[semi-open] i reached out my hands and seized something shapeless but precious

[revolutionfalcon]

Who: Temple Nekhbet residents, visitors, and concerned parties after the event (basically anyone who Shun is on good enough terms with to feasibly be allowed into his temple. If you're not sure, ask!) There'll be a couple of closed prompts in toplevels too.
When: November 15th-17th
Where: Temple Nekhbet
What: Post-event temple mingle, for concerned parties, some in-temple problems, and the grand effort to actually get Shun to sit the fuck down for a few days.

[The vultures on the grounds of Shun's temple are a little calmer than usual in the wake of the recent incident, though perhaps that's courtesy of their usual meticulous care being taken over temporarily by Kotori, who is much more willing to keep them off people on the grounds than Shun is. In a slightly different, but equally carelessly-worn kimono to the one she was wearing in the video post, she's grooming a couple of the messier birds, who seem very attuned to her presence.

If anyone comes by intending to visit or at least look in on Shun after what happened, she'll invite in people she knows happily, or even those who responded helpfully to the network post and seem to know Shun well. However, she may tactfully suggest they not stray too much further than the well-lit visitor's room furnished in plain white linens until she can bring him in...or track him down, as the case may be. He's probably tried to sneak out of the temple at least once since he's been up to getting out of bed.

However, he's certainly not the only person about the temple, so feel free to take the opportunity to meet other residents or regular visitors as well.]

Comments

[blizzardrock]

[His head turns, but he doesn't look at him.]

...Then explain to me how you treat people you respect.

[Treating him to scorn whenever he expresses concern, while expecting him to pay attention to tiny details in wording and to keep track of what tea Shun drinks without a word of thanks or acknowledgement, perpetually looking like he wants Fubuki to go away...if Shun thinks that that's treating someone well, then he must inescapably think Fubuki's an idiot.]

[revolutionfalcon]

[...Ah, this. He's familiar with this from Joker, but it hadn't gotten nearly this bad that time. Still, it's obvious from the sharp breath he lets out that he realises he's screwed up again.]

I don't get any easier to deal with if I respect you, if that's what you think. I don't reject help because of lack of respect, I do it because I'm still not used to being on that end of it. [It certainly doesn't absolve the problem, especially because it's happened before and he should have known better, but it's an explanation.]

But I work with you in battle. I listen to the judgements you make there. I want to see you improve your skills because I know you're capable of it, because I've seen you doing it. Those are better ways to judge my respect.

[Still, he bows his head slightly. It's not much, but coming from Shun, it's a significant show of humility.] I'm not going to hide behind that, though. I should've known it was a problem long before it came to this.

[blizzardrock]

[His fingers dig into his palms.]

[...He's tired again. He brings a hand over his eyes. ...He hasn't been alright for weeks...between discovering that someone he thought was dead probably wasn't dead, to someone who disappeared and might have been dead, to someone being definitely dead, to someone up and disappearing. When it had gotten too much, he'd cut his connections...but a shinki can't cut the connection to his god by himself.]

I don't...like battle, Shun. [Getting better at learning to attack people feels awful, and not the same kind of awful that arises within him when he trains for too long. Shun's considering that a measure of respect isn't...comforting.]

It's...

...terrifying. [To lose himself to violence, and ruthlessness, and the certainty that he'd do anything to survive.]

We can't all be like you.

[revolutionfalcon]

[Shun...can't say he hasn't gotten that impression, really. Fubuki's recent habit of coming off somewhat flippant in battle has seemed a little bit off, he's just not felt like literally in the middle of battle was the right time to call him out. This feels somewhat familiar as well, though, and he observes Fubuki with an understanding, but still slightly confused look.]

I know. I'd rather people weren't like that, because being like it usually means the worst has happened at some point. But you've tried, and that matters. [He sits up a little, though it might also be an excuse to lean on the couch to keep himself properly upright.] I obviously want you to be able to protect yourself if things get bad, but direct battle isn't the only way to do that here. I've said it to you before - you need to find something that suits you. Not everyone is suited to the front lines, and that's fine. I'm not going to respect you less for making that decision, I already made that clear.

[Battle might be the easiest way to see his respect, but it's not the only way to earn it.]

[blizzardrock]

Don't talk down to me.

[He's not a child, and not a student. Not an adult, either, but neither is Shun.]

[...His fingers are curled into a fist. He struggles to release it, to let go of the tension, but if he lets too much go, his ruthless side might come spilling out. Already, he can feel himself failing at it.]

"That counts"...? [It's a mutter, that he couldn't repress. Because trying isn't worth anything. It won't save anyone.]

