thenearshore | [Closed] What happens in fight club stays in fight club...

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[Closed] What happens in fight club stays in fight club...

Who: Shun and Ren
What: Card game ~~assholes~~ antiheroes have a post-fighting-lesson sleepover and talk about their respective dark pasts.
When: May 20th
Where: Nekhbet's Temple
Warnings: Discussion of war and likely PTSD and survivor's guilt at some point, others will be added if they come up.

[Shun and Ren's fighting lessons have become basically routine at this point, every three days like clockwork that's only thrown out of time by the few occasions Shun has to work, in which case it's picked up the next day and the cycle continues. Not even the more brutal lesson on the fourteenth had managed to stop the following one falling in line, and now it's the one after that, and as always, Shun's demanding a rest period afterwards to be sure he doesn't send Ren back out weak enough to make easy pickings.

This time, though, is a little different, because he's not sending Ren back out, and though they discussed this extensively enough a few days ago when Ren suggested it, Shun doesn't really get what the difference between a sleepover and sharing quarters with his allies is. But there is definitely one thing they agreed on when it came to "getting to know each other better", and after coming across from the tiny kitchen with both a jug of water and a pot of the most obnoxiously strong black coffee imaginable, cups already on the little coffee table in the other room, Shun drains a glass of water in about two and a half seconds before he switches to the coffee and gives his guest a level look.]

You did better today than last lesson, but I'd be surprised if you wanted to discuss something that obvious.

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[It's pretty clear from Ren's tone that he's trying to make Shun backtrack on that, and though Shun is just as attentive to Ren's reasoning here, he doesn't look particularly convinced that his own assessment is wrong. Especially if he's used it and hasn't started slipping back down that slope again.

Adding another mental notch to his list of reasons to dislike Hibari - because being trusted with that kind of knowledge isn't something to turn your back on - Shun closes his eyes in what might seem like a concession until he starts speaking again, tone firm.]

And you think not slipping further after doing that is going to change my mind? Call it what you like, but I'm not going to take back what I call it just because you don't agree. I'm not saying it to be nice.

[Whatever it's born of, it's willpower. Shun's own is born at least in part of hatred and desire for revenge, so he can hardly talk.]

[Well, if Shun's not going to change his mind about it...to be honest, Ren's not going to fight too hard to change it, other than just telling his story. Because he really does like having someone thinking positively about him even while knowing why he shouldn't (for the first time in almost three months).

Ren smiles a little and takes a couple more sips of his coffee before going on.]

The other thing about Psyqualia is it...changes you. Kind of. Everything it brought out was something that was already in there somewhere, but a lot of what it brought out was negative. I'm not very proud of the person I was while I was using it.

You heard a little of that in the story the other day. That was all at the end of it, though.

[In the break in words, Shun takes a sip of his own coffee before returning it to the position it was in before. Whether it gets cold or not in the interim doesn't really matter to him, anyway.

What Ren's describing sounds pretty typical of people given power, so even if it is some kind of special ability unlike anything in his own world, he gives an understanding nod.]

So this "Psyqualia" is the darkness that was introduced into your heart, or however it was you put it the other day. From the way you described your stand-in in that story, I can see why you wouldn't be proud of what you did when you were like that, but at least you're beyond that now.

[He's making sure he has his thoughts straight here, but he also doesn't want to diverge Ren too much from the point. It can just make a hard thing to talk about harder.]

[He sets his cup of coffee down and spends a moment rearranging himself so he's sitting crossed-legged in his seat instead.] I made it sound a little better in the story. The darkness is always there; Psyqualia just brought it out and made me aware of it.

[The present tense there is deliberate; it's not like his capability for cruelty and arrogance and hunger for power have gone away completely, he just doesn't indulge in them. Usually.]

I think I made my relationship to the other Knight and the Dragon and what I was doing to them sound a little more story-like too. At least, for what it was then.

