Judar (
kuroi_taiyo) wrote in
thenearshore2019-01-06 02:57 am
To Remain Behind
Who: Judar, Cu Chulainn, Chikusa, Ken, Chinatsu (maybe some more???)
When: March 15th
Where: The Central District
What: Everyone else in Xihe's temple disappeared, leaving just Judar and his things on an empty lot. Things result. Seems pretty extra? Think of the people who were in that temple. Seems about right with that, don't it?
Not long before the announcement went on the network, with Aymeric announcing the disappearance of Izumo, Judar woke up to a cold and rude awakening. Cold, for there was no longer the influence of the temple's nature, but he was also outside. Just as all his things were around him, on the ground. Clothes, papers, electronics and the 'caffeine' machine, as Judar had dubbed it.
No building, no people, no horses taking up space- leaving him alone.
For a good few minutes, there was the shock of everything being the way it was. The next few were filled with laughter at how ridiculous it all was, given the thoughts and kinds of conversations he's had. And instead of going through all the steps of grief and loss, Judar focused on one step as the splotches of darkness started covering his back and neck.
Anger.
Spirals of lightning to the sky, looking like violent purple dragons as tall walls of ice took over the empty and abandoned property to leave the teenager to further fits of fury hidden behind the magic-made barriers.
When: March 15th
Where: The Central District
What: Everyone else in Xihe's temple disappeared, leaving just Judar and his things on an empty lot. Things result. Seems pretty extra? Think of the people who were in that temple. Seems about right with that, don't it?
Not long before the announcement went on the network, with Aymeric announcing the disappearance of Izumo, Judar woke up to a cold and rude awakening. Cold, for there was no longer the influence of the temple's nature, but he was also outside. Just as all his things were around him, on the ground. Clothes, papers, electronics and the 'caffeine' machine, as Judar had dubbed it.
No building, no people, no horses taking up space- leaving him alone.
For a good few minutes, there was the shock of everything being the way it was. The next few were filled with laughter at how ridiculous it all was, given the thoughts and kinds of conversations he's had. And instead of going through all the steps of grief and loss, Judar focused on one step as the splotches of darkness started covering his back and neck.
Anger.
Spirals of lightning to the sky, looking like violent purple dragons as tall walls of ice took over the empty and abandoned property to leave the teenager to further fits of fury hidden behind the magic-made barriers.

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When Chinatsu arrives he gives her a nod, as a welcome, because yes, no time for sarcastic remarks or throwing trollish comments at each other. Then Chikusa starts his in-depth explanation and Caster grows even more serious than he was before.
Yes, yes that's possible. ]
Thanks- I'll keep all of that, in mind. [ Hopefully it won't be needed but- It is best to keep someone on the line. Shun, Hakkai, someone capable to strike down an ayakashi when he himself won't be able to do much. But against everything he hopes that won't be necessary. If Judar is to become his shinki - even if just temporary, even if just for the ablution - he is going to give his all. Severe blighting isn't something he had to suffer, true, only stings from shinki and bites from ayakashi happened. No idea if runes could help, but just be sure he takes a break to write on himself rune fortifying his endurance.
He can take it, sure. ]
I'm counting on you, everyone, Chikusa.
Since you're the one who is kind of leading this whole endeavour now. No pressure. Then Caster turns to Judar- thinking of a name to give him. He wants to live-
Man, you're really down in the dumps- let's drag you out of there.
[ And that kind of gaves him the idea for a name. Sorry Judar, it fits double if not triple times for your favour of black clothing and your magic that clearly seems to have some "dark" attribute to it.
Caster gives everyone time necessary to prepare before he starts to chant the naming spell. ]
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He'll wait, with only a touch of impatience, as Caster goes to fetch Judar.]
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However, at this point, there was another eye hidden away underneath the clothes the shinki wore. One mixed up in the dark purple/grey/black splotches that were creeping along his skin to where it was seen up the neck and along one hand.
