what's happening here (mostly open)

[churchbelle]

Who: Hazel and Keito, Hazel and Pals (you)
What: pal stuff, yahoo answers
When: April 29 and/or later, I'm not picky
Where: around....
Warnings: well, the links contain questionably nsfw text, and the Jae-Ha thread contains definitely nsfw text, oops

APRIL 29.... hello Keito
[It's real nice of that Keito kid to have made all of these worksheets for Japanese study, really. Hazel was surprised the other day, when Jae-Ha suddenly delivered them to him with his usual Jae-Ha flourishing, but he's kind of touched by it too... Hooter Kid isn't so bad.

The problem with having a magical spoken understanding of a language but only a very basic written understanding of it is this: he still can't read some of this. How does he do practice worksheets if he can't read them??

He decides he might as well call Keito, because why not call someone he's only ever spoken to on the internet. That's fine. Ring ring, nerd.]


A. YahooAnswersTXT
[So, as a (false) god with a domain of great things like love and youth and poetic inspiration, the prayers Hazel gets custom-tailored to himself sure are... as interesting as one would expect. Since he's been thinking for a few days now about what he should actually do as a (totally fake) god, taking into account his misgivings about the whole thing but still wanting to help normal people— well, he's decided to check Aengus' shrine every so often to see what he can do.

For the people. The people who really, desperately need help with love and youth, at least... The prayers manifest as plaques and handwritten tags hung on the shrine, so that anyone walking by can see exactly what he's dealing with, generally speaking.

Is this worth it... he doesn't even get paid, technically... He gingerly picks one up by its corner, not actually daring to pull it off the shrine in case that means he has to commit to it or something.]

Just one...? Mercy, I don't know what I did to deserve this.

[please..... this is harassment] The poor souls sure are in need...


B. hazel joins a gang
[Or: if you catch him in a variety of stores, he may be:

1. wearing a leather jacket, and shopping for more leather jackets
2. staring at a snack food and commenting that they Sure Are Tasteless Around Here
or
3. something else!! WILDCARD

He sure is out and about...]

Comments

[miraculo]

But...! But Hazel, this is your domain! Otherwise they wouldn't be praying to you!

[ Two nods. ] So you have to figure out a way to answer them and grant their wishes! Whether that's marrying someone of the same name, or-- it could be even more metaphorical, like how they say they say when you marry someone, you're marrying someone that fits you, yourself! But either way, you have to make it work!

[churchbelle]

Studyin' is good advice. [He's a nerd deep down.] They'll be satisfied doin' it that way, and I'll get my pat on the back for showin' 'em the light, right?

[Yes, clearly, he's thrilled about this.]

I'm just borrowin' this domain, besides all that.

[miraculo]

[ She looks at him. ] But... but you know, no one else can answer these prayers in the meantime. They don't have to be left unanswered!

[churchbelle]

[Okay... he won't be guilted into answering every stupid prayer that comes his way!! Only the worthwhile ones, Sanae!

To prove his point, he's doing it - he's showing her the one about some dude's junk. Look at it.

He will wait.]

1/5

[miraculo]

"I am 30 years old and I have--...."

[ She begins, reading aloud. ]

[miraculo]

One p---

[ And suddenly stopping, her lips pursed and paused mid-syllable. ]

[miraculo]

P--p--...-p........

[ Stuttering, as if she just finished registering the word. ]

[miraculo]

P--- p.... P----!

[ Stammering as well, as if her brain has continued to read the rest of the sentence as she's physically incapable of speaking. ]

[miraculo]

---This...! This prayer is.... is----!!

[ And finally screeching, covering her eyes as if it would take the memory away. Bleach! She needs bleach! Her poor virgin eyes!! ]

--IMPORTANT, TOO! It's important to grant this prayer! This young man's.......he needs more.. um...! [ Nope nope can't say it. ] He needs help, too!

[churchbelle]

[Oh... Oh, that was really not pious of him, huh? Well, he's made his point, mostly. She's still insisting on this, Sanae, why...??]

