thenearshore | Let's Go Out

Entry tags:

Let's Go Out

Who: Rin Matsuoka and Sousuke Yamazaki
Where: Various locations on the Near Shore
When: Mid-August
What: How many ways can “Let’s go out” be interpreted?
Warnings: Knowing them, something awkward/cute/hot/feels is going to happen.

[You don’t need to get closer. There’s no more distance between us. Those are the kind of thoughts he’d expect any logical person to think about their relationship. Between a god and his shinki, living together and growing together, how could they bother with the idea of getting “closer” when their lives were more or less wrapped up within each other’s? They already experienced so much together. Their initial meeting under the shower of cherry blossoms and clouds. A strange bond rushing together with every race they took in the pool to hone their skills as swimmers and conquer Sousuke’s nostalgia. Sharing the burden of pain and poignancy as they met with Rin’s father and helped him return to the afterlife.

Yelling and arguing over the stupidest things (and sometimes not so stupid) from workout practices to what’s the best way to cook spicy teriyaki. Bright laughs and satisfied grins as they trained their powers out in the castle grounds or raced through the castle to explore its secrets. Even the awkward moments that keep popping up, from sleeping in the same bed to accidentally getting flashes of nudity in the bathroom… and spending an entire week together as kids. They even got a bath (or five) together already! Anyone with those kinds of events in their lives were bound to be called “best friends” or something like that, right? They didn’t need to get any closer, right?

… apparently they did. Maybe it simply isn’t enough to spend those kinds of times and experiences together. Training, living, growing, learning, enjoying, challenging… Those things are always going to be there and Sousuke’s not against any of them. So then, if they’re that close already, why’s this day having so much fun already playing awkward string through their evening tapestry? Let’s go out. That’s all he’d said when he came downstairs. He didn’t say anything remotely related to the term ‘date’ you know! But… his god’s a romantic sap beyond compare and it didn’t take long for someone’s face to get red.

So of course Sousuke’s surprise (maybe suspicion) lingers on as he steps out of the portal that carries his god and him to the Near Shore. The human realm that contains so many sights, scents, and sounds that bring a round of comfort and gentle thrill to his chest. Rin agreed to the offer. After all that, he’d agreed. It’d been a long time, if not actually the first time, they’ve ever gotten dressed up in front of each other. He’s grateful for the cooler evening air. It makes his current clothes far more comfortable. Turns out, even if Sousuke tends to prefer his shirts open and untucked, his collarbones exposed, casual pants a little unconsciously-lowcut… he’s not at all bad cutting an impressive figure in formal wear.]

Where do you want to go?

[The obvious intent is to have dinner eventually… but it’s been a long time since they’ve gone out to simply hang with each other in such a setting. They should really make a whole night of it. Who knows what else they’ll learn about each other… Who knows how much closer they’ll get.]

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[Just as before, Rin searches through the pebbles after Sousuke’s tossed his then repeats the same motions. Cleaning it off, shaking away the water, barely taking aim then letting it go. For no reason other than to keep his mind occupied, he counts each skip. There’s no competition, no bet or forfeit... For once they’re doing this for the sake of doing it. Awkward, yes. Uncomfortable... no, not as much as he thought it might be. Honestly, out of all the nights they’ve shared in this new life together, this might be the most relaxing. Easy. Normal. The only things they need to worry about are what any other teenager would worry about.

He doesn’t say a word for at least another minute or two after that, content to relax in this routine, but before he skips another stone he waits... then lowers his hand back towards his side with his thumb idly tracing the smooth edges. Small with a crease towards the center... It’s vaguely heart shaped...]

... Would you do it again?

[This is strangely natural, in a surreal but pleasant sort of way. Getting ready this afternoon had been a little stressful, since neither of them had dressed up formal-like in their time here at the Shores. Then the whole trip to the Near Shore and figuring out what to do and where to go for dinner. And dinner itself, of course, with its back and forth between calm and heavier topics. Finally culminating in the… you know… at the park. Perhaps he should have figured there’d be some crescendo happening; events always have a rising undercurrent to them whenever Rin and Sousuke go out and do things.

That makes this moment so different. There’s no competition, no aggression or tension, they’re not arguing. For a moment, it feels like everything is fine again. Skipping rocks silently side by side, not caring whose went further or teasing about accidentally pushing someone into the water. It’s relaxing.

So he has to wonder what possessed Rin to even ask that question. Not that Sousuke’s at all surprised it comes out. There’s a brief pause in his index finger’s lazy caressing along the top of his newest stone. Be better to stay quiet and not make a mistake again…]

Maybe. Depends on your reaction.

[Tsk, dammit. Why is it that no matter how much he wants to keep his mouth shut around Rin, no matter how easily he’s silent around other people, when Rin asks Sousuke a question, he inevitably answers in one way or another? It’s not a fair answer either, placing the onus on Rin. But, can he really be blamed for it after his god’s reaction to the previous kiss? He doesn’t want to keep making Rin uncomfortable… but he obviously didn’t outright decline either.]

[Rin doesn't even know what compelled him to ask Sousuke something that stupid. Would've been smarter to let the whole thing go, forget about it, try to forget about it... But Sousuke knows Rin well enough by now. He knows there's no chance of either of those things happening with his god, not over something that... significant. If he doesn't push, Sousuke will never budge. If he doesn't push, they'll have this night hanging over their heads for the rest of their days like a dark ominous cloud.

And he knows first hand what happens when they don't communicate well enough.

The answer's not one he's expecting though, so when it comes he doesn't respond straight away, too surprised to even begin. No, it's not fair, and he's not even sure it makes much sense. But... he has to keep pushing.]

So you would.

[Only his eyes move when he says it, quietly regarding his best friend's profile.]

And you want to.

