Ayumu Yamazaki [ 山崎 歩 ] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kagenonadeshiko) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thenearshore2016-08-08 12:33 am
kagenonadeshiko) wrote in thenearshore2016-08-08 12:33 am
[Closed] Calm before the storm
Who: Ayumu and Yamato + Axel (Closed)
What: Shepard has disappeared and Yamato has been reassigned to a new goddess.
When: April 11th, nighttime
Where: Vesta's Villa
Warnings: Angst, possible references to violence and death, you know typical Shinsengumi things.
[It'd been a productive day, one that had kept Ayumu and Satoshi busy for most of it. By the time, they'd finished their task, it was too late to start dinner so Ayumu had opted to stop off at a restaurant for some takeout for the two of them. After they'd eaten and she'd tucked Satoshi into bed for the night, Ayumu headed out to the veranda to drink some tea and listen to the night sounds for a bit before bed.
She can be found seated on the marble, near the temple's entrance, nursing a cup of tea. Presently, her hair's down and she's wearing a simple blue yukata. Ayumu doesn't plan on staying out here too long but it's a lovely night to just be.]
What: Shepard has disappeared and Yamato has been reassigned to a new goddess.
When: April 11th, nighttime
Where: Vesta's Villa
Warnings: Angst, possible references to violence and death, you know typical Shinsengumi things.
[It'd been a productive day, one that had kept Ayumu and Satoshi busy for most of it. By the time, they'd finished their task, it was too late to start dinner so Ayumu had opted to stop off at a restaurant for some takeout for the two of them. After they'd eaten and she'd tucked Satoshi into bed for the night, Ayumu headed out to the veranda to drink some tea and listen to the night sounds for a bit before bed.
She can be found seated on the marble, near the temple's entrance, nursing a cup of tea. Presently, her hair's down and she's wearing a simple blue yukata. Ayumu doesn't plan on staying out here too long but it's a lovely night to just be.]
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That's the first sign something is wrong. Yamato may be lacking in social graces, to put it lightly, but he's got manners and he knows how to use them. Ayumu might be welcoming, but Yamato wouldn't barge in on her without warning unless he had a very good reason.
It's not even really an emergency, despite the worry that's been crawling up his spine all day. Shepard has her own life, things she does without his knowing, an independence she's always encouraged in him too. But he's still attached (some might say "clingy"), and she knows that. It's unusual to have no word from her for so long, especially just after she'd given him a means of constant contact.
Surely he'd know if something had happened to her, right? He'd feel it somehow. So then, why...?
Ayumu is the only lead he has. This is where he'd woken up in the morning, and he'd found that extremely odd, but no one had been present to ask. So he'd shrugged it off and gone home. But now, he's starting to wonder if it was an intentional gesture on Shepard's part. He'd like to think he would've noticed if she'd picked him up and carted him off somewhere, but... what else could it be? Maybe she'd left a note and he'd missed it, maybe something had happened to him and she went to seek answers... it's impossible to say.
So here he is again. With so many thoughts racing through his head, worry gnawing into his confusion, he doesn't even think to call ahead or announce his presence. He doesn't notice her immediately, too busy trying to remember the spot he'd woken up in, but she'll likely notice him; the haori rarely leaves his shoulders, after all.]
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It's a confusing assortment of images - some sort of fortress, some kind of farm, a bunch of men she doesn't recognize at all, and finally someone who is heartbreakingly familiar, but it happens so fast she can't be completely certain it was him. And then she sees the man again, this time in a death bed, and there is a sense of recognition. A short, involuntary cry escapes her before she can bite her lip against it.
And then she sees Yamato'd end, sees the battle in some sort of inn she doesn't recognize, sees others she does recognize, and it's so confusing. Eventually she sees Yamato fall, hears his final words, and it's too much. By the time the vision leaves her, Ayumu is shaking, tears trickling unnoticed down her cheeks.
She's still too shocked by it all to even think, much less speak, or even draw an immediate comparison to the visions she'd seen of Axel's and Satoshi's deaths.]
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Ayumu-san!
