(are you religious? 'cause i'm the answer to your prayer)

[sweetdeath]

Who: Asato Tsuzuki and Hisoka Kurosaki
What: Babysitting! ... Or possibly streetfighting. (Answering prayer #3)
When: February 17, 2016, after dinner
Where: A normally sleepy residential street on the Near Shore
Warnings: High odds of miscommunication, awkwardness, possible diaper changes.

[There's an icy February wind stirring old, blackened leaves in the gutters at the intersection. Even the pine trees in the gardens, still wearing their needles against the chill, look like they want to shiver.

Tsuzuki thrusts his hands deep into the pockets of his coat, hunching his shoulders up against the wind, and nods at a smeared graffiti scrawl across the nearest house's garden wall.]

Look at that! I bet it is noisy here at night.

[The prayer was up ahead, at the Ota household. There's a wine-red SUV in the driveway: the parents are home! And pretty well off, too. Tsuzuki glances over at Hisoka.]

So, what do you think? They need a night off from the baby, so we can look after her and let them go get a hotel....

[Trying to kick the local delinquents out of the alleys is gonna make more noise than leaving them to do their thing, as far as Tsuzuki can tell, and what the parents wanted was sleep.]

Comments

[outwardinsight]

[ This is how it is now. All Hisoka has left is to accept that he was serving the most absurd god ever.

He's more preoccupied with the chill than anything, burying much of his face in his coat's collar, but his gaze follows Tsuzuki's. It seems like it's be more satisfying to deal with the source of the disturbance, but the most important thing is to answer prayers. The means of doing so isn't important. ]

If that's what we have to do.

[ Work is work, after all. Even though it's a minor task that strikes him as somewhat below divine intervention, he's going to force himself to be motivated to get it done.

But he can't help but think they seemed awfully shady from a certain angle. Well, he's not the deity here. Tsuzuki would just have to make it work.
]

Do you even know what to do with a baby?

[ While his tone is critical in a skeptical sort of way, he's really hoping the answer is yes. ]

[sweetdeath]

... Sort of!

[Tsuzuki laughs, and feels in his pocket -- yeah, there's the brochure he picked up for the nice restaurant opening uptown. It'll make the perfect prop. Combing back his hair with one hand to fix the windswept look, he strides up the front walk and punches the doorbell.

A baby starts crying inside. Whoops.

It's a few more moments before a woman opens the door, just a sliver, one dark-ringed eye peering suspiciously out at them.]

Good afternoon, ma'am! You're our lucky winner of one free night of baby-sitting services, courtesy of Tajimamori Child Care! My partner and I will handle all your childcare needs, while you get to enjoy a night out on the town with your loving husband -- try Escofet --

[He holds out the brochure. She doesn't look any less suspicious.]

Or you could just catch up on a night of uninterrupted sleep!

[outwardinsight]

[ Could his idiot god really think playing it so loosely would work? Really?

It's immensely frustrating, but they had to make this work somehow. Flubbing their first prayer would just be entirely unacceptable. Hisoka takes a breath, and forces his expression to be attentive and, above all else, calm as if he didn't want to whack his partner upside the head. ]

Please excuse if we're interrupting. [ He bows politely. ] You were nominated for our company's contest by your child's pediatrician- [ There's a slight pause, like he's trying to remember a name. It's easier to get it from her when she's prompted to think of that person. ] -Dr. Morimoto at the East Flow Clinic.

[ If Tsuzuki can't talk her around now that her suspicion begins to give way to surprise, Hisoka's going to just leave him to his fate. ]

[sweetdeath]

[It's lucky Hisoka thinks so fast; Tsuzuki manages to cover his look of surprise before the woman looks back at him. He nods earnestly.]

If you'd like to reschedule for another night, we can give you our agency's contact information....

[The surprise is giving way to a relief that makes her look ten years younger and less tired. Tsuzuki keeps his bright and earnest smile in place while she slowly looks back at Hisoka, and then at him again, and then steps back and pulls the door open all the way.

Her husband should be home from work soon, she explains, but if they don't mind starting now, she'll just take a short nap and they can discuss scheduling when he returns.

She leads them back into the house, and up the stairs to the brightly painted nursery where the baby is still crying in annoyance at having been woken from his nap. Tsuzuki heads for the crib. Time to prove they can handle this babysitting thing! It's a good thing he's helped with babies before....]

