thenearshore | A fox that gains our trust but then breaks it as he walks

Entry tags:

A fox that gains our trust but then breaks it as he walks

Who: Sanae and Lu Meng
What: Aftermath of this thread
Where: Sanae's temple grounds
When: Backdated to May 6th
Warnings: Blood

[Lu Meng doesn't let down his barrier, doesn't dare to even look away as the creature slinks off into the darkness. His hand remains stretched out to form the protective wall, and the other wraps around Sanae's shoulders, trying to keep her upright.]

Lady Kochiya. [His tone is tense but calm; the last thing he wants to do now is panic, or cause her to panic instead.] I don't know if that thing is gone. Till then I can't let down this barrier. Can you heal yourself? Otherwise, I'll need to send out a call for help.

[A call for healing...and a call to hunt down that cursed creature. His anger continues to boil inside him, but it's far eclipsed by his concern for her. She's lost so much blood, her skin sticky under his touch as he tries to stem the blood flow with his already soaked handkerchief. Gods can die, right? Of course she could reincarnate and return, but Lu Meng didn't want to rely on chance. She could also be one of those who perish and never return.]

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[ He may be keeping himself from panicking, but Sanae's not. She's never been in this sort of situation before. She's someone who can fly in space, can walk through a nuclear reactor without blinking an eye. Here she willingly gave blood to someone she believe to be a friend to help him, but she didn't expect to have half of her neck torn into so mercilessly. No, she's never been hurt this badly before-- and she hurts enough that even breathing is an effort in of itself. ]

A--aaah... [ She groans, blood gurgling at the back of her throat. ] P--....pray... to me...

[ She sputters, but there's an urgency in her voice, a desperate request-- no, a command that he does so. As a priestess she may have some capability of healing using herbs or holy energy, but her true power of miracles comes from belief, faith, and hope. If he wants her healed, she will heal herself, with what little energy she still has to spare. ] D--don't... please don't let anyone else worry.

[ Perhaps that should make him ask himself that if he didn't notice what was going on, would she have told him about this? ]

[That thought certainly crosses his mind; a terrible realization that if he hadn't been around the temple, that if he hadn't found her here, that maybe, maybe she had gone out to meet the creature herself, fully knowing the dangers yet refusing to take him along because she didn't want him to worry--

--no. He can't dwell too long on that. The flow of emotions between them may be one-sided, but he can tell that she's afraid.

His gaze is still on their surroundings, just in case that beast returns to make another attempt on her life, but his arm around her tightens, his grip trying to reassure her.] Alright. I understand.

[His grief and fear for her surges...but so does his faith. His hope that even with all this blood, his god has the power of divine miracles at her fingertips. If anyone can save her...it'll be herself and his faith.] My lady. Please, be well.

[ His devotion and faith prove her with enough, perhaps enough to be the equivalent of ten others and more. It's energy and power, hesitant and worrying but holding strong, much like how he's holding her. He's her anchor, he's her lifeline, reaching out to her through the darkness. And she seizes that lifeline, taking it by the hand and pressing it into her heart, feeling her energy return.

Her consciousness begins to return, despite the bleeding and ripped arteries that pulse blood form her neck, and that is the miracle. She should have passed out long ago, but she continues to hold onto him and the light she sees. Remaining awake by this sort of miracle is relatively quick; comparatively, healing her skin and wounds is slower but eventually the bleeding subsides, and he will still have to hold pressure to the wound. She has lost enough to remain tired and weak.

She coughs, but that's a good sign to be strong enough to spew out what she's accidentally aspirated, yet the tangy, coppery flavor stays with her enough to make her feel sick. ] ...I.... it... hurts.

[ This wound hurts. The thought that she couldn't help her friend more hurts. The thought that she let that creature have so much of her before fending him off. The thought that her gods in her world would be disappointed for being drained so much. The thought that she's worried him more hurts. ] It hurts...

[ She should be stronger. ]

I know, I know. [He tries to comfort her while checking her wound, and while her pained cries tear at him, he's infinitely relieved to see that the puncture wounds have closed up. Still, she's pale from having lost all that blood. She needs to be in bed and in rest, not out here drenched in blood.]

My lady, can you handle being moved? We need to bring you inside the house.

