thenearshore | Closed

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Who: Hakkai and Hibari
What: Hakkai feels the need to confront a certain violent shinki about his actions....
When: Backdated to May 3rd
Where: Gojyo's Temple
Warnings: Hibari

Hibari wasn't happy when he left the sakura party, and he certainly wasn't happy later when he'd stashed himself far from his god in Hakkai's new temple. It of course, had to be run by the same asshole who'd pushed him into a duck pond; but he was allowed to stay as long as he didn't actually punch Gojyo in the face.

Or the creepy shinki who kept wandering around, that Hibari had gotten into a tussle a couple times with before he realized how little fight there was to be had and ignored him.

Still creepy.

The best part about staying over though, was the little dragon. Jeep seemed to be getting along with Kishi just fine, and Hibari was more than content to complain about his situation to the creature while petting him and feeding him fish.

He knew he was going to have to deal with the problem of Ren having another shinki eventually, but for right now, without a school to patrol and focus attention on, he was at a loss right here on Hakkai's couch.

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"No," Hakkai murmured, "I didn't think you would." It was just as well: he didn't particularly want to share. Asshole hardly counted, and Sanzo was mostly Sanzang's, but Hibari wasn't the type to be either a nora or unobtrusive.

Thoughtfully, he added, "You can wait until you find someone, I suppose. But you need to tell Ren this."

He wasn't planning to carry Hibari's bad news himself, although, if Hibari refused to, Hakkai supposed he would have to be the one to do it. Ren deserved to know. He'd been working to make it up to Hibari, and if that wasn't going anywhere... well.

That just got another scathing glare returned. "You aren't my caretaker."

Hibari shifted slightly, if only to make it so he wasn't sitting on his feet anymore. He was careful not to disturb Jeep anymore than he had already. "I will fight someone I find worthy and choose them. I don't need anyone to interfere."

"If I wanted to interfere, I'd tell him myself," Hakkai said, and attempted to share a this-is-ridiculous look with Jeep. The little dragon looked as unimpressed with Hakkai as anyone else, which rather spoiled the effect, he thought.

He really was going to have to apologize for that scuffle.

"Good luck," he added, dryly.

"That sounds less than sincere coming from your mouth," Hibari crabbed back, but was distracted by a small mew at his feet. Apparently Kishi had come back now that everything had settled down.

Hibari didn't smile, per se, but his face softened as the little cat jumped up onto his legs and mewed again. "Hello Kishi. I'm glad to see you again."

And for the human, he added. "Having someone stronger with power over you will most likely be just as bad as someone weaker. I feel like I made a promise long ago to never let this happen."

Hakkai smiled briefly at the kitten, who was ignoring him in favor of beginning to knead earnestly on Hibari's thigh, and re-folded his hands. The scrapes from Hibari's handcuff spikes were beginning to swell. He'd have to wash them out, he noted, and looked back up at the boy.

"I understand, you know. I don't want anyone to have power over me, stronger, weaker or exactly the same. But..."

His fingers unclasped and re-clasped themselves, absently, and he met Hibari's gaze.

"... When you've made a promise you can't keep, you only have two choices: to break it or die trying to keep it. Shinki can't be free. Is your promise worth dying for?"

"Do you think I would remember something like that? I can't even remember why sakura makes me sick, much less why I refuse to let any of these herbivores see me defeated," Hibari growled, for all good that would do when he was sitting still with Jeep on his head.

He let Kishi keep kneading his knee, secretly glad that the little kitten had decided to come back after all. "Besides, I'm already dead. What could my life even be worth at this point?"

"As much as you want it to be worth," Hakkai replied, and leaned back against the couch cushions, letting his head fall back to look at the ceiling. What were their lives worth? Perhaps Gojyo was right, and the idea that they were dead was an illusion, but Hakkai isn't sure he trusts that. Regardless, they're here now. They have their second chance -- or whichever chance this is, by now. Hibari has already died once. As for Hakkai?

If his, Sanzo and Gojyo's duplicates really are their former incarnations, who knows how many chances he's had by now, he thinks, and smiles to himself, lifting his head from the cushions again.

"As for me, I'll sell this life dearly. Who knows when I'll have another?"

"I forgot you have little regard for your own self despite being such a hypocrite. I'm surprised Jeep even likes you." Hibari couldn't quite understand what the dragon told him or why he always hung out with Hakkai, since small animals had better senses than that.

"Do you really believe that dying isn't something humiliating enough? You won't have your memories back and I'm not gonna guarantee your safety if you do anything like that." If Hakkai died....well, that would be the end of it probably.

"It sounds like I'm taking more care of my life than you are of yours," Hakkai said flatly. He wasn't the one planning to casually throw his life away because he was too proud to accept a master, after all.

He'd been tempted after Elsa left, but the sting of choosing a new god was soothed by the knowledge that refusing one would be the end of him, sooner or later. And the end of him for no good reason whatsoever. He'd never be as casual about it as Sanzo had chosen to be, but he could bow to someone, if he had to.

It helped that neither Gojyo nor Elsa had ever wanted subordination.