[But as he gets closer, the expression on her face becomes clear. Her face is shining in the moonlight, and not from her innate divinity. And if she's upset, and Shepard isn't here, then something is definitely going on.
His own, selfish concern wars with his instinctive duty to serve, and he hesitates for a second, mid-step. Should he offer to help first, then ask questions later? That's his duty as a shinki, and he's at his best when he's being guided by someone else. It could easily be something else entirely that's bothering her, something that has nothing to do with Shepard or himself. If she can help him with his god, then shouldn't he repay the favor?
But even as he thinks it, he knows he won't. He won't because he can't fight at his best if he's distracted, and until he knows what's going on with Shepard, he will be. But that doesn't mean he has to fly at her and singlemindedly demand answers.
So he approaches, but it's slower than before. One hand rises to the back of his neck, and he rubs it unconsciously, even as he peers at her face with open concern.]
Ayumu-san, what happened?
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[Ayumu's tears are still falling as she bows her head, wiping at her face with her yukata sleeve.]
I saw -
[But the words die immediately on her lips as a familiar surge of dread overcomes her. No. No, she can't tell him what she saw. If she tells, it'll bring calamity upon him. Yamato's still here though, clearly looking for answers, and she needs to get herself together. One of her family needs her to be strong right now and strong is what she'll give him.
Ayumu takes a couple of deep, steadying breaths to calm herself, before she tries speaking again. Her tone's still shaky but at least, it's clearer what she's saying.]
I saw a vision. One I don't think I was meant to see.
[It's still taking her a minute to recover and connect the facts.]
Where... Where's Shepard-san, Yamato-san?
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Well, maybe it's not important. Yamato doesn't know anything about the goddess Ayumu represents, or any powers associated with her. This could be normal, for all he knows. If she doesn't want to share, it's not his place to pry.
...Unless it was a vision of Shepard.]
I-- don't you know? [His eyes are far too bright, an unnatural shade of blue illuminating his rising panic in the darkness. He drops his hand, fiddling with his sleeves, but it's just a moment before he reaches up to rub the base of his neck again. His name is still there, he can feel it, even though it's embedded into his skin so perfectly.
If something was wrong with Shepard, it would've changed, right?
But then, why--
Unless she'd-- no. No, she'd just been saying she wanted to stay, so-- no. No, it couldn't be that. She wouldn't have thrown him away. Right?] I came to ask... she must've spoken to you before she left me here, right? This morning?
[Right?]
You saw her this morning, right? She told you when she'd be back?
[Right?]
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Yamato may have come here in search of the sweet-natured, hearth goddess most have come to expect but what he finds instead is Ayumu Yamazaki, ally of the Shinsengumi, who does not wrap the truth in more palatable lies to make them easier to stomach.]
No, Yamato-san. I have not seen or spoken with Shepard-san since I visited your sparring class. I do not know where she is and I did not know you would be coming here today.
[She falls silent, her trembling giving away to stillness, as calm, cool rationality takes over her. The look she gives him now isn't cold, it's still quite sympathetic, but there's a steady determination to get all the information she can out of him before it can be lost in emotion.]
Please tell me everything you remember. When and where you saw her last, who she was with, anything she has said to you that might contain a clue to her whereabouts. No matter how small or inconsequential a detail might seem to you - I want to know it.
[It's only then does her tone soften.]
Think you can do that for me, Yamato-san?
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And that's what she's prepared to do. On some level, he can recognize that, even as ice begins to seep into his blood. Something strange is happening in his chest, his heart pounding like it does after a particularly intense fight.]
I don't know...
[But this isn't euphoric adrenaline, not by a long shot. And for a minute, he can't focus on anything but the words "I don't know."
How could she not know?
How could he not know?
Is this it? Did he fail her so thoroughly, unable to keep track of her, unable to handle the futuristic things she'd been so comfortable with-- the very idea twists in his gut like a knife, guilt and terror and the immediate urge to seek forgiveness and make up for whatever he'd done. But that still wouldn't answer the question of where she'd gone, and...
...and he's not the only person who cares about her. Ayumu's right. He needs to focus.
His legs feel weak, but he keeps standing anyway, squeezing his eyes shut. His fingers twist, curling into his hair and pressing hard into his scalp, as if that might help him focus.]