[Now that's definitely something Shun can understand, and though he's still seated leaning on one arm of the couch instead of in any decent position to do this in, he straightens himself up a little with a knowing look.]

Everyone has darkness. It's just a matter of whether you can overcome it, or how much you give in to it.

[It's honestly a little humiliating that it took him this long to realise his, but then, that had been more of a blur to him, a slow descent rather than a slope straight down.]

Then what was it really? [The prompt is just that - not demanding or harsh, just a question of what had actually happened.]

[And that is why Ren is even telling him all this. Because He Gets It. And he is very eager to find out exactly why he gets it, instead of just knowing that he's had his own experiences that mean he actually gets it...but he can be patient.]

I really hope everyone I talked to the other day remembers that too, if something like that ever happens again.

[Not that he had ever come out and said it like that to anyone, but he's hoping the message still got through and hopefully in a way that made it seem like they came up with it themselves.]

Mmm, I'll have to start back where I left off... [Before he went into exactly how Psyqualia screwed him up and was still more in story-telling mode.]

I thought Kai and Tetsu would be proud of how much stronger I'd gotten. Tetsu...was afraid of it but he went along with it. Kai hated it and what it was doing to me. Eventually he challenged me to a fight to try to get me to snap out of it. But I won that fight. So Kai left.

[And here he has to pause again, just to stare at his coffee for a moment, because that moment it still hard to think about, even now that he understands why and doesn't think Kai was wrong for doing it.]

I was so angry. And I hated him so much for that...

[With a world like this one, where gods and demons run rampant and none of them even know what it is that brought them here, it doesn't feel unlikely that some of the kids who heard that story might run into decisions like that to make. Giving a small nod of agreement in response to that, Shun lets him go on with his tale.

While he knows which side he likely would've taken in a situation like that, he can somewhat understand both. Friendship leading people to go along with things they'd otherwise reject or fear is another thing he's experienced often enough, but challenging him to a fight is exactly the kind of thing Shun does instead, so he has to agree more with that reaction.

As Ren describes his reaction to Kai leaving, Shun's fingers tighten imperceptibly on his cup, an unreadable expression settling over his face. How long ago was it, really, that he was threatening to cut down Yuto for getting in his way?]

It felt like a betrayal, after all you thought you'd done for him. Like he didn't understand what you'd given for that goal.

[It's projecting, as might be obvious from the carefully detached tone, but it's also Shun's best guess based on his own experience.]

[It might be projecting, but it's projecting that's spot on, and Ren nods and slumps a little in his seat, relieved that he doesn't have to say it and that Shun seems to understand it.]

I didn't see him again for years after that. And a lot of what I did during that time, I did to spite him, or to prove him him that I was the one who was right, or to get even stronger so I could crush him when we met again. I used my power constantly; I terrorized a lot of people to forget about being lonely; I made our team into a company and recruited hundreds of people because he'd been upset about that idea, I won Nationals without him...

I spent most of that time angry and hating him from the bottom of my heart. I would have been a really awful shinki to have to deal with.

[He knows that from experience, since he can imagine that it would have been the same as having to live with Hibari's emotions. It had made it easier for him to live with them, but he still wouldn't wish that on anyone.]

[This sort of thing isn't quite as familiar to Shun as a lot of the rest of the story, but there's still points he can touch on and understand. Maybe the reasoning is different, but terrorising people is basically what he defined himself by in Standard, intentionally or not, and getting stronger to crush an enemy is still one of his major focuses now. The anger and the hatred, too, are close enough that he can't do anything but nod in agreement with Ren's last remark.]

You wouldn't have been the only one. Forgetting where that anger and hate was aimed would probably have just made it worse.

[Coming to a place like this with feelings like that and not remembering what they were born of could've gotten very bad, very quickly. From the sound of things, both of them went off the rails far enough even knowing what they were aiming for.]

[Ren hums a little and thoughtfully runs a finger along the edge of his cup.]

