Let's Go Out

[takenwithhim]

Who: Rin Matsuoka and Sousuke Yamazaki
Where: Various locations on the Near Shore
When: Mid-August
What: How many ways can “Let’s go out” be interpreted?
Warnings: Knowing them, something awkward/cute/hot/feels is going to happen.


[You don’t need to get closer. There’s no more distance between us. Those are the kind of thoughts he’d expect any logical person to think about their relationship. Between a god and his shinki, living together and growing together, how could they bother with the idea of getting “closer” when their lives were more or less wrapped up within each other’s? They already experienced so much together. Their initial meeting under the shower of cherry blossoms and clouds. A strange bond rushing together with every race they took in the pool to hone their skills as swimmers and conquer Sousuke’s nostalgia. Sharing the burden of pain and poignancy as they met with Rin’s father and helped him return to the afterlife.

Yelling and arguing over the stupidest things (and sometimes not so stupid) from workout practices to what’s the best way to cook spicy teriyaki. Bright laughs and satisfied grins as they trained their powers out in the castle grounds or raced through the castle to explore its secrets. Even the awkward moments that keep popping up, from sleeping in the same bed to accidentally getting flashes of nudity in the bathroom… and spending an entire week together as kids. They even got a bath (or five) together already! Anyone with those kinds of events in their lives were bound to be called “best friends” or something like that, right? They didn’t need to get any closer, right?

… apparently they did. Maybe it simply isn’t enough to spend those kinds of times and experiences together. Training, living, growing, learning, enjoying, challenging… Those things are always going to be there and Sousuke’s not against any of them. So then, if they’re that close already, why’s this day having so much fun already playing awkward string through their evening tapestry? Let’s go out. That’s all he’d said when he came downstairs. He didn’t say anything remotely related to the term ‘date’ you know! But… his god’s a romantic sap beyond compare and it didn’t take long for someone’s face to get red.

So of course Sousuke’s surprise (maybe suspicion) lingers on as he steps out of the portal that carries his god and him to the Near Shore. The human realm that contains so many sights, scents, and sounds that bring a round of comfort and gentle thrill to his chest. Rin agreed to the offer. After all that, he’d agreed. It’d been a long time, if not actually the first time, they’ve ever gotten dressed up in front of each other. He’s grateful for the cooler evening air. It makes his current clothes far more comfortable. Turns out, even if Sousuke tends to prefer his shirts open and untucked, his collarbones exposed, casual pants a little unconsciously-lowcut… he’s not at all bad cutting an impressive figure in formal wear.]

Where do you want to go?

[The obvious intent is to have dinner eventually… but it’s been a long time since they’ve gone out to simply hang with each other in such a setting. They should really make a whole night of it. Who knows what else they’ll learn about each other… Who knows how much closer they’ll get.]

Comments

[sharkmaid]

[It's impossible to ignore the feeling. All too familiar, it's dense and heavy in his chest and Rin has to slow his breathing to force it to settle. Regret. Guilt. He hates how frequently they visit his best friend, almost as much as he hates being able to share them with him when he least expects it. And yet the longer he sits here waiting for peace, some twisted part of his mind tells him he should be happy. He should enjoy having the chance to finally see and feel the sides of Sousuke he's never known before, the parts always so indistinguishable beneath dark waters. Of course he was always happy with what they had in their partnership. But all the same, maybe, even a little, he wished there could have been more. Maybe not those extreme parts. Being entwined or so close they can always feel each others' heartbeat... Just something simple.

... Something sort of like this.

It's not here to stay though and once the warmth at his back and on his cheek fade, panic settles in quickly. Is it because he wants them to stay? Is it really fine for Sousuke to touch him like that even if it's so brand new? He should have encouraged it. Should have moved closer, smiled, laughed, this or that-- Yeah. Lots of should's. Too many to count and each one feeling like a sharp stab to the gut. Add all that on top of Sousuke's turbulent emotions and Rin's already a jumbled up mess, torn between crying and continuing to raise his voice until he loses it completely. No need to look into his eyes to know what's already there. Sousuke can avoid Rin's gaze all he wants...

Rin's already seen right through him.

Suddenly, there's a lurch between their bodies and Rin nearly falls forward into his shinki's chest. At first he thinks Sousuke's going to stand and walk away. It'd be easy, he wouldn't need to try... but no. He's still here. And now he's yelling at him, startling him, forcing the tight ball in his heart to nearly implode with unbridled rage. A single tear trickles down his cheek as he stares wide-eyed at the other swimmer but otherwise there's no sign of pain on his face... only shock. Because this is familiar. They've been here before, or at least somewhere close enough to it, and despite the circumstances he thinks he should be better prepared with how to respond. Of course it doesn't work that way and in the end all he can do is listen and let Sousuke grip his wrist without a single shred of effort.

Stop it. Don't say things like that. I didn't know know you, you didn't know me, you can't believe any of that because if you do you'll end up destroying yourself and--

Enough.

He can't hear anymore. Can't allow this to escalate any further. So Rin stops it the only way his body wants to.

With Sousuke's hand still around his wrist, he does abandon the grip on his collar, and instead he reaches for his face, both hands on autopilot as they find some part of his best friend to hold onto, touch, feel, tug... Until he's forced their lips together a second time. He wants to say he does it because it'll shut both of them up. Keep them from saying anything stupid or bringing any attention to this side of the park. But... he doesn't want Sousuke to be sad either. He doesn't want him to feel regret or guilt, any bit of negativity all because of Rin...

I don't want you to suffer either.]