A---aa. [ She affirms, wincing when she realizes she cannot truly nod. ] I c-can... I can telep-p...port us.

[ She struggles to say, feeling another sharp wave of pain and dizziness. But she knows that she has to do something to help, to make it easier-- if not for her, then for him. She doesn't want him to think that this has beat her. She doesn't want him to think that she's weak for letting a creature bite her.

Sanae grips his arm tightly, closing her eyes and thinking of her temple, her new home. Within the next instant, they're transported back, landing right on her bed. The mattress makes for a nice cushion when they appear. The sheets will be stained with some of her blood, but that's the last thing on her mind. Now that she's in the safety of their home, she feels some of her guards being let down out of relief. She begins to tremble, feeling her body give away to the stress of the events of the day.

Her head lolls to the side, but she remains awake, breathing heavily and trying to keep them from shaking. ]

[Under the lights, her skin seems to pale even further, and the contrast of the red against white scares him far more than he'd like to admit.

Lu Meng gets off the bed and rushes off to the bathroom, telling her that he'll be back quickly. A basin of water is quickly filled, and Lu Meng rushes back out with a small towel and some bandages, just in case he needs them. It's indecent for a man to sit so close to a woman, to pull part of her cloths to the side so that he has a better view of her neck. But he needs to check if the wound's properly sealed up, and all that blood on her needs to be washed up.]

I'm sorry, my lady. I won't take too long. [He starts dabbing gently at the surrounding area of where puncture wounds were supposed to be. Is there any scarring? Or has her prayers completely removed the injury, as if it had never been made in the first place?]

[ Prayers are a powerful tool to gods, especially one who has been working miracles since before she came to this world. Indeed there are no more puncture marks. The skin is intact, but if he presses down upon her neck he'll feel the firmness of blood pooled within the tissues and see the discoloration of a hematoma. However, it's stabilized, and she only winces because the extra blood there puts pressure upon nerves and muscles. Like any other deep bruise, it will take time to heal completely within, and for he blood to reabsorb or break down completely.

Sanae remains on the bed as he cleans over her skin. The wet, warm cloth feels soothing in comparison to the biting, and her expression relaxes when he presses it to her neck. She tries to focus in of that touch, not the fact that he's partially pulled down her yukata...

... Or that he'd about to discover another discoloration upon the back of her neck, once he brushes back her hair. ] I... I didn't mean for this to happen. [ She feels that she must explain. ] He was-- Zero is a friend. But he has this hu-hunger, because he's also a vampire. [ He presses over one particularly tender stop, and she grips the sheets tightly, letting the moment pass. ] I thought th-that... that I could give him blood, to sate him.

[ But she underestimated how much he needed. Or wanted. And how much she would enrage him, talking down to him like that.... And where that side to her came from, she doesn't want to explore at this moment. She's too tired, and aching too much. ]

[...there are so many words and scoldings just dying to leap out of his tongue right now, but she's still visibly in pain not just from the bite, but from the hurt she feels in her heart. And he knows her, knows that she must be wracked by guilt, for being unable to help her friend, for upsetting and worrying him. For him to scold her now when she's so distraught would be wrong.] I know. You were just trying to do right by...your friend. [Oh. He quickly lets off the pressure at that one spot, careful to run the cloth lightly over it to clean off the blood.] It wasn't the wisest course of action, but I know your heart is in the right place, my lady.

[He's trying hard to soothe her hurt, both outside and within. He doesn't need her emotions to be connected to him to know how much anguish she must be holding in her heart.

Now that her front is cleaned up as best as he can, he turns his attention to her back. It must feel awfully sticky at the back for her, and he can see the discolouration on her green hair from the blood that's leaked onto them. One hand move to brush those strands away so that he can wash away the mess...

...only for a sharp sting on his fingers, causing him to jerk his hand away, a shocked gasp as he stares at his skin. The discolouration eating away at his fingertips isn't the awful dark red that's stained Sanae's body. But it invokes no less a gut-wrenching reaction from him. Immediately he's leaning over to carefully lift her head, brushing her long hair away from her nape.]

[ And, of course, if he lectured her she would still insist it was right of her to help her friend out for better or for worse. She would have done the same thing for him. She would do the same thing again, despite his lecture, albeit with a little more caution. She always wants to help, as she always believes she's capable of it. Today is the one time she realizes that what she tried to do wasn't something she was entirely prepared for.

