♥ watanuki kimihiro 四月一日君尋 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cleanmemory) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thenearshore2016-09-18 02:01 am
cleanmemory) wrote in thenearshore2016-09-18 02:01 am
Entry tags:
[ closed ] You Can't Follow Your Heart
Who: Jade Curtiss and Watanuki Kimihiro
What: SERIOUS TALKING I GUESS
When: Evening, April 24th
Where: Guanyin's Temple
Warnings: TBD
Zero had left, but Watanuki was still feeling incredibly shaken up. He had somehow managed to hold it together in front of the silver-haired shinki, but now that he was gone, Watanuki was feeling the wall he had built around himself in the heat of the moment slowly crumbling.
With scraped palms and a thumb still bleeding, he dragged himself back inside of the temple from where the confrontation had happened, just beyond the doors. Underneath his yukata, his legs were shaking. He felt as if they would fold under him at any moment. His breath was shaky. He wasn't sure if he'd make it to the housing portion.
But all the while as he walked through the courtyard, Zero's words kept playing over in his head:
You... and the other gods, you really are incapable of understanding the loss we've been forced to endure for you, can you?
Watanuki paused by a statue. The god finally lowered himself, down on his haunches. He was bent over, in front of a statue of what was supposed to be him--a god draped with fine linens and a carefree, lounging pose. But he didn't feel that way. He didn't feel carefree.
And there, he started crying.
What: SERIOUS TALKING I GUESS
When: Evening, April 24th
Where: Guanyin's Temple
Warnings: TBD
Zero had left, but Watanuki was still feeling incredibly shaken up. He had somehow managed to hold it together in front of the silver-haired shinki, but now that he was gone, Watanuki was feeling the wall he had built around himself in the heat of the moment slowly crumbling.
With scraped palms and a thumb still bleeding, he dragged himself back inside of the temple from where the confrontation had happened, just beyond the doors. Underneath his yukata, his legs were shaking. He felt as if they would fold under him at any moment. His breath was shaky. He wasn't sure if he'd make it to the housing portion.
But all the while as he walked through the courtyard, Zero's words kept playing over in his head:
You... and the other gods, you really are incapable of understanding the loss we've been forced to endure for you, can you?
Watanuki paused by a statue. The god finally lowered himself, down on his haunches. He was bent over, in front of a statue of what was supposed to be him--a god draped with fine linens and a carefree, lounging pose. But he didn't feel that way. He didn't feel carefree.
And there, he started crying.
no subject
Sounds of sweeping or dusting or cooking usually served as a calming back ground noise as he lounged around and learned about the world below. But the sounds were a little off.
Jade went to explore and see what was disturbed in the daily goings on of the Gyanyin temple when he found Watanuki hunched down and crying.
Now, a part of him wanted to leave him. Maybe it was none of his business and his god's affairs were his own. Who knew what kind of things he had going on in his life? Plus, he didn't know how to deal with crying. It was an awkward sort of express of emotion. He didn't think it weak or wrong, just awkward.
The other part of him felt that he should at least ask if there was anything that he could do to alleviate some of the stress his god was feeling. Wasn't it his own duty to make sure that his god was doing well?
He supposed.
"My Lord..." he called out to Watanuki, his voice low and devoid of sarcasm. In fact, it erred on the side of emotionless.
no subject
He turned away again, towards the statue, using the sleeves of his yukata to wipe at his face. His hands were dirty and scraped after all, so using them to clean his face would be pointless. There was some shuffling... but then he rose to his feet. He didn't turn to look at him.
"Jade," he spoke, and though it was quiet it was heard clearly in the silent courtyard. "Are...
"Are you sad? Or upset? With being here?"
no subject
His red eyes moved from the small abrasions and the weakened movements to the back of Watanuki's head. With the tip of his head, his hair slipped around his face.
That questioned seemed out of place with the state Watanuki was in. He was, for whatever reason, concerned about how he felt. But that was a rather broad question. He felt like asking for clarification would be...insensitive.
So he would answer a broad question with a broad answer.
"I'm indifferent" he replied. "I really can't control the situation that I'm in unless I force control and I'm in no position to do so. So I'm indifferent to everything"
Which was true. He didn't hate it here at Guan Yin's temple. But he couldn't say that he liked it. He wasn't sure what he would have liked better as an alternative. He hadn't even really thought of an alternative. This place was just fine. It was good and he was sure that it could be a lot worse.
"Why are you asking?"
no subject
The young god turned, not to face him fully, just to the side in order to be able to looked back towards his shinki with an owlish expression. He was hyperaware of the pain tingling on his palms.
"Why?" His expression shifted, still filled with concern and pain. And again, he looked away, not facing the other. "Why...
"Because it's an important question. I'm your god, and you're living under the roof of my temple. I'm responsible for you. I'm supposed to take your well-being into consideration above all else.
"But maybe I haven't done so--maybe I've already failed you before I've even begun. Maybe I don't know better. Maybe I just..." And he lifted a hand up, burying his face into his sleeve. "...Maybe I just... don't understand...
"I thought maybe I understood a little, but maybe I don't understand how shinki feel at all."
no subject
He let out barely audible sigh through his nose and pushed up his glasses briefly before putting his hands into his pockets and giving him a shrug.
