thenearshore | Semi-open - You are the sun

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Semi-open - You are the sun

Who: Son Goku and friends.
When: December 5th and 6th
Where: Huitzilopochtli's temple and Tokyo.
What: Catch-all log for some things. Training with his shinki, hanging out and wandering around town.

A. December 5th- Morning (closed to

kagenonadeshiko)

[It's a chilly morning beneath the treehouse currently posing as the temple of Huitzilopochtli. There's no snow on the ground here yet, thankfully, but there's a bit of frost on the ground this early in the day.

But that's not really their concern at the moment. Goku is doing warm-up stretches, humming to himself happily and thinking about how good the breakfast they just had was. That will entertain him all the way till lunch.]

So, you wanted to practice fighting and stuff, right? [He straightens up to start stretching out his arms.] Do you wanna spar? Uh, I've never really fought a fox before but we can try it if you want!

B. December 5th- Afternoon (Open)

[Eventually, Ayumu has better things to do with her day and Goku still needs to be fed. He could go beg food off Hakkai or Chikusa, but he suspects they have better things to do with their day too. Instead Goku decides to take a trip to the Near Shore, wandering the streets of Tokyo and ending up in Togoshi and trying to haggle with a vendor selling croquettes.]

Hey, if I buy four, can you give me five instead? [Goku, what. The seller at least looks more bemused than offended.] Or, or! If I buy five can I try one of those others ones as well? Please?

[You can get away with a lot with a face like this. He's probably not actually going to get any free food though.]

C. December 6th (closed to

erogappa)

[Once again, Goku needs to eat. It's sort of a running theme in his life. He also craves company, another running theme in his life. Ayumu can only spoil her new god so much, Hakkai has a job or something lame like that and Chikusa and Ken are too busy paying attention to each other so-]

This way, this way! [Goku is dragging Gojyo to Inokashira Park one early morning. No, this will totally be worth it, he promises.] Someone told me there's some guys here who sell really yummy yakitori!

[Normally at this hour the park would be full of joggers and people on their way to work, but it's oddly quiet today. Maybe it's too cold for them. Goku is fairly bundled up himself and he's still pretty chilly, after all.]

Gojyo, come on! I'm hungry!

D. Wildcard

[Anything we've plotted elsewhere, we can throw it into this log if you want.]

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[Maybe, it was really bad, maybe it just directly targeted Goku and Hakkai's insecurities and fears. Maybe they're just especially fragile. Maybe it's all of the above.]

What? No way! [Goku smacks Gojyo's fists away, jumping slightly at the jolt of blight. Hopefully it's covered by his general fidgeting.] You couldn't!

[Right. It was fake. Gojyo's right here and he was right there when Goku woke up. Hakkai would never do that. Someone would have stopped him.]

I'll kick your butt way before you could kick mine!

Prove it!

[ But before he can grab for Goku -- yes, they are, in fact, going to wrestle here, in the middle of the abandoned park, when it's fucking freezing out -- there's the sounds of life returning to the area. The jingle of a gate opening some distance away, voices calling out, the squawk of a duck getting chastised by a bigger, meaner duck... it's really amazing how fast the world is filling up with people again.

Instead of grabbing Goku, Gojyo steps back, and runs a hand through his stubbly hair. ]

Mission accomplished, I guess.

[Aw, but he wanted to wrestle. Goku looks in the direction of some kids screaming in the distance- the kind of ecstatic scream only a pair of very happy toddlers can manage- idly massaging one of his wrists.]

That was fast. How'd they know we beat that thing?

[ Gojyo just shrugs -- how about they continue on their way to find food? ]

Dunno. Sometimes I think they can sense this stuff, like the park didn't feel wrong anymore.

[ It's the best explanation he's got. Humans otherwise don't seem to notice ayakashi at all. They're really unobservant! ...Gojyo, meanwhile, isn't. ]

Did I hurt you?

Huh? [Looks confused for a second before he realises what Gojyo means.]

Oh, nah, I'm fine! [Rolls up his sleeve to show his wrist- no marks!] I just haven't worn anything that heavy in a while. It was strange.

[The laser guns totally made up for it though.]

