thenearshore | my baby shot me down again

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my baby shot me down again

Who: Yamato and Hijikta
What: running into each other
Where: somewhere in heaven
When: May 13th

[ Yamato has come to the conclusion that Being a shinki is a rather amazing existence. Here, she has no knowledge of her past self, of what she was like, of her hobbies or family or fates. Yet she somehow knows information pertinent to navigating, sea faring, and the like. Indeed, she inexplicably knows how to use her Nakajima E8N reconnaissance planes! Currently she has three deployed, and they fly about heaven, relaying to Yamato what they see and any leads they find. Mind, they're not quite useful for finding a single individual-- especially in the expanse and variable terrain of the heavens-- but they are the best she's got at the moment.

Why is she using them at all? Because her god has seemed to give her the slip once again. He tends to wander along the temple grounds and sometimes even farther on his own, not returning for hours on end. It worries her to no end, knowing that he remains vulnerable and unprotected without her by his side, ready to be called to action. A part of her wonders if she's simply not desired by her god, but if that was the case, he would have already released her. No; instead, it seems that her god has.... oh, she doesn't quite know what to call it. He seems to have a burden upon his shoulders that no one else carries. Something heavier than the anchors she carries herself at her hips, always dragging behind him. It weighs on his back as much as it weighs upon his smile, and it was that sort of smile that she first noticed of him. It keeps him down, preventing him from moving on.

"I'm not strong like you are, Yamato-san." While he had smiled as he had spoken, the flicker of sorrow in his eyes had betrayed him.

The god Yamanami represents is Guan Yu, a god of war and commerce, among other things. It is a hefty mantle, understandably, but unfortunately it is one that Yamanami has expressed that he does not have the skills for. In contrast, Yamato can only guess that he's being humble. He's not strong like her? Preposterous! Yamato believes that he has been selected for this role for no unimportant reason. There must be strength within him, and he has only yet to discover it. Perhaps her god only needs a little push in the right direction. She is supposed to be his guide post, his exemplar. Now if only she could be a map as well, find him, and bring him back to the main temple that he tends to avoid.

When she receives a signal from one of her planes that Yamanami hasn't been spotted along the eastern border of his new territory in heaven, Yamato simply sighs and continues along the valley. The foothills are becoming gentler the farther she treks from his temple, and the thick forests less dense. It seems that she's nearing the end of her god's domain, giving way to the common medium that defines the heavens between temples. She walks along a path that follows a river, spotting a figure not too far off. To her disappointment, she notices that the figure is not Yamanami. But a stranger is better than no one at all. Perhaps he's spotted her god somewhere! ]

...Ah, good afternoon. [ She greets politely, bowing. Yes, she knows that it's considered rude to bow to another god, but 1) she doesn't know that this man is another god, and 2) Yamato is polite to everyone she meets, even strangers. She tilts her parasol upwards, enough so that the sun remains out of her eyes but doesn't hide her visage. ] You would not have happened to see a man wandering by...?

He is about this tall-- [ She extends her arm upward and levels her hand to her god's approximated height. ] --has black hair, and wears round glasses.

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[He walks a lot, these days.]

[It's been a long while since he's had free time or energy to spare for... anything, really. Anything at all but marching, battle, endlessly going over scouts' reports and troop numbers and every scrap of information he could get his hands on to save just a few more of them... He didn't give himself time for anything but planning, fighting, and very occasionally sleep, towards the end.]

[Compared with that, it's easy to feel like he's got too much free time, maybe. Even with training, and ayakashi-hunting, and his intelligence-gathering efforts here.]

[And there's something restless in him -- some ache around his heart that he can ignore by keeping busy, some roaring in his head that quiets down a little when he gets out and breathes fresh air. It's... good for him.]

[It's been a long, long time since he's been able to care at all what's good for him.]

[He's a little surprised when the girl bows to him, but he nods his head slightly in return, listening to her question. Tall, then, if not quite so tall as him. Dark hair, round glasses...]

[He's used, by now, to ignoring that familiar tug at his memories as he tries to draw up a mental image based on those details. It's been years, after all. That pain is like an uneven spot on his garden path that he could step around without thinking, even in the dark, because he knows it so well now.]

I'm afraid I haven't seen anyone since I left my shrine. I can keep an eye out, if you'd like.

[ Her smile falters when the man say he hasn't seen anyone. It seems she's having no luck lately, and her god is avoiding her to no end. Long fingers drum upon the handle of her parasol as she appears thoughtful, if a little crestfallen, looking to the side. ] That would be most helpful, sir.

[ A moment passes, and she returns her gaze to him, a polite, apologetic smile set in place. ] My god is... [ A pause, a rather delicate one, as if she's struggling with what to say.]

