thenearshore | won't you take me

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won't you take me

Who: The Li Tieguai clusterfuck
What: Well, we're out of a shitty haunted forest, who wants dinner?
When: November 16, evening
Where: Li Tieguai's Temple

Usually, when there's some big nonsense in Heaven, Chikusa can be found out cold or "away" in his own head for most of the following couple of days afterwards... but that apparently only counts for event which involve people. Spending an entire day trekking through a possessed forest filled with violent plant-life and cultists is manageable.... somehow.

No matter how exhausted or injured anyone in the temple is, food still has to be made, and Hakka is in no condition to make it. Thus, dinner is being arranged by the other cook in the house, and invitations have been sent out to the relevant people Chikusa thinks care- namely Nanako and Ayumu, along with anyone they seek to bring. That doesn't mean people checking in on the Li Tieguai temple can't just waltz right into the dinner as well....

There's a lot to do in the time leading up to dinner, after all, depending on when people show up (or, you know, realize there's smells coming from the kitchen). Bon, the resident enormous Tibetan Mastiff, demands attention in the form of bodily flinging himself at people. There's a goat in the garden, tied away from all the important medical herbs. At least four different nekomata wander in and out of the temple ground whenever they please, including Pookie, the most permanent resident, and never shut up.... Not to mention that a Kung-Fu movie has been put on the television for people to watch.

There's also a sign on all entrances to the kitchen that says: CHO HAKKAI IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK. Presumably Chikusa put it up while making direct eye contact with him.

Either way, mess around until dinner, have dinner, crash in the living room where another kung-fu movie has been put on again... Have fun.

Oh, and before it can be forgotten.... The dinner menu for the night is fritto misto, meaty Amatriciana sauce with bucatini noodles, and all the garlic bread in the world apparently. For dessert? Cannoli again. That... might be all he knows how to make on the dessert front.

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[Goku has been kind of half-watching the movie. This is really nice, actually. He's full of food, he's surrounded by nice people and he's been given a chance to completely relax. This is so nice. The only problem is that the presence of all these other people makes the absence of one in particular all the more obvious.

He doesn't want to think about that. Laying on the floor, he tunes in for the movie's action sequences and clocks out when they're over to try and goad Jeep into playing with him, trying to keep his mind occupied. This is helped partway by Bon abruptly walking over him, stepping on his face, to get to Ayumu.]

Wha- hey!

[It's a feeling Ayumu can relate to - that feeling that someone else should be here but isn't. How many times had Ayumu thought Sanzang might enjoying going over to Hakkai's for dinner like this? Or maybe holding a dinner party of their own some night at the temple?

But now both Sanzang and the temple are gone and Ayumu's left behind on her own in a world she barely understands most of the time.

Goku's squawk of protest does coax a bit of a giggle out of her, despite her brooding, as does the very large dog's affectionate assault. Ayumu, hugging Bon, peeks around him to check on Goku the best she can while pinned under a dog that weighs more than she does.]

You okay there, Goku-kun?

[Sanzo might have been grumbling about all the people and the rich food, but Goku thinks he might have enjoyed this anyway. In his own Sanzo way.]

I'm okay, Ayu-chan. [Goku smiles upside down at her from the floor before sitting up against her couch so he's a little closer.] He really likes you, huh?

[It's true that animals tend to like Ayumu, even the difficult ones, for whatever reason. At least, when she, herself is calm. In this case, though...]

I think Bon just likes people, honestly. And I'm not someone he sees every day so it's exciting. Isn't that right, Bon?

[As she turns to smile at the dog, she's greeted with a slobbering wet tongue on her nose. Much like with Kishi and Musha, she'd been previously acquainted with Bon when she was a goddess during the brief period his once owner, Hibari had been her shinki. Not that she knows that now.]

Nah, he definitely likes you.

[Trust the other animal, Ayumu. Goku reaches up and around awkwardly to pet Bon on the head as well. Dogs are so great, Goku loves dogs. What a good pupper.]

Hakkai's got so many animals here! I think Jeep hates it.

[She loves animals of all kinds, really. They're simple, earnest creatures and generally more trustworthy than half the people she knows. And certainly far easier to talk to.]

