And I've got my mind.

[untodeath]

Who: Grell and William
When: October 6th
Where: Temple of Ma'at
What: There are apologies to be made.


text;

I'm outside. Come meet me?


[ The points of Grell's teeth press into her bottom lip, as she taps 'Send'.

Yes, she's feeling a tad anxious; she'd made a grievous mistake last night, and hasn't any idea how to make up for it. It isn't often that she regrets her actions - far more rare, is for her to bother addressing it at all.

This is William, however. More specifically, this concerns how she'd just thrown away the opportunity to taste success after a century-long pursuit of his affections. At the time, it made perfect sense to her, but now...

Now, she stands outside the entrance to his temple, waiting. Intruding would not do her any favors, at the moment, and she wouldn't care to bother with his shinki, either. Not while she has so much on her mind, and must command herself to focus. ]

Comments

[untodeath]

I shan't be picky - just this once.

[ Offering him a wink, she flops across the bed, in nothing but the towel - far more shameless! Grell hadn't expected him to be gone when she looked over her shoulder to send him a wink.

When he returns, she'll be in the very same position, legs crossed at the ankles as she browses her phone. Unplugged from the charger, and William's connected, in turn. Hearing him, she perks to glance at the door. ]

--Oh. [ And she can't help but giggle in delight, seeing him there. Holding a tray of what might as well be delicacies, hair mussed and wearing his pyjamas. It's utterly adorable. ] My saviour.

[ Rolling over, nearly atop William, she reaches over him to grab one of those biscuits. Staying there, she takes a healthy bite with a elated hum - then offering him some, a hand covering her half-full, grinning mouth. ]

[death_glare]

[ Perhaps simply out of habit, William gives Grell an exasperated look when she drapes across him. He shakes his head at her offer, taking a fresh biscuit for himself. He's quiet as he finishes it off, but finally speaks what's on his mind. ]

I think we should discuss just where this new step in our relationship brings us.

[ Because he wasn't planning on having things go nearly this far. But it's a little too late to take that step back. And he doesn't want to repeat his past mistakes. ]

[untodeath]

[ While his initial refusal is met with a carefree shrug, Grell gazes back on him not unlike a deer in the headlights, when he brings up that particular subject. She'd had the remainder of that biscuit between her teeth while reaching out to snatch the tea - but she'll forego that thought, in favor of removing the food from her mouth.

Her movements have become slower, almost cautious. It might be clear that she expects the worse; in fact, she might just. Suddenly, she feels responsible for pushing him too far, too fast. Perhaps he will remind her that he still holds no feeling for her, and sink her spirits - or, worse, feel as though he holds some obligation for one act of intimacy.

Ah, but she shouldn't get too far ahead of herself. ]

...Alright. Tell me, what are you thinking?

[death_glare]

[ Apparently, William had been pondering this whole situation while up in the kitchen. Perhaps why it took a bit longer than one would think, simply to collect a few already-preped items. ]

We seem to have taken far more than a 'step' forward over the past day.

[ Reaching over Grell and to the nightstand, he grabs his own drink, casually uncapping it and drinking a healthy amount. ]

While I cannot deny it was enjoyable, I think it may only hurt us from moving forward even more so, should we both want to.

[untodeath]

[ Grell can only watch him quietly; she's lost her appetite, for the moment. ]

And why would you say that?

[ Unable to help herself, the redhead brows crease. ]

You do realize, we aren't strangers, Will. We've known one another for too long to ask ourselves if this is moving too fast.

[ She shakes her head, for emphasis! ]

[death_glare]

There is a difference between knowing someone simply because you are around them a lot, and actually knowing who they are.

[ His own brow furrows as he thinks back to all the moments they've spent together since he arrived here. ]

Though, perhaps I have shown enough of myself to you by now.

[ Or perhaps he's still hesitant because of that. ]

Either way, I don't want this to be a purely sexual relationship.

[untodeath]

[ Thinking over his words, her eyes lower to the hand she has resting over his chest. After a long and quiet moment, her shoulders slump with a quiet sigh. ]

I'd guilted you into it, hadn't I?

