thenearshore | won't you take me

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won't you take me

Who: The Li Tieguai clusterfuck
What: Well, we're out of a shitty haunted forest, who wants dinner?
When: November 16, evening
Where: Li Tieguai's Temple

Usually, when there's some big nonsense in Heaven, Chikusa can be found out cold or "away" in his own head for most of the following couple of days afterwards... but that apparently only counts for event which involve people. Spending an entire day trekking through a possessed forest filled with violent plant-life and cultists is manageable.... somehow.

No matter how exhausted or injured anyone in the temple is, food still has to be made, and Hakka is in no condition to make it. Thus, dinner is being arranged by the other cook in the house, and invitations have been sent out to the relevant people Chikusa thinks care- namely Nanako and Ayumu, along with anyone they seek to bring. That doesn't mean people checking in on the Li Tieguai temple can't just waltz right into the dinner as well....

There's a lot to do in the time leading up to dinner, after all, depending on when people show up (or, you know, realize there's smells coming from the kitchen). Bon, the resident enormous Tibetan Mastiff, demands attention in the form of bodily flinging himself at people. There's a goat in the garden, tied away from all the important medical herbs. At least four different nekomata wander in and out of the temple ground whenever they please, including Pookie, the most permanent resident, and never shut up.... Not to mention that a Kung-Fu movie has been put on the television for people to watch.

There's also a sign on all entrances to the kitchen that says: CHO HAKKAI IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK. Presumably Chikusa put it up while making direct eye contact with him.

Either way, mess around until dinner, have dinner, crash in the living room where another kung-fu movie has been put on again... Have fun.

Oh, and before it can be forgotten.... The dinner menu for the night is fritto misto, meaty Amatriciana sauce with bucatini noodles, and all the garlic bread in the world apparently. For dessert? Cannoli again. That... might be all he knows how to make on the dessert front.

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[That was quick. Chikusa wobbles up to his feet, with all the weight of a reed poking out from a pond.]

I mind, but you do whatever you want anyways... Just don't faint.

[Even for a conversation like this, he's pretty sure Hakkai would do it anyway, despite Chikusa constantly glaring at him for it.]

Edited 2018-05-10 19:28 (UTC)

I'll make sure I don't fall on you if I do.

[He's quite surefooted walking towards the kitchen, at least. He may be exhausted -- he can admit that he's not recovered -- but he doesn't need quite the level of cosseting Chikusa's decided to employ.

What better way to prove that than to not faint?]

[Hakkai was surefooted before he almost started turning into an ayakashi, too, so Chikusa counts that as 'not counting'. Still, he doesn't say anything else as he trails after Hakkai, making sure to sidestep anyone else.]

[When they enter the kitchen, Chikusa promptly props himself up against the fridge, away from the entrances, and stares at his god for a moment.]

....It was an accident... that you ended up in that forest... right...

[Ah. Is that the problem.

Hakkai can't blame Chikusa for his suspicion, not given his own track record of escaping things going wrong in his personal life through flagrantly risky behavior, but, lately, things have been going much less wrong. He's not sure Chikusa entirely realizes that.]

It was an accident. I wouldn't have done that to you right after Gojyo moved into the temple.

And, besides, if I was going in to search, I wouldn't have only brought Asshole.

[Would he really? Chikusa wants to believe that, still remembering the two of them doing such outings like breaking into a morgue when they'd only known each other for a short amount of time, but... It feels hard to believe, right now.]

[Worse, it feels unpleasant for reasons he can't entirely nail down, and he doesn't like it, either. And there's something else, too.]

You... didn't tell us that Gojyo would be moving in, either.

[So what would he do?]

[How convenient, now that they're in the kitchen, that there really is a sink full of dishes that need to be scrubbed, now that they've soaked a little. Hakkai turns towards it, tossing a dishtowel over his shoulder as he picks up the sponge and begins to apply himself to loosening any crusted food.]

No, I didn't. I didn't know that he would be until he agreed to stay after that first dinner.

