You were in the darkness too

[boneofsword]

Who: Archer and Caster
When: December 27th
Where: Dún Dealgan, Caster's temple
What: Archer suddenly remembers a few hours from his past and a certain Servant;
Warnings: violence Servant style in memories, PTSD, will update if needed



Archer wakes up with the start, flashes of his dream still playing with surprising clarity. It's his past, he knows it, one of the forgotten pieces that shinki can sometimes remember.

Caster is here too, his breath steady, warm weight anchoring Archer to reality. He can still feel the phantom pain and the blood trickling down from the non-existing wound. It's been real, much too real to shake off immediately.

Lancer. Saber. Golden Servant and the priest - the details are a bit murky, muddled with remembered feel of his body giving up and his stubborn resolve to not die. How many times had he pushed himself further ignoring his own weakness? This much haven't really changed.

Lancer. Caster. Cú Chulainn. Archer presses the heel of his hand to his closed eyes and swallows. A Servant that, in the end, stayed true to his beliefs. The irony of him forced once again to break one oath to keep the other; how many times has Cú Chulainn suffered the same fate again and again?

He forces himself to calm down and steady his breath, to push aside all the jumbled feelings awaken by the dream - no, his memory - to avoid waking Caster up.

Too late.

Comments

[futhark]

[ Caster stirs, as something- he's not even sure what exactly- wakes him up from his slumber. Weird dreams -memories- happen. Emotions associated with them strong enough to sometimes wake up even him. He rolls over, expecting Archer to be there, but that's where he notices that Archer is sitting up.

Awake.

He opens one eye. ]

Keeping watch?

[boneofsword]

No.

[Archer exhales and pinches the bridge of his nose. He hesitates, chosing his words carefully.]

I remember something.

[futhark]

[ That wakes up Caster. Immediately. Another one. Ginia was first, now Archer. What is this series? The problem with Archer is that- they sort of know each other. It's very "sort of" and very situational too but still, dangerous for shinki.

Caster doesn't even know what kind of hero Archer is, and he's fine living without that knowledge.

But he listened to Ginia sharing her memory, wouldn't be fair to not do the same for his Exemplar. So he sits up, brushes hair out of his face and tilts his head to at least get a glance of Archer's expression. ]

Wanna talk about it?

[boneofsword]

[It causes a rather dry chuckle. Archer shakes his head lightly.]

If you don't mind me talking about things that you most likely don't remember.

[He runs a hand through his hair and finally manages to pull himself together with a grimace. It's hard to focus with those new memories that have no context and don't make much sense.] Sorry, I'm not making much sense. I remember a burning city, I remember Saber and Lancer saving us, and- no, not that. I remember you.

[futhark]

[ Oh sure, burning Fuyuki definitely rings a bell or three. And for a moment he tenses in that metaphorical "oh shit" stage, but it lasts until Archer mentions the other two, saving him - saving them? That's enough of a hint he is not talking about his Grail War.

About one of the other instead, one of those he is vaguely aware of but has no real memory of. Hey, at least that means he can't spill something by accident. If there is a possibility of such an accident though. It feels wrong to just think about it, let alone talk about it. ]

Yeah, doesn't sound as something that I recall. [ He fidgets in place and eventually turns to the nightstand to get a cigarette out of it. There is no official ban for smoking in the Temple but he tends to stick to it outside. This one time, he might make the bedroom smell like an ashtray, though. ]

You don't have to if you don't want to.

[boneofsword]

[Archer pretends to not notice him reaching for the cigs. Perhaps he really doesn't, though, silently frowning at his own thoughts.]

I want to. Perhaps it will make more sense after I talk.

[He rubs a hand over his face and takes a deep breath.]

I've been injured; most likely dying. I remember others talking and the smell of death. There was Saber too, [Archer pauses with a start.] She looked almost like Saber here- no, a bit different. They could be sisters, though.

[futhark]

[ So it's probably a Saber Caster knows too. King Arthur one, though Archer might know her not under the corrupting effect of the Grail. Caster wants to inquire whether Archer was a Servant there or...as a Master. But he feels he will learn just soon.

