thenearshore | [closed] i know you love me, i know you care.

Entry tags:

[closed] i know you love me, i know you care.

Who: Kainé and Sharak Sanzo.
What: Answering a prayer about babies.
Where: Around the near shore, maybe temple.
Why: babies!!!
When: June 1.
Warnings: ba -- okay, no. Language, sex and pregnancy talk. Sigh, suicidal ideation because it's fucking Kainé.

[The bad part about going berserk every now and then -- aside from having to cut down on an already-limited wardrobe, of course -- was that it only seemed to intensify the strain it put on the "fight with me" aspect of being a shinki. Kainé couldn't be sure that was a problem, but... Well, she felt ashamed enough at the possibility. She wouldn't be surprised at all to find out Sharak was sickened by the idea of it. She'd had such a hard time controlling herself... And as far as she could remember, she'd never felt more alive.

So Kainé was content with tabling the discussion, especially since going along for a prayer had been proposed. Not that this was what she'd had in mind at all.]

You shitting me? I mean, it's great that we're really on a roll with helping out the kids, but this isn't exactly something that requires divine intervention. Sounds like all you need to do when we get there is pat the kid on the head and spout some generic bullshit, then boom. Prayer answered. Doesn't feel right.

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Fuck you!

[WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING... IT'S NOT WEIRD!!!

Okay, no, she's starting to get the sense that something is very, very weird, and it's not on Sharak's side of things. Kainé throws a perplexed look over to the house like that's going to help her sort everything out.]

What kind of old hag knowledge do you think I'm supposed to have here, huh?

[She doesn't know where babies come from. She's a grown woman who doesn't know where babies come from. Sharak could put it down to the shinki amnesia, but general knowledge doesn't seem to be affected by that sort of thing. She supposes it's possible and, if it is because of something else in Kainé's past, there's no using dwelling on why Kainé doesn't know what a pregnancy is.]

... Kainé, out of curiosity, where do you think babies come from?

"Out of curiosity" my ass...

[At least she's not saying "out the ass"?

But, uh. Kainé frowns, because she doesn't really...have much of an answer at the ready. That's awkward. She can feel the frustration clawing away inside of her the longer she struggles to put it into words.]

A mom and dad go someplace when they're ready to have a baby, and they come back with one. [ugh, she feels like a child, having to put it like that.] Look, no one would have trusted someone like me with a fucking kid, I'm sure, so I don't know what it's like there, or anything. Quit giving me shit.

[A child... Somehow, she's become responsible for a child. Well, it happened to all the other Sanzos, it had to happen to her eventually too.]

I'm not talking about this in someone's yard. Let's go back to the temple.

[What the hell... The baby store or...whatever it was called had to be some serious shit, if Sharak "No Fucks Given" Sanzo is holding out on her just because of their location. Kainé huffs and struts off, heels clicking a little louder than normal in her irritation as she heads back to the shrine they'd used to get to this shore. Fucking Sharak, with her fucking old person lessons and fucking desire to hold it over Kainé's head. This was stupid!!!]

[More like she does not want to deal with that kid coming back out and overhearing them. Sharak does not need that today. She follows Kainé silently, revising in her head how she's going to talk about this. Kainé's spoken about sex before, she's sure so how... Did she never make the connection? She should probably throw some stuff about safe sex into the conversation, just to be safe.

Did Genjo ever have to talk to Goku about this? Maybe she should text him asking for child-rearing tips. Goku turned out great, after all.]

[Wow. Wow, fuckin' rude.

She doesn't stop when they're through, continuing up the hill stubbornly until she can settle into her favorite spot in the main room, and slouch against the pillows with a grumpy look on her face.]

Alright, great Aditi-sama. Enlighten me, or whatever the bullshit.

[She's so totally open to being wrong about babies.]

"Sanzo-sama" is fine, actually.

[They're both rude. Sharak sits opposite her shinki, sat primly on a pillow with her legs crossed. How to approach this... Oh, fuck it, Kainé is an adult.]

... Most women carry eggs in their ovaries, located around here. [She gestures her own lower torso, pointing out approximately where all that stuff is.] During certain times in a woman's bodily cycle, individual eggs move from the ovaries to the uterus. If the woman is sexually active with a man during that time, he can fertilise the eggs with his semen. Got it?

Fuck off.

[...Well that was a lot of familiar words mashed up in a way she'd never heard them before. She narrows her eyes at where Sharak was pointing, wheels in her head turning. It's extra distracting to have that small voice in the back of her head mocking her for Sharak's distinction between men and women, when she...

Hn.]

So, what. The place they go to is like our goddamn henhouse?

[eggs...............]

[Most women, Kainé. She specified most.]

Metaphorically, sure. But inside a woman's body. [It's a shame they don't have any chicks for teaching purposes.] The fertilised egg grows inside the womb until it becomes a fetus and, if all goes well, an infant child. All just a little below the mother's stomach.

[So no cannibalism required, just banging.]

[Once!!! And then semen is man stuff.

Kainé's expression can only be described as incredulous.]

You're fucking with me. People have sex at some random time and there's a chance a person grows inside of another person?

[The mental image she has is horrifying. Eggs with shells are involved.]

[To be fair to Kainé, pregnancy is objectively horrifying.]

Basically. [Oh, no, now that Kainé is making faces like that it's kind of cute.] There are preventative measures you can take to stop it from happening, but there are plenty of people who get an unexpected prize.

That's fucked.