[Well they’ve both been kind of stupid tonight in one way or another. Hell, they’ve both apologized for it already. Sousuke thought for a moment they would let the matter drop, but… hmph, yeah, he knows Rin too well by now. There’s no way the other boy will let such a thing rest for long. The romantic swimming maniac. Perhaps they might have made it till the morrow, but with this setting? The river? The glowing lights?The gentle breeze? Right. He’s fine keeping quiet about it, but unfortunately, Rin knows him too well also. He’s pushing him right now, searching, making him move… making him uncomfortable for a good (he’ll reluctantly admit that) reason. Rin doesn’t want this to burden either of them. He knows Sousuke’ll shoulder it alone if he lets him.

With a soft sigh, the larger athlete closes his eyes and rinses his hands off in the river, then stands up. He goes to put them in his pockets—Ah, never mind. Leaves them by his sides. Rin’s not going to let this drop.] Hmph. [So you would. Well… yes. He says “maybe” but since it relies on Rin’s reactions, that’s obviously saying he’s willing to. Sousuke feels eyes on him, looking at his profile, and he doesn’t move much more than lowering his head slightly and lifting his shoulders against the breeze.]

Are you asking me or telling me?

[He watches Sousuke dip his hands into the water, the way the ripples move between his fingers, the sound of droplets when they drip back down to the waves... These simple, everyday things remind him his best friend exists, but all the same there's an eerie feeling underlying his comfort. It tells him he's here, he's breathing, he's speaking... but he's also not quite himself. Like a ghost or an empty vessel, his best friend's been molded into whatever the two Shores need him to be. Which parts of him are real? Does he think, act, and feel for himself?

I want you to do things because you want to. I want you to own yourself.

Rin's hand tightens around the small stone in his palm.]

I know you better than anyone.

[I'm telling you.]

I don't need to tap into my powers to know what's going through your head. [...] Or your heart.

[Whenever Rin’s eyes are on him, he can always feel the different things behind them. Sometimes they’re happy, looking at him with joy. Other times they’re appraising, looking over his body to see what he looks like and if he’s taking care of himself. And then moments like these… when Sousuke feels his gaze lingering on him, full of sadness and nostalgia, looking at someone who may or may not be there, someone who’s changed, who’s different. He knows that look without even having to see it now; he knows why that look is there as well. Both because of his own amnesia and Rin’s “Tokyo friend” …

This kind of look never makes him feel comfortable. It reminds him of what Rin lost, of what he lost, and makes him doubt himself. All of him.

Who am I?

Sousuke frowns at Rin’s words. They’re a relief to hear. Rin is there for him, always. He knows who Sousuke is and he won’t let him doubt himself for long. But simultaneously, they’re a burden. Because Rin knows more about Sousuke than even Sousuke does. He should be annoyed that Rin would “tell” him what Sousuke feels and would do… yet he feels nothing “wrong” about the statement. Because it’s true.

He would kiss him again. And he would want to.]

Aa… [Sousuke tilts his head back and gazes up at the stars.] And then you’d cry again.

[In that respect, Sousuke knows Rin better than anyone too. He’s learned his quirks and cues, what thoughts swim behind his eyes as he watches the world and his shinki every day. He knows only enough to keep their bond strong, both on and off the battlefield. What should otherwise be unnerving ends up putting his mind at ease instead, because there’s no guess work or vagueness between them anymore. Sousuke might not know everything, but he knows enough, just enough, to keep their friendship as it should be. ... Still, Rin knows Sousuke can never truly be satisfied with “just enough.” He knows he’s searching for more.

Is that why he looks to the stars like that?

I can’t tell you who you are. Nobody can. That’s something you have to rediscover on your own.

Pebbles crackle beneath his feet as he steps closer and breaks the distance by a foot or so. Hands in his pockets, maroon hair gently blowing in the breeze. Somehow, he feels warmer hearing those words, not because he’s embarrassed, but because they reach the deepest parts of his heart. Always thinking about him, his future, his safety... his smile. Not his tears.

I knew you would cry...]

I wouldn’t. [Maybe. Within reason.] I’d be more prepared.

[Yes, he has learned a lot about Rin. He knows him very well, both discovered and instinctive. Able to read his thoughts and mood without having to hear him say something, just by looking at his face, his eyes, or seeing his body motions. Twitches of his brow, barely-noticeable dips of his eyes, a pink on his face, the ease of his breath… Even some of the reasons behind his passions and dreams. For all the discomfort and awkwardness that filled their first few weeks together, the time that’s gone by has seen him grow closer, comfortable, content around Rin. With him. A strong friendship that runs far deeper than he readily admits rests between them. Comforting him with the promise Rin will be there for him.

And yet, for all he knows about Rin, Rin knows so much more about him. There’s an imbalance between them that shouldn’t be there. I want to know more about you… There’s still so much I don’t know. So much I can’t remember. It’s not enough. For either of them. The stars don’t offer any answer, but they are relaxing. Despite the two teenagers’ size and athletic bodies, they’re still just two tiny people on this big world. But they’re together. And that’s what’s important. Broken, complete, missing, found, sad, happy, small or big.

Sousuke lowers his head as Rin approaches him. It’s only a slight drift, but it brings them close again. The river breeze flutters through Rin’s bangs and rustles though Sousuke’s hair, dragging the hems and collars of their formal clothes. Hn, isn’t it always Rin’s tears and the fact Sousuke wishes he could prevent them, knowing they would be there, that usually prompt him in these intense, deeper moments of their relationship.

The promise earns a slight hum and lift of his shoulders. Maybe even a tiny, soft smile.] Sure. [He doesn’t believe him. Though, at least, he’s pretty sure Rin will be more prepared if it happens again.] … Do you want me to?

[Oy, what’s that shrug for? He thinks about calling him out on it, even closing what remains of their distance to kick him in the back of the knee, but the moment doesn’t call for it and Rin stays put a little while longer, quiet, still, unsure of what else he can say to move the evening along. They’ve accomplished what they set out here to do. Have a nice dinner, explore a bit of the nightlife, walk along the river until they’ve just about passed midnight. So... what’s stopping them from going back home? Mm... no. It’s not that simple. He’s still searching for something, a proper conclusion to this strange chapter in their relationship, but something tells Rin this isn’t as open and shut as most of their arguments or obstacles. It’ll take time. To process, learn, examine, understand. Yes, it’s in their nature to want results now, but for once, they won’t be able to rush ahead.

