thenearshore | this is fine

Entry tags:

this is fine

Who: Hazel and Jae-Ha
What: gratuitous hurt/comfort? naturally
When: late night after the zombies
Where: their big house
Warnings: none yet
Summary: "dear everyone: fuck off. love, hazel"

[Sometime after their new, smaller Hazel has been tucked in to bed in one of the many spare bedrooms (bless her, she is small and precious and deserves better than this place), the bigger Hazel makes some vague comment about bedtime "for grownups too" and uses it as an excuse to drag Jae-Ha up to bed.

Now, how will they get ready for sleep if Hazel needs to have an arm around Jae-Ha in some capacity at all times...?? This will be their first challenge.

]

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[Look, feelings time is important!! Especially when you've never addressed your feelings your entire life. Jae-Ha wishes Hazel had a better life. He wishes he didn't have to deal with all that he did as a child, and all that he's dealing with now... He really feels like he could cry right now, just because he's so worried about him. Doing better or not, Jae-Ha hasn't helped enough, he feels like. What good is this leg if he can't help the person he loves the most?? He couldn't even use it when he needed to.]

I believe you. [His voice cracks a little, and he turns to bury his face into Hazel's neck, squeezing a tiny bit tighter. It's just not enough. He can't figure out how to do more and it's not enough...

Hazel might get annoyed and think it's fine, but this isn't fair to him at all. He shouldn't have to live dealing with all of this!! Built up feelings of listening to all that Hazel deals with, as well as all of the people who do know Hazel appearing out of the woodwork with cruel comments and jabs— it's just all piled up. Jae-Ha wants to carry him away from all of it.]

[Oh- oh no, no, don't be this sad. Hazel holds him closer, raising a hand to smooth his hair at the back of his head and frown past him at the wall. He knows he has problems, but he's more concerned with Jae-Ha being so upset like this... maybe if he dealt with his business, this wouldn't be a problem? What a thought.

But that's hard, and for right now all he feels like doing is holding tight to Jae-Ha until they can balance out the mood here into something lighter again. He sighs, but he's tired of the situation more than he's annoyed at Jae-Ha, so there's that.] I'm alright... Don't go thinkin' you're not good for me, because that simply ain't the case.

[Is this helping... See, feelings time just makes Jae-Ha more upset, it's dangerous. Hazel doesn't want him to be this sad, especially about his own... whatever, but it's not really inspiring him to keep talking about his feelings. An impasse.]

It's not as bad as you're thinkin', I swear. I'm just rememberin' this and that, that's all. [But it's Sad, and Jae-Ha is already Sad......]

Edited 2016-12-25 04:01 (UTC)

Let me worry about you.

[Jae-Ha says that first, taking in a shaky breath to keep himself pulled together as he relaxes more into this hug. Maybe he's lying more on top of Hazel than next to him, compared to before, but he wants to be as close as possible and gravity only helps with that.]

You're lowering your importance by saying that it's not that bad. You can't sleep? You spend your time worrying about me instead of yourself? You're already burdened with my death and this new life of mine. I won't forgive myself for adding to those troubles.

[So much melodrama at probably like 2am... His fingers curl into Hazel's shirt where they're wrapped around him.] I want to push for you to tell me what you're remembering, but I don't know if I'll only make you feel worse. Aside from how I've already done that now...

[Ah squished by a sad lizard... Hazel blinks, making a noise that's almost the start of a vague objection to that before Jae-Ha keeps talking. He's making himself less important, what? Since when? Of course he's not doing that, he's—being realistic, or something like it.]

I didn't say all that... [Like, in his defense, he didn't tell Jae-Ha not to worry, just that he's not as bad as he could be. It's subtly different!! He threads his fingers into Jae-Ha's hair now, to hold him even more securely and just spend a moment appreciating the comfortable warmth of Jae-Ha lying on him. Hmm.] I love you, Jae-Ha. You're not bein' a burden just gettin' upset. I know how it seems.

[Like, that he's a mess... he is. That's true. He's quiet after that, thinking... he probably should share, but uggghh.]

Well, there's nothin' for it, I guess. [SIGH...] I told ya Gat's not exactly livin', but did I tell ya that I'm the one who did it?

[yaaay surprise at 2am]

I love you, too.

