Who prays to Angra Mainyu, honestly?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Who: Zetta and Ross; Zetta and Hibiki?!
When: December 23 & 24
Where: The Near Shore
What: Zetta answers prayers. Ross comes along for one. Hibiki shows up for the other. Hilarity Ensues.

December 23.

What is it with forests, anyway?

[Zetta's divine power transports the pair of them -- or rather the three of them, if one counts the unfortunate minion on book-carrying detail -- down to the Near Shore in a flash of malign black energy that practically screams 'evil!'. As much as getting named a god is an incredible step down for him, Zetta has to appreciate that this particular divinity has a little style.]

[Find the blighted tree and investigate. Simple enough. Finding themselves deposited on the outskirts of a park, maybe less simple.]

...Okay, never mind. Not forests. Super. [Zetta scowls at the faint patch of winter-worn green, addressing Ross without looking his way.] This sounds way too easy to be easy, huh?

December 24.

Hyaaaha ha ha ha ha!

[Who is Zetta talking to? Because it isn't the minion that's lugging him up the walk to the neat little townhouse from which a heartfelt prayer had come. And there's no one else around to hear... But as an Overlord and protagonist, Zetta has a heartfelt obligation to narrate his life.]

This is perfect! A prayer to watch TV? I'll sit back, do nothing, and have another devoted follower spreading the good word... uh, bad word... without needing to so much as flip a page.

I sure hope it's some decent show, though... [A brief expression of worry crossed his face as the minion shifted the Sacred Tome to one arm, the better to access the bell. But hey, what's the worst that could happen on this prayer?]

Comments

[priforprince]

The implication is that it's concluding a thought!!

[ They are in agreement about how to hold a disagreement.

Also, if she focuses on this, then maybe she won't get sucked back down the Kepomon hole. ] In any case, the inelegant absurdity is the primary offender. My allergy won't abate.

[ She has a rare condition known as "celebrity". It's exotic, and frequently terminal. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Okay, so first of all, it should be clause-enders then. And second of all...

[How to put this to someone who dresses up in costume and swings around like Spider-Man and Indiana Jones had a lovechild with better legs and a deeper voice than both of them put together?]

...Your definition of absurd says that nothing you do is absurd because you're the one doing it, doesn't it.

[priforprince]

[ Hibiki snorts. Whatever you're about to accuse her of, it won't stick! Absurdity is indeed everyone else's curse.

She lifts a new teacup to prove this. Such elegance, such grace! ] My every move is magnificent.

[ "We're going to settle this," says the character on the TV screen, "with a Kepomon rap battle!"





In Hibiki's defense, this is an especially magnificent cup drop. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Rap battle, huh?

[Zetta may not be the sharpest bulb in the shed, but he has a knack for petty and evil that well suits an Overlord. Straightening up slightly, he pitches his voice a little louder.] We should do our own Kepomon rap battle to show what true fans we are!

[priforprince]

Wha--?!

[ The kid is really enthused by this, bouncing in place and then around the room. Then, they point at Zetta's minion.

He should go first! ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Oh. Wait. What? How did this --]

[Almost shoving Zetta aside, the minion steps up, produces a baseball cap out of nowhere which he then promptly puts on backwards, and drops into a crouch, arms extended.]

Yo you
Kepomon's up and you gonna fall
'cuz I'm kepo-hyped, I'ma kepo-stand tall
I assemble my team to start my plan
Number one! Dragon-cat type, Draconyan!
In the second slot you know I got
Magmamopmeemo with the fire all hot.
Word up, it's third up, let's get the bird up
My fancy feather winged guy, my shiny Chirrchirrup.
Fourth on the team we gotta go hard
So ShieldyMcShieldface will put you on guard.
Rounding out the roster, the pixie type on point
So come on Squigglybutt, we gonna blow up this joint.
And last but not least -- you know it, you know it, you know it's true
'Cuz no team is complete without KEPACHU!

[The minion flicks a hand up and opens it. Mic. Dropped.

[priforprince]

[ Hibiki has abandoned her sprawl in favor for curling up in the fetal position on the couch, hands clapped over her ears while she shivers. She's not leaving this living room alive. That fact is becoming increasingly clear.

The kid, though, is clapping and jumping and jamming for all they're worth. That was so great! Them next, them next! Uh, um....

Kepo kepo mon, kepo mon kepo mon!
Mon mon kepo, gotta....kepo with the mon.

Um. Uh. Ahhh....


Hibiki unscrunches her face long enough to tentatively begin lowering her hands. Is it...is it safe...? ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hey! [Now that he has a clear, uncalved view of the kid, Zetta can adopt his best supportive look. Despite the alarm this look inspires in said kid, he bravely soldiers on.] Rap it like Kepachu.

["Oh yeah!"

"Kepa kepa chu kepa kepa chu chuu
Kepa chuu chuu kepa chuu chuu chuu..."]

[priforprince]

Hnnghh!!

[ Hibiki faints against the couch, then rights herself and glares at Zetta with the vitriol of a thousand spewing poisonous roses. So great is her ire that it almost, but doesn't quite, burn up the blazing headache stabbing her with every kepa and chu.

You are doing this to her on purpose. You - you -

You SENTENCE ENDER ENABLER. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Zetta would love to take pleasure in his foe's agony. Zetta would delight in her torment, and revel in his victory! Zetta... doesn't notice, because he's busy bobbing along merrily to the beat.]

[What?! The kid's got rhythm! He's allowed to enjoy!]

["Kepa kepa chu chu!" the kid finishes.]

