thenearshore | A Story Untold

The trees of Caster's temple are mighty and ancient, far more twisting and grand than the normal forests surrounding the temples of the West District. Ginia has spent a lot of time climbing the twisting trunks, walking along the massive branches, perching and exploring the hollows and crooks. If she had an semblance of a childhood, Dún Dealgan would be a dream location for a treehouse or some other hidden base.

But being an adult with a robbed childhood doesn't mean she can't live out some dreams now. Ginia can't quite remember when she choose a particular tree hollow for herself. Maybe because it was close enough to the temple while being slightly hidden, or maybe because it was big enough for her to stretch out comfortably with a bit of room to spare. She loves her temple, she loves the other inhabitants of the temple, but it's nice a space to retreat to when she needs a bit of space and quiet.

A comfortable but private space to speak. The hollow certainly fit that requirement. Ginia isn't sure what Celestia wants to talk about, but with the level of urgency and secrecy around it, she's more than happy to make time in her day for the god. As they walk through the forest and wind up to the hollow, Ginia's gut twists and flutters a little. Maybe Celestia won't like the spot. Maybe it'll be uncomfortable with two people. Maybe it'll be too cold.

Or maybe Celestia is bringing bad news. Ginia steels herself for the worst as she steps into the hollow and offers Celestia a hand.

There's a blanket in the hollow, a few pillows too. Ginia offers Celestia a pillow as she sits cross-legged, back leaning against the inside of the tree. It's cozy inside with two people, though not uncomfortably so. It's rather nice. Her cellphone rests on her knee, but as Celestia is the one who wants to talk, she waits silently for the ruler to make herself comfortable and begin the conversation.

Edited 2018-06-09 06:29 (UTC)

Dear Ginia. One of those worries was silly. Too cold, around the sunpony. Indeed.

Celestia took a seat opposite Ginia, sliding down it without even noticing her shirt rumpling. Which, considering her general dislike of clothing, said a great deal about her mental state. Once there, she peeked up at Ginia, then back down at her hands, interlaced fingers twitching against each other as she rested them on one knee.

She was way out of her depth here.

"When we were speaking," she began abruptly, pushing herself into it like a diver taking the plunge, "about gods and shinki, I began to tell you something, but stopped. I think -- I should tell you a story, the whole story. You and only you, because you will I think see why I do not speak of this."

While never stuffy, the alicorn's nature is so often put together and composed that seeing her nervous is startling. But a range of emotions can only add depth to a person and if Celestia is showing nervousness, it can only be a sign of trust. Celestia's words confirm as much. Ginia is honored, truly, to be trusted with a such a story, even if such trust feels undeserved.

However, it's not her place to question Celestia's will. If this is something that needs to be shared, she will listen. Ginia tries to smile reassuringly, nodding at Celestia to continue.

"One thousand years ago," Celestia began, as she unfolded her fingers and brought her hands up to grip her upper arms. She could tell this story without so much as batting an eye, when it was the version of the story she chose to tell. Because though she chooses to tell a version that omits several key truths as a favor to somepony she cares deeply about, she knows perfectly well some of those truths condemn her deeply.

She never, ever forgets that.

"An alicorn rose up to conquer Equestria. Nightmare Moon, who wished to plunge the land into an eternal night under her rule. She challenged me in battle, and I had no choice but to use the Elements of Harmony to banish her to the moon for a thousand years."

Celestia tended to forget that outside of Equestria, nopony knew what the Elements of Harmony were.

The conversation on gods and shinki was a month ago, but it wasn't only that. It was about gods and shinki and monsters through the failure of duty. Ginia listens to Celestia's story, knowing it can't only be that. Some of the finer points - like what the Elements of Harmony are - are lost, but it's easy enough to understand. Celestia protected Equestria from a treat. It's good and honorable and what any ruler would do.

But they wouldn't be sitting in a tree in the forest far from prying eyes if that was the case.

Ginia takes out her phone and types her question, staring at the words for a few seconds longer before showing them to Celestia.

"Who was Nightmare Moon really?"