They need to take their time.

Sousuke’s question stays unanswered for some time then while Rin considers. Does he want him to? ... Well.

Finally, the silence breaks when Rin’s footsteps start up again, slowly making their way over until there’s barely a foot between them. He’s looking directly at Sousuke, still searching, watching, waiting...]

Do you want me to?

[What if... I kiss you instead?]

[Cause he’s not as vocal as you; that’s what. Also because he has little to say. Rin knows he doesn’t believe those words, but it’s not spiteful, simply amused and calm. After the flurry of emotion prior, Sousuke’s relieved things have settled enough they can talk without yelling or crying. Bringing the trigger-topic back up and neither of them panicking or freaking out is proof enough. Not sure how long it will last, but he’ll take the improvement. Unfortunately, improvement doesn’t mean resolution. They’re still mulling this event in their heads. The night’s “done” as far as their goals went. Dinner, finished, night life, seen-ish, some relaxation, complete. All that’s left should be to simple return home. Take a shower. Go to sleep in the same bed as always… He said he wanted to go swimming when they got back, but it might not happen now that they’re calmer and probably going to be tired when they arrive.

So of course he has to go and ask a question like that. Not just bringing up the topic, but practically dropping them both right back into it.

The silence is actually wanted. Perhaps it’s a rhetorical question, something he wants Rin to think about rather than answer. Yes, that’s it. A pondering idea for the next time.

Che, apparently he forgot who he was talking to. The sound of slippery rocks and grass underfoot herald Rin’s approach until the other teenager’s right next to him. Almost flush against him. Looking at him, searching, Waiting…

And asking that question, dumping the onus right back on him. Mataku…

Sousuke looks at Rin, gazing silently at his face, the lights of the city glittering in his eyes, the breeze setting his bangs into gentle waves. Someone just dodged the question and he knows Rin knows that. If Rin kissed him… Obviously Sousuke already kissed him, so doesn’t that answer the question? This could conceivably go in circles forever.

He finally reaches up… and lazily gives Rin’s hair a little ruffle before playfully pushing his head and nudging him away from the river and back to the park’s pathways.] Come on, Mr. Romantic Maniac. Let’s go. Before we end up skinny dipping in the river. [The last part’s given with a small, affectionate smile as Sousuke turn to head back to the park.

The kiss can wait. He knows Rin’s a romantic, and impulsive. This could be anywhere from a challenge in his mind to somehow “evening up the score” or even something forced because he thinks Sousuke wants him to kiss him. Or he could be caught up in the moment and the atmosphere. Yes, he knows his best friend would have kissed him if he said “Yes.” But… they both need to think more about the “why” they’re doing it for a little bit more befpre diving into the end of the pool. He wants to kiss Rin again, but, is it because he thinks he’s got something to prove or simply “because I can” or some other shallow reason. Hell, he can’t even give a straight answer for why he kissed Rin in the first place! So… if that’s the case, he wants to know, really know, before he does something so special to Rin again.

Rin, of all people, deserves that respect.]

Edited 2017-12-23 16:30 (UTC)

[He knows what he's doing, knows it's stupid and will only end up dragging them around in circles. It's just... something he wanted to do, more to challenge than anything else. Did he expect to get an answer out of it? Maybe. Even just a shrug will suffice, vague as it might be. Whatever comes out of it, Rin isn't hesitant, and continues staring at Sousuke even when he raises his head to gaze back with that silent, unreadable expression.

Ok, so maybe a hair ruffle wasn't at the top of his list of expected reactions. But there it is, making him dip his head slightly and puff his cheeks like a bratty kid. Oy, and pushing at him too? What's all that about?]

Wh-- What're you talking about!? [And skinny dipping? He might be joking here, but that's still a weird thing to say, you know! With the mood lifted at any rate, Rin falls into step behind his shinki then right up beside him once they've made their way back to the trail towards the city, hands in his pockets, hair and clothes a bit windswept, his heart heavy. No, it doesn't feel good to leave the conversation incomplete, but if they want to make it home some time tonight, he'll have to learn to let it go. Sousuke's right anyway. They still don't know what they're doing or why. Something that close, that special... He doesn't want to be shallow.

So he walks and after heaving a sigh turns his attention up towards the night sky. ... Looks like they'll have no choice but to brush this under the rug for now.]

[There’s no resistance, no digging heels into the ground and demanding continuation. For that, he’s glad. Relieved actually. He really didn’t want to have to protest the question or fight Rin on the matter. Looks like they’re both going to simply let it drop. It’s unusual for them to leave things unresolved; Rin likes getting answers and Sousuke at least likes to get a decision (even if it’s just his own held inside). But they can’t more forward like this. Too much emotion, too much irrational, atmosphere.

As for the hair ruffle, well… Rin does it to him plenty so why not do it back for once! (Honestly, it doesn’t feel as good, come to find out; hair ruffles work best with shorter hair after all.) At least it gets an amusing reaction, Rin looking like a bratty kid with his cheeks pinking and puffed, head dipped and generally doing a similar reaction to Sousuke’s response when he’s getting it. Heh, they really are similar.]

You know what I’m getting at. [Minus the skinny dipping part; he’d been grasping for words, ended up with swimming and something swimming-related that was awkward. Skinny dipping fit and now he’s trying to brush the idea out of the air. Go away, away, he never said you! Anyways, they’re walking now, hands in pockets and a little ruffled in hair and clothes from all they’ve dealt with in the past half an hour. Rin falls in step next to him and Sousuke soon enough instinctively syncs their rhythm/]

We really should go out more. [This last blunder aside, the rest of the evening has been nice. It really feels like this is the first time they’ve been able to be so open with each other. Confusing, admitting they don’t know, making mistakes, but moving forward. You know… real relationship stuff. Nothing god or shinki about it.]

[The side glare he gives Sousuke is judging, but he says nothing more about that skinny dipping nonsense, mostly for the sake of keeping his cheeks less... pink. Hmph. What he’s getting at... What else could he be getting at!? Bakasuke...

