thenearshore | [Open] Leaving the house sometimes

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[Open] Leaving the house sometimes

Who: Roxas and you! Plus private prompts for certain characters
What: Getting out of his temple and possible awkward conversations
When: April 15th & 16th
Where: Artemis' temple & Near Shore
Warnings: None at the moment?

[April 15th, Daytime, Open]

[Roxas needed to get out of his temple and fast. Being cooped up in there trying to figure out a way for Raichi to get in and Sora visiting has left him with the feeling of cabin fever. His first target of course will be a book store. There's plenty to read up on, plus he wanted to expand his ever growing manga collection. This one is already putting the one back in Koriko to shame.

His next stop would be any place where there's animals, such as a pet store or possibly a dog park. Roxas wants a pet that isn't a deer, what he thinks might be a bear somewhere in the woods, or an assortment of game birds. Having those as sacred animals was rough on the nerves. A dog might be nicer as a companion.

Roxas, before heading to a spot he really wants to check out, will wind up in a park. It's nice and comfortable there, and being pretty unnoticed by people makes it much easier to doze off in the grass. He's still awake enough to notice people nearby... but maybe not someone who walks quietly.]

[April 15th, Sunset, Prompt for Dataroxas]

[There was a lot of things to mull over. So Roxas found the highest place in town and just sits on the roof to enjoy the setting sun. He was always drawn to high places. Part of him wonders if Axel and Sora were, too, or that guy. That guy who he disliked immensely from the moment they met. Thinking about that guy was ruining the moment, so Roxas shoves him as far out of his mind as possible so he can enjoy ice cream in peace. He's rather lost in his happier memories from back in Twilight Town.]

Maybe I should bring Axel up here sometime...

[April 15th into April 16th, Evening to Morning, Artemis' Temple, Open]

[Since his discussion about gods and their family times, Roxas has wondered how he could reach out to the other Greek pantheon gods. He isn't actually all that sure about who was who past Aphrodite and Hermes. At the moment it just didn't jive with him to ask about it on the BBS again. Hermes would let him know if more were found. Right?

He's mostly wandering on the edge of his temple grounds to check on the statues during the night. When that's done, Roxas sits by the walkway to his temple watching everything else go by. Seems this little god can't sleep tonight.]

[April 16th, Daytime, Prompt for Axel]

[It was time to see where his best-friend-yet-not works! Roxas had suggested an ice cream stand to the red head. Was it take seriously? He's determined to find out. It's not hard to find Axel with that red hair and those green eyes. Walking right up to him, Roxas puts his hands on his hips, looking up at his friend.]

Found you!

[April 16th, Evening, Open]

[The Near Shore was really fascinating at night! It was like a different population of people were out and about. Roxas was so used to seeing spirits, ghosts, and monsters instead of humans, so he's utterly fascinated by all of the humans. This kid can be easily spotted just watching people walk around, listening to their conversations, and just... rather enjoying this activity. He might need a less weird suggestion for entertainment.]

[OOC: Feel free to either specify a time or place not listed above. I'm up for anything. These are just general prompts for people to go on! You can even have a private prompt of your own! Contact me at

chromatus or pm his account!]

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[For his part, Roxas thinks he's got the answers to those questions. The journal contained more memories than had originally been written into it, hurts and pains which Sora hadn't been aware of...things lost and seemingly forgotten. He doesn't understand this anger from his original, or this frustration.

What hasn't he seen, that this is what he thinks? It seems to go far beyond having forgotten.

His hand snaps out mechanically when that ribbon begins to fall, snatching it out of the air with a swiftness that isn't normal or human. If that ribbon is like the one he wears around his upper arm, it's a gift from Axel. He has to imagine that abandoning something like that would be regrettable in time.

And so he waits for his original to take it back, hand hovering in front of him]

Does friendship really come with so many conditions...?

[It's an honest question, because he doesn't understand. Add was a lot of things, and had undertaken so many awful actions that it might be impossible to count them all. There was so much darkness in his heart, at times he's wondered how Add hadn't been entirely consumed by it. And yet, for all that, Add will always be his friend. He wants that person in his entirety to continue to exist, even if it means not remembering him.