[THIS IS SO BIZARRE... Also, she's seen a baby, and they were small, but not insignificant. She definitely feels like she would remember it if she saw one of those inside someone else.]

Hell... No wonder you Sanzo priests swear off that shit. [like that's obviously not the reason but christ] Sex is suppose to feel good [Hey, confirmation that Kainé was never at risk for discovering this firsthand, at least!] but all that egg moving around fuckery and growth shit --

[...wait]

How the hell does it get out?

Most Sanzo priests are men, so they get to pretend it doesn't effect them. [#misandry. Though, most of the boys aren't so bad. Koumyou and Genjo made attempts at responsible parenting. No one should have let Ukoku adopt.] Well, it's not really a concern for me, either.

[That's a depressing topic though. Moving on to her cute shinki very nearly making her laugh.]

How does anything get out of the human body?

[Oh, right... Sharak was the true Sanzo experience as far as she's concerned, so she keeps forgetting most of them are dudes. Weird.]

It comes out of a --

[hole... There were so many holes to choose from, though??? NO WAIT, she thinks...she can guess which hole... ugh. Kainé groans and pinches the bridge of her nose. Truly she is suffering from all these revelations, but there's also...something. Something important.]

...You say it doesn't affect you like it isn't just part of your vows.

[She is the Superior Sanzo experience, so Kainé isn't missing out on anything much, don't worry.

Sharak bites her lip to stop herself from laughing when Kainé groans. Okay, this wasn't so bad after all. It sounds like Kainé has guessed which hole, so she can leave it at that. They can discuss the details when they're relevant later. For now, hm. Something important.]

... I can't have children of my own. [She shrugs and leans back, nonchalantly.] It happens to some women. For one reason or another, their bodies just... don't agree with it.

Huh.

[Their bodies, huh... Kainé feels her heart thud oddly in her chest.]

How...do you tell? I mean, how did you, or... Or just. You know.

That's a long story.

[And not one she wants to recall in too much detail, not even with Kainé. Her voice and face are as calm and steady as ever, showing no sign of discomfort. It is what it is.]

... Simply put, my body just doesn't work that way.

[She would have made a terrible mother anyway.]

[She wants to push. She wants to dig in her heels and find out what it was, because she shouldn't not know this, Sharak had made that much clear, and she... She just wanted to. She wants to know about Sharak. She wants to know if she'd ever wanted kids. If she'd ever been in love. If...she was in love now. For a moment it strikes her as absurd that it wasn't something she's figured out already, having spent this time in such close quarters. She'd given Kainé so much already...

She bites the inside of her cheek and leans the pillow against her lap so she can trace random patterns into the fabric and focus on that. Suppressing the urge, she manages to keep it to,] Isn't it always...

[Okay. Breathe.]

If it makes you feel any better, I don't...think mine does, either. [Like Sharak, she tries to keep her voice as steady as ever. She isn't as successful.] I mean, I'd probably know, huh? This shit. If I was like -- most women.

[There. She didn't choke on the words, like she'd been sure she would, because she wasn't like most women, she was a mess, a mutant -- ]

Someone would've told me, if I was. They would've had to, right? [Even if they didn't want to.]

[All the answers to those questions are the same, but Kainé will never know if she doesn't ask. Like she already said, Sharak isn't the type to serve her life story on a silver platter.

Sharak isn't looking at Kainé. She's staring up at the sky, apparently lost in thought, though she's still listening intently.] You'd be amazed what girls don't get told about their own bodies, actually.

[When you're a female priest, it's not uncommon to find yourself the one young women run to in a panic saying things like "He told me it couldn't happen if it was my first time" and such. She slowly lifts her head to look at Kainé again.]

If you want, a medical professional could probably find out for sure. [Might be a little difficult to arrange for a shinki, but they can try.] But why do you think that?

[Her finger pushes a little more forcefully as she makes a circle, triangle, zig-zag, circle again.]

Now more than ever, you'd think it's impossible, [she scoffs, feigning confidence. She can't go to a doctor. What would they even do with someone like her...?] A spirit creating life? That's assuming I'd want a damn kid, anyway. I'm too young for that shit.

[Kaine sighs and splays both hands across the pillow, carefully pressing like if she smothers her legs, it will smother the thoughts starting to build up, too. She was talking too much. There was some dumb saying about that sort of thing, wasn't there? Hn.]

...Just feel kind of...busted. I guess. Which is pretty fucked up to say, if I don't know, but you do. Sorry.

[Sharak shakes her head.] Even though I can't give birth to a child, I can love and protect others. That's enough for me.

[Besides, if they're talking about people who shouldn't be having kids... Well. Anyway, this is less about either of them actually wanting to go through being pregnant and giving birth and more about... something else.]

Everyone feels like that at some point. Everyone has something wrong with them- with their bodies, with their minds, or with their lives. Something that makes them damaged beyond repair. It's important to remember that.

...And?

[She doesn't look up yet.]

What if we're lucky enough to hit the jackpot? Be wrong in all three.

Then who gives a shit?

[Blunt and brash, but she is talking to Kainé here.]

You're still faced with the same choice as everyone else. You can go die, if that's what you want, or you can live. But only one of those things will actually do any good.

[A smile quirks into place, but it's far more bitter than ones that kind of language would usually bring. Only one of those, huh? Yeah, and she's pretty sure she knows which one.

She's also pretty sure it's not the one Sharak's thinking of.]

You're right. Like always, smartass. [Time to lightly chuck this pillow at the other woman.] ...Didn't expect baby brisket to be the less disgusting of the two scenarios.

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