thenearshore | [closed] For Edge

Entry tags:

suzaku kururugi | code geass

[closed] For Edge

Who: Suzaku and Edge
When: May 6th
Where: Saber's temple
What: Temple disaster is more of a disaster than usual and Edge goes about his self appointed duty of beating sense into his temple mates

A few days had passed since the meeting, days where Suzaku had thrown himself into work. He was often gone from the temple long hours as it was, working for Ebisu was intense even part time. But the last few days he had not stopped. Long hours at Ebisu's temple followed by every chore you could imagine at his own. Late nights, early mornings. No time to think.

It was sort of working. He's still shocked still be here, that Saber didn't just kick him out. Suzaku is still not sure how to feel about it. Grateful. Guilty.

Right now he can be found training though, he has a sword and is moving through forms quickly and efficiently. It's still very early in the morning, but he's been at this for a while.

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"Okay, what is going on around here?"

Edge all but barreled in, in an almost literal sneak attack. He knew perfectly well Suzaku had been keeping himself scarce and overworking himself to avoid -- SOMETHING, he didn't know what. Well, now was the time to find out, now that he'd finally managed to catch the other shinki where he couldn't get away.

Wouldn't get away. Edge would shadowbind and Borderline him to get answers at this point.

Suzaku turned as Edge barrelled into the room demanding to know what was going on. He hasn't really seen Edge since talking to Saber, he's kept himself busy and out of the way and he's not sure if Saber has told Edge what Suzaku had done...

Edge isn't half as angry as he would be if he had known. Suzaku pauses, sword at mid point as he watched Edge. He's not sure what to say, how even to start. He lowers the sword and just stares at Edge, guilt clear in his eyes.

"Oh don't even," Edge said, rolling his own eyes as he stepped forward. "There's a layer of awkwardness hanging over this temple like a thunderstorm and I for one am sick of it. Now, you can either mope and sulk for hours, or you can just accept that I'm going to get it out of you eventually and just tell me what is up."

He motioned towards himself. Give him the goods, Suzaku! Don't make this worse than it has to be!

Suzaku's eyes lowered, Edge didn't know then. He didn't know yet he was still angry. It was to be expected, Suzaku knew he was a lot of trouble for Edge, who seemed to be perpetually annoyed by both Suzaku and Saber's very existence.

He had no doubt of both Edge's willingness and ability to get hold of the information. Perhaps it was best... Edge would find out eventually and it might as well be now.

"I betrayed Lord Saber."

The words are clipped, laced with guilt and he offers no excuse or explanation.

Okay, of all the things he was expecting, that was not one. Edge came up sharp, head jerking back as his eyebrows went up.

"Betrayed?"

That just... seemed so unlike Suzaku he didn't even know where to begin.

Suzaku just lowered his head, Edge's surprise was hard to see. It was bad enough if Edge had expected it of him, if he had known... But the surprise hurt. Edge had thought better of him.

There's nothing he can say. No apology he can make. Saber may have let him stay but that did not absolve Suzaku of what he had done.

He couldn't look Edge in the eye, Edge might be exasperated at him almost all the time but he was his friend and disappointing him hurt.

Wait, really? He's not -- uuuurrgh.

"Details, man." Flicking his fingers towards himself like he was inviting challenge, Edge didn't let it end there. "Especially because I have no idea how someone could even betray Saber, except by saying that you absolutely hated large explosions. And even then I think he'd just shrug and say, 'You have a point, they are totally irresponsible!'"

How someone could even betray Saber? It was true their god was extremely laid back, it was difficult to imagine how he could be hurt or driven to anger.

Betraying him was difficult and yet Suzaku had still managed it.

He still couldn't look Edge in the eye but after a moment he spoke again, hands gripping the practice sword he was holding.

"I accepted a name off miss Shikyoin temporarily, without permission."

Edge waited a moment, sure the rest of the story and his true deed of betrayal must be coming.

When it became clear it was not, Edge prompted him with, "...And?"

Don't get Edge wrong, he thought if Suzaku was going to temporarily nora he had chosen the most intolerable god of the lot, but hey, apparently people were such masochists that they liked her.

"And?"

Suzaku blinked at him for a moment before lowering his eyes again. He's not sure what to say. There is no 'and'. It had been bad enough, Edge expected him to have done even worse?

"Lord Saber has let me stay."

He doesn't believe he's forgiven, but it's so hard to tell with Saber.

Edge blinked.

He wasn't sure if he was thinking hard or utterly blank-minded, because this sort of conversation really made it hard to tell the difference. Either he couldn't manage to process this, or he couldn't even try...

"Why did you get a name from Hibiki?"

"We were babysitting." It had probably been a betrayal to complete the prayers with Hibiki at all but he hadn't really chosen to any of the times it had happened.

