thenearshore | October Training

October Training

Who: Everyone
What: Information and Training
When: February 6th, 2017
Where: Outside the Meeting Hall, the Far Shore (and optionally, the slopes of a recently erupting volcano)
Summary: Training and informational sessions for newly arrived gods and shinki

Gods and shinki arriving at heaven's meeting hall are, should they allow it, guided to the rear of the Meeting Hall, where a traditionally styled dojo and training ground have been made available for the day. The gods and shinki are free to take their time during this day to learn about the details of their new life from Amaterasu's shinki or from more experienced god and shinki volunteers.

Meeting Hall

God Training

the information they're given.

Shinki Training

informational pamphlets

borderline

HELLO, MY NAME IS ________

shinki spells or songs

Physical Training

Rest and Refreshments

~~valentine~~

lot

In Summary:

Get all the information you can handle
Veteran new gods and shinki are welcome to volunteer showing the ropes
Explore damaged temples or practice sparring
Enjoy a tea and make some valentines
Have fun~

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The impression that Zhao's getting from this disconnected rant isn't at all "I was important to him but he wasn't important to me." If anything, it's the opposite. It sounds like Bakugou looked up to this "rival" of his as much as vice versa; you don't get that upset about someone's death, don't break down and claim that he's too powerful to die, that he could help the world too much to die, if you think he's a loser.

It sounds like Bakugou's kind of ashamed of having treated him like shit, actually.

Fuck, does he still think the world's fair and people who try hard enough succeed just because they tried?

Zhao rubs a hand over his mouth, stubble catching and dragging over his callused fingertips.]

I don't know who I knew back when I was alive. [This isn't the time to be flippant, and he's not as good at serious conversations he can't lighten with humor.] So I can't give you personal advice on how to deal with something like that-- on dealing with somebody who forgot you.

But if I were him, I'd want you just to be yourself. Don't say anything about it, but don't try and act differently, either.

I know him too fucking well. How am I supposed to pass off pretending I don't? [But, again, this is a question Bakugou more or less knows the answer to already. His act probably won't be that convincing...but it doesn't have to be. Because Deku doesn't remember him. He won't remember what Bakugou is like, won't be able to read him the way he could at home. They're not on the same wavelength anymore.

(Granted, one could argue that, in many ways, they never had been. But at the same time, they'd synced up effortlessly a lot of times, too. Only in some ways had they been opposites.)]

Aren't gods supposed to know their shinki?

[There's a lot about these questions that's bothering him; maybe it's just that reflexive flinch at the idea of people knowing shinki that does it. Maybe it's the idea that someone might be hiding the same thing from him, here, and would he know?

He might pick up on it, if he tried. Or he might not.]

Either way, he won't know you. You can get away with more.

It's...

... it's not easy even trying to think about the past, so even if he gets suspicious, you should be okay.

[He's looking away, at that, one thumb hooked casually into his pocket but tension visible through his shoulders. Yeah, he's tried. It's like holding his hand over a hot stove.]

I don't think gods are supposed to have known their shinki while they were still alive. If the heavens were working like they're fucking supposed to, none of the gods here would've ever been human at all, so they'd definitely never have grown up knowing a human who eventually died and became their shinki.

[Bakugou looks over at Zhao as the other man continues to speak. He hadn't really considered that this subject could prove troubling for Zhao, but he can't miss the signs now that his shinki is displaying them. Hell, he can feel it in him.]

...you don't have to fucking pretend like this shit isn't bugging you, it's not like you can fool me about it. [He pauses.] What'd bug you as a shinki, being in a situation like that?

I don't mean you're supposed to be in this kind of situation. This situation is bullshit. [That, he says with conviction. Having to pretend you're meeting someone you've known your whole life for the first time is bullshit. Having your friend's life hanging by the thread of your acting ability is bullshit.]

-- But I mean that if you seem like you know him too well? You've got an excuse. I don't think you know me, and you're still standing there telling me I can't pretend this conversation's not bugging me.

[If Bakugou had known Zhao Yunlan, he wouldn't have been nearly as twitchy about 'Little Katsuki,' Zhao suspects. He's fond of nicknames: that's one of the things he's noticed. It's a mark of affection. Bakugou hadn't known that about him.

It's funny, how much easier it is to evolve theories about what he wasn't, or who he didn't know, than it is to approach the questions of what and who he was.]

