Truthfully, Rin didn't find a place to stay as soon as he left Sousuke's room. Instead, he chose to wander himself, even when his legs wobbled and his toes began to cramp in his shoes. Everything about the world felt abnormal and uncomfortable, small and incomplete, and even though he had all this space and time and luxury, he felt so incredibly small. Like a fish in a tiny puddle, swimming around and around in countless circles. It was suffocating and unbearable and really he should have done just as Sousuke said. Lie down. Rest. ... Go away. Who are you. But how could he? How could he rest when his mind wouldn't stay silent? How could he rest when all he wanted to do was find solutions and answers, to fix this even if it took forever?
He didn't know where to start. His own duties aside, he had to live knowing his own friends had no idea who he was. These were the people he dreamed for, the people he fought and swam for. But who were they now and who was he to them? Only tools? Only a master expected to own and train and hold secrets from them? These are my friends, he told himself as he walked alone down another empty hallway. I can't do this to them... but I can't leave them alone. Still. What was he doing now? Where was he now? All powerful, all knowing and immortal. A god.
Alone.
He wandered until the sun finally set and his heart fell numb, and when his feet finally gave up he turned to the first door he set eyes on and walked with whatever energy he had left to give. Maybe it wasn't his designated room, whatever that was supposed to be, but Rin couldn't have cared less as long as he had somewhere to go. Wherever it was, at least he made sure to be far enough away from that first hallway as possible. He knew it was far; he could sense it--a little flicker of energy on the other side of the castle. As long as he gave him room, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. You couldn't have given me an ocean instead, huh, he thought to whatever gods-that-be while shutting the door behind him and watching the last bit of orange sunlight disappear behind the silk curtains. No. Whoever they were, they had to be cruel. They had to give him everything and anyone he could ever need... only to take his sunshine away.
He didn't hear the handle turn or feel the brush of cold air when the door slowly opened. To anyone not paying much attention, the room might as well have been empty. But as the hallway light spilled in, it reached a single shoe, then another, left behind on the floor leading to the four poster bed on the other side of the bedroom. Someone was here, and upon closer inspection Sousuke would sure enough find Rin curled up on his side, uncovered and still, one foot dangling off the edge of the bed as if he barely managed to drag himself up. But he was asleep and breathing steadily, one hand tucked beneath his pillow... the other halfway reaching for the vacant spot beside him. Really, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep once he lay down, but judging by the dusting of pink on both damp and cold cheeks, he spared a moment anyway for a few last tears.
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He didn't know where to start. His own duties aside, he had to live knowing his own friends had no idea who he was. These were the people he dreamed for, the people he fought and swam for. But who were they now and who was he to them? Only tools? Only a master expected to own and train and hold secrets from them? These are my friends, he told himself as he walked alone down another empty hallway. I can't do this to them... but I can't leave them alone. Still. What was he doing now? Where was he now? All powerful, all knowing and immortal. A god.
Alone.
He wandered until the sun finally set and his heart fell numb, and when his feet finally gave up he turned to the first door he set eyes on and walked with whatever energy he had left to give. Maybe it wasn't his designated room, whatever that was supposed to be, but Rin couldn't have cared less as long as he had somewhere to go. Wherever it was, at least he made sure to be far enough away from that first hallway as possible. He knew it was far; he could sense it--a little flicker of energy on the other side of the castle. As long as he gave him room, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. You couldn't have given me an ocean instead, huh, he thought to whatever gods-that-be while shutting the door behind him and watching the last bit of orange sunlight disappear behind the silk curtains. No. Whoever they were, they had to be cruel. They had to give him everything and anyone he could ever need... only to take his sunshine away.
He didn't hear the handle turn or feel the brush of cold air when the door slowly opened. To anyone not paying much attention, the room might as well have been empty. But as the hallway light spilled in, it reached a single shoe, then another, left behind on the floor leading to the four poster bed on the other side of the bedroom. Someone was here, and upon closer inspection Sousuke would sure enough find Rin curled up on his side, uncovered and still, one foot dangling off the edge of the bed as if he barely managed to drag himself up. But he was asleep and breathing steadily, one hand tucked beneath his pillow... the other halfway reaching for the vacant spot beside him. Really, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep once he lay down, but judging by the dusting of pink on both damp and cold cheeks, he spared a moment anyway for a few last tears.
It'd been a while since he last slept by himself.