Sanae's physical pain may have decreased, but she feels awful, like a failure.

Her eyes flutter open when she hears Lu Meng gasp, and it takes her a moment to figure out what he's just found. Her eyes widen, as she feels her hair being brushed back, and immediately her hand goes up to stop him. The movement is a bit too much as it's the arm on the same side she was bitten, and the nerve is still tender. At most her hand now rests on his shoulder, but her grip is weak.

As is her protest. ] N--no.

[ She doesn't want him to see it. Not now. ]

[Too late. Her fingers press into his sleeves but with almost no strength to pinch in. And even if she hadn't been weakened by the vampire attack, it's likely that Lu Meng would have simply relied on the strength difference between them and pushed her hand off.

The last matted clump is shifted away, and again his fingers burn. Lu Meng stares at the purple-black blotches, ugly blight that's marred her pure-white skin. The water from their bathroom connects to the holy springs outside, but even as he brings the cloth down to attack the blight, even as he scrubs gently but relentlessly at the impurity, he already knows that this blight is not the sort that can be washed clean with holy water.

This blight comes from his guilt.

And as his guilt slams into him then, there's a sharp sting on his fingers and on her neck, as the blight begins to inch outwards, polluting more of her being with his emotions. Lu Meng swallows, and brings the cloth away. The blood's all been washed off but the blight remains, and if he feels any worse than he does now, than he's only going to make matters worse.

He doesn't ask how long, or he doesn't ask why she didn't tell him. He already knows the answer to the latter. She didn't, wouldn't call him when Zero had entered the temple ground, she didn't want want him to call for help, and it's all because of the same reason, isn't it?

He needs to take a deep breath. Needs a few seconds to compose himself and keep calm. The blight is an issue but it's quite a small area, and it's unlikely that she's in any danger from it just yet. His reaction from here on could crush her. She's emotionally vulnerable right now, having to face her failure to help her friend and now having the reveal of this secret to him. Is he angry?Is he upset? Is he ashamed? Yes to all three.

But his hands, when they return to her, are still gentle, as he scrubs away the remainder of the blood from her. His voice is quiet and forced, but it's still calm and bereft of any temper.]

How much pain are you in, my lady? Are you in any immediate danger?

[ He would have found out eventually, she tells herself. She would have told him eventually, too, during a time when she knows he could handle it better. But who is she kidding-- the first time he blighted her, it was when she had dismissed him, when he felt guilt. When he felt useless to his lady. Of course he would take it hard no matter how long she delayed to reveal this to him. Of course he would blight her again.

The sting is more painful this time, causing her to choke loudly on air, her hand tightening upon his shoulder. The blight spreads a bit more across her back and almost reaching out to the bruise from the bight on her neck. No longer can she hide it beneath her clothes as they are; she'll have to find a scarf of some sort, or a higher collar. But she doesn't need to hide is anymore because he knows, he knows and he's trying hard to remain strong for her, when she knows that this is her fault.

His anger beneath the surface. His sorrow. His shame. She feels all three through their connection as he continues to wipe at her skin. But it is knowing that he's in pain as well that hurts her more than the blight could ever stab her. ] ....This is... it's alright.

[ She manages to say, her shoulders shaking. No, what she said just now isn't alright. Taking another breath, she steadies herself. ] --No. It isn't alright.

I'm-- Lu Meng, I'm so sorry, I-- [ With her apology, she feels a rush of emotions consume her. A dam called her pride had been holding her back, but now that all pretense of being strong, or trying to be strong in front of him, is gone, she lets her vulnerability show. ] I'm so sorry!

[ She says, and then reaches out to him, wanting to hold him tightly as her eyes begin to leak. ] I--... I didn't want to worry you. I didn't want to upset you, you've been nothing but the best shinki I could ever ask for, but I know how you are-- I can feel it, that you're angry an-- and upset, and this isn't your fault, your emotions are your own, it's-- it's me. This is how you tell me what's right and wrong, what way to go, and--

[ And she ignored it. She put the blight off, wanting to hide it. Wanting to not acknowledge his guilt. In a moment of clarity, she begins to realize how foolish she's been. ] I'm so sorry, Lu Meng. I'm weak... and I was scared... [ Her arms tighten around him, knowing that her apologies won't be enough. She's hurt him, in a way she's betrayed him and his trust, and this sort of wound will take time to heal. ]

D-...don't... leave. I... I still need you here.

