thenearshore | two servants enter, one servant leaves

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two servants enter, one servant leaves

Who: Zelda, Jakob, Minako, Archer, and god knows who else.
When: January 11th
Where: The Temple of Metis
What: The residents of Metis Temple learn that cooking is Serious Business in the pettiest, most passive aggressive way possible. Help them. They just wanted food.

[It's around noon that the cooking-lesson-in-exchange-for-not-hating-Add-forever is set to begin, and Zelda has Prepared, pulling her hair back into a prim bun and investing in a simple apron to hopefully protect her clothes from another kitchen disaster like the one at the ryokan resort.

(We do not talk about the disaster at the ryokan resort.)

The temple itself is well maintained enough; the Christmas decorations that once covered every available surface have been taken down aside from a few strings of lights that were deemed too pretty to put away, and of course the remnant glitter that hides in every corner waiting to latch onto unsuspecting guests. A few books are stacked various piles around the living area - ranging from manga to dense historical texts - though the kitchen itself has been well cleaned and sorted in preparation for today's event. The resident goddess politely and perhaps a touch anxiously greets Jakob as she notices someone wandering around the atrium above (and if he managed to solve the dumb puzzle door that opens the staircase down, he is given a somewhat surprised congratulations), and leads him down into the temple proper and the kitchen within. Minako is probably here too, unless she got caught up chatting with someone outside, as is her way at times.

Some small talk happens, but we're here for a disaster, and so Zelda eventually looks to Jakob and asks:]

So, did you have any plans on what we would start with?

[This will be fine.]

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[ It’s always a strange feeling to be invited to another god’s home—he’s not really the sort to get used to that, being absolutely caustic to most people most of the time. But exceptions have to be made here—along with cakes, including a dazzling two-tiered cake bedecked in royal icing and painstakingly handcrafted marzipan flowers, all encased within a plain white box tastefully offset with a ribbon.

But really, the gift isn’t all that important—in fact, he’s already set it off to the side after offering it to Zelda. As the conversation veers toward the purpose of his visit, he nods, donning an apron of his own at last. ]

Of course, milady. Perhaps baking bread would be a good start? It’s not at all that complicated, and they should last you for a fair bit and can easily be refined to suit more…shall we say, extravagant purposes.

[There is probably a non-zero number of people involved in this affair that is more excited about the cake than the lesson. Zelda herself is visibly impressed by the craftsmanship - and the weight it gives Jakob's earlier boasted credentials - but yes, you can't feed a country, or a temple, on cake alone. She nods.]

I do not know how much I may find myself in need of such extravagance... [The big metaplot meeting more than filled her personal party-hosting quota for a while.] But-- yes, that seems basic enough, and a good staple as well. I am content to begin there if you are.

[Practicality! It speaks to her.]

[ Minako is definitely here. Zelda can't just sneak a handsome guy into the temple and not expect her to show up at some point! Jakob is setting off basically every single handsome guy alarm bell in her head, and it doesn't take long before she's already sneaked over to the kitchen to catch a glimpse of the guy.

That's when she spots the cake (box). Minako would say many loving things about Zelda, but she knows the other is on about the same level as her when it comes to cooking and baking, so that's definitely something that guy brought in here. Did he make it himself too?! Could there possibly be a guy that perfect right here in their temple?!

She wasn't being very subtle with the ~sneakily~ glancing into the kitchen thing, but she's fully giving up cover now, speaking up in a way that might just be sudden if the two of them were too busy focusing on their own conversation rather than whatever might be lurking in the temple behind them. She dashes the last few steps into the kitchen, smiling widely. ]

Can I watch?!

[ There she is, the ghosts of hot guys past, present and future all in one... ]

[ And he looks totally unimpressed when he turns to face her, after being all smiles and sparkles around Zelda mere seconds before. ]

Ah, you would be her shinki, then? [ his voice is cool—not unfriendly, but definitely pretty distant. He guesses he’s about due to meeting up with the shinki anyway, though at the moment he’s in no position to ask her just why she’s so incompetent that her own god has to resort to asking others for help on something as simple and domestic as cooking.

He’s not a very nice man. Please grow some standards, Minako. Please. ]

By all means, if milady wills it. It would do you well to learn a thing or two about serving your master.

[Well.

That's a change.

Minako being Minako is something she has by and large grown accustomed to, but the sudden chill in the air is surprising. Zelda clears her throat lightly to draw the shinkis' attention back to her.]

Minako serves me quite well as she is. [She says politely, but with a firm undercurrent that suggests she's not going to hear an argument about this. No one is gonna talk shit about her shinki in her house, alright.] Minako, this is Jakob - I believe I told you about his offer to assist me with various things now and again?

[And of course she's allowed to watch, because indulging Minako is always oddly rewarding.]

[ The lucky (or.. maybe unlucky) thing about this situation is that after spotting such a handsome guy, there's at least a good minute or two of a rose-colored mental shield around Minako where she just doesn't even notice the underhandedness of that remark. She's still too busy imagining him with rose petals falling from the air around him and his hair flowing in the breeze...