Even if it means he'll never be seen as a friend again. He can't imagine throwing that away, or setting conditions to how and when he'll care]

He destroyed himself to ensure that, in some way, you'd continue to exist. Isn't that enough?

[With the ribbon dangled like that, Roxas grabs it and shoves it into his pocket.]

You don't get it. That place I was in... everything that happened there? I can't trust anyone like I used to. It... never ended well.

[He clenches his fists as he looks up at the sky.]

I made friends. Good friends. Sometimes... they left. Came back different, with no memories at all. Some came back with their memories, but they didn't always want to be my friend again. Others... I thought they were my friends. They said they were... One of them tried to kill me because I had the same face as Ven.

[It's hard to think about all of that, but if the other was supposed to understand, it has to be said. Roxas takes a deep breath before going on.]

Sora was there. He wasn't like this one. We fought a few times, didn't talk for a while. We were roommates, which made things worse. He always blamed himself and never let me apologize. Always tried to do things to make sure I didn't hate him, even when I got all my memories back. We weren't that close anymore when he left a day before me. We just kind of drifted apart after I faced his Shadow.

[He looks sad when he turns to the other Roxas.]

But that wasn't the worst part... no, other things happened that hurt a lot more.

[Roxas is entirely too still as his original speaks. It's an unnatural stillness that comes from not being a physical entity to start with, one that was once wrought of zeroes and ones and naught else. Now that he's been given a physical presence, it's much the same...but he lets his hand drop after a time, and doesn't touch the ribbon on his arm.

He's sure it's different for present company, but even though it only exists as a way to differentiate them, it's the first gift he'd ever been given. He'd had to go back and pay for it once he realized Axel stole it from a local shop, but still, it's the first physical item anyone ever gave him.

And for reasons he doesn't entirely understand, something like that matters]

I met the same people more than once. They never remembered me, and I didn't expect them to. It wasn't the first time I'd known about two versions of the same person.

[His words are impassive, reflecting on the experience like it wasn't his own to start with. It had been far worse in the Datascape, being forgotten the instant he was out of sight, because everyone around him was just playing out the same events over and over again, and he had no part in them.

Such an existence was akin to being there and not at the same time, a cipher that existed only for one purpose with no one and nothing else. Monad for all its brutality had been a kindness]

I made one friend...and that was enough.

[He can understand the pain of loss; he knows exactly what that hurt feels like for his original, because he's felt it too. But if he thinks there's something worse than all that-]

...How many times have you died?

[Those words are heavy in their implication: how many times...]

I kind of wish some of them had forgotten me instead of throwing me away.

[Is he allowed to wish for the Sora here to never leave him? Forget him? Never push him away?

It's a bitter twist that both of them have felt the same pain. Roxas wants to laugh. This is what people called fate, wasn't it. Losing so much in a place that wasn't their home. Their friends were lucky. Very lucky.

Bile rises in his throat as he sort of plops down on the roof. How many... That question... His mouth opens and closes a few times before he can answer.]

Once. I remember every second. [He pulls his knees to his chest to hide his face. It's hard to fight the tears.] She said it wasn't my fault... but I know I'm the reason she died. The reason I died... I watched her be torn apart. Couldn't stop it... When she got attacked, I felt a hot breath on my neck. I felt the bite. It was summer, the grass was yellow, prickly against my skin... Got dragged away.

[His hands clamp over his ears.] I can still hear that crunch, when that monster bit down to break my neck. The smells before everything went black... It won't stop. Those dreams won't stop.

[It seems they both know what it is to die. It's not a knowledge that Roxas would wish on anyone, but it's something that was so commonplace a reality in Monad that he's not as shaken by it as another might be. He'd seen his fellow denizens in the conditions they'd been under during their deaths, and he helped an ailing Takakage to give them treatment when those wounds regained the appropriate level of pain. They were an undying, suffering population for a time.

And for his part...

Roxas looks down at the world below them, following the progression of vehicles that look like beetles from this height, tracing the paths of busy avenues]

It's been several times for me. I remember all of them — I remember everything. Something like me...something like me never forgets.

