thenearshore | won't you take me

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won't you take me

Who: The Li Tieguai clusterfuck
What: Well, we're out of a shitty haunted forest, who wants dinner?
When: November 16, evening
Where: Li Tieguai's Temple

Usually, when there's some big nonsense in Heaven, Chikusa can be found out cold or "away" in his own head for most of the following couple of days afterwards... but that apparently only counts for event which involve people. Spending an entire day trekking through a possessed forest filled with violent plant-life and cultists is manageable.... somehow.

No matter how exhausted or injured anyone in the temple is, food still has to be made, and Hakka is in no condition to make it. Thus, dinner is being arranged by the other cook in the house, and invitations have been sent out to the relevant people Chikusa thinks care- namely Nanako and Ayumu, along with anyone they seek to bring. That doesn't mean people checking in on the Li Tieguai temple can't just waltz right into the dinner as well....

There's a lot to do in the time leading up to dinner, after all, depending on when people show up (or, you know, realize there's smells coming from the kitchen). Bon, the resident enormous Tibetan Mastiff, demands attention in the form of bodily flinging himself at people. There's a goat in the garden, tied away from all the important medical herbs. At least four different nekomata wander in and out of the temple ground whenever they please, including Pookie, the most permanent resident, and never shut up.... Not to mention that a Kung-Fu movie has been put on the television for people to watch.

There's also a sign on all entrances to the kitchen that says: CHO HAKKAI IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK. Presumably Chikusa put it up while making direct eye contact with him.

Either way, mess around until dinner, have dinner, crash in the living room where another kung-fu movie has been put on again... Have fun.

Oh, and before it can be forgotten.... The dinner menu for the night is fritto misto, meaty Amatriciana sauce with bucatini noodles, and all the garlic bread in the world apparently. For dessert? Cannoli again. That... might be all he knows how to make on the dessert front.

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If only I'd known in advance that I'd be attacked by trees on the way to school....

[And yet, he hadn't been nearly prepared enough. If he'd been going into the forest deliberately, it would have been a different matter.

Of course, if he had, Chikusa would be right to be annoyed at him.]

Ah well.

I don't think many consider the possibility of an ambush by plant life on the way to work.

[It's a little bit of a relief to hear that Hakkai hadn't sought out the forest deliberately. Maybe he's learned a thing or two since she served under him. For all her regrets about leaving Chikusa with a mess, he seems like a more capable guide for him than she's ever been. Her attempts just seem to make him upset or make him angry more often than not.

After a moment of comtemplative silence, she speaks up again, her tone serious.]

I'm sorry about the other day. I was out of line.

[Is she referring to their indiscretion or their argument? Who knows. But she's sorry she upset him and with the way things have gone lately, she'd rather say it before either one of them had a chance to die again or disappear.]

[They'd talked about their indiscretion, and she hadn't apologized for it then -- nor should she have. So, clearly, she must be apologizing for the argument. Hakkai looks away, the line of his shoulders sagging a little from their usual neat posture.]

It's all right. Maybe you're right, anyway, and it's better not to....

Certainly, if we all really meant what happened at the harvest moon viewing, it's better to give him space.

Maybe it's selfish of me but I don't want to see you - either of you - get hurt.

[She'd spoken up for Hakkai's sake, too, after all. Too many people she cares about have been suffering. Even Sanzang had suffered. Between theirs and her own, it's taken a heavy toll. If they truly love each other and can make each other happy, she'll step aside and say nothing more about it. Even if they make each other unhappy, she'll let it go. And try to find a way to forget how sad it makes her feel.]

It's not my decision to make for you two. You're adults.

[Sanzang had warned her about that once, about her tendency to mother friends too much instead of just letting them make their own mistakes and learn from it. Ayumu's said her piece on it; she'd only wind up repeating herself, anyway.]

It's certainly not selfish. It might be a little late, though.

[He glances up, with a flash of wry amusement.]

I'll do my best.

Thank you. There's too much misery and not enough happy things in people's lives these days.

[Maybe that's the path forward Ayumu needs to take. Just making sure everyone else finds some sort of happiness. Sanzang had always wanted to help people. Not that she's gone, maybe it's the best way to honor her friend's memory.

She owes her that much after failing her so often.

The smile on Ayumu's face is almost eerily pleasant but otherwise looks natural. She's always been a very convincing actress when she wants to be and she wants to be right now.]

Edited 2018-05-15 07:03 (UTC)

[Hakkai watches her, silent for a long moment. Her smile, in another context, would have been extremely convincing.

Or, perhaps, it's just that it would be convincing deployed against someone who uses that expression as a shield less often.

He shakes his head, at last, and looks back at the movie, where someone in a flamboyant red jacket is being thrown out of screen with a quite nice judo move.]

You don't have to smile like that, you know.

[The smile starts to fade but her tone stubbornly retains its false cheer.]

It's better than crying in front of all of these people, isn't it?

[Her eye follows the man in the red. What a charming jacket he's wearing. Maybe she should see if she can find one like it after she has a home and money of her own again. It might cheer her up a little.]

[In some ways, they really are too similar. Pride, for instance.

It might be a self-destructive emotion in the end, but Hakkai knows how hard it is to let it go, and so he smiles in turn. His voice, though, has none of her forced cheer; it's quiet and sympathetic.]