[takenwithhim]

[Of course Rin’s going to feel it; he feels everything Sousuke does and it drives the taller boy nuts. They have that distance between them, right? Physically, at least, but with the bond they share as god and shinki, it’s not the same. Whether Sousuke’s irritated, happy, afraid, guilty, or whatever, Rin’s going to feel it. So far, his god’s not done anything to capitalize or even attempt to acknowledge it. And honestly, the shinki’s extremely grateful for that. Rin respects his privacy enough to keep the connection a private thing and sometimes, it’s enough that Sousuke forgets the issue’s even there. But it always finds a way to eventually rear its head in his mind. Like now. When he can feel the heavy weight in Sousuke’s chest and the dangerous threat that’s dragging at his stomach as the shinki nears some very threatening admissions and revelations.

He knows he shouldn’t, he knows those kinds of things aren’t permitted, for his own safety. And he does his best to ignore them and move away as fast as possible once he realizes it. But this time’s different. There’s something else there that he has to grasp onto and yell at, to vent his frustrations on so he won’t spill them unfairly at Rin. Maybe it is selfish. Being the one to get upset after Rin “called him out” on blatantly kissing him out of nowhere. But that stupid question… “why.” He couldn’t just sit there and keep silent! Rin would’ve been even more irritated and panicked. The alternative, however, isn’t turning out well for them either.

How is it they can go from a moment of complete peace and enjoyment to suddenly finding everything between them breaking down in a shattering spectacle? Rin’s crying, he’s yelling, and both probably don’t even know what they’re really upset about at all asides from using the kiss as the current scapegoat. Besides, there’s no use trying to keep silent and hide it. Rin’s already seen through him. And Sousuke knows it’s got nothing to do with his godly connection to his shinki letting him feel his feelings. No, Rin knows him too well to let Sousuke continue to bottle this up inside him. Either on purpose or not, the other swimmer’s given a push that’s ripped open part of Sousuke’s silence and let out this… mess.

Admittedly, it feels good to finally get some of that crap off his chest, even if there’s nothing his god can do about it. He know it’s surprising, sees it in the way Rin’s eyes widen and his face’s taken aback at his normally-quiet friend suddenly breaking down into a loud voice and tense irritation. The single tear doesn’t help matters either and all Sousuke can think about now after his outburst is how he just hurt Rin again. Is there nothing he can do, apart from leaving, that would prevent him from continually hurting his friend? The thought digs in his chest and it’s frustratingly agonizing. He knows he’s the cause of a good part of Rin’s troubles… It’s as clear as his hand wrapped around Rin’s wrist. But what can he do? What can either of them do? They’re stuck here, partnered with each other, developed this bond, this friendship. Even among all of the trials, they’ve been together… It’s ironic that they’re so compatible when they fight with and clash against each other so much.

It's even more ironic when hands abruptly clasp on either side of his face and suddenly he’s being pulled. Neck bending, head tilting, pulled down until lips press against his own. It shuts Sousuke up as effectively as a punch to the gut. Probably shuts them both up. And he has no idea what to think about it. Incensed that Rin would kiss him after his reaction to being kissed first. Relieved that neither of them are saying anything for a moment. Curious about why he’s choosing this action when he could easily have put his hand over his mouth. Incredulous that Rin thinks this could somehow put an end to the turbulence churning between them. A host of others his mind’s in a whirl trying to process and decide if he’s going to raise hell or give up. There’s no way something like this is going to be able to prevent him from feeling sad or frustrated or guilty or any of those negative things. And yet…

In the end, it’s the latter. Surrender and admit defeat. The larger boy’s shoulders sink and the tension in his chest bleed out into a slump as everything seems to just fall away for now. His eyelids shut and his breath eases to his normal, silent rhythm. It’s probably not much of a kiss… most just a mouth-to-mouth shut-the-hell-up. But, he guesses that’s okay for now. Both of them probably need it. … For now, all he can think to do is stand here, rest his hands on Rin’s hips (so he at least knows Sousuke’s not going to push him away and run off), and wonder if his lips are going to fall scorched from his face because someone’s mouth is warm and tastes like fire, salt, and seasoning.]

[sharkmaid]

[Rin knows Sousuke well enough to know he won’t pull away when he kisses him, even if they’ve never done this before. He’s always been the first to tug him forward anyway, the first to challenge him to go on, do it, what harm could it do...? Well. He knows what could go wrong here, if their previous outbursts aren’t telling enough, but that still isn’t enough to keep Rin, or Sousuke, away. What will it take, he wonders? Will there ever be a point where their relationship reaches a breaking point and there’s no chance of moving on? What would it take... Clearly not a kiss. A kiss, a stupid kiss. Can they even call it that anymore if it feels so stiff? The romantic side of Rin insists he try harder... though it also tells him this is ridiculous and the farthest thing from romantic in the first place. A romantic evening, a romantic dinner and a view... All purely coincidental, he promises.

And yet this happened anyway.

It’d be taking the easy way out, to submit to it and simply let it happen in place of all the yelling or crying. But is it right? Is it even wrong? Rin can’t say for sure... only that it’s unmistakably warm and, no, they haven’t pulled away ten seconds in.

Would it be easy to say they need it? Need it for what? Another distraction from what’s true, from what daily plague eats away at them beneath their attempts at living a normal life. In that sense, this all seems impersonal. Poetic, but impersonal. Selfish. Ruthless. Desperate. Rin can’t tell if he should laugh because they’re weak or laugh because they’ve got a hell of a lot of guts to be pulling off stupid chick flick stunts like this. For sure, he never imagined his first kiss would be this complicated. Complicated... yes. Very.

