thenearshore | [closed] Just another day

Entry tags:

ayumu yamazaki | peace maker kurogane

[closed] Just another day

Who: Ayumu Yamazaki and Sanzang
When: October 11th, after dark
What: Ayumu returns home after a long day at work. This time work involved accompanying her coworkers on a revenge raid against yakuza that killed her boss's dog. God-shinki bonding ensues?
Warnings: Possible mentions of violence and animal murder. Will update as needed.

[Ayumu doesn't return to the temple until well after dark. It's not particularly unusual for her to do so or at least, it doesn't seem that way. She lives a pretty busy life between her work at the school clinic, her new job at the bar, and assisting Wendy with whatever preparations that needs to be done with the Shinki Sanctuary.

It's not that Ayumu doesn't like her new goddess or that she's trying to actively avoid her. Sanzang's made a positive impression on her so far. It's just that she had a life and commitments of her own prior to this assignment and she refuses to lay them to rest simply because she has a new goddess. If there was one thing that her partnership with Hakkai had taught her, it was the folly of growing too attached to or leaning too hard on her god.

However, this time when Ayumu returns home, it's in ripped, bloodstained clothing. Wisps of hair have come undone from its bun. There's a small bleeding cut from some flying glass on her forehead but it's nothing serious or anything that'll leave a scar. The worst of the damage seems to be bruises and swelling on her hands. Again, it's all minor and really, she looks messier than she is. Most of the blood on her isn't even hers.

So with that in mind, she strides into the main entrance as if she's simply coming home after a particularly busy day at work.]

Sanzang? I'm home.

[Her tone's perfectly normal, too, as if nothing unusual happened at all today.]

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[It's nice to have a shinki so involved in their own projects, honestly. It might sound strange, but Sanzangs's always encouraged people to focus on themselves and not to define themselves by something like this. Ayu was her shinki, yes, but she was so much more!

And as long as she wasn't in trouble and Sanzang wasn't getting blighted, she didn't feel the need to interfere in her business.

Except, maybe, until now. Sanzang perks up a little at Ayu's voice, head tilting to hear better and determine where she was before she goes to greet he]

Welcome hom-- Eep! [There's a squeak of alarm and Sanzang looks utterly baffled] Ayu-chan! What happened, are you okay!? I didn't feel anything at all-- Are you okay?

[She repeats the question as she hurries over]

[Ayumu gives her goddess a reassuring smile. On second thought, maybe she should have cleaned herself up a bit first before announcing her presence. Well, nothing can be done about it now. And well, hiding risky business from her partner is a little bit of a sensitive issue for her still, even if she and Hakkai had managed to sort things out after her release. She'd been sincere about not wanting to make the same mistakes and try to make this work.

She exhales softly, pushing a few strands of hair away from the oozing blood on her forehead before they can get stuck there. It's already starting to congeal and unsticking it would be such a pain after it dried.]

Oh, I'm fine. It's not my blood. Most of it, anyway.

[During the raid itself, she'd been a calm, cool, and collected professional, firmly putting aside any thoughts or feelings that might interfere with the task at hand. But now that she was safe at the temple with a comforting presence nearby, the adrenaline's dissipated, leaving her tired and just a little bit anxious. It'll take the yakuza time to regroup and form a new plan of attack so Gojyo should be safe enough for tonight but she's a worrier at heart. Besides, she'd told him to call her if he had any trouble.]

It looks a lot worse than it is.

[Though exactly what 'it' is, she hasn't said yet.]

Well, if it's not yours'... [That honestly does make it better, though she's still concerned. She rests her hands on her hips a moment, considering, before she gestures for Ayu to follow her]

Come on! You look dead on your feet! Let's go to the kitchen so I can start cleaning that up. And we can have tea and you can tell me alll about it.

[Though her tone is as cheerful as ever, there's an undercurrent of steel, 'No Arguing' like something a mother might use or a big sister. It as a tone that suggested she would get the truth of this one way or another, and it'd be easier for all of them to not drag it out.] Oh, but... I'm not mad or anything! It'd just be nice to have a little warning, you know?

[It's certainly a tone Ayumu recognizes and is intimately familiar with. She doesn't know just how deep the steel underneath that cheerful exterior runs but she's not inclined to test it just now. There wouldn't be much point to it, given that Sanzang's her goddess now, and as much as she blunders with this whole partnership concept, even she knows better than to create friction where there doesn't need to be any. Besides, she'd had enough of that tension in her previous partnership and doesn't care to repeat that pattern in her current one.