[ That's a relief... although Gojyo knows as well as anyone that something doesn't have to leave a mark to hurt. ]

I dunno if that's something I can ask about, but I'm going to anyway. [ Because seriously, kid. Seriously. Manacles? ] Were you in jail or something?

[Looks confused again- oh, right, Gojyo doesn't know about that anymore. He probably doesn't remember being told about it by Goku or by Sanzo. Goku shrugs.]

... You can ask, I don't mind. [It's a painful memory, but not one he ever minded talking about. Goku doesn't really have secrets.] I'm not sure if it was really a jail... There was never anyone there but me.

But I guess someone put me there once, and I must have done something bad, so maybe it was jail.

[He doesn't remember it, but there's always been some talk about gods and crimes against heaven and other things Goku doesn't understand and didn't bother thinking about too much.]

[ He wasn't going to avoid asking because it might upset Goku. He was going to avoid asking in case it had too much to do with their shared past... but if that didn't even occur to Goku, then this must have been some time when "Goku" and "Gojyo" (the real, living versions of them) didn't know each other. That's good. He can talk about it then!

And that's the only good part of this mess. ]

If you don't remember what you did, how do you know you did anything? [ If there's one thing Gojyo knows a lot about these days, it's that memories are untrustworthy, and that good people sometimes get punished for no reason at all. ] You don't seem like the kind of guy who'd do something bad enough to get locked up long enough to forget why you were locked up.

[Goku hesitates for a second- he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. He doesn't think he is that kind of guy. But he knows that he can do terrible things, if there's no one there to stop him.]

... I dunno. But- well, who'd lock a kid up like that for that long for no reason? They weren't using me for anything. [Goku knows there are terrible people in the world, sick people who take pleasure in hurting others. But he doesn't think that was the case with him.] When I woke up in the cave, I didn't remember anything. Not how I got there, or anyone I'd known before. The only thing I remembered was my name and- [and the horrible feeling that he'd lost something.] ... and that was it.

Until Sanzo found me, I wasn't even sure there was anyone else in the world.

[ Gojyo feels cold, in a way he can't blame on the winter air around them. Trapped in a cave, chained, with no memories... Does Goku remember being brought here? Is that what happens to spirits of the dead when they're snatched from their home worlds and twisted into the fake gods they are now? Do they forget because their memories are stripped away, or do they forget because they're locked up for so long their minds give way?

It's fucking horrifying to consider. Gojyo shoves his hands deeper into his pockets and trudges on. ]

Sanzo. You don't mean Sharak, do you?

[Goku shakes his head and- despite the grim subject matter- smiles a little.]

Nah, I mean my Sanzo- um, Genjo. I've always just called him Sanzo though, and he said that was fine. I didn't know there were others back then.

[Goku looks down at his hands, lost in the memory now. It's an even clearer vision in his mind than the ones the magic here has tried to give him. He doesn't think he could forget it even in another five hundred years.]

... When he reached out to me, it was like the sun. I couldn't remember ever seeing anything that bright or warm before. And then... when I went outside... the world seemed so much brighter than the sun.

[So long as he can hold onto that memory, Goku thinks he'll be okay. He knows that one day Sanzo will find him again, or he'll find Sanzo- it doesn't matter which.]

[ Huh. Gojyo can't help but smile at that. Assuming the memory he had of Genjo was real, then it makes sense that somebody that powerful would be able to break a spirit out of heaven jail. Maybe that's why he didn't stay long? ]

I have a memory about him, chantin' a prayer for somebody who died. [ There's no mistaking the awe in his voice. ] If you told me that guy could fly and raise the dead, I'd believe you. He's really somethin' special, isn't he?

[Goku snorts from laughter at that, grinning.]

Sanzo can't do anything like that! He's just Sanzo! [And Goku damn near worships him for it. He's grown up a lot, learned to see Sanzo on more equal footing, but nothing will ever make him love Sanzo less than he always has.] Sharak has way more fancy magic stuff than him.

[But that doesn't make her the better Sanzo. It's fine, Sharak would agree with him.]

Sanzo's special, but not because of anything like that. [He's glad Gojyo remembers him though. Which prayer he means exactly, Goku's not sure but- well, he knows the effect Gojyo is talking about.] But I know what you mean.

