thenearshore | Terrible Idea Theater proudly presents...

"....You're going to look like an idiot for the rest of the week..." Still, now with the meat all separated, he sets it down on the floor for the horde to converge upon. At least it's only the five nekomata this time around... He's glad the rest don't always hang around.

With both dog and cats preoccupied by food, Chikusa takes the time to shuffle into the kitchen. It's easy enough to find a washcloth that he can fill with ice to make an impromptu cold compress... and it's equally easy enough to find a bottle of sake. He returns with both hands filled, going around the table to where Ken is gorging himself. While he won't get in the way, necessarily, of Ken being himself... He will still press it to the bruising around his eye.

The sake can just... wait around.

"So... What do you think?"

"Tch...at least I won't look like an idiot for the rest of my life like you, shitty kappa," Ken grumbles. An actual decent comeback, for once, but even a broken clock can be right twice a day.

He does lean into the cool compress, however, even though it aches. It's soothing, too. It doesn't stop him eating, although it is mildly inconvenient...but he doesn't complain. Chikusa's taking care of him. This is how things are supposed to be.

"What do I think about what, byon?"

Sometimes, he wonders why he even bothers when his partner not only insults him (which is fine, honestly) but also doesn't pay attention (which is a little more annoying). For a second, he ponders just... dropping the compress in front of Ken's face, before thinking otherwise. That sort of troublemaking would just be bothersome in the end.

"Gojyo," he says bluntly. After a moment, he realizes this really may not be enough for Ken, and adds, "Do you think it's going to be fine with him around now?"

Chikusa was correct; Ken had assumed from the start that Gojyo was the subject, but he wasn't sure what about Gojyo Chikusa was asking. With the clarification, he's able to answer.

"It might make Hakkai-sama happier, byon," Ken replies thoughtfully. "At least if they don't get into a fight. It kinda sounded like he thinks Hakkai-sama doesn't want him 'cause he doesn't think he's the same person he was when he was alive if he doesn't remember the same things? But that's dumb, byon. You and I were the same people. Maybe we acted different at first 'cause we didn't remember each other, but since what we were like was the same, we still got along the same ways. So...maybe Gojyo and Hakkai-sama didn't get along at first, but since they still act like they used to, now they're gonna start getting along 'cause of all the reasons they liked each other in the first place, right? At least if Gojyo's gonna give Hakkai-sama a chance now. I guess it would've taken us a lot longer to get along if we weren't stuck together as shinki to the same god whether we liked it or not. You'd probably have avoided me if I hadn't been Axel-sama's shinki."

Sometimes, Ken's simple nature is so refreshing, and almost a kind of intelligence in itself. Chikusa knows his own nature- the way he analyzes every little thing, assumes the worst, can't stop thinking even when he'd wish he could. It's done them favors, in the past, sure, but there's a downside to it, too, in how complicated his own thinking can get. Ken doesn't bother with twists and turns. All he does is barrel straight through, ignoring whatever details that might actually and truly not matter.

Ken is dumb, he guesses, but at least he's not Gojyo, who's just smart enough to be paranoid about stupid nonsense instead of realizing he's been cared for. That really does make him stupider than a dog.

So, listening to Ken's thoughts, Chikusa hums a little. "Yeah." He pushes forward a little with the compress, a light nudge to Ken's head. "Because you stink all the time, and it's gross." If he wasn't used to it, in two different lives now, Chikusa can absolutely tell he'd probably stay away from Ken, or at least antagonize him a whole lot more. But they weren't separated... So it doesn't matter.

"I'm not sure I like him here... even if I want Hakkai to stop being dumb with him." A pause as he thinks over his words. "Or.... I don't like that so much alcohol was apparently involved... like with Ayumu. If they were relying on that, even just Gojyo.... That's my problem, I guess." His concern.

"Well, he's not drunk now," Ken points out. "I'd smell if he was. And now's when he seems like he's actually listening, so maybe he doesn't need the alcohol, byon." He frowns. "But Ayumu...she and Hakkai-sama did a thing, right?" Ken could easily say 'had sex', but he's being cautious. He doesn't think Gojyo's listening in, but why take chances? "If Gojyo and Hakkai-sama like each other, won't Gojyo get mad if he finds out? And he knows Ayumu, too...and I don't know how Ayumu's gonna feel about it either..."