[He's silent throughout her tearful confession. When her outburst comes and her arms reach for him he doesn't flinch or protest, allowing her to cling onto his tense frame.

The now bloody towel is placed to the side, and his arms carefully reach up to hug her around her shoulders in return. Oh, for sure it's not the best hug in the world, stiff with tension and uncertainty, trying to avoid brushing against the blight. But when she continues to sob her apologies, when she begs for him to stay, suddenly his arms tighten fiercely around her as well. One hand strokes her back, trying to calm her down.]

Unless you're planning to laugh while drinking strawberry milk, then you know I'm not going anywhere. [He replies gently. It's a joke, by the way!! Hopefully she recalls that conversation.] It's true that I am...unhappy with this situation. [That's a severe understatement, but he's trying to be nice here instead of his usual blunt self. Sanae did just have a near-death experience...that she could've avoided if she had called her shinki in the first place, but he's not here to rub salt in her wounds and call out all her faults. Sanae is remorseful, and he can understand why she acted the way she did.] But I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

I will serve no other god than you. And make no mistake; this isn't just because I was assigned to be your shinki. I choose to be with you. I choose to be your shinki because I want it. And it's going to take more than a little patch of secret blight to shake me off. [A slight huff.] You're stuck with me and my scoldings, whether you like it or not! So you'd better rest well, because we're going to have a long, thorough discussion about this tendency of yours to put everything on your shoulders when you've recovered.

[ He hasn't pushed her away, and instead his arms have tightened around her. She feels frail in his strong arms, he's a reminder that she has much to learn, and that she isn't strong, at least not as strong as she thought she'd be on her own. She needs him here, she has no one else she's as close to in this world. ] Y-yes...

[ Yes to the scoldings. Yes to everything. She doesn't care if he will stay. If she has another chance to make up for this. ] This was... my fault. All my fault. [ And he should know that it is, no excuses. It was she that didn't call him to help, it was she that didn't tell him about the blight. ] S-so... Let me hear everything you have to say. You're my exemplar, you have that right.

[ After another sob, she pulls slightly away from him so she can look up at his face, puffy eyed and with tears streaming down her cheeks. Still, she manages a smile. It's not forced at all, but something between being apologetic and relieved. ] An-and... just promise me, that you'll let me know if there's anything you need from this.

I said it before, that whatever you want or wish for... I'll give.

Better watch your words, my lady. You might regret giving me so much leeway to lecture you. [Somehow, it's getting easier to keep things light-hearted even as they're both grappling with their respective feelings of grief and shame. His anger is slowly dying away as well, though the hurt will remain awhile.]

All I want right now is for you to be well. [His arms shift so that he can lightly clasp her on her shoulders.] Turn around and let me take a proper look. When were the times I stung you? [He asks, concerned. He's trying very hard not to make this situation a big thing, trying his best to keep himself calm and not spread the blight further. But she'll still be able to feel his remorse through their connection. ]

[ With the calmer mood, she's able to reconcile some of her own distress into something tamer. So when she speaks next, her tone is steadier. ]

You've o-only done so three times. [ She's felt his guilt and remorse, and felt it strongly from how he's blighted her. But it's only happened three times. ] Today, and.... do you remember when we first met? I had just embraced you when you weren't ready, and you had pushed me off. [ Thinking back to that, how shrill and stiff he had been with a hug-- she should have asked first. But he's changed a lot since then. They even made their own handshake, and he even has his hands on her shoulders right now to comfort her! ] I'm... not quite sure what you were feeling back then, but it caused a sharp sting.

The next time, it was shortly after we first met, when we were trying to solve that prayer for the young man looking for a job. I had dismissed you, and when I did... [ Well, he knows.

She turns around for him, beginning to undo her kimono and loosening the top. The blood-soaked silk slips off of her shoulders luxuriously, but she doesn't let the fabric fall too far off of her. Keeping it close to her chest means that the silk dips lower in the back, allowing him to see the extent of the blight. To help with her hair, she uses an extra pin to keep those wavy strands off her back so that he may see.