[ Sharak was more powerful than Genjo, huh? Ah, and there's the guilt. It's just a little guilt -- or rather, it's a big guilt that gets stifled immediately, with a deep breath, because he's not going to blight Goku over something like that -- but he's never going to forgive himself for telling her to disappear. Never. ]

He was here, with us, for awhile. [ And, both because it's true and so that he doesn't upset Goku... ] Apparently he keeps showin' up and disappearing again. So I'm willin' to bet he'll be one of the ones who comes back.

[Goku winces a little from the sudden sting of guilt he feels, but it's impossible for him to know who it's coming from. Given how the past week has gone, he kind of suspects Ayumu more than Gojyo. Whatever, he'll just shrug it off.]

Yeah, Hakkai told me. Don't worry, he'll be back before too long.

[The sun will rise, Sanzo will be with them again, all facts of the universe. At least, that's how it sounds the way Goku says it.]

I hope so. [ It's nothing but the truth. He might have fought with both Hakkai and Sharak the entire time he's been here, and actively tried to kill Doku, but Genjo? Genjo was a cool guy.

After another moment's silence, he figures it's safe to ask: ] You knew Hakkai before, right? [ Pretending to go along with the idea that they're all who they remember being is just easier -- he's getting so tired of being told he's stupid and wrong for being suspicious of the party line. ]

Do you trust him?

[None of them believe the party line, Gojyo, the rest of them just have a little more basis for their own theories. Sorry.

Goku looks confused so very often these days. And most days, to be fair.] Hakkai? Yeah, of course, I've known him for ages. [That almost has nothing to do with Gojyo- Hakkai's allowed to have friends from his past around- so Goku thinks it's safe to say.] ... Of course I trust him.

[Hakkai might do stupid, reckless, dangerous things on occasion- but they typically only endanger himself. Even if he does lie or do something strange, Goku has never had any reason to doubt that Hakkai cares about him and wants to act in his best interest.]

Even though he's done some pretty bad stuff?

[ He's not here to drag Hakkai's name through the mud, not this time. His tone isn't pointed, and he's honestly not really enjoying this conversation. They all have different memories, some of them conflicting, so none of those memories can be trusted. But all the gods here rely on their memories as real -- Hakkai really thinks he's the person he remembers being, and it's probably the same for Goku here. tl;dr they aren't real, but they think they are, and it's just easier to treat them like they're real. ]

He told me that he's killed people. A lot of people.

What? ... Oh, you mean- yeah, I know about that stuff.

[Chikusa had said Gojyo had been pretty upset about it, hadn't he? And that Gojyo had been trying to turn people against Hakkai, saying bad stuff about him behind his back, and telling everyone about his past. Goku shifts uncomfortably.]

All that doesn't have anything to do with me, so it doesn't change how I feel about him. Besides, it's not like I don't understand why he did it.

[It wasn't a good thing to do but... it was an understandable thing to do.]

[ Gojyo blinks in surprise at Goku for a moment -- damn, kid, that's one serious face! -- before turning away and shaking his head, laughing. ]

Don't look at me like that! I didn't mean it that way. It's just...

[ How to say it? ]

Bein' a shinki, it's like... like what you said. We wake up and we don't know anything except our names, but that's not really true. We know a lot of stuff... we're not babies. We can walk and talk and fight and read, but we don't remember learning how to do any of that stuff. We just know it.

[ His breath puffs out with every word, little ghosts that fade away as he moves through them. ]

But sometimes the stuff we 'just know' isn't right. [ He reaches up, rubs his own hair through his hat. ] I thought I knew what this meant, but everyone kept tellin' me I was wrong. [ He kicks at a tiny pebble on the walkway, sending it skittering off sideways past the railings into the tall grass beyond. ] They said I was wrong to hate Doku for killin' my mom. They said I was wrong about everything.

So then... [ Shit. He's dumping so much on the kid, but there's got to be a limit to how much he'll share. He glances at Goku, then back at the path ahead, picking his words carefully. ] Then there's this person, and right away they're familiar. You're drawn to 'em, you know? But it's dangerous for you to be around them. And then you find out that they did all these terrible things, and you think, shit, maybe this person is really somebody I should stay away from. But you don't want to.

So that's why I'm askin'. Because I'm a shinki. I don't have any memories from before six months ago. I don't know who I am, and I sure as hell don't know who Hakkai is... but you do. So if you say he's a good person and you trust him, then...