Celestia glanced up at the question, then flinched as it struck her like a blow. Ginia was way too smart for her own good. In one question she'd hammered straight at the heart of the issue, asking something nopony who had heard the brief tale of Nightmare Moon had asked.

"That is a complicated question, I think," Celestia said, both stalling for time and making a necessary point all at once. The answer really wasn't so clear, but... "But I can tell you for certain that Nightmare Moon was what Princess Luna became after giving herself to darkness."

Princess Luna. Celestia mentioned her once, back on Ginia's first day. She'd wondered what it was like having family, though never voiced the question. She's no closer to the answer now, but she has inklings of what it means.

People that care about you, people that will protect you, laugh with you, spend time with you.

People that can hurt you more than anyone else. People that would be devastating to lose. People that can make you angry like no other, sad like no other, because sometimes caring is a double-edged blade.

Princess Luna. Nightmare Moon. The one and the same.

"What happened to your sister?" Ginia asks through her phone, but maybe the more accurate underlying question is 'what did you do or didn't do?'

Edited 2018-06-11 19:46 (UTC)

Celestia looked down, though only far enough that she wouldn't miss it were Ginia to offer up her phone again. Hair tumbled down over her forehead, hiding one eye behind its drifting waves.

"Princess of the Night. She with whom I ruled in concert from the very beginning of Equestria, she who raised the moon each night as I raised the sun each day. We banished King Sombra, together, she and I, to stop his evil reign. When Discord, the spirit of disharmony, rose up and claimed Equestria for his own, the two of us took the Elements of Harmony up ourselves to turn him to stone and save everypony." She pushed through this recitation with a measured, even cadence that helped her keep the words coming out, because Ginia had to understand.

Couldn't understand, and that isn't her fault. Ginia had a month or two of memories. Celestia had well over twenty thousand times that. Centuries spent with her sister by her side, her closest friend, the one point of stability in a world that kept rolling forward in time.

"My little sister, Princess Luna. That was who became Nightmare Moon. That was who challenged me. Because I had been a fool. I had been blind, I had ignored her, I had gotten so into being the Princess that I forgot I was just one of two. I took the attention and she was left alone. She turned against me out of jealousy, because I was a horrible sister to her."

If Ginia had anything to say, Celestia wouldn't see it for the moment. Her head was bowed utterly, though she would not let herself cry. These words had gone through her head over and over and over before. They were not new.

But it pained her to admit it to a friend.

There is no day without the night. In so many worlds, the rising of the sun and moon are governed by natural order, so far from the influence of anyone. But in a world where day and night are solely governed by individuals, what is it like being responsible for the night?

What is it like to live in solitude? Because certainly that is the life. Active during the day, asleep at night is the natural order for many. So what is it like for two sisters to pass only at dawn and dusk? For the day to see everyone so active and for the night to see everyone in slumber?

They spoke once of mistakes, of learning from them and become better for it. Ginia looks at Celestia with her head bowed. What did she learn? How often does she think about her sister's fall?

(Again and again, she wagers.)

Ginia reaches out, stops with her hand hovering in the air, then moves again, setting her hand on Celestia's shoulder.

Celestia looked up, then allowed herself the smallest smile. She wasn't certain Ginia really comprehended, on a gut level, just what she had said. Perhaps, after a period of thinking about it, Ginia would realize just how badly Celestia had treated her sister to provoke such a conflict, and judge her more harshly.

She swallowed, then, and put on every drop of princessly control she could muster to keep her voice even, if low.

"When we talked about how much damage a god without morality could do, and the failure of a moral compass... that story came to mind. Quickly, and sharply. But I do not ever tell it, not the whole thing, because if Luna came here, I do not wish her to be judged by it."

What good is judgment on actions of the past that happened out of the reaches of the Near and Far Shore? They are not in Equestria, Ginia doesn't know the Celestia that ignored and overshadowed her sister, pushed her into darkness and then banished her for a thousand years. She knows the Celestia now, full of kindness and generosity, but also no less capable of folly, willing to - able to - admit to her past crimes.