He'd be a lot more vitriolic if the wind hadn't been knocked out of him recently, but there was definitely a dark presence that ran off of Judar that seemed to darken the air surrounding him. It wasn't blight or ayakashi-related, and didn't seem to turn into that, but it was easy to imagine the magic that could still be done with that much energy, given the high and thick ice walls, spears of ice in the ground and scorches and cracks in everything that had happened from the lightning that was sent off earlier. ]
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Superstitions, sure. ]
We'll walk it off.
[ Caster says through his teeth as he helps Judar get into the place they need him to be. If he can stand, he'll get the support, if not, he'll get carried. Caster already can feel the sting of blight when skin touches skin and it's going to be worse. He'd give them both a rune of endurance but- shit, who knows how one magic system can interact with another. He's not going to risk making the ritual harder than it already is- no walk across the park for anyone here
That's his cue. Caster raises one hand. The sooner he names Judar the better. ]
Tch- My name is Cú Chulainn. Grasping thy true name, I bind thee here. With a borrowed name, I dub thee my servant. The name answers, the vessel to sound. I call thee as my divine instrument. The name, Judar, Kurai. Come Kura--
[ His voice almost gives in, into unrecognizable sound- they weren't joking about the blight. He feels it spread in dark patches along his neck and shoulders. to think the kid was carrying all of it during their fight? Caster is impressed. The naming is successful, sudden bloom of blight being the most obvious proof. Flashing memories being next- Dark places, light places- Power, talent, magi, kingmaker. Is the role chosen or is the role forced upon. The anger following doesn't even comes as a surprise.
God's greatest secret, even if Caster might try and make sense of the images later, it's not something that should be spoken.
There is no time for properly celebrating the vessel form shinki might gain either. No time to fully realize what it might be- too caught up in the visions and stings. Voice hoarse, he calls the shinki back. ]
Return Judar
[ They need him human, for the ritual to work. And he probably should move- away, to not be a problem it when it gets worse. ]
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It didn't really matter; this meant that they should have an easier time of containing him.
So the naming went through, with the name settling on the back, just between the hips, before he turned to a purple light that pulled into the vessel form. One that Cu couldn't focus on, but the others would see a masculine and wide silver bracelet settle on the god's wrist. Meanwhile, Cu would see the events all the way up to the end Judar had in space, blacking out after an unknown amount of time.
He stumbles back, just barely staying on his feet when getting called back, and at this point there was too much blight for there not to be more than the dark splotchiness invading the magi's skin. Especially with how much pain Caster was feeling. Judar's eyes scan over the three shinki, narrowing at the sight of Chikusa. ]
Actually got the psycho out to do something, huh? You are sadistic enough for it. Maybe I should...
[ ? Should what? His brain was still caught on the drain that he wasn't sure which way to lead with that. ]
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Then, Ken, Chinatsu- [Amazing, he remembered her name.] Get ready.
[He'll wait for them to pick two other points before his hand raises up, ready for a borderline to connect with the others.]
To safeguard the name, dedicated to Cú Chulainn, and have its spirit wiped clean… Cast off thy impurity and extinguish thy carnal mind, thou bright, meek, upright soul. Strip thyself of uncleanness and be thou also pure. Purgatory!
[Here they go.]
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But she wasn’t about to get sick and weak in the knees here. They needed to get Judar out of that state quick. She does as instructed, repeating Chikusa’s words and creating a borderline to connect with Chikusa’s and Ken’s once they start. ]
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During his own ablution, Ken had been too sunk within his own misery to take note of much else around him. Now, seeing the way Caster is obviously in pain after naming Judar, he feels some faint distress thinking about Hakkai and Roy going through that for Chikusa and himself...it sinks in for him, rather belatedly, just how significant an act it is for a god to name a deeply blighted shinki just to help them receive an ablution.
When (if) Hakkai wakes up again, maybe Ken owes him a thank you.
But all that is distracting, so Ken tries to put it out of his mind. When Chikusa recites the words, Ken parrots him carefully, repeating his words exactly to make sure he gets them right - it's a lot easier to just repeat after Chikusa than to try to memorize it, anyway.
This ablution isn't going to end like Ayumu's. He's not so close to Judar that Ken would be devastated if he died or anything, but...Ken doesn't want to fail again. And he definitely doesn't want an ayakashi hurting Chikusa again.]