I think what'd bug me most is feeling like I was supposed to be someone else.

[He slants Bakugou a brief glance.]

Even if the someone else is just the me who knows how to react the way they're expecting.

Yeah, but that's mostly because I can feel what you're feeling. [Mostly, but not entirely by any means. Bakugou's pretty observant in his own right; he could have picked up on it even without their bond.]

You think you'd pick up on that, if you didn't know it was happening? [Bakugou gets the logic, at least. He wonders if he can conceal that feeling - that Deku is off from the way Bakugou expects him to be, wants him to be - from Deku with any success. Deku won't remember him or his tells, so he should be somewhat easier to fool...but Bakugou's also not sure how well he can hide it.]

-- How much of what I'm feeling, just checking?

[Wow, he feels uncomfortably exposed all of a sudden.]

No, never mind, tell me later. [He shakes his head.] I think anyone can tell when they're not reacting the way whoever they're around expects, even if they don't get why that's happening.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry as much about hiding how you're feeling. Worry about meeting him where he's at now, as a guy who doesn't know you.

I don't even know how to be a guy who supposed not to know him. Just dealing with him forgetting I could do, but pretending I don't know him or the shit about him like I do...

[Zhao told him to answer later, but Bakugou answers him now. It's a welcome distraction.] And I can feel your emotions, pretty much. Not why you're feeling shit, but at least what you're feeling. So if you're upset and pretending not to be, I'll know you're faking.

Yeah, well, just don't blow my cover then. [He casts Bakugou a dry glance, and steps to the side to lean against the wall himself and stare up at the blue winter sky.]

Be yourself. I mean, yourself without telling him shit, obviously, but I'm guessing he's not stupid.

[Bakugou doesn't seem like he'd have any patience for someone who was, and this kid's obviously important to him.]

He'll pick up on it if you're trying to lie to him outright.

I'll blow it if you try to lie to me. [Bakugou looks sidelong at Zhao.] I'm guessing that gods can feel what their shinki feel so they can try to make sure their shinki don't fuck them up, since that's a thing that can happen. If there was ever a time gods were supposed to give a fuck about how their shinki felt for more reasons than self-preservation, that's obviously long fucking over. [He turns his gaze forward.] But what it should be for - maybe what it used to be for, before the gods and the heavens went to shit - is so gods understand their shinki. And so shinki can learn to trust their gods, 'cause they have to be honest with them whether they like it or not. Your god should be the last person you have to bullshit about anything. If you don't trust 'em enough to even let them know how you feel about shit, why would you ever serve them?

[He looks back at Zhao again.] So don't fucking bullshit me. You shouldn't fucking have to.

[He kind of wishes they could just...stay on the subject of Zhao. But he forces himself back to thinking about Deku.]

I'm probably gonna have to lie to him outright about some shit, y'know.

Boss, I'm not going to lie to you because I don't trust you. But a guy's got to have some pride.

[So, if, for instance, he's lying about how okay he is --

-- well, he figures Bakugou will learn it means he's going to be okay, in time, and not push. If there's anything he figures the kid will understand, it's pride. Pride, and privacy, for that matter; there's a long way between just trusting someone and being completely open about his feelings.]

Anyway, I don't think you'll have to lie to him too much. When it comes to shit like that, we don't like thinking about it either.

[Shit like their pasts, their lives, the thousand unanswered questions that snow down from every gesture and habit... the corner of Zhao's mouth tugs up without amusement, and he crunches through the last remnant of sugar on his lollipop. He doubts the new kid in the temple is going to be any different from him in that regard.]

But if you've got to, then lie. Or send him my way to lie to. I'm better at it than you are.

I know that. [Boy, does he. Zhao's right that it's a subject Bakugou has plenty of experience with.] But feeling weirded out or upset or whatever over this shinki memory bullshit isn't something to be ashamed of, so I dunno why you were trying to hide it at all. It doesn't seem like a pride thing. You think I'd think less of you 'cause you're bothered by shinki getting their memories stolen from 'em, and gods having to figure out how to deal with that shit? I fucking agree that's hot garbage nobody deserves.

[He blows out a breath at Zhao's remarks, sliding down the wall until he's seated on the floor, arms folded on his knees and his forehead resting against those arms. Zhao's right; Deku won't really pry, will he? The heavens somehow install their own disincentives in that area. Even if he's totally obvious, Deku won't let himself speculate. He won't want to.