He huffs. "Hakkai-sama's dumb, byon. I don't even know what he really wants. Does he like both of them?"

Ken's not genuinely insulting Hakkai's intelligence, so much as he's expressing frustration that Hakkai is hard to understand and, essentially, insulting Hakkai for the crime of not making more sense. Being complex is a stupid life choice that Ken does not agree with.

"It's like they all like each other but they're all screwing up things for themselves and everyone else at the same time." Chikusa, your dog deserves extra meat for this absolutely perfect summation of the situation.

"Hakkai and Ayumu were drunk, then, too," Chikusa points out quietly. Needless to say, that's also a concern of his. Too much alcohol has been involved of their god's decisions these last few days, each regarding people too important to fuck up on. Chikusa wants Hakkai and Gojyo to stop being idiots around each other... but fixing things with alcohol isn't how it's going to work.

With a good chunk of his memories, he can recall that never really working well for various mafia men, before him and Ken slaughtered them.

Still, he can agree on one thing as he sinks back into the seat besides Ken, still holding up the compress. "They're all acting dumb." Resting his cheek against his free hand, he huffs out silently. "We don't know what they'll do... and Hakkai still hasn't contacted Ayumu yet, I think, because her scarf is still in the living room... I think he's avoiding dealing with it. When he was a shinki, he apparently did things like that too..."

"Getting drunk is stupid, byon," Ken says with a huff. "You're all dumb like that." Don't think you're escaping judgment, Chikusa; who is it who drinks all the booze at parties?

He glances at Chikusa. "Should we move the scarf so Gojyo doesn't see it?"

Wow, rude. Chikusa glances to the actual alcohol he literally has right there waiting on the table. "....I like drinking. And not for important things." If Ken has any complaints, he can take it up with Zoro. Chikusa had only been academically familiar with booze before he came along.

But that's not important right now. He meets Ken's eyes, thinking carefully. "I'd say... Hakkai's room... but do you think Gojyo would go in there too?"

"He might," Ken says with a frown. "At least if things go well with them. Maybe we oughta keep it until we can give it to Hakkai-sama personally, byon."

"....I don't think they're going to go well." Call it a hunch of his. At least, call it a hunch regarding how cautious Cho Hakkai is.

....But then, considering the last couple of days... Chikusa sighs.

"....Let's hide it with his school supplies. Gojyo won't look in those."

"It could go well!" Ken defends, although he does follow it up, after a moment, with a snort. "...but probably not that well, byon. Gojyo's really dumb."

Hilariously, Chikusa seems to be holding Hakkai - who has a lot of similarities with him - the most responsible for any potential disasters, while Ken is meanwhile holding Gojyo - who he has at least a few things in common with - more to blame.

"That sounds good, though." Then he elbows Chikusa. "You do it, byon."

"He's unbelievably dumb," Chikusa agrees, eyeing the bottle of sake. "Who even cares about a dumb conspiracy theory like that..." Sure, it could be true, but who cares if it is.

His attention from drunk bliss is knocked as Ken's elbow bangs into him, and he huffs. "Why? You do it."

"It's wrong anyway, right?" Ken asks. "After all, we got memories of who we used to be back...and they match up with what we were like even before we remembered anything, right? So who we are now and the people we remember being before are the same, byon."

Ken elbows him again. "And it was your idea, so you do it, byon."

"It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right," Chikusa grunts as he's elbowed over, promptly slumping across the table. The ice against Ken's face slithers down; hopefully that doesn't bother Ken's eating much. "We're still here and I like being with you, so that's all that matters."

His fingers curl loosely over the bottle and tug it closer. "And since I thought of it, you should do the work."

"I mean, it doesn't matter to us, byon," Ken agrees. "But if we can prove Gojyo's wrong, then he'll stop being stupid, right?"

Nothing makes it more obvious that Ken is a dumb, naive animal than the idea that proving a person wrong will make them change their minds.

Ken sits down again next to Chikusa. "I'm eating, byon," he says, taking refuge behind an indisputable fact. "You're not doing anything."

"I mean... he might get stupider." Which is rather impressive when it comes to Gojyo, from what Chikusa's seen, but whatever. There are more important things to focus on.

Like not doing work.

Making direct eye contact with Ken, Chikusa properly picks up the bottle of sake, removes the top, and tips his head back for a swallow. "Busy drinking," he says. Definitely very important, that.