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[ He already knew the ablution recitation, with Izumo having made sure that they all knew it by heart once they were able to handle borderlines well enough. So as the lines were about to be drawn, Judar sucked in a breath to brace for however this was meant to go, having never encountered an ablution in any sense.
Turns out, this was something that couldn't be braced for. Even for someone who's had despair, pain, suffering and more, both cursed into him and having absorbed all of it from hundreds of other mages, it wasn't so visceral as this. Like it was tearing claws through with a net that tried to burn through all the black that was in his soul and being, except his entire self was black. Save for, maybe, a few threads. Which meant that there was a lot of seared hot and tearing pain that went deeper that takes the magi to his knees as a silent and paralyzed screaming comes out from him.
There's waves of black coming off of him that are faint, but emanating off and being overcome by the ablution's power.
Now if only that were the same case for the blight. ]
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What shinki feels is god's burden and it has never been as true as it is now. Caster finds himself kneeling on the grass, one hand clawing the ground, while the other holds painfully on the staff- last attempt to keep himself upright. The despair isn't his, the terror isn't his-
But why there is such a punishment for feeling simple grieving and despair upon losing someone? He grits his teeth, convinced to endure, he's good in that, right? In enduring. It hurts, but he had it worse, -that's what he reminds himself as he watches the blight stains showing at the uncovered parts of his fingers. ]
You have to tell us Judar- [ He's stubborn enough that he manages to keep his voice steady, even if it's strained. ] -what have you done?
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Goddammit, you glory hound.
A sudden spike of anger mixed with protectiveness and pride vanishes in a second. It's no time to add his feelings to the burden.
For such a tall guy Archer walks soundlessly to Caster, intent on helping him up. Ignoring the blight immediately spreading on his skin. Only when Caster is standing again he turns to the shinki. Huh, he knows all of them. Chikusa, his partner Ken, and the girl, Chinatsu. Then there's Judar, blight covering almost all of his skin. It's not exactly his first choice for another shinki, but it could be worse.
What's important right now is to get through the ablution with least amount of losses.]
((ooc: feel free to pass him in tag order, since I don't want to bloat the thread too much. Archer will just stay there))
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What did I do? After all I've already done, how much more...
[ More of that cried laughter of despair before the magi reached and dug in harder to flow that dark energy against one of the ablution walls. Nothing that would really break through, but could weaken the integrity.
Luckily he couldn't use actual magic, and was in too much pain to cast borderlines to try and get out. ]
All this violent anger has to come from somewhere, right?
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[Ken sounds...distressed, which is because he is. He doesn't know much of anything about Caster, or Archer, or even Judar, but he knows they're all suffering right now. (Archer less so than the others, but he's only going to get worse if he keeps letting himself be blighted by Caster.) And while no one would call Ken an especially moral creature, Ken has known enough suffering himself to have some empathy when people he's got nothing in particular against are hurting.
And, of course, more than that - he's been in Judar's shoes himself, racked with grief and guilt and pain at the loss of his god. Worse still, there's fear - he knows what happens when ablutions go wrong. And the last time one went wrong, Chikusa died...or almost died. (He's still not quite sure which; he doesn't understand how Chikusa's becoming a hafuri really worked. Did it save him from death, or resurrect him from it?)
He's got a number of reasons to not want to see Judar become an ayakashi here, and some of them are pure self-interest.]
Your god wouldn't have wanted you to become an ayakashi, right? [This is a bit of a stab in the dark; Ken doesn't even know who Judar's god was before they vanished. But if Judar feels this unhappy at losing them, then they were probably nice to him.]
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This isn't the time for your stubborn ass!
[ She knows there's guilt in there, even if he puts the blame on others. ]
Whatever comes to your mind, just say it already!
[ If he can't think of specifics, if he says whatever comes to mind something was bound to be in that list. ]
Don't you dare die from this!
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[Judar's energy might weaken things.. but so do Rain flames, whose very essence is meant to be that of 'tranquility'. Combined with the fact that Chikusa's line is one of the strongest in the Far Shore, and it holds up more than enough.]
[With that settled, Chikusa glances behind him slightly towards Archer. Good. Another set of eyes in case Caster can't hold up well enough.]