For a minute or two after, the world falls quiet with little more than the sound of pebbles and earth crunching beneath their shoes, and in that moment Rin feels the heaviness inside him finally beginning to settle. It spreads through his veins and into his legs, out his heels and into the ground where it’s left farther and farther behind... Maybe it’ll come back. An hour, two hours, several days ahead. He should feel anxious for that, but more than anything he thinks he’s too tired to be. A combination of eating, drinking and losing energy to so much adrenaline in the span of a couple hours. ... Usual fare for both of them, isn’t it?

Rin looks up again once Sousuke breaks the silence and for a while he’s unresponsive... until he purposefully steps closer on his next step, just close enough to lightly nudge at his best friend’s arm with his. It’s not meant to shove him or anything... after all, it’s too gentle for that. Affectionate? Mm... can’t say for sure.]

We will. [He’s making that a promise.] You should pick the place next time.

[Don’t judge him; you say stupid stuff when you’re flustered too. He just said the first thing that crashed into his mind semi-related to the subject of swimming and awkward. And kissing… which = intimacy. So yeah. Anyways, he’s done defending himself in his head. Thank god he’s not having to voice it to Rin.

It’s quiet. Nothing but the breeze, the sound of the river behind them, and the clamor of the city in front of the park. Tokyo… Sousuke really does want to keep exploring the city. They made plans during dinner, right? Something about going to see robots fight and which one of them would be the first to back out of an adult bar. He wants to see the sights and experience things that Rin’s “Tokyo friend” got to experience. Maybe he’d find something that will make Rin and himself feel more comfortable with their lot in this life. But… unfortunately, despite all the desire, neither the will nor the strength are there right now. He’s too tired.

Combination of the dinner, the awkward, the stress, the fight, the emotions, the formal, the enjoyment, all of it. Sousuke’s eyes slip to the side, catching Rin moving closer to him on purpose. A light nudge and—bump. The taller boy shifts a little, pretty sure that action’s a combination of tired tease and muted affection. But whatever it’s from, he’s grateful for it. Means nothing’s ruined.]

Aa. I will. [Well, save for one thing…] … but you still know the places here, so I’ll have to ask.

[Truthfully, Rin wants to keep exploring Tokyo until his legs give out or they run out of things to discover, which ever comes first. Despite being a small town kid, he lives for new sights and experiences, so a city as bustling as this can’t possibly disappoint him. Still, even if his body can carry him hundreds of miles through these streets, his heart won’t let him venture any farther from where he and his shinki have already been. He wants to remain in familiar territory, safe territory, until they feel up to the challenge again. Together.

The air’s thick with an odd mixture of anticipation and exhaustion by the time they set foot on concrete again. Rin’s shoes might be scuffed, his clothes wrinkled. He’s since given up on straightening himself out though and while one hand reaches for Sousuke’s arm to prepare them for teleportation the other tugs at his tie until it hangs loosely from his collar.]

I don’t know them all. ... But I guess it couldn’t hurt to lead you around while we explore. Y’know, so you don’t end up lost.

[And hopefully before Sousuke can retort, Rin sets his castle in his mind’s eye, faces forward, and quickly propels them through time and space back to the second Shore. He chooses to save them some time on walking by teleporting right in front of their bedroom door. Quiet halls, dark corridors, a splash of pink highlighted by the silver moon in the windows... It still isn’t home, but it’ll do.]

[Well they’re not going to get far in this huge city tonight. Sousuke’s already finding himself listening for the sounds of the city as they walk through the park. The murmur of people, the irregular rhythm of cars honking, the wind between the buildings. It sounds busy, full of sights and experiences he didn’t know, piquing his curiosity and interest. While Sousuke’s a lot quieter about his excitement than Rin is, he’s not any less explorative. Just, definitely more cautious and ready to “okay finished, been there, done that, let’s go home” than his best friend too. Unfortunately, right now the latter-most is driving his feet. His want is there, but his will and strength are not. Not tonight.

As they finally emerge from the bank and back into the park, Sousuke balls his hands inside his pockets. They’re going to leave. He’s momentarily torn between a stubborn desire to stay and an exhausted urge to tell Rin to hurry up. He just wants to unbutton his shirt and slump down on the couch to rest right now. The evening’s been a whirlwind. … Are you really tugging that tie open out here in public, Rin? Good thing no one’s around or he’d be turning heads.]

Oy. [Sousuke narrows his eyes and scowls.] I don’t get lost.

[Baka. He could argue that whole “leading around” jab, but unfortunately, logic’s real and he definitely would have no idea where he was going even if he knew the restaurant he wants to go to. Of course, one “dog on a leash” pun and he’ll step on Rin’s foot without remorse.

Neither’s going to happen because a moment later, Tokyo vanishes and a rush of sakura petals and the sound of water splashing heralds them back to the interior of their castle. And the bedroom door in their faces. It’s quiet, dark… calm. Rin’s hand on his arm, his solid body right next to him. For a brief second, Sousuke’s lips burn. Kiss him again. It’d be completely hidden in the shadows, they wouldn’t even see each other, even if they… And it fades.

Sousuke breathes out in silent relief and starts unbuttoning his vest with one hand, the other catching the doorknob and opening their room.]

[Yes, he's really tugging on his tie out here in the open. It's not like anyone can see him! Well, except Sousuke, but it's nothing he isn't used to, right?

He'll just roll his eyes, unafraid of that scowl, and once they're finally through to the other side, Rin drops his hand from Sousuke's arm so he can raise both above his head in a lazy stretch. They haven't done much else except walk, eat and talk tonight, but he feels exhausted inside and out. Too exhausted to argue, even tease if Sousuke chooses now to get back at him for suggesting he lead him around the city. Thankfully, the subject doesn't come up again and with the sound of the doorknob he follows behind his shinki, hands already tugging off the rest of his tie so he can unbutton his vest and shirt in the darkness of their bedroom.]

Oh yeah. [he pipes up after he's gotten all the buttons of his shirt undone, white fabric now loose, pale skin exposed under the moon when he turns toward the bed.] You said you wanted to swim.

