Chikusa, you should have at least told Ken this wasn't just dinner. [It's a mild reproof, but Hakkai backs it up with a glance and a slight frown as he picks a few slices of beef, a mushroom and several pieces of spinach to slide into his side of the pot.]
Ken, sukiyaki is a way to cook things together at the table. Everything here should cook quickly, and you can put it in the pot, then pick it out with a little of the sauce when you're ready to eat it.
[Those questions handled, he's forced to turn to the more serious ones. He blows his breath out, settling back.]
Those two subjects are related. Although I should say, Gojyo's not my "ex." We'd barely agreed to be friends, and I believe that's now over.
What he was, was my second god, when I was a shinki. You've heard some of this. [During his ablution. He sits forward in his chair, reaching out to flip the meat and the mushroom with more focus than the food really calls for.] I cared for him very much and blamed myself for failing to support him, and then again for his disappearance. To see him again as a shinki...
I didn't react very well. And I'm afraid he's been frightened of me, too, or at least of what I represent -- someone who knew him when he had all of his memories intact.
He doesn't want to know me, or to be close to me. [And, it seems, the fact that Gojyo still finds him attractive makes that worse. Hakkai, at least, isn't willing to pretend attraction can pave over the kind of fear and revulsion Gojyo spits at him, the kind that would drive him to consider wiping away his memories through death to escape the pain of knowing who Hakkai is. Hakkai's eyebrows crimp together, as he stares at the bubbles clinging to the edge of a strip of mostly-cooked beef, and he's silent for a moment before he continues.]
In any case... things came to a head at the moon-viewing. He and I had both been affected strongly, I'd fought with Ayumu-- I told him how I became a youkai. I'd killed a thousand or more of them, trying to rescue my lover from a youkai clan that kidnapped her. He was shocked, and stormed out, and I... [He laughs, abruptly. His voice is high and tense.] I was upset. I went home, too.
It distracted me quite badly. [Distracted, and worse. Perhaps most importantly, he'd found it so easy to believe no one should risk themselves for him, that no one would regret his loss, or want to support him.] I'd already agreed to help Ross with his god, Loki, who'd refused to release him despite his requests, and who has done worse to other shinki I know. I should have done more planning, or brought you two, and Ayumu...
[He shakes his head, and reaches to transfer the food from the pot to his plate with quick, jerky gestures.]
I won't excuse my mistakes, but that's what happened. Ross had Loki's schedule, and I wanted to take the opportunity too badly to put the right precautions in place. It turned into a fight immediately, and we both died.
[Asshole, apparently, had survived, walked home, and not spoken a word of explanation. It's a shame he's not as big a gossip as he once had been.]
no subject
Ken, sukiyaki is a way to cook things together at the table. Everything here should cook quickly, and you can put it in the pot, then pick it out with a little of the sauce when you're ready to eat it.
[Those questions handled, he's forced to turn to the more serious ones. He blows his breath out, settling back.]
Those two subjects are related. Although I should say, Gojyo's not my "ex." We'd barely agreed to be friends, and I believe that's now over.
What he was, was my second god, when I was a shinki. You've heard some of this. [During his ablution. He sits forward in his chair, reaching out to flip the meat and the mushroom with more focus than the food really calls for.] I cared for him very much and blamed myself for failing to support him, and then again for his disappearance. To see him again as a shinki...
I didn't react very well. And I'm afraid he's been frightened of me, too, or at least of what I represent -- someone who knew him when he had all of his memories intact.
He doesn't want to know me, or to be close to me. [And, it seems, the fact that Gojyo still finds him attractive makes that worse. Hakkai, at least, isn't willing to pretend attraction can pave over the kind of fear and revulsion Gojyo spits at him, the kind that would drive him to consider wiping away his memories through death to escape the pain of knowing who Hakkai is. Hakkai's eyebrows crimp together, as he stares at the bubbles clinging to the edge of a strip of mostly-cooked beef, and he's silent for a moment before he continues.]
In any case... things came to a head at the moon-viewing. He and I had both been affected strongly, I'd fought with Ayumu-- I told him how I became a youkai. I'd killed a thousand or more of them, trying to rescue my lover from a youkai clan that kidnapped her. He was shocked, and stormed out, and I... [He laughs, abruptly. His voice is high and tense.] I was upset. I went home, too.
It distracted me quite badly. [Distracted, and worse. Perhaps most importantly, he'd found it so easy to believe no one should risk themselves for him, that no one would regret his loss, or want to support him.] I'd already agreed to help Ross with his god, Loki, who'd refused to release him despite his requests, and who has done worse to other shinki I know. I should have done more planning, or brought you two, and Ayumu...
[He shakes his head, and reaches to transfer the food from the pot to his plate with quick, jerky gestures.]
I won't excuse my mistakes, but that's what happened. Ross had Loki's schedule, and I wanted to take the opportunity too badly to put the right precautions in place. It turned into a fight immediately, and we both died.
[Asshole, apparently, had survived, walked home, and not spoken a word of explanation. It's a shame he's not as big a gossip as he once had been.]