thenearshore | I thought I could reach something carried over within my dreams [Closed]

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I thought I could reach something carried over within my dreams [Closed]

Who: Ginia and Caster (Cú Chulainn)
When: 10/27, late night; later 10/28
Where: Dún Dealgan, Caster's temple
What: Ginia runs into Caster after her ayakashi encounter with Felix and makes a decision about loyalty and duty.

[It's a long walk from Felix's temple back to Nona's, the heavy steps only heavier with her legs blighted, body exhausted from the fight. Her pain blockers were meant to deal with physical injuries, not those of the spirit or a supernatural nature, so she feels the constant burning in her legs, her hand. At least the ache of her shoulder from Felix's punches are dulled, though the bruise looks similar.

But it's not only her body that feels beaten but her mind, her spirit. There's a conversation she needs to have with Nona because now more than ever, Ginia knows.

She needs to fight, she needs to partner with a god that will fight with her. Felix wouldn't even when things were grim. She wouldn't dare put Nona in danger. So the only options are to find another god, one who will give her a name, one who will take her out for a hunt. Because she can't lose to the ayakashi again. Not like that. Never again.

The forests all look the same, especially at night. She stops to sit against the thick roots of an ancient tree, the cool mossy bark providing faint relief against her blighted hand. Her eyes close briefly. Maybe it's only for seconds, maybe it's for minutes, but when she opens her eyes, a large white dog sits next to her. He barks once, twice, rests his paws against the tree as he begins to lick her face.

Unblighted hand reached up to wrap around the dog, Ginia buries her face into the soft white fur, shoulders shaking as sobs wrack her body.]

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[ The dog provides comfort in a way only a dog can. Maybe it can't hug back, but it absolutely leans into the not-really-a-hug offering warmth. He whines first and then lets a short howl, mimicked by a responding one somewhere in the distance.

Hard to say how much time has passed- seconds? minutes? who knows- But another figure appears- ]

Ginia. [ Caster speaks her name just to warn of his presence as he approaches and kneels down next to her. He extends his hand to touch her hair, to pat her head, or just make a connection before he decides to warp them away from here ] Let's get inside, then you can tell me what happene-

[ Then he notices the blight on the other hand and moves closer to inspect. ]

[Ginia's head snaps up at the sound of her name, eyes wide as she stares up at the god. Of course he's around; she's trespassing on his land, isn't she? Her shoulders continue to shake as she swallows her tears, try to patch together what shreds of pride she has to look whole again. As he reaches for her, she instinctively swats his hand away with her unblighted left hand.]

Don't touch me!

[Her signs are hard and fast, shot out as her emotions sit too close to the surface, muscle memory taking precedence over everything else. Her hand hangs in the air before she pauses and slips her hand into her pocket. The screen of her phone washes her face in a pale blue as she types quickly and holds up her message.]

Hand blighted, don't touch me. Sorry for trespassing I'll be on my way

[ Caster doesn't understand the signs themselves, but the intent behind them is clear as a day. And then he gets the written clarification. It's a warning. And like with most of the warnings, he ignores that one. ]

Tch, no need to apologize, you're always welcome here. [ So it's not trespassing, it's a visit. This is exactly the kind of situation why sacred hospitality exists for, seriously. ]

As for the blight- So this is our first concern, then. [ Ginia looks badly worn-out from the fight, and there is probably a lot more blight than just that hand to take care of. So you know, he just carries her up if she likes it or not. ]

[You're always welcome here. A place to belong. Fighting ayakashi, fulfilling her duty, isn't that what she wants? Funny how all of her wishes are coming true. Ginia's laugh is tired and weak as her head drops forward, allowing Caster to pick her up without a struggle.

She should have taken care of her blight at Felix's temple, but she couldn't stay. Not with how badly she failed him, not after proving she didn't trust him. So really, the pain is what she deserves.]

[ Okay, he can tell when he got a mess in his arms, and now it's an armful of it. Blighted shinki come usually from either being jumped by ayakashi per surprise or seeking those out to test some things. Either way, she was alone when it happened. Alone as in, without her goddess.

Happens. First night here Archer got to test how the ayakashi works and got himself blighted. So absolutely no judgment there. It's a normal thing to do! Best way to gauge the danger. And fortunately, there are ways to get rid of these injuries, so Caster heads to the pond of sacred water ]

Is it just hand, or more?

[ This question is more of a distraction than anything, because he dunks her into the water before she manages to answer ]

[Earlier that night, Ginia braced for an impact against water that never came. This time, she doesn't have a chance to prepare as she's thrown into the water. The cold water on her skin, the sting of sacred water scouring blight away, the sudden shock causes her to inhale a bit of water before she breaks the surface, coughing and sputtering.