[He makes a small noise that's something of an apology at all of this. He can't sleep knowing that Hazel is next to him, getting no shut eye at all. Not after he flipped out like that back there. He can't forget it... And he doesn't want Hazel to try and brush past it, either. So here they are, feelings—

And now this. He blinks, lessening his squeezing just enough so that it doesn't start to get uncomfortable for Hazel.]

You didn't. What happened?

[Feelings continue to suck, thanks. Even if he could sleep, Jae-Ha's sad little heart would probably wake him up anyway, but he won't say that... that's mean. He shrugs, barely, since he's still squished under a sad lizard here.]

It wasn't— He got in the way. It wasn't meant to be him, and I fixed what I did wrong, but his folks wouldn't take him back like he was. So that's why he's been with me all this time.

[Hazel, the Abridged Series]

[Slowly, Jae-Ha will slide over to hug him from the side instead of squishing him. He's probably too tall to keep doing this for too long.

But ah... they wouldn't take him back? That's so sad. So even if he had his ability, it didn't matter, or that's how Hazel must have viewed it. He can only imagine.]

He wouldn't go with you if he blamed you at all for what happened, I'm sure.

[It's looking him in the eye every day after doing what he did, on top of everything else. Gat is probably an actual saint, but he'd definitely refuse that, too... what a jerk.

How dare he.]

I reckon that's so, but it doesn't change what I've done.

...I'm not trying to say that it isn't wrong, or that you should feel nothing after doing that. But if you can realize that it doesn't change what you've done, then you're addressing it in the right direction, I think.

[Does that make any sense... Is that comforting at all? Probably not. He's not very good at this, still. Sometimes he can end up lucking out, but right here... He has no idea how to handle it. He just knows his feelings.]

Is that what you were thinking of when I was sleeping?

[He's trying, and that counts for Hazel. There isn't a magic phrase that will solve this problem, so just talking to him about it frankly and honestly means a lot.]

Mostly. [In between thinking about how he'd break Garou's nose again if the opportunity arose, yes. Shh.] Maybe... well, it's stupid, but I'd been wonderin' if he'd show up among the rest of the dead folks.

[But like in a normal way and not a "release me from my flesh prison" way. He's already dead, so...!!]

[Oh, that makes sense. It does... Jae-Ha is quiet for a few seconds as he considers how to respond to that, moving one of his hands enough to play with the ends of Hazel's hair.]

You must miss him. [He doesn't know how long exactly they were traveling, but it sounds like something that would create a close relationship.]

That's not stupid to wonder. People who have died at all sorts of times have arrived here. It wouldn't be strange to have him show up. Is it that you'd like him to be here...? [Some people seem to not want their loved ones here, so he's checking...]

[Leave it to Jae-Ha to start thinking about the power of friendship instead of accidental murder. He's cute...??]

If he's wanderin' around without me, he's not gonna last long. [Dead, and so on, and shut up if he gets tsun about Gat now. Awful.] It'd be alright. You'd probably like him.

So you do wish he was here.

[Hm, he probably would like him, from everything he's heard. But it's a strange feeling, thinking of someone who was close to Hazel from his own world. Even someone who was dead-and-back like that... Jae-Ha finds himself thinking that's more in reach than himself. But then, his natural reaction to being met with tsun like this is to ship push, so maybe this feeling can be explained away.

Either way, he's still playing with Hazel's hair.]

I hope you'll be able to introduce us some day soon. [Or some day at all,] I think this is what they call "homesick."

[Does Hazel need to make a Powerpoint about how he's Not Sleeping With Gat for Jae-Ha to not be a baby about this?? He can do that.

But anyway, he's not even thinking about that because he's suddenly realized he's sort of literally homeless "back home," that's weird. Maybe he should buy a shack in the woods somewhere, or something. Watch him cleverly avoid addressing any homesickness... now!!]

When we get outta here, then. You're still comin' with me- I'll be able to show ya off.

Haha. [Jae-Ha would need an extended powerpoint on how Hazel wouldn't have eventually started sleeping with Gat in order to not be a baby, so it's probably better to just not address him being a baby about this at all. Yes, he thinks this is fine.]

After, then... [Unless he does show up sooner. What Jae-Ha's really wondering is if Gat shows up as a shinki, if that would really be okay for Hazel. He doesn't think so...] He hasn't found any tricks for putting you to sleep, has he? It's unfair... I hear that shinki can be commanded to sleep, but there's nothing like that for gods at all.