Well, in that case... you don't have to not smile, either.

I don't understand. What other options are there?

[Spoken like a true alien to how feelings and emotional expression is supposed to work, Ayumu.

But at least, now she just sounds confused instead of like she might snap under the strain of keeping her grief under control and potentially murder someone.]

I don't mean, "Do something that's different from smiling and different from not smiling."

[After all, there might be plenty of room between smiling and sobbing, but there's not a great deal of room between smiling and not smiling. If he were saying that, he might as well be setting her a koan.]

I just mean that, in a difficult time, it's all right if you express feelings that are difficult for other people. You shouldn't feel like you have to behave in any particular way.

That sounds very strange.

[She says it very slowly with an uncertain expression. For some reason, the idea that she shouldn't consider the comfort of others when expressing other emotions is a very foreign concept. As is the idea that she doesn't have to behave the way she does.

There's rules, she feels. Very strict rules that she's not supposed to break. Rules about who to talk to and how to talk to them.]

I don't think I know how to do that.

[It's hard not to consider others' comfort. It's harder not to consider your own image, and, for that matter, your own dignity, Hakkai thinks; but he can admit that might be different for other people.

His own smile doesn't often falter, and it's not because he rarely feels unhappy.

But it's also not because he's making it easier on others.]

Ah, well. It's worth learning.

I suppose. Sanzang was teaching me things but...

[And there's a fresh stab of guilt and grief, causing a sudden fresh sheen of tears. Sanzang hadn't been a magical cure for whatever's been ailing Ayumu since the moment she came to as a shinki but she'd helped. And perhaps more importantly, she'd been teaching Ayumu new ways of living that'd enable her to better help herself.]

I guess I'll have to figure it out somehow.

[Hakkai glances at her, and makes a soft noise of agreement.

There's no real way to pretend it will be better, after all, and while Sanzang might reappear (she's done it before) there's no guarantees, and he won't hold out hope that's more likely than not to be dashed.

Instead, he produces a pack of tissues from his pocket, and leans over Bon to hold it out to her.]

[Ayumu accepts the tissues, taking a couple, and hands the pack back to him. She dabs at her eyes. After that initial moment, the tears dry up quickly as she retreats into the familiar comfort of emotional numbness. Just shutting down her feelings on the issue and trying not to the think about it is the best she can manage right now.

Instead, she shifts focus to the movie on screen.]

That's a really cute jacket.

[She points to the flamboyant red one.]

[Trying not to think about it is, as far as Hakkai is concerned, a legitimate coping strategy. He looks back at the movie himself, making a thoughtful noise.]

It's a little bright for my tastes, but I see what you mean!

I like the dragon design on the back of it. The shiny, golden thread looks nice.

[And maybe she's grown a little more partial to dragons since meeting Jeep and Temeraire.

Temeraire's loss hasn't been forgotten either. But she hopes he's happy wherever he is now. Sanzang, too.]

The fighters in these movies aren't very efficient, though. Their tactics could use some work.

Their techniques are excellent, though.

[Flashy, and Ayumu's right that none of them are fighting in a way that makes sense if the objective is to win -- but there's a remarkable amount of training on display.]

Their tactics might make a little more sense if you think of the objective as "looking good"....

I suppose that makes more sense. It's a little odd to think of fighting in terms like that somehow.

[For some reason fighting with the objective of looking good just sounds like such a bizarre concept to her. In her mind, battles should be quick, efficient, and discreet as possible.]

Their techniques are very polished. I wonder if the actors would know how to apply them to real combat if they needed to though. Fighting this way seems like a way to develop poor habits.

[Ayumu? Paranoid? Why would anyone ever think such a thing?]

[He chuckles.]

Oh, yes. I doubt they'd do as well against anyone who'd had to fight for their life.

[On the other hand, fighting to the death doesn't look very good on film. This sort of showy, technically precise fighting is wonderful for exhibitions, and less effective than fighting fast, mean and without rules when it comes to real combat.

He's always found it rather charming that some people have the leisure to learn to fight just to look good doing it, although being charmed doesn't stop him from being willing to flatten them if necessary.]

I don't think I understand why anyone would learn to fight just for show. It just seems wasteful.

[If Ayumu felt she had a choice, she wouldn't fight at all. She'd find a nice, cozy place in the countryside, grow her own garden, raise animals, and live a peaceful life.]

Really, not any more wasteful than dancing, or sports.

I think it comes of living in a more peaceful world. [He shrugs, tossing her a wry smile. Some people can think of fighting that way. Hakkai would prefer to live a peaceful life himself, and never have been good at fighting...

... but that's not the life he's led, and so it isn't the life he'll be able to lead, either.]

That's a fair point. But it's still hard for me to imagine.

[When she'd been alive, there'd still been hope of maintaining order in the face of the changing political winds. But her own life within that world had been a harsh, barren one, bereft of many comforts others took for granted. The memories may be gone but much of that kind of leisurely lifestyle is still beyond her comprehension.]

[Hakkai inclines his head with a sound of mild agreement, returning his attention to the screen.

The battle seems to be over; artistically tattered, with a splash of blood that isn't quite red enough to be real across his chest, the protagonist is creeping along the edge of a rooftop. Footsteps echo as his opponents run by below.]

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kagenonadeshiko - 2018-06-27 01:47 (UTC) - Expand

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