[open]

[roeh]

Who: Commander Shepard and Tsuzuki Asato and maybe Yamato no kami Yasusada AND YOU
What: Shep returns from her update and a whole pile of shit that went with it
When: All day April 26th
Where: The far shore; Mórrígan's Temple
Warnings: Shep is heavily injured but nothing beyond that I think


a;
The first thing she sees is blue. Blue like the ocean with its placid surface as can only be observed from these stellar heights. Blue like the earth, a glass marble teeming with life against the static black backdrop of space.

This is not that blue.

This blue is weightless, pure, unafflicted by the scars the reapers had burned into its face. That's when the commander realizes she's not looking down but up at the circling sky. Where the sun and birds float hazy overhead.

She turns, tries to push herself up only to collapse again with a cry of pain. "FuckshitDamnit!"

This isn't a dream where the open wounds and fractured bones would be unable to follow. Neither is this the world she'd left behind in her desperate efforts to save it.

The red that paints the asphalt beneath her isn't colored by the fires of war. It's only blood. Her blood and she collapses back on it with a gasp and a groan and an ever flickering consciousness.


b;
[Fortunately Shepard doesn't remain there long to win the triple crown of death in her lifelong struggle. She's found, and taken to her temple, where her divinity and a little bit of time will see her recovered. But it's been a few hours at best but all she has to do now is admire her scars and bandages and ponder what comes next.

She can't remember if there was ever a time she would have been more grateful for the company of her crew.

Since her departure, the grounds of her temple have been more like a mausoleum but the return of their goddess has brought color back to the leaves and springy life back to the branches. Everything is experiencing a spring like rebirth. Perhaps that's what draws your attention to her abode. Or maybe it's the lights that are finally aglow within the recently forsaken space.]

Comments

a.

[sweetdeath]

There's something about a pained yell that carries further than anything else. Tsuzuki'd just been out for a walk, thinking he'd pass by the burned-out cherry grove and check for any clues he'd missed in the dark and the chaos, but at that cry, his head whips around and he breaks into a run.

"Hey!" he calls. "Where are you--"

But it's not necessary. The slumped body and stained asphalt catch his eye before the sentence is even finished. It's not until he's going to his knees at her side that he realizes he knows this person. Knows her, and had thought she was gone. He fumbles for his pocketknife.

"Shepard? Shepard, are you awake? Hey, stay with me. I can help."

[roeh]

She hears her name repeated like a broken record. Like so many times before. Like the blitz. Like Alchera. The citadel. But she doesn't hear Tsuzuki. She hears the voices of hundreds, maybe even thousands and for a moment it gives her hope even as she clings to her head like it could drown out the discord.

"Ash?" She murmurs because the color of his hair is close but the eyes are all wrong as she blearily gazes back. And then he comes into focus.

Who is he? Why does he know her name. Of course everyone on Earth knows her name but that doesn't explain the deja vu that hits her like an upper cut from Wrex. Her stomach flips but she doesn't have the energy, maybe not even ability to turn sick.

That's when it hits her. Him. The pacifist. What was his name?

"Come to take me to the other side?" The amused huff that follows is as close as she's gonna get to a laugh.

[sweetdeath]

"No way. I'm done with that job," Tsuzuki says, flicks open his pocketknife, and slashes a quick shallow cut over his own palm. He winces at the sting of the blade. "Besides, you're not dying."

Not if he has anything he can do about it, and, now, he does. He presses his hand to her chest, smearing fresh blood over the slashed and burned fabric and the flesh below. This is bad. It's really bad, and he's never used his healing powers on injuries this serious before, but he thinks that smear should be enough to start the wounds knitting.

Maybe. He hopes. His own cells' healing ability is already pulling the wound back together and stopping the bleeding by the time he finishes the first pass, and he lifts his hand up, holding it palm-up as he watches her worriedly for a reaction.

"Where does it hurt worst?" She's probably in shock. He doesn't know if his healing does anything for that, either. She had better not die.

b

[spes_phthisica]

[Even though he's never met Shepard before in his life, he's still relieved. For Yamato's sake, he'd believed just as firmly that she'd come back, but even so it takes away a nagging worry he hadn't fully realized was there until it wasn't.

Now he's there, wandering through the newly awakened temple garden, feeling just a little bit nervous. After all, this is the God of his new but already very dear friend, right? So he wants to make a good first impression, and if possible get along with her.

He clears his throat quietly as he approaches, stopping at a respectful distance and offering her a deep bow.]

Commander-sama? [Look, it's the logical thing for him to call her, considering how Yams talks about her.]

[roeh]

Dying? But she's already...

She can't finish the thought as she coughs, spitting up more blood and it feels like everything inside is trying to force it's way out. Maybe he's right. Death was supposed to cast off the mortal coil.

Been there done that and there's no denying that this is the worst she's ever felt.