[He might be up for it... but only if Sousuke is.]

[That’s another thing about himself Sousuke wonders: why does he get these sudden flares of obviously-not-jealousy/protectiveness when it comes to Rin? It’s a lot different than his duty as a shinki to his god. Rather, something more… personal. He’s felt it a few times and it bothers him. Mostly because he has little to really… base it on?

Anyways, they’re back home and everything just feels exhausted. His arms are lead, feet stone, and his eyelids are trying to droop. Once they’re through the door, he pulls the panel shut, the soft ‘click’ of the lock seeming to close them off from the rest of the world. Just Rin and him. It’s instantly more comfortable. Without seeing it, he knows Rin’s already tugging at his clothes. Mostly because Sousuke’s mirroring the motions, reaching up and pulling his already-slung-low tie off his neck and working on the last buttons of the silver vest.

The room’s a striking display of light and dark, the grand windows streaming silver moonbeams through the glass and spilling a river of white over their bed. It’s been a long time since Sousuke’s slept on the nest of blankets beside the bed. Ever since that night, they’ve slept together. The swimmer slides the button through the hole and pulls the black shirt open on his chest, a silent breath slipping free at the feeling of air on his skin.]

Hm? [Oh. Sousuke looks over his shoulder as he walks towards the bed. He pauses mid-step, one foot hovering on his toes as his weight rest on the other leg. It’s… a photogenic moment. Seeing Rin standing there with a white shirt lying open on his chest, exposing the sleek musculature of a swimmer’s body. Light skin turned whiteish silver in the moon’s glow, giving soft shadow over the dips and curves of his pectrals and abdominals. All framed between the snowy curtains. (And that’s not even getting into the ever-present details of Rin’s face and hair…) Amazing what one kiss does to someone’s eyes.]

Oh…[Right. Swimming. Hmph, like Rin even needs to ask the unspoken question. Sousuke leans forward and twists, the soft husk of carpet sounding under the ball of his foot before he lands on his back on the bed, black shirt and silver vest spreading open like wings on either side of his chest. He leaves his arms to fall as they may, outstretched and tired.] Tomorrow. Right now… I just want to stay here with you.

[Rin might not be able to pinpoint what those little flare ups are when they come out of the blue, but they've jolted him out of enough calm and collective moments to warrant concern. It's not anger, not quite. Frustration... not exactly. Despite his curiosity though, Rin hasn't asked Sousuke a single question about it, considering the last time he approached him about it (more like barged in on him) they could barely look at each other for the rest of the day. He's never been uncomfortable with not knowing everything about his best friend before... but this is different. This is something he feels he needs to address before it spirals out of control.

Of course, he could just be throwing something insignificant out of proportion. For all he knows, this could be "normal." You know. Normal like stripping in front of each other, sleeping next to each other... kissing each other. Tsk. This whole night's been the exact opposite of normal.

Swimming might not be the best idea then. Might feel too out of place, too forced. There's no disagreement then when Sousuke flops over and sinks into bed. Actually, it's tempting to do the same. Dive in, hug his pillow, let sleep take over before his mind has the chance to keep him awake for another few restless hours. Well, ok, he might not dive in, but he does swing one knee up onto the mattress, ready to push and roll himself under the blanket, but with his hands propping himself up he has a better view of his shinki resting beside him. Hmph. Lazy idiot. He could at least take his vest off... or cover up before he gets too cold.

Unconsciously, his eyes wander, glancing at the bed, the window... the gentle rise and fall of Sousuke's chest beneath his shirt while he breathes. Tomorrow... You really should take your vest off... Staying here with him... Dammit, you'll get your shirt all wrinkly. Just take it off...

He acts before he can think twice, both knees hiking up so he can crawl over and plant his hands down on either side of Sousuke's head. Staring, watching, his eyes are like two glistening rubies against the shadows of his face.]

... You're saying stuff like that a lot lately. [Fingers twitch, curling into the sheets.] Swimming with me, cooking with me, staying with me... [~~あなたが好きです.~~ ... Did he really say that back then too? As the god of love, he should know about this better than anyone and instinct tells him to search, dig deep into Sousuke's heart to uncover every last detail his powers will allow. What did you mean when you said that? What do you mean when you tell me these things?

Like always though, Rin restrains himself, but remains staring down at his shinki with hot intensity.]

... Why is it always me?

[Right. This is normal. Like waking up with the powers of a god or with no memory but able to turn into a dog. Like living in a huge castle and answering people’s prayer requests and fighting killer monsters that want to eat innocent people. Compared to the other side of their new lives, maybe stripping in front of each other and sleeping together aren’t really that “abnormal” after all. It’s at least remotely teenager and athletes lifestyle happenings. Maybe not barging in on each other showering (ahem), but… Well, the kissing, yeah. This night’s been weird.

But does Sousuke regret what happened? He’s not sure. Back then, he regretted the kiss. Because of Rin’s reactions and the following awkward argument. But afterwards, and now… Ugh, he still doesn’t know. It’s frustrating. A kiss means something. The fact Rin asked him if he’d do it again, the fact Sousuke’s already thought about doing it again, that means something too. It’d be best to just close his eyes and fall asleep before his brain has much chance to turn on again…

Best if he weren’t being jostled by someone else climbing onto the bed. Rin’s next to him, probably wondering how he’s going to sink into the bed with Sousuke sprawled out on it. Hmph. In a minute, mister. He just wants to lie here for a few seconds… While the image of Rin in the moonlight remains entangled in his mind without moving. Stupid picturesque best friend. Sousuke closes his eyes as he feels Rin’s start to wander over him. So many times Rin’s looked at him. For so many different reasons. This time… it feels different. Like how Sousuke felt different when he looked at Rin in the park… in the moonlight.

Hm? His head sinks and both eyes open in mild surprise as he bounces.] Oy… [But that’s all that comes out; the rest is arrested in his mouth. He finds himself gazing up into Rin’s face. Inverted, obviously, but completely detailed. The shine of his eyes, glistening like the water he loves, sparkling with a quiet-but-intense fire, capture Sousuke’s attention. They contrast with the shadows covering Rin’s face, lanced with the way his maroon hair drapes down in curtains beside his cheekbones and jawline, framing his visage perfectly. It’s… unfair. Captivating.]