This guy is way too modern and has too much intricate knowledge related to the Grail War- but Caster never really thought much about implications like those, and about Archer's past. ]

And then? [ He inhales the smoke deeply, no cough or anything, his lungs are pretty well adapted to the cancerous sticks. And in a gesture that could be taken as comforting, he offers the cig to Archer. ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer accepts the offering without a second glance. He takes a deep drag of smoke. It's comforting that Caster is here and is willing to listen, even if the Grail War Archer's going to talk about isn't something he does remember.]

They've been talking, another Master and her. About how it's possible to have Holy Grail appear even if one more Servant has to die. Then-- [Archer closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.] -I remembered a burning city.

[It's not easy to talk about it. It's not easy to think about it. There's an echo of remembered pain and suffering, although Archer focuses on mostly keeping his feelings to himself.]

Fire as far as eye can see. People screaming and pleading as they were dying- but I've kept walking, wishing to be saved.

[futhark]

It was something you remembered at that moment, yes?

[ Caster blurts out to confirm, and immediately after goes "oh shit" internally. Should not ask questions, should not encourage this behavior, and so on, other godly responsibilities. But who else Archer has to talk this to. Disastrous to any other shinki, while any other god could consider it a breach and "too much information".

Wishing to be saved, huh? ]

[boneofsword]

Yes.

...I was the only survivor.

[That's why Archer trusts him so much. Those memories are safe to talk about, but at the same time it's a double edged blade. Caster asks the question despite the fact that's he's treading on thin ice, offering no judgement. It's more than Archer could ever ask for.]

...this Master told me that I could save all that was lost in that incident, if I use the Holy Grail.

[futhark]

[ Caster snatches the cigarette from Archer hands. He might forget about it otherwise. But getting ash on the sheets is a pain, besides he knows that Archer is more comfortable talking about personal things when his expression is not visible- an annoying tic, but if that makes it easier... He sits on the edge of the bed, feet touching the cold floor. ]

Uh-huh. The wish-granting cup. That part never changes. [ He wants to say it's all fake, smoke and mirrors anyway. There is something else there, and maybe the whole Grail War was always just a damn lie. But he can't, even if their Wars are different, he's still wary of talking about it.

The War was different, the city was the same. And it burned, it burned so bad in Caster's war. ]

I guess many people want to use that thing to change the past.

[boneofsword]

[Archer chuckles dryly. He doesn't move, although he notices that Caster does.]

I refused.

[It's the conviction he still believes into; what has been lost can never be undone. Turning back the time would make all the pain nothing but a lie.]

So the priest asked Saber to kill me in exchange for the Grail.

[He's thankful that Caster knows him well enough to allow him privacy and doesn't force unnecessary eye contact. That tiny bit of relief manifests on their link.]

[futhark]

[ How fortunate Caster can't really remember The Priest, on the other hand, they could bond over Kirei being "generally shitty person." But that's not happening, and instead, Caster moves closer until he bumps his bicep into Archer shoulder. They're facing into opposite directions but hey- buddy, if you move, you could be used as a backrest.

That's better support than offering a hug right? ]

I'd guess she didn't-?

[ It's only a very vague realization that the Saber was generally okay, stuck-up and way too serious, but okay. Unless corrupted. Besides in The Many Deaths of Emiya, there was not one including her. It does remind him of how many of them were out there. ]

29th December, I'm finally here, gomen

[futhark]

[ Caster returns empty-handed. No fish, those he got were left in princess' care. So when he gets back home and finds Archer on a sofa near fire-place, he goes straight for the kill. Errr, question.

He attacks from behind, throwing his arms around the other man, from behind the furniture. ]

What'cha reading? [ He asks in that conversational tone that sounds so every day and so natural. At least until it draws down into a more serious continuation ] Think the book would allow you to take a break? There's something I wanted to talk about.

[ No rush ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer has several hobbies, and not every one of them revolves around house chores; he enjoys reading as well and can be often found with a book. Today is no exception.

Caster's behavior is no suprise; his partner has no sense of personal space and is affectionate, so a suden hug isn't unexpected. It's the serious tone that is. Still, he leans slightly into the embrace.]

Of course. [he says putting the book down and trying to catch a glimpse of Caster's face.] Would you like some tea?

[futhark]

Huh? Sure- yeah. Maybe in a moment.