[But more relevant perhaps is a point of relation. He thinks his original's greatest source of distress is the fact that someone else died with him. It may be that he's wrong about that, but there has to be a reason he included that detail; a reason he's held those words even if he seems to struggle in believing them]

Once... His darkness was destroying him, and the only way to save him...

[He holds out his free hand and summons Oblivion in a plume of shadow]

A hard reset. That's what it was called, in that place. [And after that, it felt as though something was missing from Add. Doubtless a glitch, but the absence whatever it was stood out then] A light source...it helps, sometimes. At night.

[That girl was important. That girl was the first person to treat him like family. "Koji-kun" was what she always called him. He only knew her name was Aki. Or Aki-chan. She loved it when he called her that.

She's the reason he tired so hard to get stronger. Roxas did some idiotic things to prove his strength. Still, even after all that, he's helpless when it comes to the subject. Seeing Raichi's death was like a scab being ripped off of a wound he thought was healed.]

... I don't want to die again. Once was enough... But you saved him.

[Seems they shared that Keyblade. Does that Roxas have two? This Roxas flexes his hand and brings out Oathkeeper. Maybe if he had this one back then he could have saved Aki. Light always beat darkness, right? He slashes the air in front of him as if it was some kind of enemy. It's not very imposing when you're sitting with your knees to your chest.] You're a lot stronger than me.

[A light? He bites his lip before letting Oathkeeper disappear.] I don't really sleep at night anymore.

I couldn't spare him or any of the others from all the deaths they went through.

[All of the pain. That's the part that bothers Roxas most — not the actual notion of death, but the suffering that so often accompanied it. He'd been so frustrated with his powerlessness at the time and his inability to affect change to help anyone. Add had died several times, beyond the instance that hard reset was required.

They'd all apparently died in order to be a part of that system in the first place. With that thought, he lets Oblivion vanish in a puff of black smoke, gone as if it were never there in his grip to begin with.

Once more he turns his attention to Roxas, quiet as he assesses his expression and weighs that last reluctant statement]

If you don't sleep at night, when do you sleep? Unlike me, you actually need it.

[With a shrug Roxas just stares out at the city. The answer was rather simple.]

Whenever my body tells me to. I sleep fine when... [He sighs and lays down on the roof, lacing his fingers together on his stomach. There was nights he could sleep. Just not every night. Just certain nights.]

Sora. When he's over, he always wants to sleep next to me. It's really hard to stay awake when he dozes off. It's really weird. Wasn't like that before with the other Sora.

[Roxas thinks it's because he's more relaxed here. No hidden dangers even in their rooms. It was okay to fall into a deep sleep.] When he's not there I just stay awake.

[That doesn't seem like much of an assurance of regular sleep. Roxas himself doesn't have any need for such rest, hadn't ever experienced the phenomenon until Monad imposed it on him for a full month, and after that the activity held no more mystery nor interest. A month of nightmares, both his own and from others, is more than enough as far as he's concerned.

But his original...he does need rest. And if it relies only on when Sora can be around, that strikes him as limiting. Especially if his nonpresence means that no sleep occurs at all, for a being who needs it just as much as most anyone else does.

He looks down at his shoes briefly as he thinks about that, notes his bag and the fact that the ice cream he's brought appears to have melted, plastic wrappers having lost their shape]

If you just need somebody nearby...I don't have anything to do at night. Most everyone else sleeps. I wouldn't fall asleep like Sora...but I wouldn't let something harm you.

[For whatever that assurance may be worth, it seems like the thing to offer. At night, Ludger and Jakob sleep, so far as he knows. Add keeps a strange pattern of abstaining from rest until he no longer can, unless the other two take matters into their own hands...]

What?

[That suggestion throws Roxas off. This guy, who on the first day was the first victim of Roxas' irritation, was willing to stay with him at night?

He's at a loss for words. That kind of offer had never been an option he's been given. Everyone either just did it, or he was all alone. This other Roxas, he was definitely something else. Roxas thought he was starting to figure him out, but then there was this curveball.]

Why would you do that for me?

[There has to be a catch. The other has to want something from him. Has to.]

[Roxas shrugs, a lazy roll of his shoulders. He won't suggest that it's a bad thing to question why someone would help, even if he thinks he doesn't really need a reason to make such an offer, right now. Better to be too critical than not enough, and get taken advantage of. They both know what lies at the end of such a road]

More to the point, what's it cost me?