She glares at Caster through her wet hair, but she can't even be that angry. It worked, didn't it? Ginia swirls her hand in the water a little longer, the burning heat of the blight fading to a stinging and then nothing. Her legs feel better too. With the blight gone, all that remains is the bruise on her shoulder from Felix's punches, her exhaustion from casting borderline after borderline, and her own feelings.]

Thank you.

[She signs before a thought occurs to her. Her eyes widen and there's a hitched wine as she begins to sift through the water. Where's her phone?]

[ Caster falls down to a squat near the edge of the pond ]

Looking for this? [ He asks with a roguish grin as he shows Ginia her phone that he just pocketed from her before the fall. Too important to let it get lost and/or damaged in the water. ] Come-

[ He extends his other hand for her to grab, while it might look like he wants her out of the water, he's just seeking a touch, a point of contact, as this is enough to transfer them both to the interior of the temple. The crackling fireplace in the main hall providing an instant shift of the temperature. ]

I'll get you a towel in a second. [ And he goes to get those but not before giving her back the phone. ]

[Her breath rushes out in a relief, shoulder slumping. She manages a smile as she reaches for his hand, teleported instantly from the cold water of the sacred pool to a warm hall. Ginia takes her phone but sets it down briefly. Clothes dripping water, she removes her leather jacket and sets it near the fireplace, then begins to unlace her combat boots, following up with her now-uncomfortably clingy jeans and t-shirt. She lays everything out to dry before sitting next to the fireplace herself, knees pulled up.

Her skin is cool from the water, but it doesn't bother her as her tech kicks in to keep her body temperature level. Still, it's easier warming up next to the fireplace and there she waits for Caster, phone at her side, arms hugging her legs and chin on her knees.

She's blight-free, but on the front of her left shoulder is an ugly impact bruise, the last reminder of her fight that night.]

[ Suddenly there is a big and fluffy towel dropped on her, and a blanket drops by just next. Both fresh from laundry, although don't expect it for too long- a blanket on the floor looks like an invitation for one of the dogs to lie on it.

But Caster is till gone despite that short moment, and returns a few minutes later, with a steaming mug of tea in his hands that he puts in front of Ginia. ]

Careful, it's very hot.

[It's kindness and hospitality that should be expected, but Ginia's life and nature has not ingrained that in her. She jumps a little when the towel is dropped on her, but dries herself off and sets all her wet clothes on top of it before wrapping up in the blanket.

Sorry, temple dogs, you'll have to get your own blanket later. It's a very warm and comfortable blanket and Ginia lightly strokes the material as she sits in it, staring into the fire. When Caster returns with tea, she blinks at him and mouths a single word.

'Why?']

It will warm you up. [ Sure she can't get drunk, he learned that lesson the hard way. But that doesn't make him assume she can keep her temperature high with the unfamiliar nanotech.

Whatever encounter she ran into it must have gone pretty badly. Curiosity will have to wait, and usually, the best way to recover is to get some rest. Fortunately, there are some empty rooms around the temple, but the main hall lounging part is the comfiest one ]

Maybe crash on a couch and I'll dry your clothes. [ WITH MAGIC. But hey, only spare clothes he could offer would be from guys ]

[There are a lot of questions that can fall under a single why. Why such kindness? Why bring her into the temple? Why bring her tea? Why let her stay? Because she wasn't looking for a single answer, she accepts the tea. She accepts the couch too, clutching the blanket and phone in one hand and the tea in the other.

Sinking onto the couch, warm and comfortable, surrounded by the cozy temple, Ginia is struck with the realization she doesn't want to leave. This is the place she wants to stay, Caster is the kind of god she wants to serve.

Nona is a good god, a kind person, but what she needs more than kindness is direction and guidance. Maybe one day Ginia will learn she doesn't have to be a weapon, but right now it's what needs to be and she's sure more than ever Caster can wield her as she should be.

She lost one fight to the ayakashi already. She failed to protect a god.

That can't happen again.

She sets down the tea and clutches her phone in her hands, willing out the words even as she begins to cry again.]

If I asked for a name, would you give me one?

That's possible.

[ This isn't a fickle question of someone treating names as fancy tattoos. This isn't a request for convenience and strategy either. Her emotional reactions shows it's dire, but without a full understanding of the situation, he can't give an answer. He kneels before her

Was her goddess dead? Or simply gone back home? Or is there something else? Should she not have a god and decides to chose him- he would agree, of course. Why not? It's an honor to have shinki chose him of their own will not assignment instead. ]

Ginia. [ He speaks her name quietly ] Can you tell me what's happening?