[Jae-Ha..... can't a guy miss his only friend (who he murdered) in a kinda tsun way without it being a Jealousy Thing?? Please.

Anyway, tricks for putting him to sleep... what is he, a puppy?]

That ain't right, first of all. And Gat just sits around mindin' his own business and sasses me when I can't sleep, so he's not any help at all.

[Seriously, how rude. Jae-Ha is already better at this impossible task.]

[Yes, but probably not at 2am when he feels like a burden. At least he brushes it away easily enough, focusing instead on this whole sleep thing.]

Ah, that's too bad. Then I'll stay up with you, just like this. [He will drift to sleep eventually, but let him pretend. Reaching up from where he'd been toying with Hazel's hair, he rests his palm over Hazel's cheek.]

I only wish I could do more, and instead you had to sit through me feeling even worse. I'm really terrible at this.

[5 whole baby]

Maybe so, but I'll give ya credit for tryin'. Thanks for bein' here with me. [They both suck at feelings time, all things considered. Hazel leans in to kiss his cheek, then catch his lips in a more lingering kiss.]

How do ya feel now? Better? [no more tiny tears??]

[Leave his 5 baby self alone

But really, that kiss is a really nice touch after the thanks. He melts into it, responding and staying there with his eyes closed for a couple of seconds even after it's ended. He smiles, blinking at Hazel and smoothing his thumb over his cheek.]

Better. [There aren't tiny tears or risk of them now, at least. He's still so sad for Hazel's sad backstory and life and will probably punch the next person who stalks him from afar, but it's progress.] But there's still room for improvement, so I wouldn't say no to another kiss like that.

[sooo many baby

Punching people who bother him or think about bothering him is so kind, Jae-Ha is truly the best boyfriend ever. It's a Christmas miracle 7 months out of season, whatever.

Hazel is happy to oblige him with another sweet kiss, though, shifting his body closer so they're really flush against each other. Feelings always make him tired, ironically, but he doesn't want to try sleeping again just yet.] Now you're bein' cute with me. I'm wise to your ways, sir.

[Ah, easing out of those bad moods and into the good ones is always so refreshing. He feels like they're that much closer, even if they didn't solve very much at all. Listening to one another is certainly something important, so that counts.

Now, Jae-Ha feels awake thanks to all of these emotions, so he's giggling at Hazel's words. Yay, he got another kiss... His hand moves away from his cheek to slide down Hazel's side and then over his hip.]

Who, me? No, I'm nothing but an honest man. My mood has improved tenfold just from that, I mean it.

[Giggling!! Giggling is too cute, stop, it's too much the middle of the night for this. Hazel hums, wiggling his leg to tangle with Jae-Ha's while he kisses at his face some more. Hey.]

I'm afraid you're still cute. It's frankly unstoppable, and I'm powerfully weak to it.

[Ugh... Hazel is so good. Jae-Ha tangles his legs right back, even if he has way more leggie down there to make up for how their faces are aligned. This is fine, they're a mess of legs and blankets and kisses and he wouldn't have it any other way.

He was silly to be thinking that he wasn't enough. He'd become enough for Hazel, of course. That's how it had to be. He couldn't let this go. And just looking at this, he doesn't have to.]

If you tell me something like that, I'll use it to my advantage and steal more kisses. [Like he does now, a short little kiss that's cut off by another giggle. Yes, it's giggle time in the morning, apparently. Good thing little Hazel is on the other side of this huge ass temple and won't be woken up by silly flirting.]

[He's still so cute... That's the thought Hazel is stuck on now, and he can't complain about it. Jae-Ha is precious, the most precious person to him, and he won't let anything get in the way of what they have together. Jae-Ha giggling at 2am is worth way more than sleep, they can sleep any time...]

Oh, he's a thief, too. I'll have to be careful before I run outta kisses. [Just kidding, he has infinite dumb flirty kisses to give and gives another one now, smiling into it. Gay.]

[Jae-Ha should really be trying to make Hazel sleep, and instead, he's having all this fun. He stifles his next laugh with this kiss, slipping his hand under Hazel's shirt to run up his side like that. Just some light touching between cute kisses, it's fine like this. He's treasuring their love.]

Don't accuse me of theft when you were the first one to steal my heart. [Corny lines!! He's pulling out the big guns, kissing him again.]

this is fine

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