[CLOSED]

[subtract]

Who: Add & Jakob
Where: The Near Shore
When: June 17th
What: Prayer #18
Warnings: Feels.

Sora had at least convinced Add to try apologizing to Jakob over leaving him to another god, but the act of apologizing for a broken leg plus three weeks of cold silence would be... difficult. He's still not even sure where to start, what to say, what to bring... but as tempting as it is to keep putting it off, what ends up happening is the complete opposite. It's been quite some time since they've last received a prayer, after all.

The trip to the Near Shore is as awkward as he expects, though he at least spares Jakob enough words to tell him where they're going. And it'd be so, so easy to just tack on a by the way, I'm sorry for being such an ass, but that might come off as too apathetic, and the more he thinks about it the more nervous he gets, like what if Jakob is so upset he really doesn't accept Add's apology and he's only serving him now because he has to, or—

Ugh, he really needs to get this over with before it drives him crazy.

He fakes a cough, trying desperately to think of some way to break the ice. Just say something, damnit. Say anything.

"The... tea you left the other day was... nice." He didn't drink it. It's still sitting on his desk. Maybe Jakob didn't notice and this won't be the worst attempt at small talk ever.

Comments

[subtract]

At first he shuts his mouth at Jakob's command, silently shaking with emotion as he continues to direct his own glares at his follower. It's obvious to him what Jakob really means--their prayer together is over. Next he'll be given no choice but to free Jakob of his burdensome name.

But something stirs in him. All this talk of fighting for the life you want... is it really too late to change things? Even if it might be easier to go their separate ways, he doesn't want Jakob to leave. Is he seriously just going to give up and let this happen?

Add curls his hands into tight fists, filled with a newfound determination. He finally turns his head to glare sharply at his shinki with blurred eyes.

"No, we're not done here yet," he growls, and with one last deep breath to prepare himself, "I know I haven't been the greatest god to you, and I can't blame you if you want to leave. I've been reckless, and inconsiderate, and selfish, and my actions nearly got you killed, and ever since then I've been too much of a coward to say anything about it. You're a far better shinki than I ever deserved, but it's still my fault for not trying hard enough. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, about everything, and for not apologizing to you properly until now. And if you want to leave, I'm still not going to stop you, but I refuse to revoke your name until I know who's taking you, so you'd better find someone good and worthy or you're going to be stuck with me until you do. Is that clear?!"

He finally stops yelling long enough to give Jakob a chance to speak, glaring and panting lightly. The prayer they cane here for has been all but forgotten at this point.

[gentilitea]

He’d been expecting some resistance from Add—some measure of contrariness that somehow doesn’t quite match up with how his master looks like he’s about to cry.

An uncomfortable silence passes between them for a few seconds before the homeless man makes a tentative “Um…,” prompting Jakob to snap out of his shock and raise his hand to silence the man. He doesn’t look away from Add, doesn’t turn his attention elsewhere, even as he continues to address the man:

“I will return here in a week. See that you have made progress by then. We are going home.”

And to Add he held out his hand, still maintaining his stern expression all the while: “Come along, Add. I fear we have much to discuss.”

[subtract]

He's not sure what to make of Jakob's response yet. It seems like he might listen to Add's request, but it's possible he's just preparing himself to dispute it... maybe he was planning to let Add down gently and this messed up his plans. If that's the case, good.

But standing around to discuss this in the streets doesn't seem like the best idea anyway, so he has no reason to refuse Jakob's suggestion of going home. He clicks his tongue, glancing to look at his follower one more time.

"Don't forget what we've learned here today," he chides. He'll probably have to come back to check on him as well...

He turns back to face Jakob, staring at the hand for a second before grabbing it with his own—though it's more like grabbing his wrist than holding his hand in any real sense. In an instant they've teleported back to the temple entrance. He lets go at the first opportunity, folding his arms across his chest.

"If you're going to try and argue, don't bother," he states firmly, having managed to calm down a little from before. It would be too awkward to try and wipe at his eyes right now, so instead he looks away. "Right now you're still my shinki, so I'm taking responsibility for you whether you like it or not."