[ In the moment, of course, means "when he will decide to let Archer go". He's free to try to stand up and drag him along forcibly, but right now Caster likes his spot. ]

So, I visited the Princess this morning- [ Oh, this is such a brilliant way to start this. But it's still, so new, so fresh- and he's both being happy and excited like an idiot, and suddenly ~~concerned~~ that it might not work out. He puts his chin on top of Archer's head. Yes, perfect. ]

We had a very heart-to-heart chat, you could say.

[ An understatement of the century, he knows it so well you can hear it in his voice. Well at least he's going straight for the topic. ]

[boneofsword]

[The news aren't unexpected; Archer noticed Caster's fondness for Zelda a long time ago. It only grew from there through his sacrifice and the resulting mess. He accepts being used as a headrest. Caster seems to be surprisingly cheerful, and that can only mean one thing.]

Did she accept your proposal?

[futhark]

[ w.h.a.t ]

ARCHER...! [ The place he's in gives him perfect opportunity to lock Archer's neck in a hold and pull him behind. Suffer for this... Temporarily, since he will let him go after short while, walking away from the couch, and around it ]

Wow, sure that was hilarious. [ But also not that surprising. The guy definitely isn't blind, and it's not like Caster is the most subtle of people. Combine it with his dry sense of humour and well- good occasion for revenge, for all those times Caster was shitty to him ] But you know-

[ He sits on the floor, then lies down, using Sleepy as a pillow ]

-you're onto something.

[ She likes him! ]

[boneofsword]

[Dammit, Caster, are you trying to kill your boyfriend? ...okay, they usually do that everyday during training. Back to the topic at hand.

Archer rubs his neck as he raises a brow at Caster's antics.]

You're practically sparkling, and I can't imagine anything else that would make you so happy. [aside getting back his beloved spear, that is. Much softer he adds in quieter voice.] She deserves happiness.

[futhark]

[ S...sometimes he does? But the sparkling comment is cute, so today he will Live ]

Sparkling, huh? I've ascended, I can now emit light all by myself! [ Caster snickers before he realizes how stupid he must have looked, grinning to the ceiling. So, he tilts his head so he can grin at Archer instead ]

What about your opinion though- Are you okay with that?

[boneofsword]

[Good thing that Archer is tough and can survive even the worst.]

Of course I am. The question is rather is she really okay with you having other lovers? [that's the problem here. Zelda is someone so bound to duty and used to put others before herself, always choosing the least selfish route. Caster will be good for her, with genuine affection and carefree personality.]

You do realize that I'm going to kick your ass if you ever hurt her, right?

[futhark]

[ Caster's definitely not planning on hurting Zelda, but having a promise of getting his ass kicked is a good one ]

You better keep that word.

[ "Is she okay with that?" Caster opens mouth to give the answer but a doubt sets in. Yeah, that's the question, is she truly okay, or just not voicing her opinion. They'll have to talk about it.

For now he is not going to second-guess, but follow her request to a T ]

Before we proceed any further- she wants a confirmation and permission from you. [ A general you in this term, you of "those involved with the disaster that is Caster" ] Looks like you're both concerned about each other in this.

[boneofsword]

[Archer considers Caster seriously. That pause before reply is telling, though. He doesn't have to think long before he replies honestly.]

I give both my permission and confirmation. Will that be enough?

[Caster is a beautiful disaster here, but not as much as those he choses as his lovers.]

[futhark]

[ Caster looks at the ceiling thoughtfully- yeah he's still wondering. IS SHE REALLY OKAY? He tends to take what people say at face value and not be suspicious they mean something entirely else. So he interpreted the worry that was on her face as related to being rejected by his shinki- not as anything else.

No point in doing that now, just a note to talk about it someday. He returns to sitting position and gives Archer a wide grin ]

Can I have it on paper and signed?

[boneofsword]

[Well, that tells a lot about Caster's dedication to Zelda and is so endearing. Archer chuckles.]

Wait for a moment. [he goes to the desk in the corner to sit and write the permission, suddenly struck by the idea of writing a letter to the princess. He takes time to consider his words carefully, and once he finishes he seals the envelope, puts both the enclosed letter and permission into another envelope that he hands to Caster.]

Here you go.

[Permission reads as follows:

I'm granting my official permission for princess Zelda to keep Caster, named Cú Chulainn, in accordance to her wishes.

signed: Archer

with a tiny post script in the corner: 'Shouldn't it be the other way around, princess?'

The letter is sealed, marked with 'Princess Zelda' in Archer's neat handwriting.]