[There follows a pause that suggests he expects an answer, but he really doesn't. So far as Roxas is concerned, there's only one: it costs him nothing. His original needs to sleep, and if he doesn't, it'll affect his health. On the other hand, being what he is, Roxas doesn't face the same limitations]

It's that you don't feel safe when it's dark, right? But if it's me...you know exactly what I can do to an enemy.

[Well, maybe exactly's not precise enough. There are things he can do that his original can't, like moving his Keyblades without actually touching them, but the point stands. If it's a matter of perceived safety, knowing the kind of things he's capable of should make his original feel more secure]

If I've got to get something out of it... Let's just say I like being useful.

I-I feel safe in the dark!

[This outburst sounded as scared as Roxas felt. For a being of darkness to be afraid of the darkness? It's laughable. Shameful. He bites his lip and sits up, pulling his knees to his chest again. This was embarrassing. He just wants to hide right now. If the others found out, especially Sora, Roxas feels like he'd never hear the end of it.

What he fears most about that is the fact that everyone would try and help him. To go out of their way to help him overcome a problem he should be able to solve on his own. To try and be gentle, caring, and most of all, supportive. Roxas doesn't want to owe them. No more debt. Never again. His voice drops down low.]

I don't need help. I can do this alone. It's my problem, so I gotta solve it.

[Stubbornness. A good but bad trait. Something he inherited from two different people. He'll fight this suggestion until it's dropped.]

I don't need another Add on my hands.

[It's hard enough getting his friend-turned-shinki to accept help as it stands, he really doesn't want to deal with the same from his original. There isn't anything wrong about accepting help, especially where different parties offered different strengths. He's tended to imagine that's why people work in groups to begin with — some things would be difficult if not impossible to achieve alone.

Besides which, Roxas can see how well this has been going for his original so far. Which is to say, not well at all]

You're like that girl... [Yuri had tried to let him opt out of helping her, after he'd expressly offered to do so. Because for some reason, she was convinced people only offer to be nice. It's not quite the same sentiment being expressed here, he knows, but it's a strange reluctance Roxas doesn't really understand] How much trouble is your shinki in if you're too exhausted? Have you considered that?

[At least for him, his shinki are the number one priority, so it's the first argument he's inclined to make]

[Add? A girl? Rude. Roxas is irritated at being compared to anyone. Especially Sora. Great. Most of his problems revolved around that guy. He really should be mad at him, not that Roxas!

With a soft grumble he glares at the other.]

He's fine taking care of himself. It's not like we answer prayers.

[Which is true. They didn't exactly do well on their first one. Roxas knows nothing about school except bits and pieces, and Raichi was hopeless as well. If it was fighting based they would have had a better chance. Cheering someone on to help them study? Not so much.

As much as he values his shinki, Roxas feels that maybe he should have gone to a more deserving god. Someone who actually wanted to do things that didn't just involve learning about this place instead of doing their job.]

[At first Roxas can only shake his head. This defeatist attitude isn't something he can relate to, nor is it something that he remembers. It must be a product of whatever happened in that other place, the one that he's got no information or knowledge relating to. Thinking of that doesn't make reconciling the differences any less frustrating, but at least it's something to bear in mind.

Maybe he's going to need to approach this from another angle. As much as he finds himself unsure whether he's really the right being for this job, he's the one here. He's the one seeing this side of his original, and there's no question that other than Naminé herself, he's the best equipped to see just how much difference there is between what was and is]

People with real strength understand when they need help.

[Delivered quite calmly, for all that he does find himself frustrated with what he sees. He can say with honesty that the people he's seen try and handle their problems alone out of stubborn pride nearly destroyed themselves in the process. Add was one of those people, and he doesn't want to see that kind of situation play out again]

You wouldn't call Sora weak, would you?

[That isn't to say that Sora doesn't have some pride of his own, but he accepted friends and accepted their help. And shinki... Shinki and gods are partners in this world. They're at their most effective with each other. Being so lackadaisical about his own...