But when Sousuke’s breath settles, so does Rin’s. When he rests his hands on his hips, he muscles relax. The fog in his mind transitions into a light mist until all that’s left in the clear is a beat. Right... that sound. That feeling. It’s what keeps his arms pumping one after the other in the water, his legs pulling him across docks and alleyways so he might somehow brush the other boy’s sleeve. Like clockwork, Rin’s heart syncs with Sousuke’s, and the one place it wants to be is right between his lips. It’s right where they touch, where it’s softest, hottest and tastes like salt. Of course...

No matter where they go, they’re always connected one way or the other.

Every bone in his body feels like jelly when he finally eases his hands onto Sousuke’s shoulders instead and this time when his lungs think to protest he pushes down the urge, wanting instead to stay here, floating, existing, for as long as his heart allows. It really is dizzying... Might explain the light dusting of pink on his cheeks to match the flutters of pink in the air. Petals again, delicate, glowing and snowlike in the evening chill. Ordinarily he’d panic or brush them off as an accident. Right now... what point would there be? If they’re already reflected in his eyes when he eventually opens them or finding rest in his hair, what point would there be in denying?

Rin feels... free. Just like this.

There’s a quiet ‘pop’ between them when he does choose to stop, though exactly as before he doesn’t venture far. In fact, they’re still forehead to forehead. So close...]

... I’m not suffering. [he whispers it, eyes trained downwards but head still in place.] As long as I have you with me at all– [A pained look now, glimmering in his eyes] –I’m free.

[takenwithhim]

[He may tease him about making this a romantic evening, despite some of the awkwardness before and this whole mess now. But really, it has been like that! From the dressing up to the private meal area to the couch to the conversation to this walk in the park and serious conversation… How it’s led up to this, though, Sousuke’s trying not to think about it. The frustration and pain’s not something he wants to go back to right now. Sweeping it under the rug’s not an option either, but it’s tempting… They’ll have to deal with it later, ask the what’s and why’s he’s not looking forward to answering even to himself. He’s still here, still close to Rin, still leaning into the kiss even if he’s pretty sure this “kiss” isn’t at all romantic. It’s mostly just… shutting them both up for a bit.

It is his first kiss. He’s only now just realizing that. Probably another thing that’s going to count against him when they have The Talk about this night. Stealing Rin’s first kiss for something this complicated and tumulus, how’s that for being a nice date? Of course, Rin’s taking the second one and it’s no less confusing or frustrating either… Tch, they’re going to need to redo this night sometime down the road. But at least these thoughts are the ones pushing into Sousuke’s mind right now, instead of those damning curiosities and grievances that Rin’s so wary about.

Heart rate going down, breathing settling, pupils returning to normal, and his muscles relaxing, Sousuke wonders if he’s going to end up sinking to the ground for a moment. He doesn’t. Thankfully. A wry, amused, and surprisingly gentle realization slips through his mind as he feels and hears Rin’s heart beating in time with his own. There’s something comforting about it, just how close they are in so many ways despite their differences and clashing opinions at times. Even if it frustrates them both on occasion, Sousuke’s grateful that his god is Rin and he’s his shinki. They’re partners, together… for better and for worse.

He feels a gentle brush past his face and it only takes a minute to realize the small breeze of sakura petals is drifting past them again. Hn, of course it is. Hands settle on his shoulders and there’s a slight tension—it’s instinctive, he swears—before he relaxes again, his hand remaining on Rin’s hips to keep him close. Sousuke doesn’t want them to be apart right now. Even if his mind is telling him that’s the best place for both of them to be, his heart tells him he’d regret it later. It’s the harder choice, but he forces himself to make it. For both their sakes.

The kiss breaks and he’s left with his forehead against Rin’s, their breaths silently mingling between their mouths. Neither of them go far, both still holding onto each other. And those quiet words whispering over the surface of his lips. Sousuke keeps his eyes closed, unable to look right now. A promise that he’s not suffering. Telling him that he feels free if Sousuke’s around him. Such pretty words… but… I wish I could believe you. He gently tightens his hand on Rin’s hip, squeezing for some support and offering of comfort. Before finally nodding slightly, hair brushing into Rin’s bangs.]

All right. [For now… just leave it at that.]

[sharkmaid]

[They kissed before this, remember? Though when he really thinks about it, maybe that’s not accurate. Back when they were kids at the castle, whatever it was that happened between them seemed more like an accident than anything else. Though with all that being said, was this really their first kiss? First kisses are supposed to feel... different. Not so confusing or painful or complicated like this. Right? Tsk, then again, how’s Rin supposed to know that for sure? He’s never kissed anyone before this. No matter. What’s done is done and there’s nothing they can do to forget or change these last few minutes. But... it’s not like Rin wants to anyway.

... does Sousuke?

He wonders it as they stay seated together in silence, nothing changing, nothing moving or shifting one way or the other. Time falls still and he shivers at the eerie sensation it leaves in his chest. Maybe not all first kisses go as planned, maybe none of them end up like this... all except for theirs. He’d laugh if he had the stomach for it. How fitting for them to always go against the grain.

Rin keeps his head tipped downward when he finally responds.]

You don’t believe me. [Does he blame him? No. Even if it’s frustrating and he wants to shake him to get it through his head... This time he does manage a laugh. Soft, light... bittersweet.] I don’t think I’d believe me either. [With that, he starts slipping his hands down and away from Sousuke’s shoulders, smoothing out the creases left behind on the front of his shirt.]