Raising a hand she responds with a simple gesture indicating all of her. She's a mess from head to the soles of her charred boots. But the worst of it was likely within.

"That's good. Didn't suit you anyway." She keeps talking despite the difficulties because it keeps him in focus and she doesn't want him to leave like the others.

[sweetdeath]

"Worst job ever," Tsuzuki agrees easily, and turns his hand up, pressing the knife blade against his palm and pulling hard this time. This cut's not shallow, and his fingers sting and go numb: too deep, shit. It'll heal. She's coughing up her own blood, and she can't heal like a shinigami can, and that's what's important right now.

He presses his cut hand palm-down over her chest. Where the blood flows, skin knits and slashed flesh pulls back together. If he leaves it there long enough, will those internal injuries start to heal, too?

He hopes. He really hopes.

"You're a mess," he says. "What happened?"

[roeh]

[Shepard isn't asleep, not really, when Okita arrives but she's close enough to it that she stares at the doorway with a strange look on her face like she's not quite sure what she's seeing there. Like a vision through a kaleidoscope, witnessed through the mirrors and fog that her injuries have wracked on her and shifting all the time.]

Didn't I tell you to talk a rest? [He's already come by. How many times now? The second time just to ensure the first wasn't a dream. She may not be at her best but she's still herself and she'd admonished him, telling him no shinki of hers should wear himself out like this when she needed him now more than ever. Of course it was really all of his sake.

So when she speaks it doesn't lack for affection but it's also touched with confusion. Something still isn't quite right.]

[roeh]

Whether they heal or not, Shepard doesn't really know. All she can feel is the pain and she chokes on it. Just a scratch, she can hear from her crew. Come on commander you're making us look bad.

She wants to laugh. She feels like crying but all she knows is the pain as her body tries to make sense of the many pieces it's broken into. Her skin glows hot as her implants are pushed to the limits and not even four billion credits are enough to deal with this. Shit. If they go there'll be no helping her.

So she lets them work, the tech and this god of death -- ironic isn't it -- and she deals with it how she knows best.

"We won the war." She shoots her mouth off some more. "M'sure you understand."

[spes_phthisica]

[She looks like she's in quite a state still, and overcome by concern her words at first take him by surprise, make no sense at all. Then, of course, the penny drops. It's not like he hasn't noticed himself how alike he and Yamato are, and not just because their minds work the same way. He lets out a soft laugh, not unkind, and shakes his head.]

I'm not Yamato-kun, though I can't blame you for making that mistake at a time like this. [She looks positively exhausted.] I'm a friend of his. I wanted to meet you, although I promise I won't take up too much of your time.

[sweetdeath]

War. Yeah, he thinks, that explains the injuries. His expression clouds, but he leaves his hands where they are until the sharp pain of the cut has dulled to the deep itch of healing. His fingers respond easily as he lifts his hand away from her chest, and, matter-of-factly, he wraps them around the handle of his pocketknife to slash his other palm. It's kind of a pain having to heal with his own blood when he can't keep bleeding for long enough to handle all of her wounds.

These are bad, though. Minor injuries would have long since vanished, but these deep ones... her skin blazes fever-hot against his hand as he moves it further up, skin knitting in its wake, although he can't tell his blood from hers in the mess.

"You're hot," he says, wide-eyed with worry. He wishes he actually knew anything about first aid. Maybe he should learn, if this is going to be his power.

[roeh]

[Not Yamato? But he looks...

That's when it comes into focus, not the man in front of her but the memories rushing out from under her like a great avalanche. She still isn't completely settled in this world, and it's like her home, the life she was born into must crumble away before she can retake her place here.

She's a god. She has a shinki named Yamato no Kami Yasusada. They're partners. And he died. Or broke. That part still doesn't make sense. But before that...

Shepard tenses, though with the extent of her injuries it comes off more like a wince but for once she sees perfectly clearly. Even more than was ever possible in the mind's eye.]

Okita Souji.

[It doesn't once cross her mind that in sharing a face they might also share a fate.]

[spes_phthisica]

[He's honestly surprised that Yamato has mentioned him - meeting his God again must've been very emotional, and Souji had expected him to have more important things to say to her than talking about a new friend, however alike they were. Maybe it had been a throwaway comment while trying to tell her everything that had happened in her absence? He answers with another bow, followed by a smile and a nod.]

That's right. I only arrived here recently, but... I'm very glad to meet you at last. Your Shinki speaks well of you.

[Or more accurately, he doesn't have to say all that much, because he and Souji understand each other incredibly well when it comes to this.]

[roeh]

"Heh. Didn't think I was your type," she quips because its better than a gripe. It's better than pointing out what's obvious because she knows she is. She know's why but if she opens her mouth for intervals longer than about a dozen words a lot of ugly things will start to come out of it.