Hakkai really was lucky Jeep and Kishi were still on him and that he didn't want to offend them further; otherwise, all the man was getting was a severely dirty look. "My life isn't worth anything anymore. I'm dead. And I highly doubt in life it was worth more than my pride either way."

"That's your choice, of course," Hakkai said. His tone was very mild. "You're not as dead as you might think, though. You're here now, aren't you?"

"I've already died once and apparently come back in the same way. Clearly something wants me to stay here. A life isn't worth something if it belongs to someone else."

Hibari's hands reached up towards Jeep, at least trying to coax the dragon off his head so he could finally move his neck without disturbing the creature.

"Do you think so?" Hakkai said, and held out a hand for Jeep to hop to, clicking under his breath. "That's too bad. It'll be quiet around here with you dead."

"Don't give me that pity. I know fully well none of you will care if I'm gone." Hibari gave a loud yawn to show how little he cared, and probably hide something else.

Either way, now that Jeep had crawled onto Hakkai's arm, the shinki was free to lay down again, strangely exhausted from what he'd just done. Kishi was transferred to his chest and the little kitten just kneaded and purred.

Dryly, Hakkai murmured, "I'm afraid you're wrong there." He'd rather not fight Hibari over tossing around words like friend again, but as for none of you would care...

Well, if that was what Hibari preferred to believe, Hakkai doubted he'd be able to talk the boy out of it. He still found himself hoping that Hibari's stubborness, this time, wouldn't literally get him killed.

"I said don't pity me. I know fully well that Ren complains behind my back. This is why you came to talk to me today." He didn't have any hard evidence for this fact because Hibari wasn't the sort of person to spend effort on sneaking around, but it was obvious in the way people acted.

"I'm not speaking for Ren." Hakkai wandered towards the wall, worrying a cracked piece of plaster free with his claw and considering it. Yes, that would need to be patched. "Although, really, if he didn't care about your survival I suspect he would have released you months ago."

Hibari was now using his fingers to wrestle with the kitten on his chest, Kishi having the time of his life batting and chewing at the digits.

"I don't trust him. He'll betray me, despite his 'caring'."

"Why do you think he'll betray you?" Hakkai inquired mildly, worrying another piece of plaster free from the damaged area.

Ren did seem a little manipulative, but only in extremis. Manipulation wasn't the worst of sins, in any case, as far as Hakkai was concerned: certainly not on the same level as betrayal. Was Hibari just refusing to trust any positive emotion?

He picked another piece of plaster free. Hibari was the sort of boy to violently attack over the insult of being referred to as a friend. Perhaps he did believe Ren would betray him because Ren had made the mistake of treating him well.

It was frustrating to answer questions like these when he couldn't remember the reasons. Hibari never really questioned it as much as the other shinki, never having the time or reason, but when he stopped and thought about it, it disturbed him more than he wanted it to.

Especially this one. Why COULDN'T he trust people, why he was so angry at them all the time, why even mentioning the word friend made his insides twist up. Hibari attempted to answer as nonchalantly as possible. "I don't believe him when he says he won't use his power over me. Feelings towards me are all lies."

"Feelings may be lies, but actions are real," Hakkai said, in a thoughtful, academic tone. "You don't have to trust someone's words to trust their actions."

The insecurity lurking under those words was no surprise, although he suspected from the dubious attempt at nonchalance that it might have come as a surprise to Hibari. On the other hand, obsessing over suspicion wasn't useful in the long run.

"Actions can lie too. There is plenty precedent in history where someone does things to put people off guard until they can show thier true colors. I refuse to think that god won't do the same."

I refuse to trust anyone would've been easier to say, but there was no reason to be truthful, even to Hakkai. Even to the one person he felt he trusted and had no idea why.

Hibari might not be saying, I refuse to trust anyone, but it's obvious in his words. So Ren hadn't done or said anything wrong; Hibari simply refused to accept his words and actions as genuine.

Well, at least it was something Hakkai'd be able to use to reassure Ren, he supposes. That still left the problem of what to do about Hibari.

Not abandoning the thoughtful, academic tone, he commented, "You know, if you're without a god, it's possible you'll be assigned one at random by the Heavens."

"Then I'll just bite that one to death until I find one that is worthy. I won't suffer the humiliation of being Nora again. I will choose my own fate," Hibari managed to growl out.

He still couldn't accept the fact he had to be thrall to a god, even if a part of him had grudgingly accepted this fate. It seemed a little bit too much like defeat for his tastes.

But was it better to die than live like this? If he found one against all odds that was a skilled warrior he could respect, would it lessen the sting of being used as an object?

It was these things that kept him up at night. Why did everyone feel against him for thinking like that?

"Good luck," Hakkai said brightly. "Please let me know if you'd like any assistance killing them."

He wasn't going to guarantee he'd attack a stranger for Hibari's sake -- much less a stranger whose only fault was not having the precise type of physical superiority that Hibari respected -- but there were some gods who weren't respectful or considerate towards their shinki. If Hibari got one of that sort, Hakkai had no compunctions about teaching them better manners.

Slowly, the bright cheer ebbed from his face, and he folded his arms. Ren had been shockingly patient. He wasn't sure Hibari'd find anyone who was more so than that. In the meantime... well, Hibari might survive, he supposed. He'd better not get too attached to the idea.

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