She doesn't need to see it herself to feel how it's grown with this third and final sting, as she feels it dipping below her neck and between her shoulder blades like a tail. ] How does it look? D-does it look bad? [ She asks worriedly, looking over her shoulder.

[Ah, yes. Their first meeting hadn't gone off too well, had it? And then the time when he'd overstepped his boundaries and treated Sanae more like a young woman under his tutelage and over-rode her decision, rather than a god that he serves. Thinking back to those times causes him no little amount of discomfort and guilt, especially once he sees the ugly purple-black blotch on her skin.]

...I don't think it's severe. But it looks like you've been cursed with a terrible illness. [He tells her truthfully.] It must be painful. [He pulls out a new, clean piece of cloth and dips it in the water. There's still a bit of blood smeared under her neck and he gently begins to clean it off, running the cloth carefully over the affected area.] Does the water help?

[ Just as she asks, she winces from the contact of the holy water onto her blighted, purple tinged skin. A slow exhale hisses out from between clenched teeth, and and arm braces against the mattress of her bed. ] It's....--it's not terrible.

[ She eventually stammers. True, it hasn't been much of a bother. But now that it's being treated, the stinging rears its ugly head once again for the first few wipes of the cloth on her back. ] A-actually... it's starting to feel a little bit better.

[ She concentrates on capping her pain and reactions, if only to make him less guilty, quieting as he works. Slowly but surely, the blight is beginning to fade away as his remorse is known, as the holy water clears away the curse. ] ....I.... [ After a few extra, silent moments she swallows, biting her lip. Her eyes are trained on the floor, her brow knitting together. ] ....I should have told you sooner.

[ This could have been solved weeks ago. She wonders, in part, if his guilt is greater now that he's known her better. Now that they've become closer, shared meals under cherry blossoms and screens in the arcade. ] You... deserve better from me, as your friend.

[ "Friends don't let other friends worry" is what she would apply to herself. But she realizes that if he thought the same, she would reply that "Friends have a right to worry for other friends." She wouldn't want to be carefree and happy, to laugh and smile, knowing that he was in pain.

Ah, the holy water feels crisp cold as the excess drips down her back... ]

It wouldn't sting as much if you'd told me a lot earlier. [A slight grumble, a return to some normalcy.]

But I understand why you did it. If there were some way to lighten your burden, I'd have kept my silence as well. [She should know, better than anyone else how willing he is to hide his pain from others if it's for the greater good. It's how he died, after all. But the big difference between his choice back then and her choice now is that someone had to do the dirty work. Better for him to plunge his hands into muck and blood, than tar someone else's honor. Better for him to be there than risk a drop in troop morale.

He had full confidence that his student could take over his duties and perform even better than he ever could. If his life was given up to the cause, then so be it. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps. But the Lu Meng of the past and the present one tending to her wound are both practical men, and he sees no reasonable justification for her to have hidden this fact from him for so long.

He's relieved though. The blight really is fading, so he continues to run the water over her skin, careful not to press too hard in case that increases the sting. And since she looks like she's getting better, he's going to start nagging her!]

But you are a god. You have people praying to you, asking for your guidance and help. They're putting their faith in you and asking for your miracles to light their way. What happens if you are unwell and unable to respond?

You are needed. You cannot afford to endanger yourself the way you have. Do you understand, my lady? [More stern and gruff than angry, Lu Meng catches the stream of water that was trickling down her back before it can drip onto the cloth that binds her chest. There's a pause, and suddenly a flush of painfully awkward emotions from him at knowing what purpose that garment serves, but he swallows his discomfort and continues as normal.]

[ Perhaps it's because she's tired, she's sorrowful, or that her pride has been beaten down, but she doesn't mind that he's seeing the sarashi wrapped around her chest. Her mind is too preoccupied with other things to bother with concealing that undergarment or more skin, and besides, he's only seeing this because he's cleaning the blight away.

Still, she shivers because without the silk of her kimono and with the water cooling her back, it's colder. Sanae closes her eyes, keeping the stutter out of her voice. ] I... yes. I understand. [ She is needed by her followers. She must make decisions to keep herself safe in order to better serve them.