Sh-- she didn't say anything about going anywhere. She gave me the cell phone, and then she went-- to the other shore, I think. She doesn't always tell me where she's going...
[The sword resting at his hip, his constant companion, is a heavy reminder of that right now. She'd gone out of her way to arrange for such a precious gift, and he'd had no idea. But... is that bad?]
But that was last night. She wouldn't be gone this long without telling me anything. I'm her only shinki, it's not safe. [Or did she replace him ages ago, and he hadn't known that either?] This morning, I woke up here. No one else was around, so I went back to our temple... but I haven't heard from her at all, so I thought-- maybe she brought me here for some reason.
[Slowly, he opens his eyes, turning his gaze back to her. It's childlike in its uncertainty, so very similar to the face someone else used to make, when a situation was so clearly terrible and he didn't want to believe it.]
Ayumu-san, why would I have been here if she didn't bring me to you?
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[Could it have been Susano'o? But why would he bring Yamato to her? It couldn't have been Axel. He would have told her if he'd intended to do such a thing, wouldn't he? And there was the question of why he'd do it either. Shepard bringing him here would have made the most sense. But would she have done it without warning or leaving her a note?
And then there was that vision. Now that she's more focused on piecing together what had happened, on finding solutions and answers, she can see some similarities to what she'd seen when naming Axel and meeting Satoshi, particularly the latter. Had something happened to Shepard last night after they parted ways?
Ayumu needs to think and it's hard to when he's looking at her with those eyes, Okita's eyes, but neither does she have the heart to turn him away.]
Please come sit with me, Yamato-san. We'll try to figure this out together.
[She pats a spot on the marble beside her. Whatever is going on here, Ayumu is not leaving him alone in it.]
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But if he doesn't want to accept that she'd gotten hurt or killed without his knowledge, and he doesn't want to accept that she'd willingly abandoned him...
Yamato is good at asking other people the hard questions. He'd had no problems lecturing Gojyo about his shinki, or telling Tsuzuki he was a careless fool. But when it comes to himself, and especially the people most precious to him, he's even better at denying those questions. It isn't avoidance, really. It's just that he's capable of looking them straight in the eye and saying "I reject you."
There are a hundred terrible possibilities running through his head right now. Some twist through him like guilt-ridden bullets, some are razor-sharp paranoia, and some are soft reminders that it's only been a day, and what's time when you're dead? But none of them are the answers he wants, and if he hadn't felt so... weak, he would've cut them down without hesitation.
But he trusts Ayumu. Trusts her more than any other god he's met, really, if only because she doesn't illicit the same uncomfortable nostalgia that Otegine and Izuminokami do. And a wild hunt around heaven might kick up a fuss, but it wouldn't necessarily get him answers.
So slowly, tentatively, he nods. He's unsteady on his feet as he kneels beside her, but he's careful with his sword, removing it from his waist and setting it down at his side. He isn't one for nervous habits, but he can't stop fiddling with the sleeves of his haori; if he does, he'll have to face the fact that his hands are trembling.]
I don't understand. [Nothing about this makes any sense. That is, perhaps, the most terrifying part--but it's not what he means. Because a Yamato without memories is not a Yamato without feelings, fears and hopes and doubts all his own.
More or less.]
If I wasn't good enough, she'd tell me, right? She'd tell me so I could be better. She knows I wanted to work harder, but if it wasn't enough, she would've said something, wouldn't she?
[Ayumu doesn't have the answers, but he's mostly talking to himself anyway. It's a voice to the same type of fears a young captain might've had, one who'd constantly striven to prove he was good enough. Strong enough.]
Maybe this is punishment, but I don't know what I did wrong...
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[Without thinking, she reaches out to stroke his hair soothingly as if faced with a distraught child. Had she been with Okita on his deathbed as she'd seen in that vision, she would have done the same to comfort him in his time of his weakness. So many confusing things she doesn't understand are happening right now but there's one thing Ayumu knows beyond a doubt - Yamato is family.]
If something happened to her, it must have taken place on the Near Shore. She may have chosen to go alone but I don't think it was because you were a bad shinki or she didn't care about you.