May I?

[At her nod, he reaches down into the crib, carefully supporting the child's head with one hand as he scoops him up into his arms. The child cries louder, swinging tiny fists.]

Don't worry, I'm here to look after you for a little bit! Shh... [He rocks the boy gently, and clears his throat, attempting a few lines of a lullaby his sister had sung for him, a long time ago.]

[outwardinsight]

[ Keeping his doubts off his face, Hisoka applies himself to assuring the woman. Adults he can handle, and it's not really all that hard to offer a few polite reassurances as she shares a few bits of information about her son--his name is Kyotaro, he dislikes loud noises and has a colicky nature. Hisoka isn't even sure what colic is besides unpleasant.

Despite the (hopefully temporary) increase in volume, Tsuzuki's apparent adept handling of the infant gets her on her way to go try to take a nap.

Briefly, Hisoka wonders how someone can be so trusting, but then... maybe he can see how someone's judgement could be so compromised if the baby was like this all the time. When it's only the two of them left with the baby, he gives him a very dubious look.

It's in Hisoka's nature to have a sense of resolve to accomplish whatever needs done. That's mostly theory, however, and this is intimidating. ]

[sweetdeath]

[Tsuzuki watches to be sure Mrs. Ota is out of hearing range before turning his attention to Hisoka. The baby's still letting out wails, in between little hiccoughing noises, but the frequency is slowing down as Tsuzuki rocks him. Man, if he's gotta do this all night... well, it was a prayer!]

You know, I thought I was gonna be answering prayers about chocolate.

[He smiles down at the baby.] Your mama's tired, so Uncle Asato and Uncle Hisoka are going to look after you for now, okay?

-- Hey, Hisoka, do you know how to hold a baby? You can try if you want. Kyo-chan should get to know us both, right, Kyo-chan?

[outwardinsight]

I don't. [ Hisoka's reaction is as immediate as it is embarrassing. His eyes were wide, and he lifts a hand up as if to ward off some threat instead of such a harmless offer. He can't imagine he's the kind of person that has any skill with babies or children. Answering prayers about sweets would be far better than this.

He predicts: ] He'd probably just cry more if I did.

[ He hopes it doesn't come off as too much of a shallow excuse to avoid trying. ]

[sweetdeath]

But only because he doesn't know you yet! C'mon, here -- you want to make sure you're supporting his head, because babies don't have strong necks yet at this age....

[He leans in, holding Kyosuke out. The baby waves his fists, crying escalating just like Hisoka predicted, and Tsuzuki makes a few clucking, shushing noises at him, switching his smile to the kid's face.

Man, babies really are cute. At least until you have to change their diaper.]

[outwardinsight]

[ Why? Why is he handing him a baby? 

The worst part is that this just seems to be agitating the kid, and that strikes a sense of alarm in the shinki despite his pessimistic proclamation. He isn't sure at what point in his afterlife and general continued existence that he'd signed up for this idiocy, but he can't let Mrs. Ota be disturbed enough to come and catch them at their divine con game. ]

Idiot, you can't just-

[ It's no use to argue because clearly Tsuzuki could just hand a child off to him. If nothing else, at least Hisoka's hands are remarkably steady as he takes the baby. Support the neck, right, and just... tuck the him close in his arms because there's this irrational concern in the back of his mind that their charge might somehow fall.

His next words are soft, and directed at Kyosuke. ]

You cut that out already. You're fine.

[ This probably isn't how to talk to babies, but he's starting to quiet back down again.

The volume improvement does nothing for his conviction that this is a terrible idea. ]

[sweetdeath]

[Kyosuke's settling down even faster with Hisoka holding him than he had been in Tsuzuki's arms, and Tsuzuki grins in triumph. He'd known it would be a good idea!

All right, he'd just been hoping it would turn out to be a good idea, but there's nothing like actually holding an adorable, tiny living creature to soften somebody up. Hisoka's still holding the kid like he's afraid he's going to drop him, but being cuddled close is probably a big part of the reason that Kyosuke's calming back down already.

Tsuzuki reaches out to ruffle Hisoka's hair lightly, grin widening.]

See, he likes you. Let's just get him back to sleep, so Mrs. Ota can have her nap too!

[outwardinsight]

[ Hisoka flinches back as Tsuzuki reaches to muss his hair, and his sudden wariness casts a shadow over his soft features. It's reflex, and it passes quickly as he shifts just outside of his god's reach. He's much too vulnerable in these circumstances and he feels it keenly, but there isn't any helping it right now.