... I’m sorry I ruined the night. [Quieter,] ... And the kiss.

[takenwithhim]

[That was an accident. Pure and simple. If they can even call that a kiss… Then again, he doubts this has been a stellar kiss either. It’s so awkward and heavy, the previous one they shared as kids probably counted more as a kiss than this… mess. He doesn’t want to consider this their first kiss any more than he wants to consider the accidental mouth-bump in the bed their first kiss. This was more a “shut the hell up” kind of thing, crude as it sounds. But thinking about it like that feels like the only way he can justify their actions without accepting they just ruined something that is supposed to be… anything but this.

There’s no turning the clock back on this. As much as he wants to change it, he can’t. It’s there in his head, on his lips… forever.

Sitting here on the bench, surrounded by the sound of the river, the evening darkness, the light of the lamp behind them, it’s silent between them. There’s no twitching or awkward shifting like anyone would expect. Only this eternal moment of holding each other and thinking about what just occurred. The partners that fight all the time and clash so often, yet somehow always find out that it just… works, between them. How frustrating…

Sousuke lets out a noiseless breath. Of course Rin’d see through his lie. He doesn’t bother responding. Rin already knows his answer. How can he believe him? After the breakdown they just had, it’s almost incredulous that his god thought such a comment would even sound believable. To either of them. Rin’s laugh sounds and feels strange, shivering down his spine and making his mouth taste of bittersweet flavors.]

Aa… [Hands slip from his shoulders, though they take a few moments to brush out the bunches in his shirt. It’s… a tender action, almost apologetic, and Sousuke feels his chest do a mixture of warming and tightening. Even like this, Rin cares about him. He finally finds the will to release his god’s hip and turns to look at the river again. Hmph… there he goes, apologizing again.]

You didn’t. [Rin’s not the one that initiated the kiss. Rin’s not the one that started yelling. The ruination of the night lays entirely on Sousuke’s shoulders. But he keeps that inside, knowing they’d just get into another argument over the blame. Ironically. He leans forward and rests his elbows atop his knees, fingers laced and his mouth hidden behind his tented knuckles. They… they can still salvage this. More forward. Somehow.]

When we get home tonight, let’s go swimming. [His eyes linger on the flowing waters in front of him, quiet and deep.] I… I really want to swim with you.

[sharkmaid]

[Rin doesn't turn straight away when Sousuke does, taking the time to stare at the space between them on the bench instead, but once he decides he'll find no answers or words there he too shifts in his seat to face the silent river ahead. It's... almost like it never happened. Even if his lips still tingle and he has to bite down to keep them numb. Even if his palms itch and his heart still carries those faint flutters with every other breath.

... Why did he do it? He still doesn't have his proper answer. Anything else could have stopped him from crying, but Sousuke chose that.]

I'm still sorry.

[Rin turns away, staring at the grass, the rocks, the blurry halos at the edge of his vision from cold teardrops still drying on his eyelashes. Is this... just something they're never going to talk about again? Like their petty fights and squabbles, will they sweep tonight under the rug too? It seems harsh. Stupid. Childish. But...

He nods without thinking, his mind automatically putting "swim" and "you" together then formulating a proper response. If they swim, they'll be back to normal. It's a comfortable place, a neutral, respective, balanced place they can retreat to when they've gone too far. Technically, sure. It makes sense. And yet all the same, Rin doesn't want to think of all this as some sort of mistake or something they need to repair. Something to salvage... It hurts to think of it that way.

After rubbing at his eyes with the back of his sleeve, Rin stands up from his spot so he can walk closer towards the water's edge, just close enough for the shallow bank to wet the very tips of his shoes. ... They used to skip stones on a river just like this, almost every day after school. He remembers following the stream towards the ocean and crossing the same bridge together from home every morning. Now there's this. Quiet. Solemn. So damn confusing.]

... And then?

[He waits a beat before slowly looking over his shoulder, the city lights illuminating his frame from behind.]

After that... will we forget this ever happened?

[takenwithhim]

[Sousuke feels the disconnect even before they both end up facing away from each other. It’s heavy, awkward, and doesn’t feel good at all. But it’s also needed right now. They’ve made a mess of things and even though it’s not a “big” thing in the grand scheme… it’s still a problem. The river in front of him flows on without caring about their problems, as if telling them it’s fine to forget about this, that it never happened if they wish it. But… is that even possible?

He still doesn’t know why he did what he did. The obvious answer is that he wanted Rin to stop crying. The deeper answer being that he wanted to remind him that Sousuke’s not going anywhere. The real answer… is not in his head. When Rin apologizes, Sousuke closes his eyes and tilts his head in a quiet accept/dismiss.] Aa. I’m sorry too. [Rin will keep apologizing even if he tells him not to, so Sousuke just accepts it. Easier than getting into a tug of war over something again.

It’s something they don’t have to talk about again. If they don’t want to. As Rin thinks, it can be like one of their arguments, here in a flash and gone just as quickly. Just, Sousuke’s not stupid enough to think something like a kiss is going to go quietly under the rug. The request to swim is probably an attempt to distance both of them from the strangeness of the “new” with the comfort and distraction of the normal. Sousuke knows he’s not going to be able to forget this night, the feeling of Rin’s lips against his own. But he can step away from it for a while and try to… breathe.