(She really does look like she's totally spacing out for a moment.)

She only snaps out of it once Zelda directly addresses her, and she happily moves over to her side. ]

Yeah, I remember! You didn't tell me though that he'd be this handsome... [ It's a whisper, but it's really a stage whisper. Minako couldn't be subtle to save her life. Everyone in the room can hear it.

She then looks over to Jakob as if nothing happened. ]

Thanks for being nice enough to help Zelda out!

Edited 2018-08-26 17:45 (UTC)

[ Well, Minako really isn’t making a good impression here, but he also knows better than to talk shit about a god’s shinki right in front of her. He does look a trifle concerned, however—especially at that handsome remark, which he decides to politely ignore because this entire situation is just too what the fuck for him to appreciate the compliment properly.

Kids. ]

Er, of course. My offer of assistance extends to your shinki as well, milady.

[ He offers Minako a short bow, before continuing— ]

But anyway, as I was saying, it is vital that you understand the role of each ingredient in baking bread—

[Zelda smiles a bit helplessly at the absolutely-not-a-whisper whisper, and though a part of her wants to insist that it was a text conversation, Minako, of course she didn't know what he looked like! She soundly squashes that urge for the sake of not making the situation any more awkward for their guest. Later, later.

Even if it's not strictly necessary because of the rose-colored Aino Shield™ currently surrounding her, she gives Minako's arm a reassuring pat because she absolutely means it when she says her shinki is fine the way she is, and then turns her attention back to Jakob, moving with him around the kitchen as he gives his instructions.]

Yes, I have been told a bit about the key differences in baking powder and baking soda during the baking process. "Chemical reactions," and so on. [Thanks Chikusa.] I imagine other ingredients have similar intended purposes.

[Ah, what... stimulating conversation. Surely this will continue on interrupted and everything will go exactly as planned.]

[Archer, as usual, comes uninvited. He's not alone, though; a huge, white hound carrying wrapped stack of bento boxes accompanies him. Archer himself is also carrying a similar stack of boxes, all filled with cutesy food, both sweet and savory. Hearing the sound of voices coming from the kitchen is surprising, but the sight that greets him is even more surprising. A cooking lesson, huh.

Regal pads quietly to Zelda and stops, tail wagging but patiently waiting for the princess to relieve her of the burden. What, they're here to deliver the boxes, right?]

My apologies, princess. I had no idea that you were busy. [Archer finally catches himself and offers a typical polite incline of his head. No way he's going to gawk on the stranger clad in apron.]

[ Minako just isn't going to catch much of this lesson. Or, well, she wouldn't have even if it wasn't interrupted. Between staring at the way Jakob looks and getting a reassuring pat from Zelda, Minako is at the very least already in fourth heaven and making her way up. You'd be surprised how good her own thoughts are at blocking out anything and everything when she gets like this, even actually useful information.

But Archer's appearance does seem to draw her attention - if not just because it means another handsome guy entering the playing field. And with a cute dog! (More like a hound, but, you know, that's probably also just part of Minako's mental shield of love.)

And despite clearly not being addressed here, of course she's going to reply as if she was. ]

Oh, no, no! You know what they say, "the more, the berrier!"

Oh, how very astute of you, my lady. It is indeed—

[ The air gets a good several degrees chillier as he casts an imperious glare upon this newcomer, because first off, how dare this stranger interrupt them, and secondly—a live animal in the kitchen?! You are mad, sir. Mad.

And so is he, a little. ]

And who might you be? [ Another one of Zelda’s shinki? But he’d been led to believe she only had one—though from the looks of Minako right now, she could use the extra help… ]

[The part of Zelda that just wants to make a good impression cries internally as the interruptions continue. The rest of her takes the bundle of bentos from Regal and places the stack next to Jakob's cake.]

Perhaps I should have asked you to come over earlier... [She murmurs apologetically to Jakob before lifting her voice back up for Proper Introductions.] This is Archer - he has been kind enough to offer us extras whenever he makes too much for his own temple.

[Okay, no, he's straight up making lunches specifically for them, but this phrasing makes it seem like it's less of an imposition.]

And Archer, this is Jakob - he has been kind enough to offer to teach me a bit about cooking, so we might not need to rely so much on your generosity. We were just about to start, in actuality.

[LOOK AT ALL THE NICE PEOPLE SHE KNOWS...]

[Archer ignores both the frosty glare from Jakob and the abundance of sparkles from Minako as he sets a second stack of bentos next to the first. Regal, her duty done, now leaves the kitchen to sit in door and silently judge everyone.]

I see. [he says after Zelda's introduction. Extras, seriously. He's cooking a lot for ~~adopted family~~ those he considers close enough.] That's very kind of you to offer. Mind if I watch?