[death_glare]

[ William's almost confused by her question. ]

Guilted me? Absolutely not.

I am afraid I may have initiated it by kissing you last night. Thus, giving you mixed signals.

[untodeath]

Guilted you by the things I'd said, I meant.

[ She sighs. ]

Well, anyway, why did you kiss me, then?

[death_glare]

If you're implying that I did all of this because I felt bad over you loving me when I don't quite feel the same in return, then my answer is still no.

There was a moment while we were lying together that I honestly felt content. Happy, even. But, reflecting on it, I am not certain I am ready to commit myself to someone again. It's not fair to you that I made it appear that way.

I don't want you to feel as though I am simply using you as a replacement for my past, or as some form of momentary relief. Your feelings towards me are genuine, and if we are going to be together, I want mine to be the same.

[untodeath]

[ Closing her eyes with a steadying sigh, Grell lays her head down upon William's chest. She can't quite decide if she'd like to throw a fit in this moment, or sob, but neither would aid the situation. ]

What is it that you're saying, then? You're breaking up with me before it's begun?

[death_glare]

Let's keep it to moments like this for now. I won't be nearly as aggressive as you like, but it's also a side of me I want to share with you more. I just need some more time to think before we move forward as far as we did this morning.

[ Carefully, he places an arm around her back, hand settling on her shoulder. ]

I would apologize, but I know you dislike that.

[untodeath]

[ Grell shifts a hand to rest over his, before craning her neck back to peer at him with a huffy pout. ]

You made it sound as though it would be so much worse, you know!

[ Picking her head up to look at him properly, her expression eases a bit, and she finds herself reaching put to cup his cheek. ]

What's more, you're too hard on yourself. Physical desire is only natural; you deserve that companionship, as much as any other.

[death_glare]

I assumed you would overreact regardless of what I said. As you usually do.

[ Why does he sound disappointed that that didn't happen? ]

And that is another aspect I need to accept, as well.

[ Which is not easy for him. ]

Are you honestly saying you are okay with this decision?

[untodeath]

[ Grell intakes a big breath, exhaling a drawn out sigh. ]

I've so been trying to behave; must you ask?

[ She'll close her eyes with a mighty frown. ]

I'm not. If you want honesty, I'm quite frustrated, because I can't discern whether you are trying to find it in you to love me - and thus, likely never will - or you're in such denial of yourself that the only thing that's holding you back is you.

[ Brows furrowing, her mouth works for a moment, as her gaze falls to her hands, fidgeting with his shirt, now. ]

But I want this so badly, I'll do anything to see it through.

[death_glare]

I wouldn't be asking you to wait for me if I didn't want to see this through.

[ A heavy sigh as his hand falls loose from her back. That statement alone shows just how contradictory his words and actions are. ]

You are right, though. That should be enough for me to make my decision.

[ What's holding him back then? ]

[untodeath]

[ Rolling over to mould into his side, Grell rests her head atop his shoulder, eyes fixed on the ceiling. ]

I'll wait, Will. You needn't worry about that. What you ought to tell me, is how you feel about this entire thing. About me.

[death_glare]

I feel it's worth something. That you mean enough to me to make me question the way
I thought I should act and think about all this.

[untodeath]

[ Hearing that, Grell relaxes into him, just a tad. A smile may twinge on her lips, even. ]

Well... I think, you must ask yourself why. Only then will you find your answer.

[death_glare]

[ He gives a hum that's somewhere between agreement and contemplation. ]

I will try not to keep you waiting too much longer.

[ With that, he's settling a bit more into the bedding. This entire morning has already been physically and mentally exhausting. ]

[untodeath]

[ Grell hums, in turn, whilst draping an arm over his middle. Giving a loving squeeze against his middle and nuzzling into his cheek, she inhales deeply and finds her energy once more! ]

Mm, I'll be looking forward to it.

[ Now, she'll be popping up to grab that tea, after all! ]