If Celestia seeks punishment, rejection, she'll need to state it herself. Self-flagellation is one thing; Ginia has no interest in flogging others. A shinki's life is being a weapon, but right now she's wary of being wielded without just cause.

"You want to protect her when you couldn't or didn't before. It's understandable." She pauses and adds on to her message: "You said the story was a thousand years ago and her banishment was for thousand years. What happened after?"

"It is understandable that I could have failed her," Celestia murmured as her eyes traced across the words on the screen. "But I caused unfathomable harm to everything I cared about, so much less forgivable."

One hand slid up to rest atop Ginia's, and much like the sun peeking slowly out from behind rainclouds, a genuine smile crept back on to Celestia's face.

"The binding was never perfect. The Elements of Harmony are weak when wielded alone. In one thousand years, the seal on Nightmare Moon broke, and she returned. This time, I allowed myself to be captured, for I saw within my student a potential beyond even my own. She and her friends became the Elements' new bearers, and they did what I could not. They banished the darkness from Nightmare Moon, and she became Princess Luna once more."

It would be easy enough to say all's well that ends well. Celestia has her sister back, she's learned from her mistake and things will be better. It's all easy to say and assume that and Ginia wants it to be true if only because she wants to hope for the best. She clutches her phone, fingers tapping against the metal frame.

"I'm happy your sister is no longer banished. I hope she's happier now." Ginia plays the words on her phone, staring down at the screen as the phone's digitized voice fills the small hollow. "I appreciate you telling me too. I can't imagine it was easy."

She continues to stare at her phone, uncurls her legs to pull her knees up to her chest.

"I was wrong about letting monsters die. I spoke too quickly. I realized that then, but didn't say anything out of pride."

At this moment, Celestia felt rather keenly the loss of intonation and emphasis that came with using an electronic voice. What was Ginia thinking right now? What was she feeling? Very rarely did Celestia experience fear in her dealings with others, because very rarely did she ever open up and make herself truly vulnerable. Right now, she was as helpless as she had been in -- a very long time. Longer than she can remember.

"I didn't tell you -- I didn't intend this to be a lecture." She dropped her hand away, staring ahead without really seeing as thoughts swirled in her mind like a maelstrom. "I told you because I thought... you deserved to hear what I didn't say, rather than feel I was keeping something from you." And then, because she was already doomed: "And if I am being totally honest, because sometimes keeping secrets is so very tiring. Because I have nopony to talk to. Hadn't, until now."

Oh, that was the wrong thing to say. The realization rings hollow as Ginia stares at her phone and the words written on the screen. But what else is there to say when she doesn't know what Celestia wants? If the god wants someone to share the burden of a heavy secret with, she can do that; Ginia certainly has her share of secrets.

Beyond that, Ginia knows she's lacking in so many ways. She does not deserve Celestia's trust, her burden of guilt, her friendship, but she's too selfish to turn it away too. But anyone else would know what to say, what to do, and Ginia doesn't.

"What do you want from me?" She ultimately asks, fingers twitching, chest tight and heavy. "I'm happy to carry your secrets and I'm honored you trust me with it, but you didn't have to if you didn't want to. What you tell or don't tell me is up to you. I'm fine with that."

I'm just a shinki afterall.

"What do I --" Her head all but jerked up at the question, leaving her to look at Ginia in no small measure of surprise. Hadn't she been clear? Had she ever been confusing? Things had not always been perfect between them, but they didn't need to be. Hadn't they shared happy times, and --

Celestia lifted one hand, stretched it out to her.

"It isn't a thing I want. I don't want some action or behavior. I want you. My friend. Just be you."

You don't want me.

It's still the immediate thought that comes to Ginia's mind even as she's trying to be better to herself, remind herself she deserves some goodness. But isn't that a selfish desire? Because if she's truly herself, then there isn't much she can offer, not compared to what everyone gives to her.

She is a very good weapon. Beyond that, she's lacking. But if Celestia thinks she's a good friend, she can accept it, even if she doesn't understand it herself.

Ginia takes Celestia's hand, holds it for a second before bowing her head and raising Celestia's hand. She brushes her lips against the back of Celestia's hand, a gentle gesture.