[Seeing him like this is painful but that just fuels her determination to stand strong at his side through this.]
What things does she usually bring back with her when she returns from her trips? Does she bring you anything when she comes home?
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What she's saying makes sense, too. He definitely doesn't want to think about Shepard getting hurt, but if she is, then she'd need him to think clearly. And he's positive she wouldn't have done something stupid like head for Yomi without him, so that just leaves an accident.
(It doesn't, actually. There's another option, and Yamato knows it. But it's one he's steadfastly refusing to even consider, no matter how invasive it's becoming.)]
Snacks... mostly technology, or parts of it I don't understand. The last thing was the phone. [He's got it on him just because Shepard did teach him about phone calls... and most other things except not!Siri, actually.
He lifts the sword so she can see it, too, the lacquered sheath gleaming in the moonlight. It isn't the sword Yamato was holding in his memories, the one that matched Okita's perfectly-- the one that wasn't his first, most beloved blade. But it's a beautiful sheath, and a flick of his thumb shows a glimpse of steel waves, like the ocean.] And she must've made arrangements for this... she took me to choose it in person, but I didn't know we were going.
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Do you know what city you two went to? Or remember what the shop looked like? Or have the wrappers the snacks came in?
[This lead is beyond slim but it's something. But then again, how would they even ask if anyone had seen her in the area? No one remembered them once they were out of sight. But she keeps that to herself as well.
No, she can't give in to panic when Yamato came to her for help.]
We can try to look for her but it might be best to gather what clues we can from your temple first.
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It wasn't a city. The master's shop was in the countryside. I might know it if I saw it again... [It's probably easier to find than they think--there aren't many reknowned swordsmiths left in Japan these days. And maybe that is where Shepard went... maybe she wanted one for herself after all. It's not much of an idea, but it's something to start with, and he needs every scrap of hope he can get to keep his head above water.]
Do you want to go back with me? I came here to see if she'd left a note that I missed, but... there might be something at home...
[He already knows there isn't, though. He keeps the place pretty clean, and Shepard wouldn't hide a note for him to find and then disappear. She like to tease him, but she knows his weaknesses and pressure points even better than he does.
Slowly, his shoulders tense, and his grip on the sword in his hands tightens. He doesn't want to think about Yuuki, or Tsuzuki. He doesn't want to acknowledge that there's a chance this is something beyond anyone's control. But he's not one to hide his feelings even at the best of times. The pull of fear is stronger than gravity, dragging him ever closer to the event horizon, and to someone like Ayumu, it must be painfully obvious.
Souji was better at concealing doubt and fear, if not by much. But Souji had the entirety of the Shinsengumi around him. Yamato's only ever had Souji, and Kashuu, and a bunch of other swords. Not the best for emotional stability.]
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But she had to stay strong. Both for him and Satoshi still asleep in the temple.]
I'll come with you. But I need to leave a note for my shinki and call someone first, 'kay? It'll just take a few minutes and then we can go.
[Ayumu doesn't want Satoshi to wake up and think she's vanished, too.]
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[It doesn't occur to him to tell her not to. Not once does he stop to think he's being troublesome, that Ayumu might not want to do this in the middle of the night, that she might not want to do it at all. There's no protest on his part, token or otherwise; he simply nods, clutching his sword like a child might cling to a stuffed toy, in a time of fear and uncertainty.
He doesn't watch her go. He doesn't get up to pace. The only thing he does do is pull out his phone, the other tangible evidence that Shepard (probably) didn't abandon him intentionally. He knows how to find her number, but once again, there's no response. He's not surprised, but that doesn't help.
Without Ayumu's presence, though, there's nothing to silence the persistent voice in the back of his head. It's the one summoning images of Yuuki and Tsuzuki, nudging them to the forefront of his mind. He's going to have to mention it sooner or later. He doesn't want to--gods and goddesses, he does not want to--but it's a possibility, and it'll have to be said sometime.
Just... not yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. There's always the chance Ayumu will find something he missed, and they'll all laugh at his paranoia, and everything will be just fine. He clings to that like he clings to his sword, and waits for Ayumu to come back.]