What stuff? [Sousuke’s expression is calm, bland almost, normal for him, but his heart picks up pace slightly as he hears the sheets scrape with Rin’s curling fingers. Yeah, he’s said stuff. Swimming. Cooking. Staying.] Aa…? Why would I not talk about that? [Rin’s his life. From being his shinki to owing him his life to giving him his freedom to being his friend to making Sousuke’s life as comfortable and “normal” as Rin possibly could. Why would he not… talk about those things?

Yet Rin’s eyes remain on him, dragging his shinki’s teal gaze to his own. It’s hot… Sousuke feels heat between them, under his shirt, through his spine. Don’t ask--

… that question.

Sousuke’s eyes waver, but they don’t break their gaze. How is he supposed to answer such a question? Rudely, yes. Rin’s almost literally all he’s known in his new life. With his memories gone, he only has his time here on the two Shores to build off of. Most of those memories are with his god. Like many shinki. But he knows such an answer would instantly frustrate and guilt Rin. And it’s not what he’s asking either. Evasively, yes. Why would he not speak of Rin so often? He spends time with him, swims with him, sleeps in the same bed, cooks with him and eats with him, shares plenty of important memories with him since their partnership, good times and bad. He’s helped Rin with the return and freeing of his father, Rin’s helped Sousuke conquer his aversion towards swimming, they’ve even been children with each other again. But, that doesn’t quite answer the question for Sousuke. Why is it always Rin? Why does he get these feelings around him? Why does he know him so well? Why do they share so many things, get along perfectly despite their fights and clashes? Why is he so comfortable around him… to the point of lying here with clothes lying half-open on his body with Rin leaning over him like some scene out of a romance movie? Why is he so willing to sacrifice for him, so determined to prevent him from crying, so protective of him? Things he can’t answer… He could blame it on his amnesia, but even that is a half-hollow excuse. He’s been with Rin for several months now. More than enough time to develop his own opinions, feelings, memories, outside of what he’s forgotten.

So… that kind of question…]

… I don’t know. [He’d really like to know himself too.] … Does it bother you?

[He's not sure what to make of that look once Sousuke opens his eyes. They've looked at each other hundreds of times, but this time... it feels different in a way he can't explain. Is it because of the heartfelt confessions or maybe it's only the kiss. Maybe it's both or something he's yet to uncover. Whatever the reason, he finds himself mirroring that gaze, eyes softening, focus flitting from his best friend's eyes to his cheeks and the way his bangs just barely touch his brows. ... Rin never wanted to admit he missed people when he left them behind, but every day from dusk to dawn, waking up and falling asleep in this same bed with the same body beside him... he knows he misses Sousuke. Yes, he's the same person. He has the same name, same voice, looks and personality. But deep inside him there's something missing and, in turn, it feels as if something's missing from Rin too.

They're balanced in every way except for their memories and it destroys him a little bit more each time he remembers. Of course he doesn't remember. He doesn't know why Rin looks at him the way he does, why he insists on carrying heavier things for him after they've gone grocery shopping, why he knows exactly what clothes to buy for him or what jokes he'll find the funniest. Of course he doesn't know... because he doesn't remember what they used to be. What they're supposed to be.

Rin doesn't answer the question and chooses instead to keep staring in silence, aware of the heat between them but helpless to address it. Why would he not talk about those things? No reason. He should. Because there's nothing wrong with them and Rin likes it when he says them. Secretly... he even cherishes them, because Sousuke's never been that open before, at least not about wanting to be with Rin. Simple things, everyday things, but... Sousuke wants to be a part of all that even now.

So then. Does it bother him?

It should. He should say it's too selfless of Sousuke to think that way. He should think more of what he wants and his dreams instead of revolving his decisions around Rin. In the end, it's not what Rin answers, and after offering a somewhat somber smile he once again fists his hands into the blankets, this time hard enough to just barely white his knuckles.]

That's the thing. [It's half amused, half disbelieving.] ... I do like it. [More than I can admit.]

But I know that makes me selfish.

[He could try to explain the difference, but Sousuke knows he’d just be running around in circles and never making a point. The kiss, his memories, Rin’s past, their first “date” if you thought about it like that, any of those things could be the reason behind their eyes right now. Rin’s looking at him in a way he both can’t recognize and a way he’s seen so many times before. Eyes seeking his face, his visage, for someone who isn’t there. The person Rin remembers is the very person Sousuke’s forgotten. They’ve had that conversation so many times before in so many different ways. From somber whispers to frustrated yelling. Rin misses who was once there; Sousuke, for all his experiences and memories he’s gained since waking in the Shores, is simply a physical cage housing the locked away memories of “someone else.” It’s a cruel way of thinking about it, self-scathing and not helping either of them… but it’s true no matter how much Rin says he’s okay with it and Sousuke says it’s fine.

Both of them know they’re not… complete.

Sousuke knows Rin will never see him as “someone else” though; he continues to hold that Sousuke’s simply forgotten his past, that he’s still the same person he is now. Only missing pieces. Pieces dangerous for them to even go referencing. Pieces that shape his reactions and personality. In that sense, Sousuke’s grateful… but he’s also afraid. Who he is now could very well disappear. He wants to think it’s foolish, but how can he not have that concern? It’s agonizing when Rin looks at him, realizing the person he once knew is no longer there. Who he was before, why he does the things he does, all those building blocks that shape a person. And if that person is who Sousuke assumes it is… the friend from Tokyo that is so important to Rin…

This isn’t doing either of them any favors. It’s sad; they can never really have deep discussions because of the risks they carry. Like sharks, nearing the surface, but never willing to breach the water and see the other side. Sousuke’s question goes unanswered and he’s grateful for it. Perhaps it’d been rhetorical. The silence grants him seconds of reprieve from the frustration and pain the answer will bring. It’s hot instead, rising heat glowing under his shirt, burning in his chest, threatening to make its way to Sousuke’s face and color his tan skin the longer he looks at Rin’s face. This is going to be another moment between them… isn’t it. Another memory made important for its undercurrents and decisions.