Tsuzuki's familiar, easy manner could only do so much to bridge that gap between them. ]

You were just hoping you wouldn't have to do it. [ It's a just a bit of harmless grouching now, immediately looping back to a sort of status quo they'd already started to develop. ]

[sweetdeath]

[Tsuzuki keeps himself from wincing: no, of course Hisoka wouldn't want his hair ruffled, he thinks they've only just met.

Eventually Tsuzuki's sure he'll remember that, but it's so easy to fall into old habits, and stupid to feel like Hisoka's response as a rejection. He smiles, and tries to bury the feeling fast enough to keep Hisoka from catching on.]

Haha, you get him to sleep, I'll change his diaper when he needs it. Deal?

[There could be worse things than just having to hold a kid, Hisoka. Much worse.

His brighter mood becomes more genuine as he picks up the first lines of the lullabye again.] Hush-a-bye, go to sleep, sleeping babies are so cute...

[He tries a few lines of it, crossing to the crib and folding back the sheet so it'll be easier to put Kyosuke down when he does fall asleep.

A loud, booming crash outside, like someone's just kicked over a metal trash can, interrupts their efforts. Tsuzuki's singing breaks off into an undignified yelp, and Kyosuke yells and starts to cry again.]

[outwardinsight]

[ Not having to do diaper changes is sufficient enough as a division of labor to mollify Hisoka, and he huffs out a sigh that's probably agreement. It's enough to unruffle him, and he almost starts to relax.

It could have gone so smoothly from there. Hisoka barely has a chance to try to get a hang of mimicking the soothing rocking motion that everyone seems to do with babies.

With the tumult outside, half the frustration that lances through him isn't even his own. ]

H-hey, don't start that up again... [ The second, more hollow clang is enough to get him growling under his breath instead of trying to calm the baby, though he's still rocking him. It's probably telling that Mrs. Ota doesn't come rushing to check, but she's no doubt all too experienced with the existence of noisy delinquents.

Still holding Kyosuke securely in his arms, he storms over to the nursery window. His initial impulse to open it so he can tell off anyone being noisy is briefly thwarted by the fact that he has to figure out the best way to shift the baby and free up a hand. ]

[sweetdeath]

Those punks--!

[Tsuzuki strides over, too, and unlatches the window to lean out around Hisoka's shoulder and see if he can spot the culprits.

What kind of jerk makes that much noise in a residential neighborhood?! Around colicky babies, and kids, and tired mothers! He's seriously thinking about storming out there and giving them a talking-to.

There are some shadowy figures around a can partway up the street, and another garbage can rolling sadly into the center of the road. Kyosuke's yelling at the top of his lungs at all of the noise and sudden movement.

Poor Mrs. Ota, she must be in really bad shape to still be sleeping through this....]

We're never going to get him to sleep if we don't go scare those guys off.

[outwardinsight]

[ With enough shifting, Hisoka gets the baby situated well enough that he can pop his head out the window and look, too. ]

Hey! [ That first shout seems to go unheeded entirely by whoever is just down the street, but that doesn't seem to discourage him. That it can be hard to get the living to pay much mind to them is frustrating, especially when he wants to do more than just yell. Nonetheless, more yelling is in order: ]

Hey! You assholes, some people are trying to get kids to sleep here!

[ And for a moment, everything is shockingly quiet. Even the infant in the his arms has gone from wails to hiccupy little noises, half-startled and half-soothed by the indignant empath who hasn't stopped bouncing him in his arms all this time.

A bark of laughter from one of the delinquents breaks it, but that settles something for Hisoka. ] You're right. You take the baby.

[ It only seems reasonable to handle it himself. He's not so sold on the idea that Tsuzuki could do much to scare off anyone. ]

[sweetdeath]

[Tsuzuki reaches out to take Kyosuke, and turns to set him down in the crib.]

I'm coming with you. Maybe with two of us, we can scare them off faster.

[Kyosuke wails again, and Tsuzuki leans down, picking up a chewed-on stuffed animal from the bottom of the crib and tucking it within arm's reach.]

Here, Kyo-chan, this'll keep you company, and we'll be right back, promise!

[He nods to Hisoka, pushes the window up the rest of the way, and steps out.]