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I'm ready to go now.
[She remembers the way to Shepard's temple and could probably teleport them there now that she has a basic understanding of how it works. But would it be better for Yamato to walk there and give him a chance to clear his mind a bit first? Ordinarily, this sort of decision would be easy to make but right now, she's struggling with it.
Finally, Ayumu decides to just ask him. She'd need to warn him first, anyway.]
Would you prefer to go on foot, Yamato-san? If you like, I believe I can transport us there.
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He's silent as he considers, weighing the pros and cons of either option. Haste would be the smarter option, of course. His nerves are dangerously on edge, and any second of delay could mean a second longer that Shepard's waiting for him, for some sign that he missed an unspoken cue. But the only god he's traveled with, the way Ayumu's suggesting, is Shepard. And the not-so-small selfish part of him doesn't want that to change.
In the end, it's the thought of Ayumu's shinki that sways him. Ayumu is a good master; like Shepard, she wouldn't intentionally abandon anyone. Yamato has no actual proof of this, but he believes it without question nonetheless. She wouldn't abandon her shinki, and even if her shinki knows they won't be far, he can't bring himself to make someone else feel the way he's feeling now. He's always been more partial to his fellow spirits, after all.]
Please. [He bows his head again, and it's a half-nod of request, the most he can manage right now. Slowly, he gets to his feet, and the sword goes automatically back to his side. The phone, however, stays firmly in one hand, even as he grasps at her sleeve with the other.
Shepard won't be there waiting for them. But imagining that is the only the thing that eases the churning sensation in his stomach--the major difference between this feeling, and the blissful simplicity of pure, combative adrenaline.]
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I called a friend to help us search. I hope you don't mind. We'll be able to search faster this way. He should be here soon.
[And they're less likely to miss something Ayumu might have overlooked on her own. For all her competence, she's tired and rattled. It's better to have an extra set of eyes here.]
We'll need you to guide us through the temple though. Show us where she usually stays, keeps her things, and we'll have to go through them.
[There's a definite note of apology. Though she's only met her once, Ayumu likes and respects Shepard. She'd never propose such an invasion of her privacy if it wasn't completely necessary.]
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It's the feeling of failure, then, that's bothering him about it. It has to be. Other people going through their quarters was just another piece of evidence that he'd failed to find her, to protect her on his own. Was that enough to make him a bad shinki? When they did find her (when, when) would it be enough to change her mind about keeping him?
And would he have any right to beg for the chance to stay?
No, not really. But Yamato isn't quite as oblivious as he so often seems; he would beg anyway, rightfully or otherwise. And he wouldn't even feel guilty about it, if it meant he wouldn't be left behind.]
Should we wait for him? [He hadn't gone charging into the temple, shouting Shepard's name--it was clear, even from the outside, that it had stayed exactly as he'd left it. A feeling of emptiness, perhaps, untouched quiet that settled over him like grave dust.] I can leave the door open.
[It's her call. Yamato needed someone to guide him at the best of times; now, he can barely stay out of his own head without a leader.
Hisoka had died and become a god, with shinki all his own. Yamato can't stand to think about how awful that would be.]
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He lifts one hand in a casual wave, but the expression on his face is still hard and worried. She'd sounded bad on the phone. She still doesn't look like she's in any kind of cheerful mood.]
Hey. Sorry to keep you guys waiting.
[He glances up at the temple.]
So we're looking for Shepard. Or any hints about where she went off to. Right?
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[Even as pale and strained as Ayumu looks now, her expression does brighten a little when Axel shows up. Unconsciously, she strays a few steps toward him.]
Thanks for coming out, Axel-kun.
[After a moment of thought, Ayumu turns back to Yamato. She remembers the details of what he'd told her and could probably repeat them word for word even in her current state but it'd be better to get the information undiluted and straight from the source.]
Yamato-san, could you brief Axel-kun on the situation, please? I'm gonna take a quick look around the perimeter.
[Ayumu's not sure she'll find anything but it'll give her a few extra minutes to collect herself before heading inside. And it can't hurt to be thorough and eliminate the possibility that Shepard's abduction took place here.]