[priforprince]

Khhhhh!!

[ Hibiki provides the coda, doubling over to take a deep breath. She can think again! She can see! She can hear!

Once oxygen (and, with it, some modicum of the grace that her luxurious celebrity body finds just as vital) has returned to her system, she's able to blink and attempt to speak. ]

Let's.....call off this contest....for now.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

What? Damn! [The book winces, having been looking forward to strutting his stuff, then exhales.] Oh well. I was having trouble rhyming 'antediluvian' anyway -- Peruvian! Aww, damn it!

[And does Zetta gain the benefit of his (minion's) victory? Nope, the theme song for the next episode is already rolling, and the kid belts along about 'choosing which one' without so much as awarding a participation trophy.]

[Hmm. His strategy might take work.]

[priforprince]

I'll grant you an honorable mention for a multisyllabic rhyme.

[ ----CURSE HER SENSE OF FAIRNESS

AND APPRECIATION OF VOCABULARY ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hyaaaha ha ha ha ha! Soon, the trophy case of the damned will burst to overflowing!

[Honestly, he might not even be serious with this one.]

[But be it joke or real anticipation, after a moment Zetta subsides.]

...how many episodes of this show are there?

[priforprince]

[ The kid counts on their fingers. Then they pull their socks off and count on their toes.

Then they grab Hibiki's hand and count on her fingers, too. And there's even more after that!

Hibiki retrieves her hand and massages it, as if afraid that stupidity is contagious on contact (which she might be). ] That's too many for one night. Why don't we--

[ Nope! If they don't watch a whooooole episode together, front to back, nice and quiet so they can hear all the good parts, they won't be happy! Their wish won't come true!

Hibiki goes gray. ]

A whole episode....front to back....?

[ She can't satisfy this audience unless......Unless.....

She's going to die. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

One episode, front to back?

[That's it? He thought this was going to be a six-hour affair! Zetta draws himself forcefully upright.]

Hold on! That's not a proper binge at all! It doesn't count as really watching until you look up and realize it's several hours later than it should be and you've ruined your plans for the day AND the next!

[Honestly Zetta isn't even trying to torture Hibiki -- he may have completely forgotten she's there. Zetta just has standards, damn it!]

[priforprince]

[ They can do that....? The kid is very impressed that anyone can sit still that long. Then, then, let's do that - ]

Hngh!

[ And sing along with the theme song - ]

Nrrnnfgh!

[ And wear these Kepomon ears that the kid just remembered were stashed in the ottoman! Here. One for the first Kepomon - (the minion receives a headband) - and one for...um... - (Zetta's are placed at an angle, his "head" being rectangular) - and...oh, thanks, mister, it's real easy to reach your head when you're all curled up like this!

Hibiki now is wearing a cute animal ear headband and is dripping nervous sweat on the carpet. Binge...watch. They're....serious.

And yet, that's the....prayer, so she....must. Her aesthetic forbids blocking her ears. ]

....Nnnnrr.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Probably not helping matters are Zetta's keen, insightful, Kepychu-eared questions, such as, "Wait, why did he just give away his most powerful guy?" and "those were clearly rice balls, why are they being referred to as hamburgers?" The Overlord is getting into this and forgetting to be indignant about it, possibly because he's the right mental age group.]

[The minion gets up and disappears for a short while, about ten minutes into the episode. When he comes back, it's with a teacup, which he offers to Hibiki sympathetically.]

[priforprince]

[ For her? Hibiki stares at the teacup for a moment as if she's forgotten what those are for, then reaches for it with a trembling hand. She nearly sloshes the contents all over herself trying to get it up to her lips.

Of course, the moment of truth here is: will any Kepomon speak before she can sip, and if not, what (and how good) is what's in this cup? ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[One does.]

[With the greatest of fortune, though, it is the one that actually speaks -- the bloblike dog that follows the villains around and constantly comments on how idiotic the two are being. Right now he's attempting to point out how ridiculous it is for the two of them to try to fool a Kepomon into loving them when they both have few to no redeemable traits and virtues.]

[As for the tea? Earl Grey.]

[...it was what was in the kitchen.]

[priforprince]

[ Whew. She is safe to sip. And then blink, surprised - but not disappointed. ]

Ah....

[ ....This is almost up to standards. Hibiki suddenly has a better opinion of Zetta's minion than she does of Zetta. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[And Zetta's minions certainly aren't semi-sentient extensions of himself, so it's all good.]

[Zetta, meanwhile, is watching the budding climax with a growing frown.]

Aww, crap, this is a series where we villains lose, don't we.

[Zetta thinks Hibiki is a villain.]

[priforprince]

Don't disrespect broadcasting ethics.

[ Zetta is about two seasons too late for his assessment of Hibiki to be accurate, alas. But it's still an understandable assumption.

And, for the record, any story in which the villains win is Doing It Wrong and should be taken off the air immediately. A story in which the villains win in addition to selling toys of animals that speak in nothing but sentence enders....

That is an abomination too great to fathom. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[She's 100% a villain, damn it! He'll argue this to the end of time!]

It sure doesn't teach kids a valuable lesson about life. They'll go out there thinking you can win with that level 6 Monopede because you believed in it.

[priforprince]

Don't confuse the noblest cause triumphing with statistical impossibilities.

[ Hibiki has been on the losing side of a few of those statistical impossibilities

BUT SHE'D RATHER NOT THINK ABOUT THAT, TIME TO THINK ABOUT HERSELF INSTEAD

PYU...AMORE LOVE...~ ]