...Tell us if it looks to be too much for the god.
[The same thing he told Caster, only a few minutes ago.]
[Chikusa turns his attention back to the ablution, not wanting to be reckless with such a trobulesome situation.]
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[ Of course Chinatsu wouldn't get it, but he didn't really know whether or not the other guy, the simpler one, could understand. How's he supposed to say anything with so much pain going through him? That's the real torture in all of this, isn't it?
He's supposed to prostrate and beg for everything around people he barely knew, for some god that decided to get involved with something he wasn't invited to do? Bullshit! Yet in just thinking like that makes it feel like a hot poker was stabbing through and trying to pull down and cut through him, on top of everything else. ]
I didn't ask for any of this shit! Not people leaving, or inviting idiots to name me, and not some memory! Who's joke was it to show someone a stupid war as a memory, huh?
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He killed his best friend, he killed his son- his beloved mentor put him through training from hell so one day, one day, he'd be strong enough to kill her and he failed that. He raged on the battlefields and refused to stand down, to fall down, even as his body has been chipped away-- Why would he care about the pain? It's a fact of life, why escape something you can't? ]
Sure you didn't. No one ever does. [ People might ask for happiness, peace, glory, and success, but no one actively wishes for the pain and horrors to be inflicted on them ] Rage all you want, I acknowledge your anger! Get it all out.
[ He probably shouldn't be egging Judar's on- but he's not really that much for begging for forgiveness either (what is there to forgive anyway, wouldn't understanding be more important?). But those emotions had to be got out of the system right? That's what the core what this ritual is about, he thinks. That's purifying of the soul too, he thinks.
Caster strengthens his grip on the staff. It's not an oak tree but it has to suffice. Dig the roots deep, he won't fall again. He's silently grateful for Archer to help him get back on his feet - he'd rather really face it like that if he could choose. The fact that Archer is doing his best to not be a distraction on top of that is also something he notices. Idiot, idiot, stupid stupid, they all are fools here. But let that foolishness be worth something ]
What have you seen?
[ Is that the memory that is causing this? Memories can be dangerous for a shinki, but he talked about those his people regained. They talked it out, and nothing happened. Maybe Judar never got that chance? And that's what ate him away ]
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If you didn't feel like something was your fault, you wouldn't need an ablution, right...? [Another questioning glance at Chikusa indicates that Ken's not entirely certain this is true, and is seeking confirmation, but that's at least the extent of what he knows about it.]
If there's other stuff you need to talk about, then talk about it, but it's only the guilty stuff that's blighting you...is the guilt 'cause your god's gone?
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[ He didn't want to talk about this stuff! Yet with the way this spell felt like it was tearing him apart, it gnawed at the soul in a vicious yet poor way of lancing a wound. Poor only because he was being stubborn, and maybe, just maybe, he felt like this is exactly what he should be feeling. So what better than to lash out and maybe even implant doubt in the others?
Why couldn't ablutions ever be easy for once? ]
Because it all fits into a neat little box labelled guilt. As if that's the only thing that stings the gods! Isn't it really the stinging that continues to develop into blight? The stuff that really eats at you and brings about an obsession? Guilt's just the easy thing to be consumed by, now isn't it?
[ You're feeling the violent anger right now, aren't you Caster? One that was innate and inescapable, raging from the very essence of what made Judar so dark in his energy. ]
So why should I feel guilty because that idiot god didn't try to stop the stinging for months? Instead he leaves with me holding the fucking bag.
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[Still, apparently Judar is still trying to make excuses for himself. Chikusa wouldn't expect anything less from such a huge pain in the ass. His voice is quiet, but pointed.]
Would you have even let him...?
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[ If that memory he was talking about was the same as that dream, then he sure as hell can't say that there isn't anything he felt guilty about.
She gets that admitting something like that is...She sure as hell would hate it. But yelling at him to do it wasn't going to get anything out of him. ]
Hey, you better decide now. If you want to get better, I'll stay for however long it takes. But I'm not going to waste my time on someone who doesn't want to help himself.