"We are friends, Celestia, nothing has changed." She types with her free hand, head raising back up.

There is no difference between god and shinki. Not meaningfully. There are trappings and quirks to each, but in the end, only what is inside counts.

Celestia squeezed her eyes shut, the corners moist before she opened them again with a look of profound relief and something almost close to adoration.

"I feel so silly... and it is very hard, but you have no idea how much that means to me." Celestia knew perfectly well she was not being hyperbolic or rhetorical in saying that. Ginia absolutely did not know, that much was certain. "You are the first friend I have had in... longer than I can even say, who I can speak to like this."

Even with Celestia's status as princess and the one who raises the sun, it's surprising to think Celestia doesn't have friends. Certainly here she's found someone else to connect with. There has be to be better than her. It's flattering and humbling and troubling and while Ginia has no regrets, there is raw surprise on her face. But she blinks it away and puts a smile back on.

"I'm honored, truly, and I am always happy to talk with you. But don't you also have a shinki now?"

The gentle touch of Ginia's lips still burned hot on Celestia's skin. She was surprised how very much so, actually. Skin without fur was amazingly sensitive, and hands even more so. The skin of Ginia's hand in hers still feels like a map to the touch. Yes, she definitely understands now why humans like holding hands so much. And why it is so common to do so with their special someponies.

Well. There was one perfect way to handle this, and Ginia had just given her the perfect opportunity to tip the conversation that way. With a little pain on Celestia's part as they touched on an uncomfortable spot, but such was life.

"I am afraid he wants very little to do with me," Celestia admitted, her smile sad and a little bit of Princessly reserve slipping in again as she tried to keep judgment from her thoughts and tone. "If it did not make him so vulnerable, I have no doubt he would have stayed unnamed. So my temple remains empty. Quite unlike yours," she said, more genuine now. "Are there still four of you there? And did you ever end up choosing anypony to be a special somepony?"

Wouldn't it be better if shinki could choose their gods instead of being assigned?

Ginia's own words come back into her mind, smile falling slightly. It's unfortunate, but it can't be avoided either. Not every shinki is happy to be here, not every shinki is happy they're a shinki. Even as content as she is with her current lot in life, there are days when her lack of memories prickle at her.

Two shinki gone, the third disinterested. It's an unfortunate trend, but so things go.

"It's still the four of us, yes. And no, I haven't chosen anyone, though I went on a date with Archer and slept with Caster." Ginia's smile is unwavering. The date with Archer was nice and she'd happily spend more time with him. Sex with Caster was great too, no complaints if it continues. But what would be significant milestones to some are simply nice bits of factual information.

Ancient Princess she might be, but ponykind as a whole was -- well -- somewhat less blunt than that. And having never discussed this sort of thing before with humans in the Far Shore, Ginia's statement rapped the side of her brain so jarringly that Celestia actually leaned slightly sideways, eyes crossing briefly.

Then she hurriedly slapped her free hand over her mouth, eyes wild above them. With some degree of shock, but amusement rather than horror. Ponykind wasn't so direct, but Celestia was no naive filly to be unaware of what they got up to behind closed doors.

"Well that is as mixed a message as anypony could ask for!" Celestia said, pouting openly as she brought her hand down.

There's an implicit feeling of judgement. Ginia sits back at Celestia's reaction, back stiffening and expression falling neutral.

"Is it a mixed message? You asked if I was looking for anyone, the answer is no. I'm still not." Sure, there were all the movies and books with people going on dates and falling in love, she's binged enough on Netflix to get that. It seems nice when people aren't making a drama-filled mess out of their lives but not communicating. But it doesn't seem to be for her either.

Sure, she kissed Archer and Caster, but that doesn't mean she's looking to get married and spend the rest of her life with them.

"Well, for me it is. But I have absolutely no experience in the matter," Celestia said with a broad shrug and a gentle smile that she hoped would take any perceived sting out of the words. "If I had your success I would think I found somepony, looking or not, but I have never been on so much as a date in my life, so I am the last one who can understand."