[He's still not sure if he can trust Gojyo's new decision to remain in the household. He does seem to care -- he seems not to want to leave... but that doesn't mean things are good. Hakkai's not even sure if they're okay.

And he's already fought with Ayumu about it, even if she may not be wrong that being too close to him is bad for Gojyo all on its own.

The sauce pan clatters as he turns it over to rinse out some burnt-on pork jowl.]

To tell the truth, at first, I was just afraid he'd choke on his own vomit if I let him sleep it off in the back of the bar.

[How convenient indeed, and Chikusa watches him go with thinned lips. He doesn't stop him, however. As long as it keeps Hakkai around, and doesn't have people asking what they're doing, well, it's fine.]

He stayed an entire day... Wasn't that enough to talk to us?

[They knew he was there, of course, because the smell was impossible to miss, but... That's different than knowing what to expect.]

Edited 2018-05-10 21:33 (UTC)

I assumed he'd be leaving as soon as he woke up. And, Chikusa....

[He had thought Gojyo was going to leave when he woke up. And Gojyo had tried, hadn't he? Until Hakkai had told him to stay for dinner, and until they'd spoken after that stupid fight.

But that's not the point here, is it? The point is Chikusa saying, Doesn't my opinion on whether he can stay matter, too?

It probably should. He and Ayumu had had this conversation once before. And yet.]

I told you as soon as I knew it was going to happen, but with Gojyo, I can't promise to let you be part of my decisions. I told him I wouldn't let him stay if he was cruel to you and Ken, and I meant that. But if you and Ken just don't like him, then I'm sorry.

[That's not enough. As much as Hakkai cares for them, if he's forced to choose, he knows how he's going to choose. Chikusa should understand that, if anyone does.]

You told me when I asked you about it.

[And that always seems to be what happens. Hakkai never volunteers information, does he? It's part of what lead to him having so much blight that one time, ages ago, and Chikusa can see the pattern even more clearly thanks to time and proximity. That had been fine when they'd been strangers, acquaintances, second choices- ]

[But they aren't, now.]

It's not if I like him or not. Ken's obviously fine with him. That has nothing to do with it.

Yes, I did. You asked me about it less than half an hour after Gojyo woke up.

[And he still hadn't been sure, then. Paralyzingly unsure, in fact. He's not sure he'd have talked to Chikusa about it until he'd had the chance to speak with Gojyo again, to get a better idea of what was going to happen, whether Gojyo wanted to stay, who he thought he was and who he thought Hakkai was now....

Hakkai has to admit that he's still far less sure than he really wants to be.

He exhales, and pulls the dishtowel from his shoulder to dry the first pot.]

If it's not that, then what is it?

[What is it? The answer feels both simple and yet difficult to explain, something he struggles to put together into decent words and then expose them to the air. Chikusa focuses on putting it all together in his head, watching the way Hakkai's shoulders move with every rub or exchange.]

...You don't tell us things.

[And before he can be misunderstood- ]

Things that affect us... or that you know could affect us. I don't care if you have secrets... besides when that happens.

[The silence stretches out as Chikusa thinks, prickling between them. Hakkai keeps scrubbing, the movements mechanical, familiar and soothing. The pile of clean pots, upside down beside the sink, grows by two by the time Chikusa speaks at last.

It's the same problem again, isn't it?]

You're my shinki. All my secrets can affect you, can't they?

[That's the real problem here. Things that are so personal he can barely stand to think about them are still things that affect Chikusa and Ken. Perhaps even more so, to be fair, than things he doesn't find so difficult to share.

It's a fair request, though. He's still moving on autopilot, and he adds three plates to the counter before he can bring himself to continue.]

It's not easy for me to talk about personal things.

And all mine... you.

[It's not a blade with a single edge to it. It's doublesided, tangling them up both- but not even just him and Hakkai. Ken is involved, too, and while he might not need to be told as much.... He still deserves something.]

[His arms wrap around him, fingers curling loosely into his arms.]

...We don't always need details... just something.

[Hakkai breathes out, puts a fourth plate on the stack, and turns off the water before he rests his hands on the edge of the sink and looks down at the water. There's a swirl of orange grease on the surface amid a speckle of dried herbs.]