She sighs with tired relief and obediently follows Sanzang to the kitchen. It's kind of nice really, having someone else take the lead and upper hand in this situation for a change. She doesn't know Sanzang very well just yet but she's a quick judge of character and trusts her intuition. And it's telling her that her efforts would be better spent on thinking through the explanation she's about to give instead of arguing about it. It wouldn't do to have her goddess go off charging into the situation herself in an attempt to fix it all by herself.

Sanzang might be a goddess - and a very sweet, formidable one at that - but the people they were dealing with were cold-blooded, exploitative individuals operating under their own code and laws.]

Of course. I'm sorry. If it happens again, I'll be sure to warn you next time.

[For her, this operation had been as much about gathering information on Gojyo's enemies as punishing them for the 'message' they'd left on his doorstep. That poor dog had been an innocent, helpless creature, undeserving of the cruel fate they'd given him.]

[Sanzang allows herself to indulge in some fussing, shooing Ayu into a seat at the kitchen table. She gets a bowl to fill with warm water first and a cloth so Ayu can start at least cleaning some of the blood from her wound and off her face, before she busies herself with making tea. It's much easier without her customary watersleeves, which, while at the temple at least, she typically went without nowadays.

The kitchen had, thankfully, been repaired with Sanzang's return to this world, although there was still a suspicious burn stain on the ceiling...

And in retrospect she could heal the wound herself, but there was some times when letting things heal naturally was better than using magic. This as one of those times, and, perhaps, in a little way a bit of 'punishment' for giving Sanzang such a fright when Ayu came home.]

At least you weren't in any trouble, I'd like to think I'd have been able to feel that... [And jump to help because of it. Hopefully. She leans against the counter while she waits for the tea, watching the other woman quietly, expectantly.]

[It's a punishment Ayumu's willing to accept. Besides, if her injuries pain her too much, she can always ask Hakkai for some of his medicine. They really are very minor, however, nothing that won't heal with a little basic care within a couple of days. A few bruises and cuts aren't enough to take her out.]

It wasn't too bad, nothing that you need to worry about. It was a good training exercise more than anything else. And I had backup. We managed. Our opponents came out of it in far worse condition than we did.

[She's a woman of several allegiances and she juggles them naturally. Given how Gojyo is, she has to tread carefully. She'd promised Hakkai she'd look after him as long as he couldn't and she can't do that if they're on bad terms. But she's not stupid enough to just stand by and let him bite off more than he can chew and leave him to choke on it either.]

The neighborhood I work in on the Near Shore is a little rough, that's all. A number of unsavory types hang around causing trouble for others. So we're working on cleaning the place up.

[She keeps using that word 'we'. Is it a subtle signal to her goddess? Or is she simply trying to put her at ease by stressing that her shinki has allies of her own and Ayumu's not alone in whatever she's managed to mix herself up in? It's a mystery.

She picks up the cloth and begins washing off the blood, starting with her cut.]

[Sanzang listens quietly, taking in what she says--and what she doesn't say. There's a hum of acknowledgement and she eyes her shinki carefully again, as if trying to peer right through her.] Training exercise...

[That's a concerning little phrase in and of itself. If Ayu felt like she needed to learn to protect herself against normal foes, Sanzang supposes she can understand--After all, she can't transform on her own and she shouldn't need to call on her goddess to take care of every little problem.

But still... 'Training exercise' sounds so...] Did you kill them, or were the just injured?

[She'll get to the 'We' thing in a minute, but this is important too.]

[Maybe 'training exercise' was considerably downplaying what had actually taken place. Ayumu goes quiet a long moment as she cleans her cut. She's not ashamed of her role in the raid. She'd bloodied her hands for the sake of her friend and she'd do it again without hesitation or shame if necessary.

She returns her goddess's gaze with a level one of her own.]

Some survived. With injuries. The others did not. But they were cruel, corrupt men - predators that went after the weak and helpless. Now they can't anymore.

[Ayumu isn't going to lose sleep over their demises and she doubts Gojyo will either.]

[Sanzang crosses her arms over her chest, head tilted and expression one of mild disapproval.]

