren

[ Someone was in front of him. Tied up with begging eyes. They were hurt, beaten pretty bad. They kept trying to speak, say words, but he couldn't understand them. There were tears and snot running down their face. He watched them calming, they should stop complaining, he was also pretty banged up but there were no tears.

'Got an order for you mutt.'

He blinked, his hands tightening around the knife in his hands. He didn't move though, only staring at the scared, tied up target. He will only move when that voice said so. When his owner commanded he would obey. Ignore the pain, ignore the hollow growling of his stomach. Just listen, then he can get a reward.

'Kill him.'

He nodded, raising his hand to strike a blow. It was not a person, it was something that needed to die. Then he could live. He could get food. He lowered ithe knife swiftly to the targets neck. He felt it go in, heard screaming. It was fine, he had done good. He took out the knife. This wasn't a person, this was fine.

There was a lot of blood. The body slumped, eyes open, mouth gaping like a fish as if trying to take in air. Then it stopped, but the blood kept leaving, the eyes staring at him, no life in them. This was fine, he was a goody boy. Better them than him.

He heard laughter, applause, others around him talking excitedly like they just saw a show. A few approached, congratulating his owner on a the training.

He felt a hand on his head, feeling it being patted, ruffling his dirty hair. He could hear the grin in his owners words.

'Good dog.'

He nodded, looking down, seeing himself covered in blood. Yes, he was a good dog.

Eric's eyes flew open and he scrambles to sit up from the bed. It didn't take long before he was out of his bed, more in shock, and paced his room.

He's had dreams before, even a bit of nightmares here and there. But this, felt different. In his mind he knew...it was a memory. He remebered something from his life before. That just made him feel worse.

He...he killed someone. Because someone else told him to...

Good dog...he was a dog. His stomach twisted, he felt sick. He stopped his pacing to curl up in a ball on the floor. An owner gave him commands. He killed, how many times? That time when he became younger made so much more sense but it did not make him feel the slightest better.

His mind was whirlling as he tugged on his hair. The images of blood, of him placing the knife in that persons throat kade him whimper a bit. If this was what his memories were, he didn't want to remember.]

...Not a dog. I'm not, 'm not...

V. Wildcard!

[ooc: Want to do something different just let me know! I'm Senea on plurk or just pm me]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll keep that in mind...dying doesn't do much good anyways.

[ He won't die again, at least on purpose. The process of dying isn't a very nice thought to have. ]

This place loves to make thing confusing and...different.

No, it certainly doesn't. I'd say, "while you're alive, you can still change things," but, well.

From my experience as a shinki, even after you're dead, you can change things just as easily so long as you keep moving forward.

[Or, change is just as difficult for the dead as for the living. It's not as if it's ever easy.

He smiles faintly.]

Change...huh?

[ He tilts his head. He could change things, but he has changed now and he has to learn to adapt to it.

The smile makes him fidget again. He was helpung, but he still neede to figure things out. His mind wasn't going to settle until some things were at ease. ]

You know Ren...right?

That's right. He and I met not long after we'd both arrived, because, well... keeping an eye on Hibari was more than a one-man job.

Incidentally, I'm sorry he gave you so much trouble.

[He'd never really gotten around to checking directly with Eric about that. Well, it's late -- really late, since Hibari's not even here any more -- but there's no harm in it.

And if Eric's trying to decide if Hakkai knows enough for him to feel comfortable sharing his problems, then perhaps it'll help.]

I can only imagine. He was hard to handle, no matter what. [ He shrugs. ] He left, so it doesn't really matter...you made it easier for him at least.

[ He left Ren and he left this place. There wasn't much else left to that. Eric still felt guilty for beconing a wedge on their team.

And Ren handled Hibari really well that at least means something, right? And he has never done anythingnbad he kniws of, but even still...]

Ren, he's a good god, right? A good person?

So he did. [And he'd made Eric's and Ren's lives unfairly difficult first with his attack of jealousy... well, there's no changing it now.

Hakkai folds his hands on his knee.]

I'm not the best choice to tell you if someone is a good person, but I think that Ren is trustworthy and very loyal to his associates.

Arguably, that's worth more than just being "good."

[ He tilts his head as he listens to Hakkai's response. It was all true, Ren really was trustworthy. Ren let him stay, even if he didn't want to be a shinki or partner to him. ]

It is. He really is trustworthy and loyal.

[ Ah, why did he even think that Ren was bad? There were bad gods around, he heard, but Ren was one of the good ones, and he was a good person. Eric sighed, fiddling with his hair. ]

[Hakkai glances thoughtfully at the young man. It's a strange thing to be wondering, isn't it? When he's been Ren's shinki for almost as long as Hakkai has known him?]

Yes.

... It seems there's something on your mind. If you'd rather not talk about it, I understand, but sometimes it can be easier to say things to a stranger.

[ He tilts his head. This is way too much new territory right now, but at least talking to gods were better then talking to shinki, right? ]

I got a memory back. Just made me think of some things...It's weird.

I see. That seems to be ... going around lately.

[He lets out a breath. Davesprite, and now Eric -- are the spells affecting them weakening? Or is it just a coincidence that he's run into a few of the people who've regained their memories?

Two is still coincidence, or so the old saying goes.]

I'm sorry. I had that happen a few times while I was a shinki.

That so?

[ He didn't know anyone that had them, or at least, told him about it. He starts a bit though, hearing Hakkai saying this had happened to him. ]

Was it easy?

Not at all. Learning just a little about who I was and who I'd known... it made everything much harder.

Unfortunately, there's no easy way to forget again.

[He's holding himself still, looking away over the park. After a long moment, he glances back at Eric.]

I'm sorry I can't be more encouraging.

Seems like it's better to either forget it all, or never lose it.

[ He shrugs. He wasn't expecting a full encouragement and feel better things. ]

Knowing it normally isn't sunshine and rainbows makes it a bit better

I would agree. Being caught between those two positions seems to be a condition specific to new shinki... and it's not something that's easy to live with.

[He raises his eyebrows, with a faintly sarcastic air.] Well, maybe for people who had quiet lives.

It's not, but it's the world we live in now. It's an adjustment, even for the people who don't remember anything else.

[ He coughs out a small chuckle. ]

Then they'd just regret not being more interesting.

Ah, maybe you're right after all! The grass is always greener on the other side.

[The corners of his eyes crinkle with amusement as he smiles back at Eric.]

... But yes. This is the world we live in now. It's hard to deal with, but... be honest with your god about how you feel, at least.

[The amusement fades a little. He continues.]

I wasn't honest enough, and I ended up blighted so badly I almost died again.

I...already hurt him a bit. From that, I think, the memory...

[ He felt bad for that, but he couldn't help it when it was happening. He does jumps a bit at that news though, he did not want it to go that far.]

It can get that bad?

If blight goes far enough, it can trigger a shinki to transform into an ayakashi, and kill their god.

I had a great deal of trouble handling mine. I don't recommend my coping methods.

[Silence, shame, guilt -- a belief that nothing could be done... no, none of those were good ideas. Some of them were very actively destructive.]

What should I avoid? I'll keep them in mind.

[ He doesn't want to go too far to cause any of that. Things to not do, or at least keep them to a minimum, would be good to know. ]

Let's see... "there's nothing I can do to change a mistake I made in the past, so talking about it won't make a difference to my feelings," for instance, is not necessarily true.

And confessing to the blight itself doesn't make any difference. Talk about its causes. Sometimes, you might remember things you feel guilty about... and you should talk about those too.

[His expression flickers, briefly, with distaste.]

I realize it can be unpleasant, but it's a shinki's lot.

Before and After (Open + Closed posts)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject