008 | OVERFLOW

[godsoffortune]

This is an overflow post for 008 | Sakura 2.0: You Can (Not) Have A Picnic. Please bring any further comments here and link to your threads at the original source.

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Comments

[slantedcross]

"Worth" is such a subjective concept, though. Think of a wedding ring. A plain gold band might be worth a lot, but not very much to a jeweler, or worth more than the wearer's life. It's not until someone assigns it worth that it has any, even though nothing about it has changed.

[He doesn't usually get this philosophical unless he's depressed, drunk, or both.]

It must have been worth quite a lot, then. Running toward something is even harder than running away, I think.

[bon_bon]

[ Assigned worth. Did objects really mean anything more than what they are? Are flowers any less pretty in the garden, or do they take on a different meaning when Goku braids them into a floral crown? Do Tenpou's books mean anything more when he picks one specially for Konzen to read? ]

I don't know if it was hard ... I was just trying to get to the other side.

[ He'd been so focused on getting Goku out of there, he couldn't stop. Not even when Kenren and Tenpou put up their own lives to save theirs. He didn't have time to stop and mourn for everything he lost. ]

What worth would you assign this new life?

[slantedcross]

That sounds desperate. Exciting, possibly. Whether or not it's hard, that'd be the first thing I noticed.

[Back to the "running away" theory, then. But he's too messed up to really psychoanalyze. It's not as much fun as comparing stories.]

I haven't decided, yet. Worth usually... you need something to compare it to. I suppose I can let you know when I have an answer.

[bon_bon]

Too much effort, then?

[ He doesn't really say it in any judgmental manner, though. It's not like Konzen made a lot of effort in his lifetime either, except at the very end. The kind of effort that matters, at least. ]

You wouldn't compare it to the life you had before the building fell on your head?

[slantedcross]

It might be, at least today. Even contemplating the flowers today seems to be a lot of effort.

[He laughs, a bit too sharply for his own liking.]

Mm, maybe I don't want to be that depressed.

[bon_bon]

Well, at least you can remember, if you wanted to.

[ He wonders whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, if all you have are painful memories. But Konzen knows he'd rather suffer the bad, if he can hold on to the little good he has, too. He's not sure he'd want the same for Goku, though. ]

[slantedcross]

[And even he has to admit, he has memories that aren't painful. Some of them are even recent. And he came to the decision that the good outweighed the bad, if not for his own sake, then for the sake of someone else who couldn't make that decision anymore.]

That's the crux of it. They tell you you're a god, well, you can try to simulate the life you had before, or go on and be, well, a god. Forget about all that mortality entails. The other way isn't much of a choice. No "if you want" involved.

But if you don't know the difference one way or the other... it's just going to go on in circles. Can't miss what you didn't know, so does it matter? Is there a wrong if the wrong can't be perceived by the wrong?

...What have I been drinking? This is all very circular.

[bon_bon]

[ It's definitely circular. Strangely enough, Konzen can follow the logic just fine. He knows all about circles, being a Buddhist deity. Your life ends and is reborn, form and unformed, over and over until nirvana. But it's not supposed to bring you back to where you started. Each life is supposed to have meaning, set you on the path to enlightenment.

This place, it's more like limbo. ]

Maybe that's what they want from us. To circle around. [ Like cattle, maybe. Herded about to do what they want them to...ignorant of the forces that keep them here. ]

[slantedcross]

But is that because we're useful to them, or is it because we have the potential to be detrimental?

Because that makes it sound like a trap.

[He shrugs.]

Heavenly conspiracy theories. How'd that even happen.

[bon_bon]

Fuck if I know. Heaven's always been full of scheming and conspiracies.

[ He pauses. At least, that's his sense of it. He spent a lot of his lifetime ignoring this sort of crap. ]

This place isn't any different.

[slantedcross]

Gods are... human. Who knew?

[Youji does briefly wonder about that pause, but the cherry blossom fog in his brain... he can't hold on to any musings.]

Well, the... person who made that wish, I suppose.

[bon_bon]

If you mean just as full of shit, you're probably right.

[ It's an interesting comparison, though. Konzen is starting to feel a bit woozy too, which might be why he's being so damn philosophical with a perfect stranger. ]

[slantedcross]

That is exactly what I meant, yeah.

[Did the gods create the humans in their own images, or the other way around? Even here, with its emphasis on human wishes, Youji can't be sure.]

If you want me to stop running my mouth, I will, and gladly. This is the sort of thing that gets people shot by my living-world employers.

[bon_bon]

[ Youji might be surprised to learn that gods had nothing to do with the creation of man. At least, not this god. And certainly not most gods that Konzen knows. ]

Keep running your mouth. I could use the distraction, [ Konzen says with a snort. He doesn't really mind it, really. ]

What did you do for your living-world employers...?

[slantedcross]

I was a teacher.

[Funny how giving the real answer never occurs to him, even when it would make a damn lot more sense.]

You would be surprised how many secrets they have to keep!

[bon_bon]

Teacher?

[ Konzen looks at this guy anew, as if he can't believe it. Teachers, he thought, looked more like Hakkai. Not that this one doesn't seem smart or anything, but he just had a very different air about him, somehow. ]

What kind of secrets do teachers keep?

[slantedcross]

Mainly what the other teachers get up to in their off hours. Or what the students do... that's not always supposed to be a secret, but sometimes it is.

[The slight look of surprise, though, he sees it, and reassures Koznen:]

Art teacher, though. Nothing actually important.

[bon_bon]

[ He snorts. ]

What do you consider actually important?

[slantedcross]

Well, certainly not the future wellbeing of our children, clearly.

It's easier to define the lack than the presence of something, in some ways.

[bon_bon]

Maybe you need to look harder, [ he says with amusement. But he doesn't really mean it as judgment. Not everyone can be like Goku -- aware of that which one can't see. It's not that there is a lack there. It's that you don't have the perspective to notice what is present. ]

[slantedcross]

Work smarter, not harder.

[He rubs his head.] Or don't work at all. I'm about to fall over.

[bon_bon]

[ Konzen's not feeling so hot, himself. Is it the sakura trees? They smell so floral and cloying, he's noticing. He sighs and rubs his head too. ]

You gonna be all right?

[slantedcross]

Usually I drink more before I get to this point, but I think so.

[Noticing Konzen rubbing his head, too...]

At least it isn't just me.