[ It's a question instead of an answer. But he needs it to form one. ]

[It's not an outright refusal. That's a positive at least. Felix's refusal still stings her pride because they could have fought, they could have won, but instead they ran. And running isn't an unsound strategy, but dammit, she would have fought for him.

But she also knew she ruined that chance the moment she ignored his order and came back for him instead of running.

She looks at Caster as she reaches for her phone, sorting out her thoughts in her mind even before she begins to type.

Would he judge her for wanting to leave one god to join him? Would he be honored by the choice or would he judge her for her lack of loyalty? And even if he gave her a name, would he always see her as someone with a foot out the door at all times?]

I'm unhappy with my current god.

[The five words seem to fill the massive room. Ginia swallows hard and inhales slowly. It's one thing to write the words anonymously on the BBS, reading anonymous and named responses alike. It's another to confess it to someone you want something from.

It'd be easier if Nona was unkind. If she was cold, cruel, it'd be easier to give that as a reason to leave. But she isn't. She's kind and though they speak little, Ginia knows she cares in the same way she cares and listens to the flowers of her garden. But in that way kindness has become a burden and Ginia is beginning to feel the weight breaking her back.]

Nona is kind, but she is not a fighter nor should she be one. I want a god I can fight ayakashi with, someone who can take my skills and put them to use. Otherwise I am useless as a shinki, and if I'm useless as a shinki, then what's the point of me being here?

[Her breath rattles out and she bows her head, aware of the ache in her shoulder from Felix's punches. Her hands shake as she finishes out her message, choking back her tears as she waits for his judgement.]

Please give me a name.

Come here. [ Instead of judgment, he moves closer, his hand finding its way to the nape of her neck as he encourages her to hide her face into his shoulder. A simple, comforting gesture, because that's what she needs the most right now, he thinks. Just warmth of another human. ]

I can get how you feel- [ He's a fighter too, he lives for it, and as a Servant he was literally made for it. Although he does not share the extreme need of being useful, he saw in so many shinki, he understands the need of direction, the weight of duty. He's the one people swear loyalty now, not the other way around like he's used to. That's not something he will ever be fully comfortable with, but it's not something he can run away from.

If this place gives chance to choose loyalties, it must work this way for everyone. He's not against shinki changing gods, and he told both of his that should they ever want that, he will not make problems and release them. ] But it's not true. You're completely opposite from useless, and you'll do much more than you can imagine.

[ Then his voice drops as he bluntly admits. ]

I am incredibly honored that you're coming with this to me, but I cannot answer your request.

[ It's a principle thing really. It's those oath and promises that are binding, if not others then him. But he can explain it in simpler terms than that ]

I have no beef with your goddess, and naming you behind her back, without her knowledge- that could be seen as an attack, or as me taking advantage of you, don't you think?

[ The balance between gods and shinki is a brittle one. Gods get the worship, they run this place, they are painted as the guides and leaders. But without shinki they are powerless and an easy prey, without them, they fail to understand humans and their needs. ]

[Her shoulders shake, her face scrunches up as he gives her a hug, the last of her emotions spilling out. He smells like the forest, like dry herbs, like wood smoke, like the musky smell of earth after heavy rain. So starved for a physical connection of any kind in her life, her hands come up to brace against his chest as she cries out into his shoulder until she feels hollow.

Ginia jerks back at his initial refusal, breath caught for a moment as her eyes go wide. But he continues to speak and though her heart is still pounding, she hears the real meaning of his words. He's not rejecting her, rather the current situation.

There's still hope then. Her hands ball into fists as she sets them on her lap. Her head bows against as she steadies her breathing and looks for the words she wants. There's still a way to salvage this, and if not? There are always backup plans, other places to run to. Ginia wipes her eyes, forces her expression back into neutrality as best she can. She picks up her phone from where it's slid onto the couch, holding it for a few seconds before she types.]

If Nona is willing to release me, would you accept me then?

Yes, should it come to this. [ Caster says albeit a bit carefully. It's not his place to encourage her to change a god, but he understands need to fulfill the purpose. Maybe it's a temporary problem they have, one they can talk out. Or maybe not. Either way it's something between them and he should not interfere- not that it ever stopped him from doing that.

So instead he makes a point of a different fight ]

You are welcome here, that does not change, I will not turn you away. And if your decision is to choose me- then I am incredibly honored.

[You are welcome here. He, Archer, they've said it often and made it feel true every time. Few things are certain or constant and Ginia still feels like she's trying to find her footing in the Far Shore, but there's been a comfortable feeling of constancy at Dún Dealgan.

Losing that might have gut her more than a refusal from Caster.

Her head bows down, she sighs heavily, tired and drained again. What she wants, what she needs, they're all entirely selfish, but Ginia is a master at bending rules and finding loopholes and this too she can justify under self-preservation. Better to be a broken tool than a forgotten one.]