I see.

Please understand I don't always know what might affect you or not. Or what I'm going to do, at least not too far in advance.

[That's understandable, on some level. Things happen. People react. But as he looks over at the hunched curve of Hakkai's spine, Chikusa feels like that's not enough of an excuse. So...]

...Just try.

I can try.

["I can try." After a moment, he reaches for another plate, soaps it, and rinses, silent as he thinks. It doesn't feel like enough of a promise. It feels like a stopgap, something that even if it soothes Chikusa's anger today will make him angrier again, later, when something inevitably happens or Hakkai's pushed too far to be able to reach out.

He knows himself well enough to know that's bound to happen again.]

Then let's talk each day -- about what we might need to tell each other, that day, and not just about dinner.

[If they can feel as though there is honesty between them, then, maybe, it will be easier to bear when something goes wrong.]

[It does feel like only a temporary measure, something that won't last... but he doesn't know what else to do. He's never had to do something like this with someone, he thinks, or at least the experience like his interrogation skills or Italian came with. So even as he knows it might be a temporary gesture.... What else is there?]

[It's not a pleasant feeling, to be felt like he's left dangling in the wind, scrunched in on himself with his head bowed... So it's a relief to hear Hakkai keep talking.]

[A relief to hear a solution, even though he hadn't been expecting it, and Chikusa blinks up at Hakkai's back.]

....Yeah. Okay.

But... if that's the case.... then there's something else I want to ask.

What is it?

[There are dishes left, but Hakkai turns the water off again and turns around anyway, drying his hands as he meets Chikusa's gaze.]

[Straightening up a bit instead of slouching against the fridge, Chikusa meets his gaze squarely as well and takes a quiet breath before asking- ]

How do two guys have sex?

[Well.

That was not on the list of questions that he had expected. It's possible that it should have been, considering the things he's been ignoring from Chikusa and Ken lately, and considering the fact that -- judging from Ayumu's comments -- Chikusa thinks he knows much more about the answer to that question than he does.

Dirty magazines and the occasional fantasy are not, he suspects, the right basis to use to answer this question. He tosses the dish towel back over his shoulder and temporizes.]

That depends on what you like and what you want to do. It's not as if there's a right way.

[Well.... He guesses Hakkai is probably not wrong, but, still. That's not the most satisfactory answer. Chikusa reaches up to adjust his glasses.]

The basic way. We'll... start with that.

[You can help him out here, right, Hakkai-]

[Hakkai very seriously considers, for a few seconds, sending Chikusa to ask Niles.

Then he thinks better of the idea.]

I'd recommend starting with mutual manual stimulation. Oral and anal sex are also options, of course.

[Good plan, Hakkai. Especially since it would backfire on you immediately as Chikusa would snitch without remorse.]

[For right now, however, he's very intently listening to Hakkai, even going so far as to lean forward a little.]

....Are there.. things we shouldn't do?

[Besides, you know, getting frisky at all. You're dealing with it one way or the other, Hakkai. Sorry for being in Hell.]

You should avoid using objects that aren't meant for the bedroom, be very careful if you're using restraints not to cut off anyone's circulation, and take things slow with plenty of communication until you do know what you like.

[Please enjoy this super-abbreviated safe sex lecture, Chikusa. Hakkai's not going to bother explaining condoms, as he thinks Ayumu was probably right that shinki don't have to worry about anything they might help with, but he doesn't want to have to help with any embarrassing medical emergencies.

Also, entirely for his own sake, he adds:]

And you're washing your own sheets.

[Hey, it follows up with the safe sex info he got on the internet from a complete strangers, so Chikusa figures it all match up. Still, a correction- ]

We're not at that point yet... I just... told him... a couple of weeks ago...

[Well, more like he took Ken on a date that he didn't realize was a date until they'd finished a movie, fumbled with trying to figure out if Ken liked boys at all, and then got called out and licked, but, listen.]

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cw for The Talk (welcome to hell, hakka)

well, he knew he was going there eventually

is it anything like he imagined

worse

it's what he deserves

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