Well...I can't really tell you how to go about cleaning house, so to speak, but I am a monk, you know? You should always give the other side a chance to surrender first! And if they don't, then you start knocking heads! [She's a monk. Really.]

...At least, that's how I'd like to do things when we work together. I can't force you to do it that way when you're doing stuff on your own. [Sanzang laughs slightly, her expression softening] I guess it's a good thing you don't feel guilty about it though. Still, I hope you're careful.

You didn't do it alone, did you?

[Sanzang's reaction is about what she'd expected. Not many people responded favorably to murder or violence. Gojyo had sent Tsuzuki to keep watch for that reason. What an odd pair she and Sanzang must make, the monk and the killer. She appreciates the gentle approach though, especially after such a tiring day.]

No, my coworkers were with me. One of us kept watch while the other two worked. We handled as many as we could but some got away.

[More than she would have liked. Leaving just one in no condition to immediately speak would have been just fine but they'd been greatly outnumbered.]

These weren't the type of men who could be trusted to surrender sincerely. And we were in no position to ask for one. They outnumbered us and held all the leverage.

[Her tone's a little detached and mechanical; it's the same emotionless 'report voice' she used when delivering news to her superiors in life. The god-shinki bond contradicts Ayumu's stoic exterior though. There's no guilt but there is a low-key quagmire of anxiety and melancholy thrumming through it.]

But, still... I don't feel good about killing people unless I know I've tried a peaceful approach first... [But Sanzang just sighs and finishes up with the tea, bringing it over and taking a seat opposite the other woman.]

Well, that's fine, really. It's not like we have to do things the same way, after all. [She blows on her tea a bit to cool it and watches Ayu again over the rim. She says nothing for a long moment, considering, before she speaks up.]

Is there something else bothering you about it? Besides that you let some get away.

[It's hard to organize her thoughts or figure out how she feels on this subject. Maybe it's natural to feel that way so soon after the event. Ayumu slumps a bit in her chair, visibly weary, putting the washcloth aside. Most of the blood's been cleaned up by this point though she could use a bath and some clean clothes. Still, her goddess had asked her a question and she's trying to break the pattern of silence that had wrecked her last partnership.]

I'm not sure if I did the right thing, I suppose. My friend would have gone without me, I'm sure. So I went in order to help him, to make sure he came back in one piece. He was in a bad state. I was worried. Some of them I killed so he wouldn't feel the need to. I don't like killing but I didn't know any other way to make things better.

[Ayumu sounds almost frighteningly young and clearly confused. There's still no guilt or shame. In her mind, she'd only done what was necessary to help her friend. But it's also clear from her tone that she views this as a completely normal, everyday occurrence. Or maybe whatever beliefs she holds are just that clouded.]

He was so upset about the dog. Everyone was. I thought it was the right thing to do. But now I wonder if we just made things worse and the conflict will escalate. Maybe I should have tried harder to talk him down. I don't know. He doesn't always like to listen to reason.

[A pause to pick up her cup, blow on it a moment, then take a calming sip.]

I guess I'm worried they'll send another message.

I see... [Sanzang trails off with a hum of acknowledgement, blowing on her cup as she listens.] I think there's nothing wrong with wanting to help your friend out. But... [Here she laughs a little]

Most men don't like to listen to reason. At some point you have to realize that when someone's self-destructing, sometimes you can't swoop in to help them. Sometimes it takes hitting the bottom for them to realize that something needs to change--that's when you reach out your hand and help them back onto their feet and find a clearer path. It's not your job to fix them or fix things for them, but guiding them, giving them the tools and means to do better...

[Sanzang speaks, slow and careful, voice rising and falling with a boundless sort of compassion and love as she quotes Buddha.] "By oneself is evil done; by oneself is one defiled. By oneself is evil left undone; by oneself is one made pure. Purity and impurity depend on oneself; no one can purify another."

[She drinks her tea, considering again for a moment. It's entirely possible another message will be sent, the cycle of violence unbroken until one or the other is entirely wiped out. But Ayu could still make it work to her advantage and all. Sanzang's not about to start lecturing her or giving sermons on nonviolence now]

Do you meditate, Ayu-chan?

[What Sanzang is saying makes sense, though part of her instinctively balks at simply doing nothing while the men in her life fall into pits. But she hadn't been able to do much for Hakkai and she's not sure she'll be any more successful in protecting Gojyo.]