It doesn't seem very fair to some of them that they have to keep their feelings but can't remember why they have them. When I forgot--

[He cuts himself off before he goes too far off onto that tangent. That's just going to be confusing if he goes into that right now.]

Well, that's way after all this, so maybe I'll talk about that later.

[Sooo, next up in his story would be...probably Aichi. He reaches up a hand to toy with a lock of his hair that for some reason had turned Aichi's color of blue three days ago. That had been unnerving, walking into the bathroom and seeing Aichi looking back at him in the mirror. Well, Aichi if he ever grew his hair out.]

Anyway, then I met Aichi-kun. [Who is another force of nature in his own right, so...] Aichi-kun is another star, but he's more like the sun. Bright and warm and life-giving but still dangerous if you're careless. He's the White Knight from the other day.

I didn't actually think much of him the first time I met him, but then I found out Kai had joined his team. Aichi-kun then was so shy and skittish and unpolished, and Kai had joined his team. It was insulting, and I wasn't very nice to Aichi-kun about it. He was in my way and I couldn't stand it.

[He pauses, idly wrapping his hair around his finger, and smiles a little. He'd smiled at the time when he'd figured out this next bit too, but this own is a much fonder, more wistful smile than that had been.]

But then after a while, I realized he'd gained the same power I had.

Edited 2016-12-03 04:00 (UTC)

[It's still really weird seeing that colour change on Ren, but Shun had gotten over it at about the point he'd elected not to just close the door and walk away in abject refusal to engage when he opened it to that. Letting him leave that particular side note for later - though Shun definitely can't say he isn't curious about it - he listens in silence. He could probably say he's met more people like this one than like the wildfire metaphor, because more than one person springs to mind immediately on that description.

When Ren talks about not being able to stand having Aichi in his way, Shun's expression becomes a little closed again, another of those moments he's relating to this more than he expected to. Again, different reasons, but "in my way" had been about all it took to make an enemy of Shun not long ago.

From the look on Ren's face right now, Shun feels like there's a gap to be filled in there.]

Did he give in to it as well, or did he surpass it?

[This is probably not the best time to be smiling and blase about things, but he can't really help it. Everything had turned out fine in the end and Aichi had only been addicted to Psyqualia for a few weeks, and if he can't laugh at himself once in a while for how awful he'd been, it'll just make him more miserable in the end, really.]

Oh, he gave into it too, for a while. I encouraged him. I knew it would hurt Kai, and...I really liked knowing there was someone else. Not just because I felt like it proved I was right; it was just nice not being alone. And he was really something to watch while he was addicted to it.

[There is maybe a tiny part of him that's disappointed he'll never get to see or fight that Aichi again. It's better for Aichi and everyone else this way, and it's not like Aichi isn't stronger than almost anyone in his own right, but...it really had been something to see.]

Kai was strong enough by then to beat him and knock some sense into him, though. So he did surpass it eventually. And then Kai decided that because he could do that, he was strong enough to challenge me again too.

[He pauses and thoughtfully taps his chin.]

And that's about where I was when you showed up the other day.

[It's really not a stretch for Shun to believe that not being alone was a big motivator there, because he remembers that feeling as well, and though he'd driven himself into paranoia rather than drag anyone down with him, it's not really much better, all things considered. He'd just wanted to get rid of everyone he didn't already trust.

It's probably a good thing they passed the issue of Ren's enjoyment of certain things Shun considers a little strange the other day, though, or he'd be looking more askance at that mention of how he was to watch when addicted. As it is, Shun just lets it pass with no more than a furrow of the brow that more says he doesn't quite get that emotion.

When the story comes up again, Shun takes only a moment to remember the outline of it, and his response is almost immediate.]

Kai lost again, and Aichi fought you instead?

Mmm, Kai tried really hard, too. I tried to make it up to him later.

[It's not really relevant to this particular conversation to mention he failed, though.]

I was really angry with both of them for rejecting me, so I did want to destroy Aichi-kun during that fight, like I said. And during the fight, I decided the best way to do that was make him become what he hated again.

I think I said in the story it didn't work but...it did, for a little while. But he decided he could accept his darkness and me, and he won.

[He pauses again and makes a slightly confused face at his coffee, because he's not actually sure where to go from that. That was the end of it and he was better after that, but it wasn't really because Aichi had reached out to him or because Kai was waiting for him. It had just...happened, really.]

And then I'm not really sure what happened. We were both using our power, so it made things weird...It felt like I was just pulled out of it. Or maybe like my anger just got pulled out of me. Suddenly I could see clearly what I'd been doing and how I'd been hurting my friends and how much more fun it had been before...it was like waking up from a bad dream because someone threw water in my face.

[That explains the mention of corruption in the story, then. Shun can't even say it wasn't a smart tactic, either, even if it was obviously dirty. Even not knowing the person in question, he knows it must've taken a lot of strength to accept those things and win, especially if the manipulation did work for a while.

Honestly, he looks just as confused as Ren about the aftermath. He supposes he can see some sense of what he means, but when it happens in his world usually it's because someone reached out and didn't let up until their message had made it through, rather than it happening through a victory pure and simple. And it's not even like it's a rare thing in his world, either.]

Maybe it was because both of you were using that power. If he could overcome it and accept it, maybe losing to it like that had an effect on you and yours. [He definitely doesn't sound sure about that, though, since he's basically spitballing here.]

Maybe. Or maybe it was his wish and something granted it because he won.

[Either or those thing sound like a perfectly reasonable possibility to him, because he really has no idea what it was. Aichi's unit had been there and done something...but that isn't much more of an explanation.]

I do think that was had something to do with it. We both lost it for a little while after that, so maybe that was it too.

How long did you lose it for? [He still sounds mostly curious and trying to get to the bottom of what exactly happened there, even if Ren clearly doesn't have a firm answer either and finding one just out of this is basically a pipe dream.

Still, a moment later, he shakes his head like he doubts he'll really get it anyway.]

You'd know better whether it could've been that power that caused it, anyway. There's always rumours and stories about powers like that in my world, card spirits and whatever, but I've never seen anything come of it.

[He doesn't sound dismissive, because he believes in his own deck as much as anyone else does and will dismantle anyone who dares to insult it, but it's hard to think of it as much more than fantasy when the closest to truth he has is a vague memory of brutality not fitting someone he now knows well enough to make that call, and the apparent existence of other kinds of spirits.]

I'm not really sure. [~~Because Vanguard's timeline is stupid and makes no sense.~~] I'd actually forgotten I'd even had it when I got it again, and even though I remember now, some of my memories are still a little fuzzy.

[Yeah, that's about as helpful as he can be on that front. He'd love to have a better answer too, because then maybe he could figure out what it was that let Aichi have peace with himself, but he's thought about it enough that he's sure he won't be getting the answer any time soon.

At Shun's mention of card spirit, though, he lights right up, brighter than he has been all day much less during the last while.]

Really? In my world--well, Vanguard's lore is based around another planet, and most people don't know it, but that planet is a real place. That was what Psyqualia was supposed to be for, I think: connecting us with that planet. So if our units are real, then maybe your spirits are too.

Losing the power and your memory of having it right after that just makes it sound more like the power had something to do with it. [But he'll drop that point, because they both know they're not getting any real answers out of it. Even the way he says that is almost more like an afterthought than an actual argument.

The idea of Vanguard's lore base actually being a real planet makes Shun look rather blank for a moment, as if in disbelief...and then he gives a slight sigh like he can't actually maintain that emotion.]

I suppose I can't really say that sounds any weirder than multiple dimensions in my world. But I've been to all the dimensions except one, and none of them have had anything like that. If they did exist, I'd be interested, but the closest we have is Real Solid Vision, and that's only realism, not actual reality. [As far as he knows.]