Ken scowls. "Yeah, well, I'm busy making you do it, byon!" he retorts, in what is probably the least snappy retort ever. But he promptly runs off, and in moments comes back with Ayumu's scarf, which he shoves into Chikusa's chest. "So here!"

This is partly the principle of the thing, of course; Chikusa's being a little shit and trying to foist work off on Ken, and therefore Ken will fight him to the death on it. But part of it is more a product of Ken's own unusual brand of loyalty; Hakkai is his master, and he has a vague but fairly definite feeling that pawing through Hakkai's belongings without permission would ~~make him a Bad Dog~~ be disloyal.

Therefore, obviously, Chikusa should do it. Chikusa barely cares about being a good person, much less a good dog. And he definitely doesn't have the kind of loyalty to Hakkai that he had, say, for Axel.

Curse Ken's stubbornness. Popping the bottle away from his lips, Chikusa heaves out a sigh as if he's been asked to do the most burdensome thing in the entire universe. At least his other hand is free to catch the scarf.

"How troublesome..." Still, he takes it regardless, and turns away from the table. The cats are starting to bicker with each other over the last of the meat, but he'll leave that for Hakkai to clean up. Or Asshole. Asshole doesn't have anything to do...

"I'm going to bed." By which he means once he does this, he's going to fuck around in their bedroom. It's all the same thing.

"I wanna finish eating, byon," Ken says in a whining tone of complaint. Clearly, he sees Chikusa's declaration as intrinsically meaning Ken having to accompany him, even though Chikusa never so much as implied that.

But they don't split up often by choice these days, and Ken has no real wish to now. But he also kind of wants to eat everything on the table that isn't dinnerware.

"You hardly ate anything, byon." Ken knows Chikusa gave most of his dinner to the cats, but he doesn't see how that matters. "You could have Gojyo's dinner."

He knows that'd appeal to Chikusa on a few levels. Mostly the 'fuck you Gojyo' level. And Ken can't imagine Gojyo's going to want to come back to eat it anyway, so there's no real loser here. (And honestly, there's still meal enough that Gojyo could get another plate. They hadn't gotten very far in the dinner.)

It's true, the 'fuck you Gojyo' level is pretty appealing right now. Chikusa may not feel spite towards people all the time, but when it gets pinged, well... He's willful. That's the nice way to put it.

He's also permanently hungry, and the food they had tonight was good.... And, more imporantly, Ken is making he hungry dog eyes at him. So, with a sigh, Chikusa comes to a stop for a second before slumping right back to the chairs. Time to just stretch over with his long limbs- handy in moments like this- to drag the plate over. As for the scarf? Well, he lets that fall onto his lap.

"You're a glutton," he murmurs as he forages for his chopsticks again, as if he totally didn't pile Ken's high with the meat in question.

"That just means you'll starve before I do, byon," Ken says contentedly as he keeps eating. "Kappas are supposed to like cucumbers, not be made outta 'em."

This is Ken's not particularly clear way of saying that Chikusa looks like he was made out of pipe cleaners and straws, held together with spit and spite.

"Where did you even get the kappa thing," Chikusa mutters before stuffing his cheeks, asking the question that's been around for ages. Where does that even come from? He has no idea. Frankly, he's amazed Ken even knows anything about Japanese mythology.

Fortunately, Ken remembers this origin story because it's Chikusa-related, so he can actually answer it.

"I saw a little cartoon kappa in Japan once, byon," he says between - and, let's be honest, during - mouthfuls. "It had this jagged green thing around the edges of its head, and it reminded me of your scar." Which, to be fair, is also jagged, and goes around most, if not all, of Chikusa's head. "And if you were actually a kappa, it'd make sense that you wear hats all the time."

Then Ken starts snickering. "Plus someone told me they suck butts, byon."

There you go, Chikusa. That's your origin story. Also, Ken's snickering has turned into full out laughter.

The person who told Ken that has to be Mukuro, but it's a shame neither of them can remember him for either attribution or blame.

...Why the hell is his test in boys so bad. Then again, Chikusa guesses he can't be particularly surprised considering Ken is at the level of an elementary student.

Ever the mature one in this relationship, Chikusa flicks a piece of meat right at Ken's face. It's the most he's willing to retaliate right now, after the mess that was dinner and how utterly dumb this whole conversation is.

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