"We were beset by ayakashi. I was fighting them while miss Shikyoin took the children to safety. My borderlines weren't strong enough... Miss Shikyoin returned. I couldn't see her injured and accepting a name seemed like the only choice at the time."

Edge gave him one more moment, just one more to actually speak of betrayal or shameful deeds or -- or anything that would justify his behavior.

When he didn't came, he took one step forward to deliver unto Suzaku a solid whack upside the head.

"You idiot! You had me worried for a second there! I thought something might have actually happened!"

Edge would know enough about Suzaku's reflexes to know Suzaku could easily have dodged that blow if he wished. But he did not, just bowing his head as Edge hit him.

The strike doesn't surprise him but Edge's words... Suzaku is confused. Something had happened, Suzaku had just told him...

"I apologise for worrying you."

"Oh, you've got a long way to go to get a few things in your head, starting with point number one --" And here Edge poked Suzaku with a finger, roughly. "On what planet is that a betrayal?!"

Edge's finger jabs into him and Suzaku just looks down though his head comes up again at the question, mouth a frown, eyes confused.

"This one?" It was a betrayal, Suzaku doesn't exactly have anything against Nora but it's not something Saber had allowed or that they had ever discussed.

"Lord Saber is our god, we shouldn't serve others without his permission or knowledge."

"No." Edge poked him again. "Do you honestly, honestly think Saber would rather you left children and another god to die or be riddled with Ayakashi then not take that name? Do you honestly think you'd be able to even live with yourself if you let that happen?"

"I should have been stronger." Suzaku shook his head, "She shouldn't have come back for me. She should have just taken the children and ran, far away."

It wouldn't have happened at all if Suzaku's borderline's were stronger if he had fought harder, if Hibiki hadn't came back to save him.

He knew Saber wouldn't have rather another god and children died. He wouldn't ever believe he would.

"You listen to me," Edge said, planting himself quite firmly in front of Suzaku like a mountain immovable. "Because I'm going to tell you two very, very important things. First? People just aren't strong enough to go it alone sometimes. That's why we have friends, and allies. We need them. Gods need shinki and shinki need gods. Saber needs us to help him stay in control. You need him to push you out of your comfort zone. Those kids needed you and Hibiki. You needed Hibiki. She needed you, because she could have just grabbed you and ran too, but that would have left the ayakashi around to threaten the kids another day. This is how people work, Suzaku. You don't stand alone. You don't take on every burden the world has to offer. You'd break. You share the pain and the burden of the world, and handle it together."

He knew this to his core, though he didn't remember where and how he'd learned it -- broken and near-death after failing to avenge his family by his lonesome, then triumphant with the aid of people he'd come to call his closest friends (and Kain). But a moment like that left a permanent mark on the soul, even forgotten.

"Second!" he continued, with barely a pause. "If you are true to yourself, betrayal is impossible. The one you serve will understand your actions and accept them -- welcome them, if they're a truly good master that understands and values his servant. And if they don't understand, if they don't accept, then they don't deserve to be your master in the first place. Either way, Suzaku, you stood by your duty and your honor and did something great in the process, so cut the moping and give yourself some credit for saving some kids and wrecking some ayakashi!"

Edge was directly in front of him and it forced Suzaku to look up from his feet, to look his friend in the eye as he began talking.

He had never seen his friend like this. Suzaku was the serious one, always overthinking things as Edge was quick to tell him. Whereas Edge was often flippant, relaxed, not hesitating to call Saber out if he thought he knew better. But here he was more serious than Suzaku had never seen him.

It got his attention. People needed each other, he shouldn't take on every burden himself. Hibiki could have left him, could have just taken him out of there but they had to fight off the ayakashi, to save the children in the future.

He understands that, it's hard to put it into practice, he still feels like he should have done more. But he understands.

The second point. That is much more difficult to get his head around. As long as he was true to himself betrayal was impossible? Was that true?

It was true that Saber had not been angry at him. Was that because he understood? Because Suzaku had stood by his duty even if it felt like... like he hadn't.

"Do you really believe that, Edge?"

"I said it, didn't I?" And okay, yes, Edge might say a lot of things he didn't mean -- but not that seriously, not that vehemently. He believed what he said and he stood by it.

"Duty isn't a thing you do reluctantly. It's your duty because it's who you are to do it."

"Yes. You did." And of course Edge would not say something he did not mean. he was not one for mincing his words or telling comforting lies. His honesty was something Suzaku admired about him.

"Doing your duty is never a betrayal. I hadn't thought of it like that." He still feels like he could have made better choices, but truthfully he does not regret it. Not really. He doesn't regret saving Hibki or the children. He could have gone about things differently but in the end it would have been worse if he had allowed Hibiki to be harmed.

He blinked, the tears in his eyes were ones of relief mostly but he still does not want them to spill.

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[closed] For Edge

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