It'd be nice if he could feel good about that, but Deku being his shinki and feeling good might be mutually exclusive states.]

I'm gonna be the best god in the heavens, right? [He murmurs this without lifting his head.] That means taking care of my shinki. I've already said that shit. And that means everything to do with taking care of my shinki. I'm not gonna make you lie for me. Whatever the fuck I need to do, I'll do it. That's how this shit works. The price you pay for aiming to be the best is having to be the best.

[Zhao leans back against the wall, rolling the lollipop stick to the corner of his mouth where he can chew on it. It hides the way his jaw tenses. Hot garbage nobody deserves -- yeah. True enough. None of them deserve to have to deal with this shit, but life isn't fair, is it?

Life isn't fair, the afterlife isn't fair, and they've just got to deal.]

I don't think you're going to disagree with me that this whole situation is shit, boss. But it's not like you've got any more power to change it than I do, so I don't want to put it on you. What good's it going to do if I yell about this shit?

I might as well just do the shinki thing, and not think about it until we do have an idea of how we can change things.

That said...

[He shifts, glancing down at the top of Bakugou's head.]

... you know a good shinki's supposed to support their god, right?

[So. The corner of his mouth lifts in a half-felt grin, and he reaches down to tousle Bakugou's hair.]

You don't get to be the only guy who's aiming to be the best. So if you want me to share shit with you, you better let me support you back. You need someone to talk to the kid if it gets too tough for you, I'm here.

Well, if I can feel that you're upset even if you're pretending not to be, you could argue the other way that you're not actually sparing me shit, so you might as well just be up front with it. You propping me up while your own shit doesn't get dealt with because you're too busy looking out for me...the shinki of the old gods probably don't fare any better than that. I wanna be better than them. That means no getting propped up by my shinki at their expense.

[As Zhao continues about wanting to help Bakugou, the teenager snorts quietly and lets his head thump back against the wall, closing his eyes.] You're supporting me now, aren't you? Talking to Deku for me isn't the only way you can help.

[He half-heartedly bats at Zhao's hand. Just the way he's calmed down from a few minutes ago speaks volumes as to how much just talking to Zhao has helped rein in Bakugou's overwhelmed state.]

Kiddo, I'm not sparing you shit. If I can't do anything about it, and no one I talk to can do anything about it, I don't want to talk about it.

[Maybe it's not something that Bakugou'd think of, as a reason; Zhao glances at him, corner of his mouth lifting in a half-smile.]

I just need to deal with it.

Anyway. Just so you know -- however I can help?

[He's only batting half-heartedly. This isn't enough to stop Zhao from completing the hairruffle.]

Just ask.

[Bakugou rolls his eyes, but lets his hand fall away, grudgingly permitting the hair-ruffling to resolve itself.] Yeah, yeah. You better do the same thing yourself. If you think I can't do shit for you just 'cause I'm a kid, I'll blow you through a wall.

Yeah, well, if you don't respect my advanced age just 'cause I can't blow you through a wall, I'll pout.

[These threats seem unbalanced, but Zhao Yunlan flashes Bakugou a brief grin regardless. His emotions aren't as sunny as the smile suggests -- there's still uncertainty and distress there like a chilly undertow in their bond, but they're ebbing, bit by bit.

He'd meant what he says: there's nothing he can do about those feelings now except to ignore them. Maybe in the future he'll remember something, or there'll be another route to take, but for now, he just has to deal.

And he can.]

Maybe I'll respect it when you act it, dumbass. [Bakugou huffs, but it's clearly for show. There's no heat in his words, even if it's technically true that Zhao acts more like a laid-back college student than an adult.

After a few moments, Bakugou blows out a breath. He can still feel Zhao's unease, and while he knows he can't say anything to make all the fucked up aspects of being a shinki magically better, he wants to at least try to do something. Put his mind a little more at ease, maybe.]