[ His voice finally trails off, and he stuffs his hands further into his pockets, looking away abashedly. He really hadn't meant to say all of that. ]

[He can be serious, sometimes. When it's important, of course he'll care about it. Goku listens quietly, less uncomfortable and more curious as he tries to understand what Gojyo's saying. His eyes widen at the mention of Dokugakuji, but the way Gojyo is presenting things that's just a minor footnote.]

... Hakkai's definitely dangerous. [Thanks, Goku. He'll appreciate that.] But I'm dangerous too. And so are you, I think. Everyone can be dangerous.

[He's seen so many people these past few years, both "normal" and not, human and not, and he's seen so many of them hurt others. There are a million ways to do it and beating someone up isn't even one of the worse ones.]

But Hakkai knows that and he's never pretended he's not. He did something bad, but he never pretended it was good or that it didn't matter. [Goku scratches his cheek and looks up thoughtfully. He's not sure he's putting this in very reassuring terms, but all he can do is be honest.] When I met Hakkai, it was right after all that stuff. He was ready to die because of it, but he didn't. He started hanging out with me and Sanzo and teaching me stuff. [He's speaking a bit more carefully here. He's aware of the danger.] He'd cook and he'd explain things to me and look out for me and- and all kinds of stuff. But I knew I liked him as soon as I met him.

[There'd been something in his eyes that Goku just liked. He hadn't bothered examining that then and he's not about to now.]

I'm not gonna tell ya what you should do, but I think if you like someone and being around them makes you happy, you should do that. [It's pretty simple.] I know that Hakkai likes being around you and that you're important to him. He'd never hurt you on purpose.

[ No, beating somebody up isn't anywhere near the worst way to hurt them.

He was ready to die, says Goku, and Gojyo's heart stops. (His heart doesn't actually beat, because he's dead/not real/insert theory of the day here. But that doesn't mean he can't feel it stop nonetheless, his chest seizing painfully, crushing his lungs and making his vision begin to tunnel.

He has so much to make up for. So much. It's going to take lifetimes to repair the damage he did in these last six months.

He's silent after Goku finishes, mulling over all this new information (although let's be real, it's mostly just wallowing in all this new guilt). There's questions he wants to ask, but he can't, and anything else he can think of to say will only make his guilt-blight worse. At last, though, he finds the right path. ]

If you did something bad, and I mean really bad. Hurting somebody on purpose bad. [ Ahead, a group of three or four families -- moms with kids -- have paused in their morning stroll. The tiny kids are toddling about on the walkway, wrapped up in winter clothes to the point where they look like little stuffed animals. Their excited screams are piercing. ] What would you do to make it right?

[Goku feels the rush of guilt and pain with a dash of confusion. Why is he upset? It's not a sad thing to talk about. It's hopeful and evidence of how important they all are to each other- why would that make him upset? Hakkai was in a bad place, but now he's doing better. He has people who care about him and who he cares about as well.

Weird.]

Make sure I didn't do it again. [A prompt, simple answer.] Whatever I have to do to make sure that doesn't happen again... I'll just do that.

[There are things Goku's done or caused that he hates too. But if he's stronger, Sanzo won't get hurt protecting him. If he's stronger, his limiter won't have to come off again and he won't hurt people himself. If he's stronger, Sanzo won't have to watch him be hurt.]

[ Really, it shouldn't come as a surprise that Goku's answer is so simple. Just don't do it again! It's a kid's logic, but... but he knows Hakkai. (Or he thinks he knows Hakkai, anyway. He knows a Hakkai.) Maybe the answer really is to just not be a fuck-up again? ]

Oh, is that all? Just don't do it again? [ Gojyo's foot flicks out to the side, not actually trying to trip Goku, just... just halfway trying to trip him. ] You're saying I should just quit bein' a dumbass, is that it?

[Why make things complicated when a simple answer will do? Making things complicated just leaves more room for fucking up.]

Hey! [Goku stumbles over his feet, just managing to right himself before he falls over. Gojyo gets shoved in retaliation.] If you know you're bein' a dumbass, quit bein' a dumbass! Even a cockroach can do that!

[An uplifting and encouraging sentiment.]

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