He's picked up so many new ones since I lived with him. When I served Hakkai, it was just Jeep, a few cats, the ducks, and the fish. I took two of the cats off his hands but he picked up so many more. Kishi and Musha don't talk, though.

[She chuckles.]

How about you, Goku-kun? Do you have any pets?

Hakkai got real popular, huh...

[So many friends, so many animals, so many animal friends. Goku is honestly impressed and still a little shocked, judging by his expression.]

Not right now, really. Jeep is Hakkai's. [And Jeep probably thinks of Goku as being on the same level as him, so he shouldn't be called a pet. Hopefully.] I used to have a dog though! At the temple. When we left to go traveling I had to leave him with the monks there.

[Those assholes better be taking good care of his dog.]

[It's hard to think of Jeep as simply a pet. Maybe it's the fact that he turns into a vehicle that commands more respect from Ayumu than that. Or that the little dragon sometimes mediates during her arguments with Hakkai. Jeep's more of a family friend, really.]

Hopefully, they are.

[By this point, Bon's settled down enough to simply lay on the couch, resting his head on her lap. Ayumu pets the dog with one hand and wipes the slobber off her face with her sweater sleeve.]

Hakkai's pretty well known here. He's been here for much longer than I have. He has a lot of valuable experience and insight. I don't think there's too many people around who've been both a shinki and a god. It's a different perspective than a lot of us have, I think.

[And potentially a lonely one, she feels. It seems like it'd be pretty isolating to her. But at least, he has Goku now - a friend from home he knows well that remembers him.]

Someone told me I was here before too, but I don't remember any of that. [Not even Ayumu, sadly. He's still pretty comfy sitting near her and relaxing against the couch though.]

Hakkai's really smart and really nice. He's strong too and he knows all kinds of stuff. [Which is different than being smart.] I'm glad he's made lots of friends here.

[It means he wasn't alone, even when Gojyo was acting weird and avoiding him and Goku and Sanzo kept vanishing. Of course, it's not the same thing, no matter how nice and wonderful everyone here is. But it's important to not be left alone. Goku loves Hakkai.]

Me, too. Sometimes he and I butt heads but I'm glad he's made something of himself here despite it all.

[It's too bad Hakkai's intent on leaving his life here behind to return to his journey. She understands it but it saddens her to think someday everything he's built here will take second place to that goal. It's no way to live and enjoy it, she's come to learn but it's also not her decision to make.

She smiles down at Goku.]

You were. I met you on my very first day here, before I met Hakkai, even. It was your first day, too. We almost attacked each other. By accident, of course.

[She laughs a bit. Maybe it'll be strange for Goku to hear about it when he doesn't remember but it's one of her fondest memories of the new ones she's made on the Far Shore. And she could use the reflection on something happy for a change.]

We were fast friends. You hadn't met your god either yet. And we talked about what we hoped our gods would be like. You were pretty intent on befriending yours, whoever it was. I don't think you ever told me who you served... But it was nice.

[He'd been a supportive friend during the brief time she'd known him. Goku's disappearance had hurt and she'd missed him terribly. But he was back now and even without his memories of her, she's still happy Goku's here again, as selfish as it is.]

[Goku is as eager- if not more so- as Hakkai to get out of here and resume their journey. They have business to handle, after all, and people to find. But Goku hasn't had time to make a life here yet.]

So... You did know me before.

[If he'd put the thought into it, he would have suspected that earlier. She'd obviously recognised him, after all. Goku listens quietly to Ayumu talk, playing with some of the fur on Bon's collar. He doesn't doubt that she's telling the truth- accidentally attacking someone sounds like a normal way for him to meet someone, and he supposes he would want to be friends with whoever he was partnered with. But he doesn't remember any of it, even in a vaguely familiar kind of way, and Ayumu seems so happy reminiscing on it.]

... I'm sorry I forgot.

[Ayumu smiles gently.]

It's okay. Besides, it's not your fault. I'm just happy I get to see you again, if only for a little while. I never got to say goodbye and well, I've missed you.