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It's part of Yamato's job to pay attention, but if he notices anything about the way they're interacting, he doesn't seem to care. He recognizes Axel too, of course. It's just that manners seem terribly unimportant at the moment, and the greeting goes unreturned.
Ayumu's words get a nod, mostly because they're an order phrased like a request. Orders, he can follow. Orders mean someone's in charge, someone to guide them to the answers they seek. It's not his goddess, but it's a goddess, and Ayumu has enough of a Vice Commander air that he doesn't balk at the idea of following her. Not yet.]
Mórrígan-sama... Commander-kun hasn't been home since last night. [It really does sound so simple, but Yamato's far more inclined to believe the simmering panic in his chest than the passing of the hours.] I haven't heard from her at all and she isn't answering her phone. She didn't tell me she was going anywhere, but this morning I woke up at Ayumu-san's temple...
[His voice is steady, more or less. But it's as small as the rest of him seems right now, and his grip on the phone is almost dangerously tight. Faces and ideas are swimming in his head again (again, like they'd ever stopped), and he trails off, bowing his head.]
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[Isn't that what happens when a god goes missing? Their shinki wind up somewhere else? Yamato's taking it hard, too, from the color of his face (bad) and the set of his shoulders (panicked.)
Axel looks up at the silent hulk of Shepard's temple. he's going to be surprised if they find anything in there, but, he guesses, it couldn't hurt to look.]
Okay, so we're looking for any sign she dropped you off and went somewhere, or any sign that somebody snatched her.
[And Ayumu's checking the perimeter. Axel tosses a concerned glance after her, but doesn't say anything. She knows what she's doing. Even upset and shaky, she'll be fine, and it might give her a little time to calm down.
He heads for the front door.]
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She's always had a weakness for those eyes.
For the time being, she just inspects the earth around the foundation and the walls themselves, checking for any sign of foot prints or climbing marks. Unsurprisingly, there aren't any but that could mean that a kidnapper could have teleported directly into the temple itself.
Since her teleportation lesson with Ross, she has a better idea of how that works, at least. Ayumu's grasping at straws here and she knows it but it's a place to start. Once she's finished her inspection, she heads back over.]
Nothing outside that I can see. Yamato-san, have you or Shepard-san had any visitors lately? That you know of?
[Someone familiar with the temple's interior would have had an easier time getting in and out of it unnoticed she thinks, whether they were using tools or magic to aid them.]
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Not yet not yet not yet and then Ayumu's back, and the tension coils ever tighter within him.
He jerks his head to the side--a brief "no".]
We usually go out to meet people. [Yamato has the sword class, and Shepard has plenty of things to keep her busy out of the temple. Their time at home is often spent learning about each other and the world they live in, more than entertaining visitors.
Axel's already heading in, but Ayumu asked him to guide them, so Yamato shuffles forward like his feet are made of lead. He's been home alone a hundred times, but there's something empty about it now, something that makes his pulse quicken and his eyes water. Empty means alone. He doesn't like alone.
Ayumu's been here before; it hasn't changed much, except that he takes his time mentioning the rooms as they go. The phone doesn't leave Yamato's hand, and the other rests on his sword when he's not pointing something out. The place is clean; there are freshly potted plants near a window in one room, a jar of Choji oil and a rag on the table in another. The divide between Yamato's side of the temple and Shepard's is pretty clear--her room is the one with the computer, and the gadgets, and the bits of metal and glass and a hundred other things Yamato has yet to understand. He'd thought they could take their time; was he not learning fast enough? No matter what the signs say, the thought pricks at the back of his mind; Was I not good enough?
To his credit, he only falters at the end, right outside Shepard's room. It's too... finite, perhaps. As soon as they're faced with it, Yamato knows without a doubt that it's going to be too hard to open that door.]
I should try to call again. [His voice is soft, a strange combination of misery and hope. He takes a step back, and doesn't look at either of them as he turns.] I'll let you know if I think of anything else.
[Except he already has. And he hasn't said it yet.
He heads back down the hall, leaving only the tap tap of numbers being dialed behind him. It hasn't worked all day, but there's always a chance, isn't there? Just one more time...]
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