The soft question reaches his ears among the flow of the river. Sousuke opens his eyes and looks at his god, taking in the sad expression on his face, the way the breeze flutters his hair and bangs in soft waves, the small, glittering globes of city lights sparkling behind him and illuminating his almost-silhouette. For a while, Sousuke regards him, a mixture of caution and hesitation. But finally, he pushes himself up and walks over to the water. The athlete leans down and picks up a stone from the river’s edge, giving it a few shakes in the water to wash it off. Then stands up next to Rin.]

Can we?

[Sousuke slings his arm forward, side-arming the stone into the water. It goes skipping across the waves a few times before vanishing with a wet ‘ploop’ into the river.]

[sharkmaid]

[He immediately wants to tell him not to apologize, but at this point it’d be stupid to go back and forth with it so Rin leaves the apologies where they are. Come to think of it, they’re not used to saying sorry to each other. It’s more comfortable to let things go or cover them up with something distracting, like a race or a bet, a quiet fist bump before they go their separate ways. Something this intimate though... He bites his lip and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Intimate. That’s a dumb word for it, isn’t it? Or is it?

Feeling this inexperienced leaves an uncomfortable weight in his stomach. It’s the same for everything else. Swimming, speaking another language, living in another country... All those things he adapted to eventually. So what about this? Maybe it’s too much to consider for one night. Or he’s just thinking too much again. Something of a mixture of the two.

He’s a nervous wreck by the time Sousuke stands up so rather than watch him he quickly looks away again. Doesn’t know what for; just that he has to. What’s he walking here for, why did he ask him something so stupid, wouldn’t it just be better to leave? Apparently not. Because there his shinki goes, plucking a stone from the ground and flinging it off into the river. So casual and yet so surreal. It’s almost like he read his mind. He’ll choose not to ask how he knew to throw at just the right angle or even how to pick the perfect stone, and instead does what comes more naturally. Find a rock, rinse it off, quickly take aim and just... let it go. And off it goes, skipping along the same path as Sousuke’s before sinking below the waves. ... Hmph. Didn’t go as far as he wanted.]

I can’t.

[takenwithhim]

[Don’t. They could argue who’s at fault for hours and never get anywhere but more grumpy. Sousuke’s glad there’s some silence between them. Probably it’s best neither of them talk for right now. Not risk saying something stupid that would trigger another mess. As Rin picks up the stone beside him, Sousuke can’t help but feel a small twinge of comfort despite the overhanging awkwardness. Something about Rin moving like that, both of them so naturally in tune with each other they simply continue the same actions between them… It reminds him they’re still together. For a reason.

Water splatters under the rock as it skips and finally vanishes into the river. He offers the barest of sounds; Rin’s didn’t go as far as his. He bends down and sorts through the pebbles around his feet until he finds one he likes. Cleans it off like before and stands back up. This really has been a complicated night; it started out so good too… But they’d started this night doing something incredibly different, so maybe it’s to be expected.]

Didn’t think so.

[The unspoken “I can’t either” should be pretty obvious. Neither of them are going to forget this night. Or the kiss. They can keep silent about it, never bring it up, but forgetting it is impossible. Sousuke whips his arm forward and sends the stone skipping across the water, the corners of his vest sliding against his hips as his body draws into an athletic twist. Feels natural; doesn’t have to even think about it. And he doesn’t. It’s better that way.]

[sharkmaid]

[Just as before, Rin searches through the pebbles after Sousuke’s tossed his then repeats the same motions. Cleaning it off, shaking away the water, barely taking aim then letting it go. For no reason other than to keep his mind occupied, he counts each skip. There’s no competition, no bet or forfeit... For once they’re doing this for the sake of doing it. Awkward, yes. Uncomfortable... no, not as much as he thought it might be. Honestly, out of all the nights they’ve shared in this new life together, this might be the most relaxing. Easy. Normal. The only things they need to worry about are what any other teenager would worry about.

He doesn’t say a word for at least another minute or two after that, content to relax in this routine, but before he skips another stone he waits... then lowers his hand back towards his side with his thumb idly tracing the smooth edges. Small with a crease towards the center... It’s vaguely heart shaped...]

... Would you do it again?

[takenwithhim]

[This is strangely natural, in a surreal but pleasant sort of way. Getting ready this afternoon had been a little stressful, since neither of them had dressed up formal-like in their time here at the Shores. Then the whole trip to the Near Shore and figuring out what to do and where to go for dinner. And dinner itself, of course, with its back and forth between calm and heavier topics. Finally culminating in the… you know… at the park. Perhaps he should have figured there’d be some crescendo happening; events always have a rising undercurrent to them whenever Rin and Sousuke go out and do things.

That makes this moment so different. There’s no competition, no aggression or tension, they’re not arguing. For a moment, it feels like everything is fine again. Skipping rocks silently side by side, not caring whose went further or teasing about accidentally pushing someone into the water. It’s relaxing.

So he has to wonder what possessed Rin to even ask that question. Not that Sousuke’s at all surprised it comes out. There’s a brief pause in his index finger’s lazy caressing along the top of his newest stone. Be better to stay quiet and not make a mistake again…]

Maybe. Depends on your reaction.

[Tsk, dammit. Why is it that no matter how much he wants to keep his mouth shut around Rin, no matter how easily he’s silent around other people, when Rin asks Sousuke a question, he inevitably answers in one way or another? It’s not a fair answer either, placing the onus on Rin. But, can he really be blamed for it after his god’s reaction to the previous kiss? He doesn’t want to keep making Rin uncomfortable… but he obviously didn’t outright decline either.]