[Ren perks up again like he might ask something, but then stops short of actually saying it. Which is stupid, frankly, because he's already taken Hibari there, and he likes Hibari significantly less than Shun. And he trusts Shun more, especially now that he knows exactly how significant it would be.

But he just can't get that offer out of his throat and into the air. Maybe it's because of Shun comments about his willpower, maybe it's because reliving his experience with Psyqualia again has reminded him just how stupid it had been to give in and introduce Hibari to it in the first place....

He really would love to show Shun what Cray was like, though...

He finally shakes his head a little and smiles to try to just move on like nothing had happened.]

Maybe they're just hiding from you. Or maybe you can't notice them unless you're really looking for them, the way we are now.

[It's obvious that something's troubling Ren there, but Shun figures it's just a side-effect of the conversation they're having. It'd be stranger if he wasn't having moments like that, so Shun lets it pass without comment this time. If he wants to say it, he can say it when he feels comfortable doing so.

While it's a nice thought to consider that card spirits might really exist in his world, Shun doesn't look convinced.]

If it was just me they weren't showing themselves to, maybe, but I don't think that's it.

[Given Ren seems to be focusing on this now, too, Shun assumes that's the end of his story, and the more he puts his own off the more unpleasant he thinks it's likely to be telling it. So while he doesn't want to push things along too hard, he figures it's worth the question.]

Was that all you had to tell me?

[Ren looks just as unconvinced that these card spirits definitely don't exists just because Shun hasn't heard of anyone really meeting one, but it's pretty clear they have completely different perspectives on that possibility too. It's too bad there's probably no way of ever finding out for sure.

He's more than happy to move on, though, especially if it's time for Shun's turn. He does his best not too look too excited (which isn't too hard, if he's honest, because his mood is still dampened a bit from his own retelling and he knows this is something that should be treated seriously), but he does smile a little as he nods and shifts a little in his seat to get more comfortable.]

I still have a few stories, but that's the end of that one. I can tell you the other ones another time.

[There it is. Shun can't really share the positive expression here, because if they're going back to the beginnings of this, he basically has to start with the start of the war.

Taking one more sip of his coffee before he puts it aside on the table, Shun inclines his head and begins.]

I already covered some of this the first time we met, but my world has four dimensions - Standard, Xyz, Synchro and Fusion. Most people aren't aware of the other dimensions, or weren't until recently. [As he says this, he slides his phone out of his pocket, opens something up, and then slides it down the coffee table towards Ren. There's an image on the screen, a photo of a photo, though the only real evidence of that is that there's bits of a frame barely visible at the edges of it.]

Me, Yuto and my little sister Ruri are all from the Xyz Dimension. We all went to the Spade Branch of Heartland Duel School, and though they're both a lot younger than me and had more time to think about what they wanted to do, I was already dedicating myself to being a pro duelist someday. If you don't have an equivalent in your world, call it something like a combination of an entertainer and athlete - you have to know how to draw the audience, and have the physical skill to pull off stunts with your monsters to do it, as well as the skill at the game to win while keeping things interesting. Until two years ago, that's what I'd focused myself on.

[And that's about the point his tone goes from detached to bitter.] We didn't know about the other dimensions. We were at peace. And on a day we never saw coming, the Fusion Dimension invaded us. Heartland was burned and razed to the ground, and they hunted us like animals. We'd never seen what they did to their victims before, but anyone who lost to them or couldn't fight was sealed, body and soul, into a card. Just on the first day, most of the city was as good as dead, and they never stopped the hunt. They laughed as they cut us down, civilians desperately trying to form a defense, they compared their kills like a game. To them, it was a game.

To us, it was the start of a living hell for the next two years.

[It may be becoming more obvious why Shun prompted Ren to go first. Even with this time to prepare, Shun's tone is somewhere between bitterness and strangled emotion.]