It might be that part bothers him the most]

[His gaze moves back over the city. At dawn and at dusk it always sounded the loudest. Roxas can't hear a single thing. Real strength. Knowing when you need help? That all is so foreign right now. Maybe if he'd never gone to that place things would be different. He wouldn't be having this conversation. Wouldn't even be here. All he can do is accept the fact that he was ruined. Damaged. Broken. Any word that meant he wasn't himself anymore.

All that real strength left him quickly in that place. Asking for help came at a price. Even if people seemed like they didn't want something, it always happened. Every. Single. Time. Roxas always made it a priority to never ask something of anyone if he was to help them. His few friends in the end knew he wouldn't do that, and in turn they didn't do it to him. They were a rare exception. Everyone else tried to take advantage of him in some way or form.

He shakes his head.]

Sora never had to worry about asking people for help, they'd gladly do it. He never had to worry about someone reminding him that he owed them. I hate it when people say "You owe me". So I don't ask for help. You never had a debt, one so big you had to give up your freedom and your own name. You never had to worry about someone adding to it because they think you did something wrong. Adding more to it because it was inconvenient to them that you died.

[He sighs, closing his eyes, hoping he could hear the city again after this next admission.]

Asking for help wouldn't make me weak, but it wouldn't make me strong, either. I'd just be afraid someone thinks I owe them now.

And what would I want from you that I don't already have?

[The fact is, Roxas offered. He didn't wait to be asked, and while he'll accept being declined, he thinks the only reason is subjective nonsense. If it's detrimental to himself that he continue to go without sleep unless Sora happened by, then it's illogical to continue on this way and brush off any offers of assistance. The only responses to such offers, in his mind, are acceptance or dismissal. There's no asking.

He'd rather be told there's no need than be shrugged off because he might have ulterior motives. His original should know and understand better than that. Most everything he is just echoes other people, what more is there to take?]

My existence was tethered to a single purpose. I owe that existence itself to someone else. Everything I am to someone else. And when that purpose was no longer there, erasure was to be my reward. That's how it was. That's all before the place I wound up, where people got hurt and killed over and over as some kind of "afterlife".

[Those things happened, but it hasn't stopped Roxas because he was given another purpose. He clung to that and he moved forward... And back when he was still in the Datascape, he never imagined having this kind of conversation with his original, nor that he'd be on this side of it.

He puffs out a vexed sigh, turning his gaze away from his original]

The past is done. Those people, whoever they are — they're not here. Keep on like this, and you'll hurt people you don't want to hurt.

[Pain, more than anything, is what Roxas concerns himself with]

Just for reference... I don't offer to do anything unless I'm willing. It's that simple.

[Roxas lets out a frustrated noise. The other Roxas made so much sense, but he's much too stubborn to want to accept it. He was created by accident himself, never meant to exist, molded to serve a purpose, and he couldn't even do that correctly!

Right now his brain felt like it was going fuzzy. Nothing was making sense other than the irrational need to just lay down. Think this over. Maybe come up with some answer as to why he was fighting this other than his fears. Fears were okay to have and you don't have to overcome them. Not if you don't want to. But Roxas wants to. To feel really safe again.

Maybe swallowing his pride would be good.

Roxas lays down, covering his eyes with his arm. No. He still wants to fight this. Probably. Who knows anymore. He's just too mad right now to care right at this moment. It was best to clear his head.

If the other Roxas as waiting for a reply, it won't come. Not right now. Roxas, in his anger and lack of proper rest, has fallen asleep.]

[Sometimes no response is simplest. At least they're not debating subjects they seem unable to reconcile for the time being. It takes a while for Roxas to suspect that his original is sleeping...and he supposes the time spent arguing wasn't entirely wasted. Even if it was only an escape from the current discussion, at least he's getting rest, which is far preferable to the alternative.

At length he sets his bag of melted ice cream down and takes a seat, supposing that even if his original didn't agree to it, he can keep an eye on him for now. He'd intended to spend some time up here thinking anyway, and with no one to talk to, he could still do that much.

Gloved hands reach up to tug his hood back into place, and his shoulders relax for it. Being covered again is a relief...

He really does prefer to keep his hood up, when he's not inside his temple]

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[Open] Leaving the house sometimes

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