"You most likely don't know how we feel. You're not a shinki, you're a god. Shinki are tools for gods. We're to be used for your purpose whether it's combating ayakashi, answering prayers or both. Whether or not we're content isn't your problem until it becomes your problem." he said rather factually.
"You don't need to understand how shinki feel. If you're so concerned, then do your job as a god well and I, as your vessel, shall follow. If you're doing well, then I shall do well in turn. Do poorly and it will lead to struggle in the future.
What even brought this on?"
no subject
"He's completely rogue and I have no idea who his god is, but he was ill and no one could figure out what was wrong with him..." And he lifted his hand. "So I decided I could try and use my powers to see if I could read, him, and find out anything wrong--
"And I did! I found out he's not even human! He's sick because he needs to eat people's blood to live and he doesn't know that and I can't even tell him! If he finds out things about him it's bad and... and he wanted me to tell him... he wanted me to tell him so badly that he started making himself even more sick because he was fighting whatever we're fighting in regards to people finding out stuff about him and then he just snapped and went full on monster and he was going to eat me but he didn't he just threw himself out of psycho-mode and I was finally able to let him know that he had to eat these pills they're like blood pills but they don't look like blood they're all white and stuff but I got him to take them and then he blamed me for being insensitive for not telling him what was wrong but it's not like I want to keep it from him, but he told me I don;t understand how he feels and I have no right to keep his past from him but trying to tell him even made me feel crazy so I couldn't now, now I don't know what to do or how to feel except REALLY REALLY UPSET!"
And in all one breath, there it was.
no subject
"Did that...just happen here?"
no subject
Sniff.
no subject
He pulled his hands out of his pockets and gestured in tandem with shaking his head signifying that there wasn't much to be done at that moment after everything had happened.
"My Lord, tell me: What exactly do you need me for? And I already know about answering prayers. Any shinki can do that. What exactly do you need me for?"
1/2
So on this, with someone who was tied to him, bound to him by name, he had to do his answer justice. Had to think before saying, because it was more than just about him now. He had a shinki. He was a god. He was a god, and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks then, for once, he had just been a lowly servant to a woman who was like a god to him, but now... he had somehow become a creature above even her.
'There is no such thing as coincidence,' Yuuko would always say, and those words had him studying Jade carefully. 'There is only...'
'My Lord, tell me: what exactly do you need me for?'
2/2
Things like him. Decoys. Inhuman. Clones. Placeholders of people, many of which died in Jade's quest to find... what could he call it? Happiness? Solace? Truth? Forgiveness?
Jihiki. The name he had given him, a pardon from buddha, something he now was, would be, until his time ended here, if it ever ended. It wasn't a name he picked due to happenstance, it was chosen. The name was inevitable. And so where they, thrust together, a man who was essentially a god of creation to clones, and now overseen by him, a god who was a clone. No coincidence. None whatsoever.
"That's not the right question," He finally answered, and he shook his head, mismatched eyes looking up at Jade, bright as the sun finally sank behind the horizon, giving way to darkness. "...You weren't bestowed upon me because I needed a weapon, or a servant, or anything like that. It happened because it was inevitable.
"I've seen what you cannot... and I know, just from that alone you and I are bound together... that it was destiny that you and I met on this plane. It would have been impossible, in any other circumstance, except this one." There was a pause... but he did continue.
"I don't need you for anything. Not a task, not protection... that's just a duty that comes with you being my shinki. But I don't need you for anything.
"...I just need you."
no subject
What does that mean? I just need you. It was too abstract. It was nothing that he could immediately research or do anything about.
An incident had happened in this very temple without his knowledge or use. His god was hurt because he hadn't summoned him.
But perhaps he shouldn't worry about that. Maybe whatever Watanuki decided to do right under his nose was his prerogative as a god. Perhaps it was none of his business if he wanted to haphazardly help a monstrous lost soul.
Jade felt that it was a selfish notion that he just wanted him because of whatever this "destiny" was, but who was he to question "destiny" or "gods"?
"I see..." he replied softly. "Well then, do be more careful with lost souls. Not all of them will be as easy going as myself" And that's all he had to offer.
no subject
Would that make the other feel better? To be given a focus, something to work for, instead of just being forced to blindly follow? He had seen how Jade researched and he had stayed up so long in order to learn more about the world. Should he give him more to learn? More to bury himself in?
Would that make him happy? And of what he saw from Jade's past... was the other capable of happiness? Or was that his job, as a god? To allow him to find it?
That's what had him blurting out the next part.
"You turn into a spear," He stated. "I don't know anything about combat.
"...Will you learn spear techniques... and teach me how to use you?"
no subject
"Yes. I can certainly do that. We'll need something to practice with, however."
no subject
"...I'm sure if we look around this place we could find something. I haven't gotten around to clearing out the storage units in the back. Maybe we could find things there."
no subject
"YouTube seems fairly useful for instructional videos and perhaps I can find a book or two at the library that may help with spear fighting. You'll need to give me a few days to properly compile the information, however." Again, he was thinking out loud, but relaying it to his god.
"Will you be able to handle me being your instructor?"
1/2
2/2
"It would be one thing if I didn't have you... but since you're my shinki, I can't let you down. I have you to worry about now, too. It's not just my own life anymore."
It would take some time... but he'd learn.
no subject
"So you're going to be in for quite a time. Make sure you eat well and get plenty of rest while I do my research"
If Watanuki wanted to learn and use him for godly activities, then he'll be trained like a god.