[ If he'd rather turn into an ayakashi and die, that's his choice. But she certainly expected more from him. ]
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[ It's easy to say that he would've let Izumo try, but that's because all of this had happened. But it's just as easy to hear and lash out at, because, whether he realized it or not, that was putting responsibility back on him.
If he wanted to get better, though? Judar twisted around enough to glare at Chinatsu, but she would be able to see a hint of what was in that dream. The way the kid was breaking down, that was still there, in some way or form. And with those memories, wasn't it easy to think that he shouldn't be helped? ]
Go, then. Don't waste your time on someone like me. I'll probably turn on you and get the entire place destroyed on some order, anyway.
[ Is that any confirmation on where some of the guilt came from? Because saying that much lanced at the wound, but the sting wasn't taken out, to release all the pus. It was just further guilt and pain. ]
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[Ablutions are time-consuming, difficult, and draining... but hunting down a ravenous ayakashi, often a powerful one if it's created directly from a shinki, is even moreso for all of those. So Chikusa doesn't move, instead tilting his head.]
[There's something else to his words that's bugging Chikusa... but he's not the best at people to pick up what it is.]
[Hopefully Ken can, the only one out of this whole trio with apparently any emotional skills.]
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She'd been...selfish. She hadn't cared about the consequences to anyone around her, wrapped up in her own pain and lashing out even at the people who wanted to help relieve her of it, with all the common sense of an injured animal who can't comprehend that its problems can be fixed or that there are people around who will help fix them. Except, unlike an animal, Ayumu was capable of comprehending...she'd just refused to listen.
Ken doesn't know enough about Judar to gauge what he'll do, or how much like Ayumu he might be. But he doesn't strike Ken as particularly understanding or selfless, and that's terrifying. The price of Ayumu's ablution failing had been high.]
Shut up! [Ken, that's not actually what you want during an ablution...] Stop being a dumbass! If we stop the ablution, you'll turn into an ayakashi and go on a rampage and probably hurt us and then you'll die anyway! The only way that won't happen is if you cooperate! You don't need an ablution until the blight's gotten bad enough that it's the only thing left!
And you're lying anyway, aren't you?! If you didn't feel bad about stinging your god you wouldn't be so blighted! You wanted them to stop you but you know you could've stopped yourself, too, and that's why you feel responsible! [Ken huffs a breath through his nose.] But it doesn't fucking matter, 'cause...it doesn't matter if you were stinging 'em or not. It doesn't matter if you were a good shinki or not. That's not why gods disappear. If your god didn't care about you stinging 'em, then they didn't care, which was kinda stupid, but...it's not why they're gone. Nothing you did is why they're gone. And if your god could forgive you stinging 'em all the time...then they must've liked you a lot. So they wouldn't want you to just fall into blight and die. And if you feel bad about anything you did or didn't do while your god was here, then...you can try to make it up to 'em by being faithful to what they'd want now that they're gone. So if they'd want you to live, then that's something you can do for them. Maybe it's the only thing left you can do for 'em, but it's better than nothing. And if they ever come back...you'll be here, waiting for 'em, and you can be proud of what you did while they were gone.
[A number of these thoughts are things Ken had hammered into him - or came to realize - over the course of his own ablution, but a lot of it is just the raw emotional intelligence and heart-on-sleeve eloquence that Ken alone, out of the entire Kokuyo gang, possesses. He's always been lacking in brains, but never in heart.]
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If you really wished to die you could have just kill yourself or take my offer. But you wanted to live.
[ Caster's talking uncharacteristically calm. He seeks Archer on the bond, he barely finds him- calm and hiding his feelings, but ironically that silence is grounding right now. ]
So live Judar, and see another day.
[ The cooperation is required obviously, but everyone is here to help ]
Being left behind is painful. But Ken is right about everything here. Do you really think someone who didn't care about you would keep you around? [ Humans, god, whatever the guy was, aren't usually that stupid. Usually, aberrations happen everywhere. Guess they're kind of counting that Judar's god wasn't one of them ]
Or is this about the memory? [ The war memory. Was there a brief exchange of glances between Judar and Chinatsu? Could she know something? Or maybe he's imagining things under the blight and chaos ]
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oops wrong account
I thought others would reply and left this too long waiting