It's not like she's anywhere in he realm of something that first aid could help anyway. Everything about the situation is beyond natural, beyond life and death and if it wasn't her second time in the rodeo maybe even beyond belief.

After all this time, all these battles, she knows her body though and she still maintains enough awareness to realize that it's working. Little by little. The pain passes from all encompassing to targeted even if the intensity doesn't flag. Breathing gets easier.

There's a rattling in her chest and she's not entirely sure he stomach is in the place it belongs but she still manages to spit out something genuine. "Thanks."

[sweetdeath]

She can make jokes! That's a good sign, right? Tsuzuki chuckles, and lets the conversation fall into silence as he keeps working. Her skin's overheated glow is slowly cooling to normal feverishness, and her breathing is growing easier.

When she thanks him, his smile in return is honest and grateful.

"You're welcome. How do you feel? Think you can take me getting you back to your temple?"

[roeh]

[Given what Shepard knows about him, about them, it's almost as much of as surprise to her that Yamato didn't say anything. Was that a good thing? Did he not recognize his former master? Of course not; that's how it works. And it's not like she has any intention of playing the ball and chain to her shinki. She trusted her own more than that only...

She's lost more than is even capable for most people and there's no denying that she intends to clings to what little is left.]

Yeah. That's really nothing new considering we've been together since the beginning. [If it's even possible for a plain statement of fact to sound accusatory, the commander pulls it off.

It is somewhat heartening to hear the cult of Shepard persisted even in her absence though. She expected him to be devastated, but of course that's hard to gauge on their reunion with emotions running high.]

[spes_phthisica]

[He's certainly perceptive enough to pick up that edge in her voice, but he's not sure he understands it. Perhaps it's just that she's tired, and maybe it was presumptuous of him to visit her so soon, but he's not sure that's it.]

I assumed as much. I honestly can't imagine Yamato-kun being passed from one God to another unless necessity required it - and never serving more than one God. He is not that sort of person.

[An emphatic head-shake, his voice equal parts earnest and affectionate, certain and warm.]

[roeh]

By now, Shepard has to wonder how she ever made it to this point. Not in a nebulous philosophical way but literally. How did she push herself through the citadel and the encounter with that damned catalyst to even make it to this point in such a state?

There's a moment of panic. Is this one of those butterfly dreams? Was that all this ever was even the first time. It would make a lot more sense if it really all ended when...

But her anxiety isn't doing her or Tsuzuki any good and with a herculean effort she wills her composure to return until he's finally finished. Or as good as it's going to get anyway. Regardless of reality, this is the truth she's faced with now.

She breaths, gasping only intermittently now. She can hear her heart beating, strained as it struggles to keep pace with the needs of her body. But she's not in danger anymore.

Looking up, even her eyes glisten more clearly. "Already? I think I'm good for the second round, sensei." Not that she really needs to prove anything, Shepard still struggles stubbornly to help herself up, ignoring her muscles as they cry out with the effort. Finally she's forced to collapse again in defeat with another colorful curse.

[sweetdeath]

"Hey, hey, don't strain yourself!" Tsuzuki wraps an arm around her shoulders, carefully half-lifting her. She's heavy enough that he can't just sweep her up in his arms, and he doesn't want to jolt her by dropping her the few inches that usually come with teleporting somewhere. The floor's not exactly the same here as it's going to be in her temple.

"Here," he adds, and shuffles carefully to re-open the wound on his palm before he reaches toward her legs. They're cut, burned and bruised as badly as any other part of her body. Maybe even broken? He can't tell, but regardless, that needs help first before he gets her standing long enough to move. After that, she can lie down and rest. At home, not in the middle of the road. "I'll heal your legs a little, and then let's try that again, okay? You know -- you've been gone for a while."

A couple of weeks. His voice hesitates over the words, and he swallows. "I thought you disappeared too."

[roeh]

Wow. [Shepard is a bit taken aback. Regardless of what he can imagine it doesn't change what happened. Not that she isn't grateful to Ayumu. If anyone was the right choice in all of this, it would be someone that understood where Yamato came from. But that doesn't mean she wanted to leave. It's like alchera all over again.]

Now I see where he gets it from. You really know how to rub it in.

[That's what it feels like, regardless of his intentions. How innocent he comes off in spite of it all.]

[spes_phthisica]

Ah?

[He's more than a bit confused now - after all, Yamato was here before him, right? If anyone's taken after someone, it's probably him, right? Though he knows that really, he and Yamato are just the same from the start.

But more importantly...]

I hope you don't think too badly of Ayunee-sama and Yamato-kun doing the best of the situation. He... He never stopped waiting for you. Not once. He just needed somewhere safe to be while he waited.

[Because Souji is sure that Yamato would've just sat by Shepard's temple day and night if no one had taken care of him.]