[It'd been hard trying to get by without their friendship. Between the difficult situation with Hakkai and being haunted by an inescapable terror she had no context for with no one she'd felt comfortable talking to about any of it. And she has such a hard time making and keeping friends in this place. It takes a lot of hard work, social skills, and energy a socially awkward introvert like her just doesn't have in her right now.]

I know you have important things to do and you'll have to leave again someday and that's okay, too. Like I said, it's just nice to be able to see you again for a while.

[Goku shifts awkwardly on his spot on the floor.]

I'm here now. We can still be friends and everything, even if we won't see each other later.

[Nothing is permanent, hold nothing, etc etc. They can still be friends, even when they're not together. Ayumu is a nice person. Goku hesitates for a minute before asking something else.]

... Hey, what's it like? Seeing someone you know when they don't know you?

[Gojyo had known him, if not very well. They'd fallen right back into something familiar. Goku's real frame of reference for this topic is someone else who's been on his mind these past few weeks.]

It can be difficult. Facing and accepting that you've lost what you had before. Some people can't so they fall into denial and try to recreate what they remember having. Sometimes they choose to accept the loss and move on with their lives.

[She leans against the arm of the couch, thinking.]

But I don't think accepting a loss means that the person can rebuild a relationship if both parties are willing and honest about what they feel or what they want from each other.

[She shrugs slightly.]

It's hard to say for sure. Not everyone will respond in the same way. There's a lot of moving parts that might differ from person to person.

I dunno that I've lost anything-

[Goku stops himself, suddenly anxious and not sure why. Gojyo doesn't remember everything about him, but he's still here and they're still friends. Hakkai is fine. Sanzo will be with them soon- he will- and if anything Goku's only made new friends since he arrived. Relationships will change, memories or no memories, and that's fine but Goku will always hold his precious people close to him.

But he's got the dreadful feeling in his chest saying that maybe that's not completely true.]

... You just gotta reach that person, right?

[Next time, he has to reach that person's hand.]

Maybe. I don't know if it's that simple for everyone.

[It isn't for her, anyway. Ayumu doesn't understand most emotional responses to anything. Or even how attachment's supposed to work half the time. She only knows that there's something wrong with her and she doesn't see or feel the way others seem to. But she understands wanting to stay close to people you feel for, at least.]

I don't think it's gonna be the same with everyone. Because not all of us are the same or feel and think the same.

[Sorry, Goku, as nice and gentle as Ayumu seems to be, there'll always be a stone-cold realist lurking underneath.]

[The film is still playing, but Goku is ignoring it completely now. He might have pretended to pay attention earlier, but it's too late for him to care about that anymore. Goku reaches up with one hand towards the ceiling, staring at it as he tries to reach something he can't see. Thoughts have been swirling in his head for weeks now, with Goku struggling to define or explain any of them even to himself. Maybe he should just follow his gut.]

... Even if that's true, I wanna reach them.

[Goku doesn't even understand how he feels, much less how Nataku feels. What he's going through, what they went through in the past, if they went through anything- it's all a mystery to him. But he still wants to try, he thinks, whatever that ends up meaning.

He drops his hand back to the floor.]

I don't wanna lose anyone ever again.

Then maybe you'll be able to work something out with them. If they want to.

[Really, she's the last person to be expected to give good advice on something like this, she thinks. Why that is, she doesn't know, but it's a feeling that Ayumu can't shake. Still, she's pleased Goku asked her.]

Have you talked to Hakkai about this yet?

[Goku starts, suddenly looking sheepish as he's jolted out of whatever strange mood he was just in. He looks over at the others in the room, checking that they're still preoccupied with the film or with each other and that they weren't listening to him.]

... Nah, not really. I don't wanna worry him or anything.

[He'd come close to broaching the topic earlier, but in the end it was somehow easier not to. The last thing Goku wants is for anyone to be worrying about him. Hakkai in particular has enough to deal with already.]

Sorry, I dunno why I said all that. I've just been thinkin' a lot lately.

It's fine. I don't mind at all. I'm just not much of an expert on the subject. That's all.

[She's not much of an expert in anything beside lying, killing, cleaning, and cooking, really. At least, to her own knowledge. She tries to learn new things whenever she can but it's really hard doing it on her own.]

But if there's things on your mind, I'm always glad to listen.

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