What'm I even expected to do about this? I'm not goin' after the man's— [LIKE......] This ain't a prayer I oughta be responsible for.

[miraculo]

There's, um--- there's probably a god of... this kind of thing, specifically! Like a god of hair, or of... those parts of men! [ Yes, that's it. ] Maybe you can pass on the message? Maybe have Jae-ha jump and deliver it to the place it needs to be...

[churchbelle]

I think it came to me on account of his concern for his... youthfulness.

[Please, destroy this conversation.] I won't hear the end of it, if Jae-Ha's put up to sendin' it along. Y'think this fella would take a book about it, or somethin'?

[miraculo]

Y--- yes...! A book, he can have a book, that's a good idea! [ YES PROBLEM SOLVED NOW LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT BALLS ] A book about... that stuff! Or even just a letter from you to him, because you're also a man, and you have two of those things, and so you would know!

[ ~logic~ ]

[churchbelle]

[SANAE DON'T TALK ABOUT HIS JUNK????]

Alright, this one's all taken care of. I'll send him a book and he'll have a great time workin' out his problem on his own time!

[LET'S MOVE ON....]

[miraculo]

[ AUUUUGH BUT HE POINTED IT OUT, IT'S HIS FAULT BAKA ] Y.....yes! Right.

[ A cough, and she adjusts the basket of peaches in her arms. ]

A...actually, I was wondering if you had any brown sugar? I wanted to make Texas peach cobbler for Lu Meng because... [ Voice wavers for a moment. Because she needs to cheer him up basically.

Also not just any peach cobbler. Texas peach cobbler. ] Because yes! I've heard it's delicious!

[churchbelle]

[SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT HIS JUNK... ALOUD... they could have gone forever never bringing up his junk in casual conversation, and yet. She did this.

Also: Texas what in the what now??]

Am I gonna have him comin' to my doorstep gettin' up in arms about somethin' I told ya to eat, again? [Remember the coffee..... He won't betray Lu Meng's snack aisle confession, though.

why is he the confessional in this relationship, what are you two doing??]

Well, we've got some, anyway.

[miraculo]

[ Nevermind that she could just miracle some up, but. She wanted to get out of the house. And away from Lu Meng. Because things are just a bit awkward.

Although she does spare a guilty look. ] He... he came here after I had the coffee and steak? He didn't scold you too, I hope?

[churchbelle]

[Well... he basically said she was gullible and desperate to be friends?? Maybe not in so many words, buuuut. Hazel waves a hand, like it was nothing!!]

I don't hardly remember, he was so polite when he came by. But I'm not to suggest coffee and steak anymore.

[ha ha... ha]

1/2

[miraculo]

Oh-- [ Well, that's nice!! She's glad Hazel wasn't on the other end of his scoldings. ] Oh, that's good.

And... the coffee and steaks wasn't that bad. [ Understatement of the century. ] Plus, I got to be able to talk like a Texan right after!

[miraculo]

[ OH WAIT SHE SHOULD DEMONSTRATE. ] Rest assured, son, yer steak-an'-coffee hit the righ' ol' spot.

[churchbelle]

[Sanae, no, it was terrible. He was never serious. Please realize this, he can't tell her now...]

Pardon, got to—? [Oh. Oh, she's doing it.






This is probably offensive.] That sounds nothin' like me.

[miraculo]

[ Marvel at her accent. For it is flawless. ]

'Cause I ain't tryin' to be ya. I'm bein' a proud an' true Texan-- as Sanae Kochiya. Sanae snake wranglin', peach bakin', gun totin' Kochiya. [ She only does two of those things. No guns here, boys. ]

[churchbelle]

[forgive him for whatever sins he committed to deserve this, father]

So where's your gun?

[miraculo]

[ For that, she shifts the basket of peaches to her hip and then raises her arm, flexing. ] Riiiight here, partner.

[ Spoilers there's not much there.

Also she looks excited. As if she's been waiting to say that. ]

[churchbelle]

[Oh.




Oh, bless her little heart.]

I'm not gonna laugh, but I'll give ya that that's clever. [He, also, is a dweeb.]