[sharkmaid]

[Rin doesn't even know what compelled him to ask Sousuke something that stupid. Would've been smarter to let the whole thing go, forget about it, try to forget about it... But Sousuke knows Rin well enough by now. He knows there's no chance of either of those things happening with his god, not over something that... significant. If he doesn't push, Sousuke will never budge. If he doesn't push, they'll have this night hanging over their heads for the rest of their days like a dark ominous cloud.

And he knows first hand what happens when they don't communicate well enough.

The answer's not one he's expecting though, so when it comes he doesn't respond straight away, too surprised to even begin. No, it's not fair, and he's not even sure it makes much sense. But... he has to keep pushing.]

So you would.

[Only his eyes move when he says it, quietly regarding his best friend's profile.]

And you want to.

[takenwithhim]

[Well they’ve both been kind of stupid tonight in one way or another. Hell, they’ve both apologized for it already. Sousuke thought for a moment they would let the matter drop, but… hmph, yeah, he knows Rin too well by now. There’s no way the other boy will let such a thing rest for long. The romantic swimming maniac. Perhaps they might have made it till the morrow, but with this setting? The river? The glowing lights?The gentle breeze? Right. He’s fine keeping quiet about it, but unfortunately, Rin knows him too well also. He’s pushing him right now, searching, making him move… making him uncomfortable for a good (he’ll reluctantly admit that) reason. Rin doesn’t want this to burden either of them. He knows Sousuke’ll shoulder it alone if he lets him.

With a soft sigh, the larger athlete closes his eyes and rinses his hands off in the river, then stands up. He goes to put them in his pockets—Ah, never mind. Leaves them by his sides. Rin’s not going to let this drop.] Hmph. [So you would. Well… yes. He says “maybe” but since it relies on Rin’s reactions, that’s obviously saying he’s willing to. Sousuke feels eyes on him, looking at his profile, and he doesn’t move much more than lowering his head slightly and lifting his shoulders against the breeze.]

Are you asking me or telling me?

[sharkmaid]

[He watches Sousuke dip his hands into the water, the way the ripples move between his fingers, the sound of droplets when they drip back down to the waves... These simple, everyday things remind him his best friend exists, but all the same there's an eerie feeling underlying his comfort. It tells him he's here, he's breathing, he's speaking... but he's also not quite himself. Like a ghost or an empty vessel, his best friend's been molded into whatever the two Shores need him to be. Which parts of him are real? Does he think, act, and feel for himself?

I want you to do things because you want to. I want you to own yourself.

Rin's hand tightens around the small stone in his palm.]

I know you better than anyone.

[I'm telling you.]

I don't need to tap into my powers to know what's going through your head. [...] Or your heart.

[takenwithhim]

[Whenever Rin’s eyes are on him, he can always feel the different things behind them. Sometimes they’re happy, looking at him with joy. Other times they’re appraising, looking over his body to see what he looks like and if he’s taking care of himself. And then moments like these… when Sousuke feels his gaze lingering on him, full of sadness and nostalgia, looking at someone who may or may not be there, someone who’s changed, who’s different. He knows that look without even having to see it now; he knows why that look is there as well. Both because of his own amnesia and Rin’s “Tokyo friend” …

This kind of look never makes him feel comfortable. It reminds him of what Rin lost, of what he lost, and makes him doubt himself. All of him.

Who am I?

Sousuke frowns at Rin’s words. They’re a relief to hear. Rin is there for him, always. He knows who Sousuke is and he won’t let him doubt himself for long. But simultaneously, they’re a burden. Because Rin knows more about Sousuke than even Sousuke does. He should be annoyed that Rin would “tell” him what Sousuke feels and would do… yet he feels nothing “wrong” about the statement. Because it’s true.

He would kiss him again. And he would want to.]

Aa… [Sousuke tilts his head back and gazes up at the stars.] And then you’d cry again.

[sharkmaid]

[In that respect, Sousuke knows Rin better than anyone too. He’s learned his quirks and cues, what thoughts swim behind his eyes as he watches the world and his shinki every day. He knows only enough to keep their bond strong, both on and off the battlefield. What should otherwise be unnerving ends up putting his mind at ease instead, because there’s no guess work or vagueness between them anymore. Sousuke might not know everything, but he knows enough, just enough, to keep their friendship as it should be. ... Still, Rin knows Sousuke can never truly be satisfied with “just enough.” He knows he’s searching for more.

Is that why he looks to the stars like that?

I can’t tell you who you are. Nobody can. That’s something you have to rediscover on your own.

Pebbles crackle beneath his feet as he steps closer and breaks the distance by a foot or so. Hands in his pockets, maroon hair gently blowing in the breeze. Somehow, he feels warmer hearing those words, not because he’s embarrassed, but because they reach the deepest parts of his heart. Always thinking about him, his future, his safety... his smile. Not his tears.

I knew you would cry...]

I wouldn’t. [Maybe. Within reason.] I’d be more prepared.

[takenwithhim]

[Yes, he has learned a lot about Rin. He knows him very well, both discovered and instinctive. Able to read his thoughts and mood without having to hear him say something, just by looking at his face, his eyes, or seeing his body motions. Twitches of his brow, barely-noticeable dips of his eyes, a pink on his face, the ease of his breath… Even some of the reasons behind his passions and dreams. For all the discomfort and awkwardness that filled their first few weeks together, the time that’s gone by has seen him grow closer, comfortable, content around Rin. With him. A strong friendship that runs far deeper than he readily admits rests between them. Comforting him with the promise Rin will be there for him.