I was telling you my conditions. I don't need your permission. [Especially not with Shun lying there like that.] This isn't the first time you've ended up like this because you refused to consider help. [He had Kotori with him this time, but the other times...?] You're not trying, either.

[revolutionfalcon]

[Shun's eyes narrow slightly at the retaliation. It's pretty obvious Fubuki is in a bad place right now, but at this point, he doesn't imagine continuing to keep his words softer is going to work, even if "softer" is very much relative where he's concerned.]

If you're angry with me already, you're going to think I'm talking down to you regardless of what I'm actually saying. If I'd stayed quiet instead of just saying what I think, would you have considered it any better?

[As for his later point, Shun definitely looks distinctly unimpressed at that argument.] The last time it was anything like this serious was when I did it to myself. And I was confronted about it then, and I started taking Kotori with me almost constantly. This isn't because I refused help. I had her with me every step of the way until my option was send her to escape ahead or drag her down with me, because I was the target and she would've just been caught up in it. If choosing to protect someone else in that situation is "not trying", then I'm never going to be trying by your standards.

[blizzardrock]

I never asked you to stay quiet. I never asked for assuaging, either. I'm telling you what it feels like to me. Because you asked. I don't think it's too much to ask that my emotions not be treated as problems to be solved.

[He's a shinki. His emotions are problems that need to be solved.] ...Tch.

[Case in point.] That's not what I'm talking about. [He's not entirely sure what he was talking about—but it was definitely something that angered him, regardless of whether it's sensical or not.]

You think you can do whatever you want. [And now he just sounds exhausted again.] If you're going to put demands on me for not worrying the way you think I should, then I can do the same. [Demands, that is. Even though he already knows that saying so won't get them anywhere.]

[revolutionfalcon]

[When Fubuki makes that backtrack to the subject of his emotions, Shun merely pulls his hair up out of the way and turns his neck so the blight there is visible. If he has it, that means Fubuki has it as well, since that's how this type of blight works.]

I'd rather not treat them like that either, but the fact is that you could die if we don't find a resolution to this. [His tone is suitably grave for that angle to the conversation. He might not as yet really understand where Fubuki is coming from, but the last thing he wants is for this to fester and worsen.

So, he figures, he may as well be straightforward.] It took me a while to start doing it, but I've been considering what you and others have talked to me about so far and tried to make changes where I can. But right now I don't have any idea what it is that's still the problem, because as far as I can see, changing for others isn't "doing whatever I want". I want to hear clearly what it is I'm still doing wrong, instead of having to try and piece it together. Like you said already, you're not like me. We don't think the same way. So it needs to be obvious what the problems are, even if you think it is already.

There are things I won't be able to change, obviously. But I don't want to lose you to something like this. [That's his real concern, at the end of it all, and the tired strain that comes into his voice at that last sentence might make that all the clearer. He's seen enough good people die unnecessarily already, and more than a few when he could have done something about it. This doesn't need to be another instance of it.]

[blizzardrock]

[Fubuki hasn't turned around, but he can guess what that sound of motion means, considering Shun started this off by showing him the blight.]

I'm already dead. [Which is not what Shun means, he knows. But that's just...one of the problems.]

[He reaches up and rubs his eyes.]

But you want me to acknowledge you're trying...is that it? [Unless there's another reason for Shun to tell him that he wasn't trying hard enough to notice what tea he was drinking. ...But it's...unfair to pin that on Shun, he knows. The problem started being a problem way before that.]

[He felt...useless.] I don't want to lose anyone, either. [But he has. Or come close to it. Sometimes...not to death.] I should have seen the warning signs. I... [He wanted to cut his emotions—his connections—away. And did.] I cut it. Everything that...hurt. [A sardonic smile.] Apparently that made things worse.

[revolutionfalcon]

That's not a reason to throw away an afterlife. [Shun knows shinki are in a difficult position, but it's still an existence. He's the type of person naturally averse to the idea of just dismissing that kind of chance.

As for the question of acknowledgement, Shun shrugs.] Something like that. If I'm changing in part because of things you've said, I thought it was strange that you never seemed to notice.

[It's merely an observation, with no particular positive or negative emotion behind it, just faint confusion. When Fubuki had paid so much notice to things he'd considered insignificant, he had figured he'd also notice them changing.

When Fubuki gets to that last admission, though, Shun draws a sharp breath and lets it out, slowly. There's something understanding in it, and he leans against the back of the couch as if reminded of something unpleasant.]

It usually does. Though I only learnt that by cutting everything that hurt and burning it to fuel myself back in my world. [He sounds almost weary at that, because "worse" is almost an understatement to how badly that went.] I still want to help you. I don't know what you consider me at this point, but I'm not interested in turning my back on any more friends.