He has a tendency to wander without informing others. [ She doesn't want to give her god a bad reputation, but she feels the need to explain a bit. ] It could be that he does not want me near. [ She adds, rather calmly. She doesn't like being useless, but if that's how Yamanami feels about her, it's not something she can easily rectify without being given a chance in the first place. ] If that is the case, I would not wish to bother him. Instead, if he comes by this way, perhaps you could simply inform me that he is well and unharmed? I believe that we all have access to those among us via our new phones. Is that not correct? [ She doesn't want to spy on her god. Just. She just wants to make sure he's okay, that's all!!

Adjusting her parasol to balance over one shoulder, with her other hand she brings it up to her chest, nodding as she gives her introduction. ] My name is Yamato.

[Well, he certainly knows what it feels like to be avoided. In truth, he admires that she's able to get up and go looking for this guy -- he'd always been rather quick to decide that if someone didn't want to see him, then forcing his company on them wasn't worth the effort, but there were probably times when he could have stood to try a little harder to talk to them.]

[He gives another little nod.]

Yamato, is it? Hijikata. Hachiman, as a god.

[He seems to not quite realize for a moment that he'll need his phone, too -- it's only been a month or so, he's still getting used to phones being a thing -- and then he reaches into the pocket of his well-fitted black jeans for it, pushing the button to light up the screen and tapping in his code number.]

....Hijikata-sama, it is a pleasure to meet you. [ She's going to need to look up what Hachiman is a god of. She's blessed with knowing how to maintain a Kampon boilers fit for a long voyage of sea, but apparently not with the common knowledge of various gods and what they represent. ]

The god I serve is Guan Yu, and his temple is about twenty or so kilometers up this river and into the mountains. [ Not a far trek for someone like her, but she's a resource-heavy ~~ship~~ shinki that will require a hefty meal when she returns. ] However, my lord prefers to be called by his former name. [ Something something he doesn't feel worthy of being called a god of war something manly brooding something. ] Yamanami Keisuke. [ She explains this casually as she brings out her own phone and beginning to type in his name into the contacts.

But here comes another question. Does she type in Hachiman or Hijikata? Gods having two names is so confusing! ]

[The moment he hears that name, everything changes.]

[Hijikata suddenly can't even remember whatever else it was that she was talking about. His skin goes about two shades paler, his eyes widen, and a strange silence comes over him as he remembers...]

[About that tall, dark hair, round glasses. Face streaked with blood and tears, hands clenched in the front of Hijikata's own yukata, wearing the same sad smile he'd worn all the time since that night in Kamo's house.]

[He can all but smell blood and snow, can all but feel it cloying to his skin, warm and filthy, can feel the way his heart dropped out of his chest and he couldn't move, couldn't breathe--]

...Yamanami?

[Oh, god. Oh, god.]

Yamanami, yes--.... ah?

[ She's just about to give a bit more detail when she notices that Hijikata's turned a few shades paler. Not only that, but the man seems sick, as if she's just uttered something revolting. Or rather, that she's said something to bring up an unpleasant memory. Not that Yamato can guess what's brought this on, but it's concerning nonetheless.

She raises her brow, peering at him with concern and a bit of surprise. ] Sir, are you feeling well?

[It hurts, thinking about him, because thinking about him means thinking about the way he used to smile behind his glasses when they were still friends, means thinking about the way he used to fiddle with his abacus when he was anxious, means thinking about the fury in a voice made for gentleness (I am not your pawn!), means thinking of the look in Souji's eyes when he realized what he had done...]

[It means thinking about every wrong choice that he made, on the path to Yamanami's death.]

[It takes a second for him to even notice that she's there again, to replay what she's saying until the words actually register in his mind. He shakes his head as if to forcibly clear it.]

--I'm fine. Fine, it's just...

[If Yamanami's a god, then... it doesn't need to be hidden, does it?]

It's been a long time since I saw him last. That's all.

[That's most certainly not all, but maybe she'll take it as an excuse?]

[ Her reaction is still of concern to her, but without further elaboration she can't know what truly is the reason behind it.

...Well. She can at least assume that their connection may not be all sunshine-and-rainbows. This Hijikata doesn't look all that "fine". ] My lord, if I may be so bold-- [ She doesn't know how to help without prying. It's not quite her place. It's not exactly her right as a shinki, either. But, perhaps: ] ...Perhaps it has been too long since you have last seen him.