And that doesn't mean hiding her blight or afflictions or any injuries. It means that addressing them properly and swiftly, because that would be the fastest route to recovery, not letting them prolong and fester. It also means that-- ] I... I can't do things alone.

[ She says at last, and now her tone shakes, defeated because she's finally admitting that she is only one person. One person despite being a god. A young woman no more than twenty one. ] I need your help and-- a-and guidance.

[ Her eyes, still shut, and squeezed tightly. She feels a new dampness trail down the side of her cheek, and she chokes. The blight is almost gone. Her skin no longer hurts, but her heart begins to weep, letting her insecurities show. ] Does... does it not disappoint you, that I am not more capable on my own? [ Would it disappoint Kanako? Suwako? Only they can truly answer that themselves, but Sanae seems to be placing this burden upon herself, that they would indeed believe so. ] That I've... failed to protect myself, from this happening?

[He's just about to wipe off the last of the blight when her shoulders shudder, a sob slipping out from her shame and sadness, He's startled, the cloth quickly pulled away in fear that he'd hurt her; he'd thought she had been calming down, but something has opened up a wound somewhere. And when she opens her heart to share another insecurity, understanding dawns upon him.]

You are the last person I'd consider incapable.

[She'll feel the cold wetness return to her neck one last time, clearing off the last bit of discoloration. A towel is set upon her shoulders to dry the wet skin, and give her some warmth around her exposed shoulders.]

I'm disappointed that you not only allowed yourself to be put in such danger, but that you also tried to keep it a secret from me. [His tone is slightly scolding, but it's nothing overly stern or harsh. He's drying her shoulders and back carefully.] But you thought you were confronting a friend. You trusted him, and offered your blood to help. While I disagree with that course of action, it was carried out with the same kind and caring heart that I know beats within you. That same heart that I'm proud of you for having, and that makes me proud to serve you as well.

I know that you take your godhood seriously, and I am glad for that. But please remember that you are also still a young woman, learning the ropes. There are many stories of godly mishaps when a god is in his or her youth, and I'm sure that should this sort of incident appear again, you will know better how to proceed.

[ She feels like a child, for not telling him sooner. A better person would have known how to solve this situation, or better yet-- prevent it from happening at all. Sanae has standards she's posted for herself that are, quite frankly, unreachable. But here he is, pointing out that she's still young. That mistakes can be made, and that she can still learn from them.

She has to accept that she is not strong, at least not as strong as she'd like to be. So in order to be strong, she has to depend on others to make up for her faults. Where one fails, two together can succeed, and that is where Lu Meng comes in.

Her sobs continue for a few moments more as he wipes away the last of her blight, but her tears are only because it's difficult to stop once she's started. ] M--mm. [ She nods slowly when she gains a hold on her voice, preventing it from shaking further. ] I... promise. I promise that I'll be more open with you.

[ She realizes that she has a lot more to be open with him about, too. But those topics are for another day. Sanae turns slightly, looking over her shoulder. ] Okay?

[Annnnddd headpat! Because hugs are still a work-in-progress. But headpats. Headpats he can do and he does feel that he needs to do something to comfort her. Hearing her sobbing her heart out like this pulls at his heart painfully.]

Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear. [The hurt will remain for awhile yet, but her promise has already soothed the deeper cracks in them, as well as a huge sense of relief that from now on, hopefully there won't be anymore incidences like this happening again. He pulls out the last clean cloth he'd had on him, and after wetting that, uses it to wipe off her tears.]

Everything will be alright, my lady. We'll both learn from this and move on.

However. There is one more act that will lead to your atonement. [He suddenly announces, rather forebodingly.]

You are banned from video games and pocky for one week. No ifs, ands or buts.

[ It would be so natural to protest. In fact, a small "But..!" escapes her in a gasp when he issues the new rule.

Sanae stops herself, and instead nods, smiling. She doesn't need to wipe away her tears because he's done so already. And she hopes that she will be able to fully mend whatever damage she's done here. ] That's a... fair punishment.

[ She says, but it's not without a laugh. ] One whole week? Will I have to spend the entire time tending to the bunnies out back?

You will spend one week studying the Classics with me. [And by Classics, he means all those ancient books extolling Confucianism. All very dry...and all very boring. He may also get her to read some of those ancient war manuals; the bits about leadership will do her good.]

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