No, I don't. I'm afraid I don't know much about it.

[Ayumu picks up her own tea as well, taking a sip. Most things involving spirituality are beyond her. It doesn't feel like something she'd normally be interested in but she's found herself very open to new ideas and beliefs. Maybe because she feels so blank and empty when she isn't sad, angry, or upset.]

It's difficult to just let it go. I promised a friend I would look out for someone in his stead.

[What even is her life.]

You can still look out for this person and keep your promise without babying him. [But her tone is gentle; as she said, sometimes you have to let them make their own mistakes and pull themselves up.] Of course, that doesn't mean you don't help him. Just... Hmm, I suppose what I'm trying to say is... Don't make all of his burdens your own and don't get in over your head and endanger yourself just for the sake of friendship or a promise. Neither of those things are worth your life. And if someone is trying to put you in a position where you think that putting your life on the line is the only option, than they're not really your friend at all.

[She sips her tea again and looks thoughtful, before giving a little hum and a nod as if she's reached a conclusion.]

It doesn't have to be tonight, but would you like to try it? Meditation, I mean. It might help you a lot. It's a great way to clear your mind and sometimes get the answers you seek or the peace you need.

[For a moment, Ayumu just stares at her, expression clouding over. It's the first time anyone's told her that her life's worth more than anything else in terms she could understand when she was in a frame of mind to listen to it. It's clear those words have a strong impact; her eye widens with shock at first before she looks down at her teacup, lips trembling slightly.

She'd killed people today. Ended their lives without hesitation or remorse. And she didn't have to.

The sudden surge of grief is overwhelming; whether it's for the men who'd died, her role in it, or for something else entirely is difficult to say. Ayumu's mental and emotional control is shaky at best these days and tear trickles down her cheek. She bows her head almost shyly, taking a slow, steady breath to try to regain her composure.]

I think I'd like to try it.

[The things she's tried on her own haven't been nearly as successful as she'd like. Spending time with Lavi, playing with animals, and keeping busy only does so much.]

[Sanzang is standing and crossing to Ayu's side the moment she looks down at her teacup. She reaches out carefully, arms encircling Ayumu's head like she's covering her and hugs the other woman to her chest/stomach area.]

I hate when it starts raining inside, don't you? But we shouldn't try to stop the rain; that's how we let new life grow strong. Rain isn't a weakness, it's a strength.

[AKA: It's fine to cry, Sanzang won't tell anyone, and it'll probably make her feel better in the end anyhow.]

[It's a poetic way of putting it but Ayumu gets the meaning behind those words. She puts teacup back down and lifts her arms to encircle Sanzang, clinging to her almost like a lost child as she gives in to those tears. Her shoulders shake as she sobs quietly against her goddess, the weariness of the day finally catching up to her all that once.

It's all been too much, keeping everything hidden and locked away inside, trying to do her duty the best she can when there's just so much about everything that she just doesn't understand.]

[Sanzang pets her hair gently, humming soothingly. Ayu can take as much time as she needs, Sanzang isn't going anywhere.]

Why don't you take a nice, long bath in the hot springs, then get some sleep, okay? It's been a long day.

[Both the humming and the petting have the desired effect. How often do people think to do such things for her? It takes a while for her to reply. For several long minutes, all Ayumu does is just hug her goddess before she finally pulls away, still sniffling.]

That sounds like a good idea. I'll go do that.

[Maybe she'll feel better after she's had a chance to properly unwind and change into different clothes.]

Thanks for everything, Sanzang.

[She truly is grateful.]

You're welcome, Ayumu. [She'll use her full name here, because this is a Serious Moment. She gently fixes Ayu's hair while she's at it.]

That's what partners are for, right? They support each other. [A warm, encouraging smile.]

You go take care of yourself, I'll clean up in the kitchen.

'Kay.

[She hasn't finished her tea but the lure of a long relaxing soak and clean clothes is just too strong. Ayumu stands up. It's tempting to insist that she do the cleaning herself when she's out of the bath but her goddess is right. She does need to focus on taking care of herself right now.

And mutual support is a nice thought. It'd been something sorely missing in her relationship with her former god though she blames that more on unfortunate circumstance.]

I'll see you in the morning, then. Goodnight.

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[closed] Just another day

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