[roeh]

"Yeah that should do it." With every pass, Shepard feels a little more like herself. The pain doesn't exactly dissipate but she finds strength within her the supersedes injury. With his help, her arms wrapped firmly around her neck, she makes it to her feet though she's not sure if she isn't still running on pure willpower and adrenaline at this point.

But whatever Tsuzuki is doing to help her, everything has a limit right? So she's not about to let him work any hard than she's willing to do herself. Even now, even at the end.

When she's finally on her feet she gives her surroundings a proper pass and thinks the end doesn't look so bad anymore.

And then she registers what he says. "A while... can mean a lot of things." She fixes him with with a meaningful look. "I was home for a little less than a year."

That's right. She's been here before. That much is no longer a surprise. But as she takes in the remains of the cherry blossoms lining the street, still clinging stubbornly to their branches, her memories filter back in like a stream after the winter thaw. Slow to start, then rushing forth in a deluge. But one sticks out, a bit of flotsam that rising above everything else.

"Yasusada! Is he...?"

[sweetdeath]

"It wasn't that long here," Tsuzuki says with an awkward laugh. "Just a couple of weeks." He shifts his arm around her back, offering enough support to make sure that, if her knees give when she tries to start moving, she won't tumble back to the ground and rupture something that's barely gotten knitted back together.

"Yasusada's okay," he adds. "He's been staying with another god. Uh... Vesta? I think her name was Vesta."

He's never met her, personally, but he hasn't heard anything bad about her, which is good enough.

And Shepard's back on her feet, so off they go. He makes sure his grip is sound.

"Ready?"

And the moment he gets an affirmative, he's teleporting the two of them to the front of Shepard's temple.

[okitactless]

[There are a thousand thoughts and emotions that flood through him, the moment Tsuzuki tells him what's happened.

She's back. He wasn't there to see her first. She's hurt, but she's alive, but she's hurt, but she's back, and finally, finally-- and not once does disbelief enter his mind.

He'd known, after all. No one had been able to convince him that Shepard wouldn't come back, and having Souji on his side had made it that much easier to stand strong and wait. But as grateful as Yamato is to him, and to Ayumu, he doesn't stop to call for them. He doesn't stop to think about them at all. Tsuzuki comes for him, and immediately, he's on his way back to her side.

He should be quieter, probably. But he barely gets his sandals off in the doorway, stumbling down the hall and bursting into her room without so much as a knock at the door. His hair is falling out of his ponytail, and his eyes are wide and swimming with emotion, but other than that, he looks very much the same.]

Commander-kun...? [He should call her by her name. He should call her by her goddess name, maybe. Maybe he's been rude this whole time, maybe she won't even want him back, maybe-- but before he can let his insecurities take over, he needs to make sure she's alright. That she's real.]

Ayumu

[She's real.

It's so, so difficult to leave her side, knowing that. The fear that she'll disappear again the minute he looks away is overwhelming, and it hurts to walk away, even if he has a good reason for doing so. He makes it all the way to Ayumu's temple before he turns back, clutching his sword with one hand and pressing the other against his chest. He can't do this. He can't be away from her again, not for this long--

--But then Souji's words come back to him, from back when they'd first met. No. No, he has a duty to Ayumu right now, first and foremost. If Shepard is gone again by the time they get back to her... well. Then he'll have words with Amaterasu's advisers. But for now, he owes it to Ayumu to consult her properly.

She's his goddess right now. He's never called her that, and he barely even allowed himself to think of her as that. But it's the truth, and above even that, she's a friend. She deserves to be involved. So he breathes, steeling himself, and continues on his way to her.]

Ayumu-san, are you here? It's urgent.

[roeh]

This might be the worst shape she's ever found herself in but that dosn't mean she doesn't know how to take care of herself. Try to keep from making things worse. At least the battle is over.

Over.

She almost doesn't believe it so she doesn't even think about it, focusing instead on the present. On this strange new life that had been waiting for her all along.

"Ayumu?" That was her name right? Another member of the shinsengumi to witch Yamato had belonged in his life. "That's good. If anyone would know what to do with him, it's her."

And then they're gone. She groans a bit at the jostling but the landing is surprisingly smooth. Staring up at the soaring pods built into the trees themselves, the commander can't help but sigh at the irony. "Home sweet home." And so it would have to be.

[roeh]

No. It's not that. [Here she scrubs at her face, albeit weakly. Dying is a tiresome thing and she was overdue for a long rest after that, wasn't she? She didn't expect to be confronted with the threat of her shinki's former master so soon after that. Though he doesn't position himself as much of one.

It's time to stop fighting, Shepard. She can almost here it in Liara's tender tones or Garrus's gravely jabs. But without that, even with a place to stay, she still needs something to hold on to.]

I'm grateful to her. Don't think I don't know how he is. [She forces out a laugh, though it doesn't sound like she minds.] I guess we still need to work on that.