[ At least Jakob and Regal are kindred spirits in that regard, for as he hears that name Jakob’s frown grows even deeper. ]

Quite the meddler, aren’t you? [ So much for maintaining some propriety. It’s like the girls might as well not even be there! ]

One must wonder how you’ve thrust yourself into everyone’s business.

Meddler? [Archer raises a brow at those ridiculous words. He doesn't seem to mind Jakob's attitude as much as his words.] I'm merely taking care of my god's friends, that's all.

[While Caster and Add certainly aren't friends they're allies. That's enough of a reason for Archer to be True Neutral.]

Oh? Lady Zelda must indeed be quite gracious to let in such rabble as this into her home.

[ And Jakob might as well be Lawful Neutral—or Lawful Jerk, at any rate. ]

But you may leave, now. I will make sure that Lady Zelda and her shinki are quite taken care of. They only deserve the finest, after all.

[ He’ll even cast a glance at those bentos, for effect. ]

[Speak for yourself, rabble. Archer uses finest quality ingredients to create finest quality meals. He's not impressed. Why, yes, he's feeling a bit betrayed.]

I do agree with such sentiment, which is why I have to perform a quality check. You talk big, but can you truly deliver?

[If Jakob ever tries to check the bento boxea, he'll find delicious pastries, differently seasoned tamagoyaki, several flavors of dumplings, as well as a variety of side dishes. There's also cake and carefully prepared sweets for dessert. Each dish that should be reheated has simply written instructions that even Minako can't fail at.]

Um.

[Lady Zelda says, intelligently, as she is apparently both being ignored and used as a weapon in this war of words. What is happening. Why is happening. She just wanted to bake bread.]

Both of you are fine chefs in possession of great generosity; anyone would be out of their mind to refuse a gift from either of you. Which would be... why I have not.

[Goddesses help her, she is trying.]

Right, Minako?

[BACK HER UP HERE--]

[ Even Minako, queen of ridiculousness, is kind of puzzled at the sudden escalation of tension going on here. She's staring between Jakob and Archer, looking kind of baffled now her first sparkles and rose petals impressions of them have worn off slightly. She only seems to snap out of it once Zelda mentions her name. ]

Oh-- Yeah, yeah! You guys are both amazing! [ That's not even empty flattery. Between Jakob's ridiculously impressive cake and Archer's adorable sweets, and the fact both of those were made by handsome guys, of course Minako is impressed. ]

.. Which is why you should totally both make something right here and now to see who can make it the best! That's the most fair way of seeing who's better!

[ Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight. Sorry Zelda. ]

Oho, afraid that I might usurp the lady’s favor, are you? [ Alas, he is too full of himself and too sure of his own gifts to check—for now, anyway. Especially now that the gloves are off and there is no possible way he’s backing down from this now, sorry ladies.

He drops that smug little smile he’d been wearing earlier on for a more serious expression. ]

But Minako is right. There is only one way to settle this. [ Arm yourself, Sir, for this is a war. ]

[Archer offers a very formal bow, with hand over his heart, to Zelda.]

Thank you for sincere praise, princess. [see, he can behave. Besides, Zelda is the only person he's ever going to bow to, aside Caster. Minako gets to see almost sincere smile, until-]

[-until Archer turns to face Jakob fully, his expression changing into small smirk. The earlier spike of distress completely gone, covered by the utter dead feel on the shinki-god link.]

Are you challenging me for a demonstration? I was under impression that all it requires of me is to check if ladies here don't get food poisoning after tasting your dishes- [as usual his tone carries a thick veneer of sarcasm.] -but since you insist. We're talking about baking bread, or do you have something else on mind.

More likely, it’s your little pet that is going to make them fall ill. But I digress.

[ He smiles this time around, but there is no humor in it, but a certain dark, delirious sense of joy. He’s always been pretty painfully competitive, sure, but it’s as if he’s being genuinely challenged in this moment, as if a worthy opponent has finally appeared before them. ]

Bread is far too simple. Anyone can do it. [ No…offense, ladies??? ] If you feel that you can truly match my level of skill, then I propose a far more complex challenge—a crouquembouche!

[ It’s tedious, labor-intensive, needlessly complex, and practically perfect for this—short of like, complex decorative cakes, anyway. Bring it. ]

[And, upon finding herself ignored once again (and truly, thank you Minako for inciting them further), Zelda sighs, removing her own apron and moving to take a seat at the dinner table. There is wisdom in knowing which battles are worth fighting.]

Men.

[Hopefully the ever-refilling magic pantry has all the ingredients needed for such a cooking battle, or else the boys might have to make some - gasp! - substitutions. Gods know Zelda and Minako don't do much in the way of grocery shopping, what with their reliance on ready-made meals.]

[Archer, in turn, looks completely unimpressed. That much ado about nothing. Of course it is a cooking challenge, but to propose it for a princess?]

Is that so? I was hoping for something more challenging. Moreover, I'm surprised that you propose to waste time on such unappetizing dessert for the ladies. [a pause.] No offense, but do you know how to make wagashi?

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