what's happening here (mostly open)

[churchbelle]

Who: Hazel and Keito, Hazel and Pals (you)
What: pal stuff, yahoo answers
When: April 29 and/or later, I'm not picky
Where: around....
Warnings: well, the links contain questionably nsfw text, and the Jae-Ha thread contains definitely nsfw text, oops

APRIL 29.... hello Keito
[It's real nice of that Keito kid to have made all of these worksheets for Japanese study, really. Hazel was surprised the other day, when Jae-Ha suddenly delivered them to him with his usual Jae-Ha flourishing, but he's kind of touched by it too... Hooter Kid isn't so bad.

The problem with having a magical spoken understanding of a language but only a very basic written understanding of it is this: he still can't read some of this. How does he do practice worksheets if he can't read them??

He decides he might as well call Keito, because why not call someone he's only ever spoken to on the internet. That's fine. Ring ring, nerd.]


A. YahooAnswersTXT
[So, as a (false) god with a domain of great things like love and youth and poetic inspiration, the prayers Hazel gets custom-tailored to himself sure are... as interesting as one would expect. Since he's been thinking for a few days now about what he should actually do as a (totally fake) god, taking into account his misgivings about the whole thing but still wanting to help normal people— well, he's decided to check Aengus' shrine every so often to see what he can do.

For the people. The people who really, desperately need help with love and youth, at least... The prayers manifest as plaques and handwritten tags hung on the shrine, so that anyone walking by can see exactly what he's dealing with, generally speaking.

Is this worth it... he doesn't even get paid, technically... He gingerly picks one up by its corner, not actually daring to pull it off the shrine in case that means he has to commit to it or something.]

Just one...? Mercy, I don't know what I did to deserve this.

[please..... this is harassment] The poor souls sure are in need...


B. hazel joins a gang
[Or: if you catch him in a variety of stores, he may be:

1. wearing a leather jacket, and shopping for more leather jackets
2. staring at a snack food and commenting that they Sure Are Tasteless Around Here
or
3. something else!! WILDCARD

He sure is out and about...]

Comments

[lecturehall]

[It's an unknown number. Keito doesn't answer the first call. ]

[churchbelle]

[This little...

CALLS AGAIN. Soon he'll start leaving passive-aggressive messages if he is ignored.]

[lecturehall]

[HIT HIM WITH YOUR BEST SHOT GROUSE. HE AIN'T PICKING UP THAT AREA CODE]

[razzledazzles]

[Guess who was just told to call his annoying friend on his own phone? Jae-Ha.

Jae-Ha is calling now.]

[lecturehall]

[First ring:] Jae-ha? What do you want? I hate talking on the phone so keep it short.

[churchbelle]

[Hello, guess who's casually plucking the phone away from Jae-Ha now. Is this more or less passive-aggressive than leaving messages?]

Mornin', this is Hazel. Am I speakin' with the young man who made these fine worksheets?

[lecturehall]

How did you get those? Why are you on Jae-ha's phone? Where's Jae-ha?

[Hazel is given 3 seconds to answer all of those questions.]

I'm calling the police.

[tHE SKY POLICE. FOR GODS.]

[churchbelle]

[Man, Hooter is a lot less funny on the phone.

Just kidding, this would be hilarious if it were happening to anyone else.]

Hang on a moment, let's all take a deep breath— Jae-Ha's right here, actually. [At this point, Hazel probably has to wave at him to not go outside and garden, leaving him with this angry child...] I'm borrowin' this.

[don't call the sky cops???] He's my shinki.

[lecturehall]

[Oh.

Well, now he sounds perfectly calm.]

So you're the god who needed the sheets. Is something wrong with them? Are the progression of the lessons too slow?

[churchbelle]

[Kids are so gosh dang weird. There's a rustling sound on Hazel's end, as he rifles through the top few worksheets again.]

Well, meanin' no offense, they're probably real handy... But I can't for the life of me read half the directions.

[Remember that he is magically illiterate... These aren't grade school level enough for him.]

[lecturehall]

You can't? I was pretty sure I wrote the directions in English. My handwriting should be neat too...

[churchbelle]

[Well... welllll.]

It's readable, sure. But some of this doesn't make an ounce of sense. It's certainly makin' a good attempt to be English... [broken English and Japanese he can't read?? Help him.]

[lecturehall]

It can't be that bad. I've only ever gotten high marks in my English classes.

[churchbelle]

For learnin', sure, I believe it. I can tell it's meant to say somethin' with a real meanin', but it just ain't there yet.

[lecturehall]

What's that supposed to mean?

[churchbelle]

It means I can't read it, son. I'm callin' to ask for extra assistance.

[lecturehall]

[He sure does sound huffy and offended.]

Put Jae-ha on the phone.

[churchbelle]

What? [He just doesn't understand the directions... What did he do?? But fine, there's the distant sound of Hazel going to get Jae-Ha, since he covers the mouthpiece with his hand before he goes off muttering about "your odd friend."

He's back for just a second-] Here.

[razzledazzles]

[Oh, for him? He'll pause from watering the indoor flowers for this. Look, he stayed inside to help.]

Helloooo? Oh, Keito, by the way, the way you answered the phone so quickly for me made big brother so happy. What's the matter?

[lecturehall]

How many times do I have to tell you that job is taken? Listen to people when they speak.

[why is this their obligatory greeting now... whatever]

More importantly, I want my worksheets back.

[razzledazzles]

Eh?

[Okay, he'll stop being weird for a second.] Why's that? He was so excited about them that he's been staring at them for hours. Were you not able to help him?

[lecturehall]

Apparently he was staring at them for hours in order to try and discern my perfectly legible writing.

After the time I spent on them, I won't have my work be ridiculed. I want them back.

[razzledazzles]

No, no, your handwriting is completely beautiful. We both spent a few minutes admiring it.

[Or at least Jae-Ha did.] He speaks English fluently and not a bit of Japanese. Whatever English you must have learned may have some differences in structure...

[He glances over to Hazel while still holding this phone.] Did you not explain this clearly enough?

[churchbelle]

[He will raise his voice so someone can hear his perfectly reasonable explanation-]

I told him I can't read it, on account of I can't. That's plenty clear.

[lecturehall]

Your sound is getting garbled, Jae-ha. Is that a dying cat?