Does it bother you that it’s always about you? Sousuke knows the answer to the question already; of course it bothers Rin. Even if the young man is proud and can be selfish at times, he’s also selfless and kindhearted. It’s not like Rin’s alien to putting others before himself. And yet, for some reason, a forgotten reason, Sousuke worries about it. Worries that Rin will risk something important for the sake of another. Something that could possible ruin him. Something that Sousuke would much rather sacrifice instead so that Rin can keep smiling… To protect Rin and watch over him is a facet of himself Sousuke’s come to realize runs far deeper than his duty as a shinki. It’s part of him long before he died. Specific to Rin. He doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand it… but doesn’t fight it either.

The somber smile above him heralds the sheets clenching even tighter beside his ears, what he knows without seeing are white knuckles pulling the covers taut under his head. You’re frustrated again, aren’t you, Rin. And you’re trying to hold it back, idiot. Sousuke watches his best friend with a calm expression, impassive on the surface to anyone save for the young man leaning over him. Of course Rin likes it when people pay attention to him, when Sousuke focuses on him. He’s that kind of person… but… is he really feeling guilty for being that way?

Before he knows it, the husk of sheets and fabric see the swimmer’s strong arm lifting from the bed, shirt and vest falling a little back over his chest. He reaches up, arm bending at the elbow and hand at the wrist. Until fingers thread through the silken maroon strands falling over the back of Rin’s head. Until the warmth of his scalp fills Sousuke’s palm and covers his fingers as he holds Rin close.]

It’s fine if you want to be selfish with me. [A moment taken to focus his eyes on Rin’s.] I like it.

[Of course it bothers him. It bothers him every day. Knowing this one characteristic, out of all things, remains unchanged in his best friend even without his memories. He hoped he'd be more selfish, or at least learn to think about himself, what he wants, hopes for, dreams about... He worries being Rin's shinki might have morphed his mind somehow and led him to believe he's expendable so long as Rin, his god, stays alive. He worries he's contributing to that way of thinking simply by existing and that in some twisted way of fate he'll end up responsible for Sousuke's undoing... again. He'll hurt himself, sacrifice himself, destroy himself, all to see Rin safe and smiling. He doesn't get it, doesn't understand it... but no amount of fighting will bring Sousuke to stop.

So it's frustrating, wanting to redirect Sousuke's attention but cling to it all the same. Yes, it's stupid... but it's who Sousuke is. To focus on Rin was always his choice, his freedom. Who will he be if he tries to take that away? Guilty. Just as he'd be if he leaves it alone.

His chest aches, heavy and fluttering all at once. The feeling isn't unfamiliar, but it's rare, sudden, and not what he expects at a time like this. Just keep holding back. Keep looking forward, down, keep smiling so everything stays and nothing escalates anymore. But Rin's eyes betray him and with a strong yet gentle hand reaching for his face he knows he's never been more transparent to his best friend than he is now. As soon as bare skin touches bare skin, he sighs, frustrated but resigned, and shuts his eyes to find some calm in the darkness. Touching him. Holding him. Telling him it's fine, it's ok, I understand. Briefly the image of a much younger Sousuke flashes in his mind, snow falling between his eyes, a familiar blue and white scarf wrapped around his neck.

Is it really fine? Or are you only saying that because you don't want me to cry?

Rin's eyelids tremble before he forces himself to meet Sousuke's gaze a second time, and suddenly he's grown too aware of how hot his body is now that they're touching. Is he going crazy? He has to be... otherwise Sousuke's words wouldn't be moving him the way they do. The way he says them, his voice, his touch...

Embarrassed, Rin turns his head until his cheek brushes against the inside of the other swimmer's wrist, the cords in his neck straining, his breath and heart beat bringing red all the way to the tips of his ears.

I like it. Well...]

... I like you.

[Outside, the cherry blossoms fall still.]

[Rin’s not the only one it bothers, but even if he wonders about it every now and then, Sousuke has no intention to try and stop himself from caring about Rin. Where it comes from, he assumes is locked away in his mind, but the instinctive urge and the quiet happiness that come from it can’t be denied. Or much less excused as simply being Rin’s shinki. Maybe it’s selfish of Sousuke to be so concerned about Rin while he remains rather apathetic towards others (or at least semi-reluctantly involved), but trying to go against it is as foolish as trying to stop breathing. Voicing such things to Rin, however, will send them both down a path of doubt and suspicion towards their relationship and nature towards each other. Whether the “god” and “shinki” are influencing them or if this is something more.

Sousuke believes it’s the latter, but… he knows Rin worries about it being the former. Probably even blames himself, guiltily thinking his position as Sousuke’s god is affecting his shinki’s personality. And unfortunately, without his memories, Sousuke has no solid rejoinder. It’s uncomfortable, but best to let the matter remain a dark undercurrent between them, both young men thinking what they will of it while waiting for something to finally shed some light.

How is it that he understands Rin so much already? They’ve said so little since returning to the room, Rin’s said almost nothing in return to his answer/question, and yet, Sousuke’s able to see what swims behind his best friend’s eyes. Knows his chest feels as heavy as Sousuke’s, as if he hears the flutter of his heart as his pulse picks up. Effort exerted to keep himself from spilling out something he’s desperately holding back. Sousuke knows he is; Rin’s trying to plaster that smile over his face and pretend things are acceptable as they are now. So nothing escalates further between them into risky territory. It’s kind of pathetic, but the larger swimmer can’t call him out on it without being a total hypocrite. So he watches instead, watching Rin’s red eyes begin to quiver and swim within the shadows of his face, listening to and feeling the puff of a frustrated breath blowing over his forehead and through his hair. A moment of surrender before Rin closes his eyes and Sousuke knows it’s over for the time being.

It’s all right, Rin. I understand. … So don’t cry.