Thank you.

[She should go now. return to her temple. It's late and she doesn't want to disturb Nona so any conversation would have to wait until the morning anyway. But it's warm here, comfortable.]

Is it okay if I stay the night?

[ She seems calmer, at least. Maybe he's hoping for too much but the worst crisis seems to have passed. To be entirely honest, he's still not over the initial surprise over her request. But neither he would back on the word he gave. It is sort of an accomplishment, really. For a shinki to consider him someone worth working for.

But then, he would rather work for someone himself. ]

Sure, crash the couch. Or if you prefer I could prepare a room for you floor up-

[ He looks at the fireplace, the blankets that could be added to the pile and has to admit. ]

It's probably warmer here though.

This is fine.

[Exhaustion begets calm, though undoubtedly she'll wake up at some point in the night to mull over her decisions. But right now she's content to sit inside the blanket on the comfortable couch. It's long enough for her to comfortably stretch out on with still some space. Impressive, though maybe not unsurprising considering the heights of the current residents of Dún Dealgan.]

If you want to go, you can. Not that I don't appreciate your company, I don't want to keep you from anything.

[She's imposing enough already as it is.]

Honestly, I end sleeping on one of those couches here half of the time. Since my room is all the way up there.

[ He points up- this part of the main hall opens right to the angled ceiling high above, but the other half of the temple has two more floors, first with corridor visible leading to some doors and deeper into the building and above that is one more floor just under the crook of the roof.

Caster walks to the wall to turn the light down to a dim ambiance. But there is still a lot of warm light coming from the fireplace. He drops himself on the floor, on the furs before said fireplace and stretches with a yawn. Not yet sleepy enough, but not yet planning to go to bed. ]

Sleep well, Ginia.

[Ginia studies the layout as she settles into the couch. She's not quite tired, but physical and mental exhaustion also win out. Under the warm blanket, the comfortable couch, and the cozy room and fire, her eyes close.

She drifts in and out of sleep over the next few hours, sometimes startling awake as she does so often. Sometimes she falls back asleep, other times she lays awake for a bit longer until sleep claims her again.

Either way, she's up by daybreak. Ginia quietly steals off to nearest bathroom before returning to dress. She folds up the blanket and the towel, but steals off without another word as she returns to her temple. It's too early to have a conversation, but she needs time to prepare, to pack her belongings, put everything back as she prepares to leave Nona's service.

A few hours later, perhaps just past 9, Ginia is back on the path heading up to the main temple of Dún Dealgan. She's changed her clothes, cleaned up her appearance a little, and is wearing a backpack on her back. Unsure where Caster is and not wanting to bother him, she contents herself with waiting in front of the building, Sleeping lounging next to her.

She got what she wanted. Nona agreed to release her from her service, Caster will now give her a name. It's everything she wants, but it doesn't make things any less bittersweet. Her hand scratches into Sleepy's soft fur as she waits, grounding herself. Caster could change his mind. It's possible things might not work out here too. Perhaps Archer and Lancer won't be happy.

It's easy to doubt, it's easy to second-guess, and as Ginia sits in silence, it's easy to fall into self-loathing.]

[ Of all the dogs, Sleepy is the worst when it comes to "notifying" about guests, so, unfortunately, she might spend some long minutes sitting there. But Caster spends a lot of his time outside the temple, so he is bound to eventually come out right to see the guest. ]

Oh, morning-- [ He stops and greets her a little surprised. ] Were you knocking and no one heard..?

[ Weirdly enough even the faintest knocking resounded loudly inside the temple, so they'd all really would need to be deeply asleep to not notice that- But there are ways to be sneaky about it. He drops down on the stairs right next to her, on the other side of the sleeping dog.

Obviously, he's got a hunch why is she here, especially since she left before everyone woke up. But maybe, just maybe, she's here just to drop and say "hi" ]

Slept well?

[No, more she didn't knock in the first place. There's a lot to sort out and she's grateful for the time. When she spots Caster, she quickly springs to her feet. Sleepy grumbles slightly at the slight disruption, but goes right on dozing.

She bows a little as she pulls out her phone, suddenly scrambling to put words together. A greeting, right. Start with that.]

Good morning. Yes, I did. I'm sorry I left without saying anything, I didn't want to disturb anyone.

Take it easy.

[ Caster waves his hand as if it didn't matter. The concern is sure appreciated, but there is no need to apologize for something so simple. He gives a pointed look at the backpack. Now that's hard to miss, and there are certain implications to it. ]

So, how did it go?

[ He can guess, but you know, just making sure. In case she wanted to say "hi" before going for a hike ]

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