if you're still breathing

[blindfoldcode]

Who: Izuku and Kido
What: Prayer #18
When: April 24
Where: The Near Shore
Warnings: shrug

Izuku has a habit of picking up prayers that are just about being generally nice to people. Kido has no issue with it, but she can't help but feel a little pointless when it came to things like actually interacting with people.

She's too shy for any of this. She's not good with people. And Deku's so much better than her, if there's no ayakashi, she doesn't see the point in her being pulled along. After all she felt like she made everything worse in their first prayer. She stings him, she's invisible half the time, now. He does well without her.

But she can't deny that it makes her happy that he insists she comes along. It's an interesting back and forth in her mind and chest. So she just stuffs her hands in her pocket, one earbud in her ear.

"You said we're trying to console somebody, right?"

Comments

[blindfoldcode]

She actually looks a little startled. How often has she herself proven that talking through things doesn't help when you feel like crap? But she's going to remain standing. She feels weird sitting down with him.

"Talking? You want to help by talking? Everybody wants to talk. But nobody has anything to say."

[fullcowl]

Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't. But you'll never know if you don't at least try. Which is what they're doing today, trying.

"It seems that way sometimes. What was your friend like?"

[blindfoldcode]

He almost clams up again, his hands clenching on his knees. "He was sick as long as I knew him. But he always pretended he was okay. He was always helping me with my problems.

"I didn't even know it was this bad."

(Kido shoots Deku a look. Sounds like someone she knows.)

[fullcowl]

Boy, that sure sounds like somebody he knows to. The tendency to put on a braver face than he actually has for the people around him- it's something he knows well. Often it's less that he's pretending, and more that he hasn't noticed how bad off he is, but that's no help to anyone.

"He really cared about you," his voice is as soft and comforting as it can be. "If he's like the people I know, he didn't want you to worry over him."

[blindfoldcode]

"What do you know? The last time I talked to him, I was complaining about schoolwork." He feels guilty. And that makes it a lot more obvious why he's having trouble moving on.

[fullcowl]

"I know that kind of person very well."

Aah, guilt, the other thing Aidos deals with. "Did he seem like he minded?"

[blindfoldcode]

Kido scoffs at that. You loser.

"I don't know. I kept talking. I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want to forget everything and move on."

[fullcowl]

Yeah, well, at least he's not a liar.

He looks at the kid for a long moment. Somehow that last sentence... that's incredibly sad. "He probably thought it was like every other night, he wouldn't have minded as long as he got to talk to his friend. You really want to forget about him?"

[blindfoldcode]

Neither is she! Mostly.

"Anything would be better than thinking about this all the time. I don't want to remember any of it."

Hey-o, Deku, your shinki is tense as a wound spring rn.

[fullcowl]

There's no way, he thinks, there's no way that his friend would want that. Izuku, unfortunately, is just as tense, and while he bites his tongue when the kid speaks- he can't keep his thoughts bottled up. There might be some tears in his eyes as he starts to talk.

"You really think your friend would want that? He was your friend, wasn't he? He'd want you to move on, but he wouldn't want you to forget about him! You're one of the people that proves he was alive! The bonds we make are the proof we were here- you owe it to him to remember him!"

[blindfoldcode]

"He should've told me the truth! He should've--"

Kido's actually piping up? Man she thought to herself that she wouldn't but she can't help it???

"Shut up."

[fullcowl]

He's startled from whatever he was going to say by Kido's voice. Immediately his attention is turned toward her.

"Kido?"

[blindfoldcode]

"How can you just want to forget somebody like that?!"

Deku pls calm your shinki because the kid is just kind of staring at her like 'why is she a thing why did you bring her is she going to trash my apartment?'

"Just because it hurts doesn't mean you should forget it! Do you get how lucky you are to remember? How lucky you are that you get to keep everything, even if it's bad?"

[fullcowl]

He looks over at Kido and thinks of course this is a sore subject for her. She lost all of her memories, for somebody to say they wanted to forget them like that-

Izuku has to wipe some tears from his eyes, emotional over her emotions. She can say them aloud, she isn't trying to keep them to herself- they really have managed to come a long way from when he first met her.

"Kido's right."

[blindfoldcode]

She's about to keep going when she realizes--is he crying. Deku you nerd she looks panicked for a second, but she doesn't want to address it in front of an outsider :<.

The kid looks at his hands. "So I'm just supposed to deal with this? How can anybody do that?"

[fullcowl]

Look, he's constantly full of emotions, and he really makes no attempt to hold them back. He wipes away the tears and takes a breath. He needs to be strong for this kid and Kido.

"Kido's right, even when it hurts, memories should be cherished. You had good times with him too. Remember those. Remember how much he cared about you. It's hard, of course it's going to be hard, but you owe your friend his memory."

[blindfoldcode]

The kid looks away, scowling, silent for a minute.

Kido just crosses her arms. "And they stop you from making the same mistakes." She doesn't sting Deku as much anymore because she remembers how awful it felt in the first place to hurt him.

The kid's still silent for a while. Kido's losing patience. "... Deku, it's not gonna work."

[fullcowl]

And he will forever appreciate it.

Izuku at least has patience to spare. This kid hasn't really taken up a great fraction of it, however long it takes to talk to this kid, he's prepared for it.

"I took the prayer, we can't leave until we help him."

[blindfoldcode]

"Why bother? He's just a waste of--"

"Do you really think he'd want me to remember him even when he was pretending to be okay?"

[fullcowl]

"Yes. Absolutely, if that's how he acted, that's how he wanted to be remembered."

[blindfoldcode]

"Even if everything was a lie?"

[fullcowl]

"How much he cared about you wasn't a lie. He just never wanted you to have to worry about him."

[blindfoldcode]

"I wanted to worry about him. I never even really got to say goodbye." Aha. The heart of things.

[fullcowl]

Ah, so here's the real heart of the problem.

"There's things in life that you cannot control, there's no way you could have known how he was. Especially when he was doing his best to keep it from you."

He can't call back the spirits of the dead. He's quiet for another long moment as he thinks, "Have you been to his grave?"

[blindfoldcode]

He shakes his head. "I don't want to think about him like that."