And yet, for all he knows about Rin, Rin knows so much more about him. There’s an imbalance between them that shouldn’t be there. I want to know more about you… There’s still so much I don’t know. So much I can’t remember. It’s not enough. For either of them. The stars don’t offer any answer, but they are relaxing. Despite the two teenagers’ size and athletic bodies, they’re still just two tiny people on this big world. But they’re together. And that’s what’s important. Broken, complete, missing, found, sad, happy, small or big.

Sousuke lowers his head as Rin approaches him. It’s only a slight drift, but it brings them close again. The river breeze flutters through Rin’s bangs and rustles though Sousuke’s hair, dragging the hems and collars of their formal clothes. Hn, isn’t it always Rin’s tears and the fact Sousuke wishes he could prevent them, knowing they would be there, that usually prompt him in these intense, deeper moments of their relationship.

The promise earns a slight hum and lift of his shoulders. Maybe even a tiny, soft smile.] Sure. [He doesn’t believe him. Though, at least, he’s pretty sure Rin will be more prepared if it happens again.] … Do you want me to?

[sharkmaid]

[Oy, what’s that shrug for? He thinks about calling him out on it, even closing what remains of their distance to kick him in the back of the knee, but the moment doesn’t call for it and Rin stays put a little while longer, quiet, still, unsure of what else he can say to move the evening along. They’ve accomplished what they set out here to do. Have a nice dinner, explore a bit of the nightlife, walk along the river until they’ve just about passed midnight. So... what’s stopping them from going back home? Mm... no. It’s not that simple. He’s still searching for something, a proper conclusion to this strange chapter in their relationship, but something tells Rin this isn’t as open and shut as most of their arguments or obstacles. It’ll take time. To process, learn, examine, understand. Yes, it’s in their nature to want results now, but for once, they won’t be able to rush ahead.

They need to take their time.

Sousuke’s question stays unanswered for some time then while Rin considers. Does he want him to? ... Well.

Finally, the silence breaks when Rin’s footsteps start up again, slowly making their way over until there’s barely a foot between them. He’s looking directly at Sousuke, still searching, watching, waiting...]

Do you want me to?

[What if... I kiss you instead?]

[takenwithhim]

[Cause he’s not as vocal as you; that’s what. Also because he has little to say. Rin knows he doesn’t believe those words, but it’s not spiteful, simply amused and calm. After the flurry of emotion prior, Sousuke’s relieved things have settled enough they can talk without yelling or crying. Bringing the trigger-topic back up and neither of them panicking or freaking out is proof enough. Not sure how long it will last, but he’ll take the improvement. Unfortunately, improvement doesn’t mean resolution. They’re still mulling this event in their heads. The night’s “done” as far as their goals went. Dinner, finished, night life, seen-ish, some relaxation, complete. All that’s left should be to simple return home. Take a shower. Go to sleep in the same bed as always… He said he wanted to go swimming when they got back, but it might not happen now that they’re calmer and probably going to be tired when they arrive.

So of course he has to go and ask a question like that. Not just bringing up the topic, but practically dropping them both right back into it.

The silence is actually wanted. Perhaps it’s a rhetorical question, something he wants Rin to think about rather than answer. Yes, that’s it. A pondering idea for the next time.

Che, apparently he forgot who he was talking to. The sound of slippery rocks and grass underfoot herald Rin’s approach until the other teenager’s right next to him. Almost flush against him. Looking at him, searching, Waiting…

And asking that question, dumping the onus right back on him. Mataku…

Sousuke looks at Rin, gazing silently at his face, the lights of the city glittering in his eyes, the breeze setting his bangs into gentle waves. Someone just dodged the question and he knows Rin knows that. If Rin kissed him… Obviously Sousuke already kissed him, so doesn’t that answer the question? This could conceivably go in circles forever.

He finally reaches up… and lazily gives Rin’s hair a little ruffle before playfully pushing his head and nudging him away from the river and back to the park’s pathways.] Come on, Mr. Romantic Maniac. Let’s go. Before we end up skinny dipping in the river. [The last part’s given with a small, affectionate smile as Sousuke turn to head back to the park.

The kiss can wait. He knows Rin’s a romantic, and impulsive. This could be anywhere from a challenge in his mind to somehow “evening up the score” or even something forced because he thinks Sousuke wants him to kiss him. Or he could be caught up in the moment and the atmosphere. Yes, he knows his best friend would have kissed him if he said “Yes.” But… they both need to think more about the “why” they’re doing it for a little bit more befpre diving into the end of the pool. He wants to kiss Rin again, but, is it because he thinks he’s got something to prove or simply “because I can” or some other shallow reason. Hell, he can’t even give a straight answer for why he kissed Rin in the first place! So… if that’s the case, he wants to know, really know, before he does something so special to Rin again.

Rin, of all people, deserves that respect.]

[sharkmaid]

[He knows what he's doing, knows it's stupid and will only end up dragging them around in circles. It's just... something he wanted to do, more to challenge than anything else. Did he expect to get an answer out of it? Maybe. Even just a shrug will suffice, vague as it might be. Whatever comes out of it, Rin isn't hesitant, and continues staring at Sousuke even when he raises his head to gaze back with that silent, unreadable expression.

Ok, so maybe a hair ruffle wasn't at the top of his list of expected reactions. But there it is, making him dip his head slightly and puff his cheeks like a bratty kid. Oy, and pushing at him too? What's all that about?]

Wh-- What're you talking about!? [And skinny dipping? He might be joking here, but that's still a weird thing to say, you know! With the mood lifted at any rate, Rin falls into step behind his shinki then right up beside him once they've made their way back to the trail towards the city, hands in his pockets, hair and clothes a bit windswept, his heart heavy. No, it doesn't feel good to leave the conversation incomplete, but if they want to make it home some time tonight, he'll have to learn to let it go. Sousuke's right anyway. They still don't know what they're doing or why. Something that close, that special... He doesn't want to be shallow.