They’ll handle it another time. Because for all the frustration and unaddressed problems, Sousuke and Rin remain each other’s constants. It’s the most important thing. So long as he can continue to be here beside Rin to support him, eventually things will get worked out. It’s the least he can do for his god, his friend.

Sousuke meets the revealed red as they open; Rin’s forcing himself to look at him, weathering the heat and emotions inside. While he doesn’t show them as vividly, it’d be a lie to say Sousuke doesn’t feel the same inside. Hot. Frustrated. Embarrassed. Confused. But… as Rin turns his head and the warmth of his cheek flushes against the tendons on the underside of Sousuke’s wrist, the swimmer’s pulse picks up again and he feels something inside him give. So much red above him, glowing dark on Rin’s cheeks, cresting the tips of his ears, highlighting the straining cords on his neck.

What I said before… what I did… None of it was a lie.

And then those words. Three simple words that flutter out as quietly as falling sakura petals. Sousuke’s eyes widen slowly, a faint red stain spreading on his tan face. A moment, frozen in time, when his stomach twisted in a knot and melted into a mess simultaneously, his heart skipped once and raced furiously after, the skin on his face and body constricting two sizes too tight, and everything felt… strange. Surprised, yes, but not as much as he should be? A kiss in the park minutes ago, the burn that haunted his lips, a mix of chlorine tinge and spicy hint, a held breath and wide eyes… and a question.

Would you do it again?

…I like you…

Just them, two young men on the bed, one lying on his back, the other kneeling over him, faces so close, one hand holding the other’s head still, bathed in moonlight and splashed with angular shadow amid a background of window-framed breath-held cherry blossom trees. Gossamer shadows flicking across their bodies, branches of pink silver suddenly blocked out as he lifts from the bed and his lips find his mouth once again. Their silhouettes meld into one connected body. It’s deeper this time. Slow. Not an attempt to shut up or prevent tears. Instead, an answer. Lips pressing until their skin molds to each other’s, teeth firm against the back of his lips, mouth parted enough his breath can seep through and exchange with his best friend’s. His best friend… who is more than a best friend.

Sousuke tilts his head slightly, gently seeking the perfect angle where they fit together. His nose brushes against the side of Rin’s chin as his hand slides down from the back of Rin’s head to instead capture the side of his face. Index finger resting on the young man’s burning cheek, third and fourth finger cupping his god’s ear between them with soothing strokes, fifth finger hovering alongside the pulsing beat of the swimmer’s neck, thumb tenderly tracing just above his slender brow. Tender, yes. Passionate (experimental), of course. Possessive… very. He kissed him before because he didn’t know. Now, as Sousuke opens his mouth and his next breath flows over the tentative reach of his tongue to the rim of Rin’s mouth, just shy of the sharp teeth he found so alluring… he knows his answer.

私もあなたが好きです]

Edited 2018-01-07 08:01 (UTC)

[He’s said too much. With three simple words, he’s hammered the last nail on his coffin and the smartest thing to do now would be to back away, find another room and pretend none of this ever happened. A normal reaction, considering his inexperience. After all, he’s said it countless times before: he might be a god, but before anything else he’s only a human boy. A teenager who still blushes furiously at the thought of holding someone’s hand. It shouldn’t be this clumsy. It was supposed to be sincere, romantic, intimate and true, not timid and withdrawn, hidden away in the shadows. Part of him thinks to do it again, do it properly... but he quickly dismisses the thought and holds his tongue, lips pursing against Sousuke’s skin. He doesn’t fit in his own body right now. His bones are too brittle, his skin too tight, his heart too heavy. He hasn’t even taken the chance to see Sousuke’s reaction at all.

This can’t be normal for you. You must be afraid. Just let me go and we’ll forget...

... how incredibly unfair of him not to listen.

But, really, Sousuke wouldn’t be himself if he did anything less.

In their combined heat, Rin shivers. His throat dips in a heavy swallow. His fingers fall numb, still clutching the wrinkled bedsheets for dear life. Truthfully, this isn’t normal for him either, and... sure. He’s afraid. Terrified, if he thinks hard enough about it. Because it must be easy to shatter this moment to pieces with anything. A wrong breath, a single tear, maybe even no movement at all. Their friendship can stand the test of time, but if it’s true that more exists... then they’ve never been so fragile. New and vulnerable, the fate of this relationship stands unstable, held together only by another kiss, another touch, and three weak words he isn’t sure he’s allowed to regret. Suddenly the room feels small. Their bed is too cramped, the space between them no longer exists. It’s only them... just them... as it was in the beginning.

We didn’t know what we were back then. Even now, sometimes it’s difficult to say. But from here on out... what will we be to each other?

What will I be to you?

Rin’s nature tells him to never wait for results. He should never ask questions. He should actively chase down his answers. So then... how can he be so restrained as they come together now, the position strange, the atmosphere frozen, the kiss... deep. Somehow he’s become focused, acutely aware of every bead of sweat as it seeps through his pores. Their lips both feel different. His are softer, Sousuke’s fuller. Parted, opening, wider and wider– He has his answer already. With the passion, the forwardness and the intensity, it can’t be anything else.

A rustle of fabric and Rin opens his eyes, the look in them dizzy as he tries to make sense of what he’s hearing. The chill on his shoulders tells him his shirt’s starting to fall away from his body, which... probably shouldn’t stop if he wants to cool down. One beat to consider, then he shrugs, letting the white dress shirt crumple around his shoulders before gracefully falling over both biceps, hard and flexed as he leans back a little more on his knees. What’s happening... What’s happening? No need to ask. No need to wait. His answer comes and he takes it with a greedy mouth, surprising even himself when he misjudges the distance and ends up mashing lips together with a clumsy click of teeth. He’s not suave enough to fix it quickly, but he can at least try to cover it up, right arm reaching to hook around Sousuke’s neck, teeth making way for his own tentative tongue to reach... then retreat at the last possible millisecond.

Long enough to breathe,]

Sousuke...

[... the trees quake. Blossoms continue to fall.]

Edited 2018-01-08 09:45 (UTC)

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