She slid a hand up into that immense, drifting mane of hair to press her fingers against the back of her skull, rubbing with a little pressure as she looked away. "If I am being... perfectly honest, which I seem to be doing a lot today, I have wondered in retrospect if how very much I enjoyed the time we spent at the amusement park is anything at all like being on a date with somepony, and if it is I am starting to think I should try it while I have the chance."

"We can always go to the amusement park together."

It's a sincere, genuine offer because all the time they've spent together is valued and important, but Ginia has the sense Celestia is looking for something different and she's not sure she can offer that. Because Ginia has a sense Celestia is looking for love and there's a thing Ginia knows she can't offer.

(One day, Ginia will realize there are all forms of love, not only the Hollywood perception of romantic love. When that day comes, Ginia will realize how many people she loves in a myriad of ways and how many people love her in return.

That day is a long ways away.)

"But if you want to go on a date, you should! There are so many wonderful things about you, I'm sure you'll find someone who appreciates all of it. Is there anyone you have in mind?"

If her little speech had made anything clear, Celestia had no idea what she was looking for. Except happiness. She wanted some happiness.

"Well," Celestia said, running her fingers through her hair all the quicker. "I was hoping we could go to an amusement park together again."

Ginia pulls open her calendar to look at the upcoming days and the weather. Celestia may be a god of the sun, but there's no harm letting the meteorologists do their job and letting nature take its course.

"Would the 5th work for you or do you want to go later?"

Celestia giggled, though it was a very nervous giggle completely uncharacteristic of her. She finally pulled her hand free, wrapped some of the Princessly dignity she was supposed to have around her, and faced Ginia straight-on.

"Forgive me, I was dancing too much around the core idea out of fear. I would like to take you on a date to the amusement park." And fortunately, since Ginia had to type a reply, she had time to add, lifting a hand to her heart: "If you say 'no', nothing will change between us. That is a promise I make on everything I hold dear. And we can still go as friends."

Oh.

It's Ginia's turn for her thoughts to come screeching to a halt. It's strange. Her heart beats a little bit faster, pounding so urgently against her chest. Her cheeks redden just a little, the warm burn all she can feel. Her eyes drop and her face follows as she glances away, turning the words over in her mind.

Her. Why her? When there are so many nicer, kinder, better people out there. Why her?

Her inclination is to refuse, to insist Celestia could do better, to find someone else, but who is she to tell someone else how to feel?

'You deserve good things for yourself, too.' Archer had said.

Isn't this something good?

Ginia remembers how to breathe against as she nods, eyes still a bit wide. "Okay. I'd like that." she remembers to type.

Celestia held that perfect Princess calm and confidence for a little longer, while the answer sunk into her brain. Once she'd examined it from every angle and was certain that it was beyond misunderstanding, that demeanor broke, and the happiest and most radiant smile of all broke forth like the sun coming from behind the clouds. She let out a huge breath she didn't know she was holding, then inhaled around the burgeoning laughter and trembling relief trying to fight their way out.

"Oh goodness," she said, tipping her head back against the trunk of the tree as her hands went up to splay fingers into her hair like she was holding herself together physically. A huge shiver ran through her with released tension, before she turned the full force of her delighted grin Ginia's way. "I haven't been that scared to do something in centuries!"

Apparently Celestia had no qualms about engaging in a little girl talk about asking somepony out with the person she'd just asked out.

Laughter and Celestia's smile go a long way to expelling Ginia's nervousness. She smiles back and rubs the back of her neck, shoulders shaking a bit as she laughs quietly. Everything is fine. Everything will be fine. Her heart continues to beat fast, a fluttering feeling in her gut.

"Do you still want to go on the fifth?"

What an adventure this had been. Celestia felt like she was lighter than air, having let two very heavy secrets free tonight. In fact --

In fact she'd never felt quite like this in two thousand years of life, and it was amazing. She stuck her hands up in the air, palms up and fingers curled, arching her back to stretch like she was just waking up from a very long sleep.

"The fifth would work just fine for me! That gives me time to get tickets and make arrangements and all that sort of thing, without taking so much time that I vibrate straight out of my feathers."

A Story Untold

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