So he walks and after heaving a sigh turns his attention up towards the night sky. ... Looks like they'll have no choice but to brush this under the rug for now.]

[takenwithhim]

[There’s no resistance, no digging heels into the ground and demanding continuation. For that, he’s glad. Relieved actually. He really didn’t want to have to protest the question or fight Rin on the matter. Looks like they’re both going to simply let it drop. It’s unusual for them to leave things unresolved; Rin likes getting answers and Sousuke at least likes to get a decision (even if it’s just his own held inside). But they can’t more forward like this. Too much emotion, too much irrational, atmosphere.

As for the hair ruffle, well… Rin does it to him plenty so why not do it back for once! (Honestly, it doesn’t feel as good, come to find out; hair ruffles work best with shorter hair after all.) At least it gets an amusing reaction, Rin looking like a bratty kid with his cheeks pinking and puffed, head dipped and generally doing a similar reaction to Sousuke’s response when he’s getting it. Heh, they really are similar.]

You know what I’m getting at. [Minus the skinny dipping part; he’d been grasping for words, ended up with swimming and something swimming-related that was awkward. Skinny dipping fit and now he’s trying to brush the idea out of the air. Go away, away, he never said you! Anyways, they’re walking now, hands in pockets and a little ruffled in hair and clothes from all they’ve dealt with in the past half an hour. Rin falls in step next to him and Sousuke soon enough instinctively syncs their rhythm/]

We really should go out more. [This last blunder aside, the rest of the evening has been nice. It really feels like this is the first time they’ve been able to be so open with each other. Confusing, admitting they don’t know, making mistakes, but moving forward. You know… real relationship stuff. Nothing god or shinki about it.]

[sharkmaid]

[The side glare he gives Sousuke is judging, but he says nothing more about that skinny dipping nonsense, mostly for the sake of keeping his cheeks less... pink. Hmph. What he’s getting at... What else could he be getting at!? Bakasuke...

For a minute or two after, the world falls quiet with little more than the sound of pebbles and earth crunching beneath their shoes, and in that moment Rin feels the heaviness inside him finally beginning to settle. It spreads through his veins and into his legs, out his heels and into the ground where it’s left farther and farther behind... Maybe it’ll come back. An hour, two hours, several days ahead. He should feel anxious for that, but more than anything he thinks he’s too tired to be. A combination of eating, drinking and losing energy to so much adrenaline in the span of a couple hours. ... Usual fare for both of them, isn’t it?

Rin looks up again once Sousuke breaks the silence and for a while he’s unresponsive... until he purposefully steps closer on his next step, just close enough to lightly nudge at his best friend’s arm with his. It’s not meant to shove him or anything... after all, it’s too gentle for that. Affectionate? Mm... can’t say for sure.]

We will. [He’s making that a promise.] You should pick the place next time.

[takenwithhim]

[Don’t judge him; you say stupid stuff when you’re flustered too. He just said the first thing that crashed into his mind semi-related to the subject of swimming and awkward. And kissing… which = intimacy. So yeah. Anyways, he’s done defending himself in his head. Thank god he’s not having to voice it to Rin.

It’s quiet. Nothing but the breeze, the sound of the river behind them, and the clamor of the city in front of the park. Tokyo… Sousuke really does want to keep exploring the city. They made plans during dinner, right? Something about going to see robots fight and which one of them would be the first to back out of an adult bar. He wants to see the sights and experience things that Rin’s “Tokyo friend” got to experience. Maybe he’d find something that will make Rin and himself feel more comfortable with their lot in this life. But… unfortunately, despite all the desire, neither the will nor the strength are there right now. He’s too tired.

Combination of the dinner, the awkward, the stress, the fight, the emotions, the formal, the enjoyment, all of it. Sousuke’s eyes slip to the side, catching Rin moving closer to him on purpose. A light nudge and—bump. The taller boy shifts a little, pretty sure that action’s a combination of tired tease and muted affection. But whatever it’s from, he’s grateful for it. Means nothing’s ruined.]

Aa. I will. [Well, save for one thing…] … but you still know the places here, so I’ll have to ask.

[sharkmaid]

[Truthfully, Rin wants to keep exploring Tokyo until his legs give out or they run out of things to discover, which ever comes first. Despite being a small town kid, he lives for new sights and experiences, so a city as bustling as this can’t possibly disappoint him. Still, even if his body can carry him hundreds of miles through these streets, his heart won’t let him venture any farther from where he and his shinki have already been. He wants to remain in familiar territory, safe territory, until they feel up to the challenge again. Together.

The air’s thick with an odd mixture of anticipation and exhaustion by the time they set foot on concrete again. Rin’s shoes might be scuffed, his clothes wrinkled. He’s since given up on straightening himself out though and while one hand reaches for Sousuke’s arm to prepare them for teleportation the other tugs at his tie until it hangs loosely from his collar.]

I don’t know them all. ... But I guess it couldn’t hurt to lead you around while we explore. Y’know, so you don’t end up lost.

[And hopefully before Sousuke can retort, Rin sets his castle in his mind’s eye, faces forward, and quickly propels them through time and space back to the second Shore. He chooses to save them some time on walking by teleporting right in front of their bedroom door. Quiet halls, dark corridors, a splash of pink highlighted by the silver moon in the windows... It still isn’t home, but it’ll do.]