[gentilitea]

As a matter of fact he is going to let Add down gently—well, maybe not so much the “gentle” part, but still. This is a lot to take in in one go, and while Jakob has always known that Add feels some remorse over the zombie incident, he hadn’t imagined that Add would feel so much guilt toward him, too…

Honestly, Jakob can’t help but feel a little touched by his master’s words—except he can’t bring himself to show it, and scowls even harder to compensate.

“Indeed.” Crossing his arms, he gives the back of Add’s head a very stern glare. “I don’t recall ever asking to leave your service.”

[subtract]

It takes a moment for the words to sink in. At first it seems like his prediction was correct, but then Jakob completely throws him off.

"What are you talking about? You..." Did he misunderstand after all? It's true that Jakob never did say anything outright... even if everything he's said so far clearly points to him leaving as the correct choice. Add cautiously peers over his shoulder to gauge Jakob's reaction, still trying hard not to show too much of his own face, but his shinki's scowl only makes the answer more baffling.

He doesn't want to get his hopes up only to have them crushed again. And... more than just that—

"What reason do you have to stay?" he demands, a hint of desperation and anger creeping into his voice no matter how hard he tries to subdue it. "Just because you were assigned to me, is that all? I already told you you're free to do whatever you want, so don't give me any more idiotic answers. If that's the only reason..."

If Jakob is only staying with him out of some misguided obligation, it's hardly any better than forcing him to stay. And now he can't help but go back to thinking of getting rid of him, even after what he promised Sora...

He scoffs, forcing himself to look away again. His voice comes out softer than he would've liked.

"You can do better, so why settle for someone like me? You don't even like me."

[gentilitea]

At that, Jakob throws his arms up in exasperation.

“I am doing as I please, if you must know!” he snaps, more frustrated with himself for not catching onto this sooner. He would try to pull something like this, especially after avoiding him for so long, even neglecting an apology until that sudden outburst earlier…

But he doesn’t deny that there is some truth to Add’s words. Some.

With a sigh, he moves forward to place a hand on Add’s shoulder. In a much quieter voice, he continues, “Look at you. I’ve never seen a greater mess given divine form. And for as long as I can remember, cleaning up messes has been my only calling. I do not care to aspire to anything further than that.”

[subtract]

He tenses up at the contact, but a moment passes and he decides not to shrug the hand away. "A mess given divine form" isn't the worst thing he's been called... it's not inaccurate, either. But to want to deal with someone like that willingly?

"I don't understand you at all," he replies, and in a wry voice he adds, "are you sure you're not going to regret that decision? You might end up with more than you bargained for, kuku."

But if it's a mess he really wants, who would Add be to refuse?

"...Well, it doesn't really matter, does it? You can change your mind whenever you want." He's mostly just mumbling that to himself, but it is true. Jakob can always change his mind, Add isn't forcing him to stay or holding him back. This is... acceptable. He can live with this.

If Jakob is really choosing to stay, though, that still leaves one more problem he needs to address. He finally brings a hand up to rub at his eyes, attempting to pathetically stifle his sniffling before turning around to face his shinki again. The black in his eyes can hide some of the redness, at least.

"There are mistakes I've made in the past that I don't want to repeat. If you're to remain as my shinki, you need to be able to stop me if that happens. No matter what."

[gentilitea]

Regardless, Jakob takes his hand away a moment later—he’s not exactly fond of this sort of contact himself. And this is a…complicated enough situation without either of them having to make it worse with more…feelings and whatnot. The fact that Add seems to be back to his old self is even something of a relief. As is this…weird sort of arrangement they’d taken upon themselves.

When Jakob thinks about it he knows that there’s no stopping him from leaving Add to, say, join the other Roxas instead. But that would mean failing yet another master, and he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to take something like that again.

At least Add hasn’t decided that his shinki has failed him. At least Add is still willing to keep him on despite his weaknesses, despite his desperate efforts to destroy the bodies of their former comrades. Jakob really can’t hope for much, in the end.

He scoffs, “You’ll have to give me far more credit than that.” And is he…crying? He’s crying, isn’t he? Or…sobbing, at the very least. Argh. “But you know that I would do anything I can to be of service to you.”

[subtract]

Well, at least now they can both pretend the other isn't crying. It's actually a bit relieving, in a weird sort of way. It'd be way more awkward if it was just one of them getting emotional...