Don't worry too much about what you do or don't remember. It's bullshit that you don't, but even without your memories, you're still the same person you were when you were alive. You still like the same things, dislike the same things, react to shit more or less the same way. So even if you're starting all over...you're still gonna more or less make the same choices, like the same things and the same people as you would have otherwise. Deku's still gonna be Deku, and we're still gonna act in a lot of the same ways around each other. Losing a ton of context isn't gonna change that. It's the same with you. If you meet somebody you knew and forgot here, then odds are you're gonna end up having the same kind of relationship with them as you would have anyway, because they're still them and you're still you. Just because you didn't deserve to lose your memories doesn't mean you can't live the same kind of life without 'em.

[Zhao rolls his eyes -- this hair-trigger teenager is lecturing him about not being mature? He's so hurt, really. That's not the important part of this conversation, though, and so he lets it go, turning to look directly at the boy.]

That's not it. My choices, my friends... sure, it bothers me that I can't know that they're the same ones I would've made if I knew everything I used to know, but I trust my instincts.

What bothers me is knowing that if there's anybody here who I meant something to -- if there's someone here who's having this conversation about me the way you're having it about your friend Midoriya -- I don't know it. They know a lot more about me than I know about myself, and I can't even know that they know it without fucking myself up good.

[In other words: it's not the self-doubt. There's not much self-doubt in Zhao Yunlan's makeup. It's the vulnerability that bothers him.]

So someone else might be having this kind of conversation about you. [Bakugou studies Zhao.] What about that bugs you?

[It's inquiry, not interrogation; Bakugou's tone doesn't suggest that there's anything weird or inexplicable about Zhao being bothered by this. Rather, he's just wondering what specifically he doesn't like about the idea. The not knowing whether or not it's happening? Worrying he's grieving someone who cares about him without even being aware of it? Someone else knowing him better than he knows himself?

Partly Bakugou is wondering because he naturally wants to know what kind of things eat at his shinki, but...part of it is that, if it were him, he's not sure what he'd hate about it most, and he wants to know what Zhao's take on it is.]

What, you mean, besides everything?

[He snorts. It's not funny, of course, nothing about this stupid dance is funny: shinki not allowed to remember, gods not allowed to let them in on decisions that shape their lives. Still, he laughs, because it's laugh or punch a wall, and he likes his knuckles unbruised.]

What bugs me is that I can't be part of the conversation. I can't even know it happened.

Not any more than your friend can know that this conversation's happening.

Well, yeah, but the only reason this conversation is happening is 'cause Deku can't fucking know about it. But that's kinda like somebody saying they don't like being forgetful 'cause it means they forget stuff. Like, yeah, nobody'd like that, but that's literally the fucking definition of the problem already so it's kind of weird to say.

I thought there might be something else. But if that's all you've got, I can't even do anything except say 'yeah, shit sucks' because there's fuck all I can do about the forgetting part of it.

Hey, don't complain to me. I'm the one who told you there was no point in talking about it. [Yunlan's shrug is elaborate, hands spread wide: there's nothing to be done. It's true. They're all helpless before that particular quirk of this afterlife.]

Anyway. It'll work out, you'll see.

[He reaches over to give Bakugou a companionable punch to the shoulder. He hasn't forgotten that the point of this conversation was talking about the new kid, and Bakugou's problems dealing with the new kid being dead, not about himself.]

...yeah, you did. [Bakugou has to grudgingly concede that point.] But sometimes talking about shit is the point. If it didn't help, though...then I guess you were right.

[Bakugou doesn't admit that sort of thing often, Zhao. At least not in so many words. Treasure it.

He accepts the punch to the shoulder with a huff.] ...I guess we better go to the training grounds. [Which is to say, Bakugou's emotions are - at least for the moment - stabilized enough for him to face the prospect of a dead, amnesiac Deku.]

You're staying my exemplar, by the way. Deku would be shit at it. [Admittedly, part of that is because the god Deku would have to be an exemplar to would be Bakugou, and that comes with a lot of baggage that Deku isn't even aware of...but also, Zhao's older and wiser and has proven his worth at helping Bakugou right here and now, among other things. Bakugou isn't sure how he'd transfer the title of exemplar among his shinki if he wanted to - he thinks that's at the god's discretion, although he's never looked into it - but he sees no reason to change the arrangement as it is.]

I'm old and wise. I'll look out for you. [He delivers that with a completely straight face, shoving himself up and away from the wall they'd been leaning on, and shoots Bakugou a wry half-smile.]

Guess you're right, though. Let's go. Kick me or something if you need me to distract the kid with a how-to-shinki lecture so you can get a second wind.

October Training

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)