[ Yamanami needs to get out and socialize, too. Maybe if this man knows him, he'll be able to help. Her smile quiets down into a concerned frown, and she presses her lips together, stalling for a moment before she speaks next. ] I do not know of Yamanami-sama's secrets, the reasons he keeps to himself. However, I do not believe it is good for him to remain here without knowing anyone else. [ He can't be a loner forever! ] Whether you are an old acquaintance or an old friend, please, would you not consider seeing him over tea, or something of the sort?

[ What a good shinki. She's making ~~playdates~~ friends for her god. ]

[He laughs a little, bitterly, because she's not wrong -- it's certainly been "too long".]

If he wants to come and visit, you can let him know he's welcome to.

[Something goes unspoken there -- a sad certainty that his offer won't be taken. It had been months since Yamanami could stand to look at his face even before things came to a head. He doubts he's really someone he wants to see, even now.]

Is that so...

[ She senses some sort of tension. ] Maa, I shall at least extend the offer.

[ But. But. If there is a layer of thin ice, she shouldn't be the one to crack it.

And so with a sigh, her smile returns. ] In the meantime, this humble shinki is looking for ways to brighten his mood. Would you happen to have any suggestions, since you know him...? Such as his favorite meals or books?

[The questions give him something to focus on, at least. He digs the tin of hand-rolled cigarettes out of his pocket, ignoring the small tremor that goes through his hand as he fumbles with the lighter.]

It's been a while, like I said, but... I could probably get... another of our old friends to give you her recipe for okowa rice. He was fond of that.

[No sense making their connection to Ayumu too public.]

He's always liked working with numbers... If I were to look for a gift along those lines, I'd think about something on the theory or history of mathematics, or perhaps... I've seen books in the train stations and so on full of number-puzzles. He'd find that sort of thing calming.

[ This, too, gives her something to work with. ] Ah, yes. He often does carry an abacus with him. [ A much loved and used one, too, from the looks of it. ]

A Sudoku puzzle book may be good for him. [ She smiles kindly. ] And, yes, a recipe for okowa rice would be lovely to have! He is quite thin, no? [ She laughs lightly. ] A little more food would do him well, I believe. [ And if it can be something he'll enjoy, she'll try her best to make it. That, or her staff will. ]

[Hijikata takes a drag from his cigarette, letting that work to calm him, too. It's still difficult, thinking of Yamanami, trying to pretend as if he's fine, but it's getting easier...]

I'll ask her for the recipe and send it to you. She might recall some others that he was fond of, too, if I ask.

[He breathes in again, breathes out again, smoke rising into the air.]

...I think what he liked about mathematics was that it was simple, in a way. There was always a right answer, in the end. So any sort of puzzle might be satisfying for him in a similar way.

Aa, [ A nod. ] I had been wondering what made him so efficient with guidance! [ She adds, a lace of pride in her voice. Truly, she had been impressed with his interesting ability of his. To guide in more than one sense. In Yamato's case, he had used it to accurately pinpoint one of her launches to a ayakashi from her deck to the street below! ] Guiding trajectories, I mean. Oh-- and without calibration, if I might add.

The right "answer" to ensuring that no one else is hurt and that no other collateral damage is done, yet still eliminating the threat-- that is my lord's true talent! [ I.e. missiles do lots of damage. He made it sure she didn't blow up the entire street. Or maybe it can be taken metaphorically, and he's actually good at guiding people. ] He is a strong god, if he does not see it himself. [ Let's just say he actually made a good impression on her. Which is why she's saddened by the fact that she's not being useful to him now!! ]

"Guidance," huh?

[That glances off of a wounded place in him, too -- dredges up memories of a sunny day, of grass under his back, of a promise he shouldn't have asked Sannan to make. But he doesn't react outwardly to it, this time, a little more prepared to keep calm than he was a few moments ago.]

If anyone had a skill for that... I'm sure it would be him. He was never much good at giving himself credit for it, if you want the truth.

Is that so? Then I will be sure to remind him as much so he will not forget. [ A little encouragement goes a long way, she thinks, with a man as seemingly humble as Yamanami.

But... she knows she must be getting back to finding the man in question. If her recon planes aren't much help, she'll need to scout more land on foot, whether or not the terrain is rough. ] My apologies, but I must be going on my way to locate him. [ She smiles once again, bowing politely. ] Thank you for your help in advance, and I hope the two of you may reunite soon.

And, should you ever be in need for extra assistance, do not hesitate to ask.

Of course.

[He nods again, polite, detached.]

I hope that you'll call on me or my shinki if you're ever in need of help, as well.

[He owes more than that to Sannan, after all.]

Mm. [ She nods, backing away and readjusting the parasol on her shoulder. ] Thank you for your time.

[ And with that, she'll be on her way! ]

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my baby shot me down again

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CW: violence, death, PTSD probably

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