[Oh hey, that sure is Shun's phone coming at him. Ren carefully moves his lukewarm, half-empty coffee to where he won't accidentally know it over and slides the phone off the table to cradle it in his lap. He smiles a little as he studies the photo and listens to Shun talk about working to become a pro. Ruri looks like a lot of fun, and he'll definitely have to get Shun to make that face again...but seeing Yuto looking that same as ever sends a cold squirm through the pit of his stomach. It was one thing knowing that Yuto had been Shun's friend; it was different seeing it and knowing Shun has a picture of it....

The change in Shun's tone bring him back from his half-listening, half-musing state, although he keep his eyes down at the phone in his lap for now, not really seeing it as he tries to see the scene Shun is describing instead. It's more familiar than Shun would probably guess, and he makes a mental note not to get too playful if he ever tells Shun about the Link Joker invasion.

That had only lasted a few days, though, and the main invasion had only been for a few hours. If that had lasted for years...]

We have pro fighters too. I get asked a lot if I'm going to go pro after I graduate, even though I already have Foo Fighter...

[And two National Championships and the last High School Championship...he's about as close to being a pro as he can get without it being official.

He carefully sets Shun's phone back on the table, folds his hands in his lap where he can keep them to himself, and finally looks up at Shun. Even just that little bit to start with already explains a lot about him.]

You're still here, so you must have found a way to fight back.

[It obviously wasn't as easy as all that, though.]

[At least he doesn't have to go too far into detail about pros, then, if Ren's world has something similar. As Ren sets the phone down again and makes that comment, Shun gives a curt nod, and starts up again in a similar tone to what he left off on.]

For a while, we couldn't, because we had no idea how. But finally, we got hold of Academia's technology and reverse-engineered it. We gained the level of power their Real Solid Vision had, and we gained the capability to seal people into cards as well. That was also when we found out there was no way to reverse it, when it truly became "death" to us. We couldn't do it, and Standard couldn't do it either when I went there. [But that's jumping ahead a bit, so he'll leave that for now.] That's when the Resistance was formed, and the branches of Heartland Duel School became branches of it, Spade and Clover. For a while, we focused on figuring out what the invasion was for, and eventually we found out that Academia and the Fusion Dimension wanted to fuse together all four dimensions.

To get that information, we had to fight, and even though we were all willing to do it to survive, not everyone was willing to use the card-sealing function even though it meant a defeated enemy could never return, one less in Academia's overwhelming numbers. Yuto and Ruri were always like that...neither of them wanted to hurt anyone, and that didn't change when the war began. It tore them both up even when they had to fight normally, but Yuto had more time to adjust and he at least got used to doing what he needed to survive.

[As he goes on, his voice becomes darker, colder, hinting more than enough at what's to come.] They wouldn't take lives, and I wasn't going to make them. So I did it. Yuto talked me down whenever he was around, and there's plenty of Academia soldiers still alive because of his mercy. But just as many are dead by my hand. Hearing them beg for mercy when minutes earlier they'd been laughing at our dead...it only made me want them gone more. They took the lives of my comrades and friends like it was nothing, destroyed the futures of everyone I knew, and they expected me to show them what they'd never deigned to show to us.

And then, a while into the invasion, they did the only thing they could've done to make me hate them even more. They took Ruri. [His voice becomes a low hiss of fury for a moment there before he restrains himself again.] There was a mole placed in Xyz for a while before the invasion, and he told me when I fought him later that the invasion was called so Academia could capture her. I did what was necessary to survive before that, but that was when I started going out of my way to crush any one of those soldiers I could find. I wanted information, I wanted to know how to get her back. I was so blinded by my anger I was willing to do anything to get there.

[He still sounds pretty pissed by the turn of events, but it breaks from his tone as he says that last sentence. Now that he's realised that, fueling himself purely with that spite and hatred he used to doesn't really click anymore.]

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