"It's not something you're capable of as you are now. That's why I broke your leg before." He frowns, still feeling a bit sheepish about the whole thing. He already apologized, but lashing out like that could've ended a lot worse than it did. He can't even say that kind of behaviour is unlike him, though...

"You need a method to better defend yourself against my distortions," he continues, finding himself gradually become more comfortable now that they're away from the topic of feelings and Jakob leaving him. "Like a device that can project a barrier, perhaps... I'll have to make something for you. That way if I'm acting... unusual at all, you'll be able to intervene with a higher degree of safety."

... He's still not sure if he wants to get into why he might act unusual, even if that's kind of a crucial piece of information for preventative measures. But if he told Jakob the truth, he'd probably make a huge fuss over it. Better to just leave those details out and try not to let things get too out of control. That should be fine, right?

[gentilitea]

At least Jakob doesn’t flinch at the mention of the broken leg. He rubs the tears away with the back of his sleeve and nods briskly when Add begins talking business. But something isn’t adding up here. It’s not that he can only vaguely grasp at whatever the fuck Add is talking about, and it’s not even that emphasis on the word, “unusual.” If he can recall his master from his previous life he’d have a better grasp of what Add had been hinting at—somewhat—but as it is Jakob merely frowns, considering what little he understands of the situation.

“I will master any task you set of me, of course.” That goes without saying, but a little reminder never hurt anyone, right? Jakob’s still reeling from his weakness at the zombie incident himself. “However, this…intervention you’re suggesting…” He hesitates, before venturing, “Will it guarantee your safety?”

Despite all his efforts to appear stern, there’s a chink in his expression once more, a pleading look in his eyes, already haunted by the extremes Add would go through to attempt any one thing. Or avoid his problems outright.

[subtract]

"... It will guarantee your safety," he answers with a bitter smile, "but if you really want to keep me safe, you can't do that if you're dead, can you?"

Double dead. Close enough. The sentiment is the same, even if he'd rather his shinki look out for himself. Somehow he ended up using the same tactics that worked on Roxas... how does he keep ending up with these stubborn selfless types?

"Keeping me in line used to be Roxas' job," he mutters, feeling a little wistful at the thought. How long has it been now? Already a month...? "Until we find him again, you'll have to pick up his slack. I don't trust anyone else to do the job correctly."

[gentilitea]

He has to fight the urge to shudder at the implications of all that, but if nothing else, Add’s words strengthen his own resolve to protect this troublesome master of his. More than being the point of his own existence, this…this is something their Roxas would have wanted.

So he forces his expression to remain neutral if not outright submissive, as he puts his hand to his chest and gives Add a rather formal bow.

“As you command.”

[subtract]

The bowing thing is still a little too weird for him, but he knows better than to make a fuss over it now. Asking Jakob to be less butler-y might as well be asking him to grow an extra arm...

Add fakes a cough, using the time Jakob is spending bent over to finish rubbing his face dry. He's still not sure how he feels about all of this, if letting Jakob stay with him is the right choice or not, but knowing that Jakob at least wants to stay has lifted his mood considerably. Even if it ends up being the wrong choice... it feels good to know that he's wanted, even in this small way.

He turns towards the temple, expecting his shinki to follow.

"Let's go home. I could... perhaps use some tea."

[gentilitea]

He totally would grow an extra arm if Add wanted him to, don’t even.

“Of course,” he replies, swallowing down that feeling of guilt before his god might be blighted. He takes a few steps further than Add, to properly open the door for him as a butler would, but before he does, he adds, with a sigh:

“And I’m sorry for implying that I would serve you anything other than the finest brew.” You had to go and make him feel bad for that sewage water quip earlier damn you damn you damn you—

“I will do my best to behave myself from now on.”

[subtract]

He stops, a little surprised at Jakob's sudden apology. He only stares for a moment, though, before breaking out into another grin.

"Oh? I thought that was an honest confession before. In that case I'll consider not throwing it out the window this time, kekeke."

It's good to have things back to normal.

[gentilitea]

Good to know some things never change. Jakob’s already got the door nice and open for him, but the moment Add opens his big mouth his promise to do better is suddenly flung out the window:

“Why you—”