thenearshore | [Closed] we were both young when I first saw you

Entry tags:

[Closed] we were both young when I first saw you

Who: Rin Matsuoka (

sharkmaid) and Sousuke Yamazaki (

takenwithhim)
What: God and shinki finally meet face to face.
When: Afternoon of April 26th
Where: Rin's temple
Warnings: None... except a lot of feels. ~~and Taylor Swift lyrics because I was told to do it~~

He didn't sleep much last night. Not really. Not when his head was swimming with thoughts, when his hands were clammy and legs wouldn't sit still. Not when everything around him was so far from what he knew and from what he called home. Ordinarily, sure, Rin was all about change. He lived it, breathed it, faced it head-on without fear. But back then, he knew what he was getting himself into. He could plan for it, work hard for it... Not be dropped into it and expected to understand from the start. Needless to say, the day was rough, the night even rougher, and when he finally managed a wink of sleep, all he could hope for was that he would wake up from some crazy dream.

A dream where he was god. With powers and responsibilities that stretched so far beyond his imagination... A dream where his most cherished friends never even knew he existed.

Sometime in the afternoon just as the sun settled high above his head, Rin left his room and found himself right before the castle gates. They stayed open all night and he saw no need to shut them now, and as he stood facing the wide pathway before him, he paid no mind to who or what would happen to pass in the road behind. This... was supposedly all his. All this space and grandeur, a true place for royalty, for a god. But... he couldn't be that. He wasn't that. He was just Rin.

The branches of the large cherry blossom trees shivered and shook in response to Rin's inner turmoil, but still, the petals held on, falling but never disappearing or leaving a single patch bare. He wanted to have hope that this would pass, that holding onto what remained between himself, Makoto, and Nagisa would keep all of them safe as they always were.

But maybe that too was a dream.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

… ead. Calling. Someone… something. … dead. Calling. Something was calling. I’m… Darkness sliced through the center and he opened his eyes. And shut them again. Light! It took a few moments, attempting to open his eyes a little bit more each time as the light filtered in. Until he was able to see clearly. Some… place? Sousuke pressed one hand to the ground and pushed. His body moved easily, sitting up in a slow motion until he was propped, able to look around. That voice… He recognized that voice in his head… calling to him. His own voice.

I’m dead.

Nothing else. There was nothing else. The world around him kept moving, but he recognized none of it. Who were these people? Why were they looking at him? What was this place? Questions that stayed inside as he climbed to his feet. Whispers, a hushed brush to his side, someone’s voice behind him. Sousuke ignored them. As best he could anyhow. Something else distracted him: a door. Without looking behind him, he made for it. Conscious of the people looking at him as he moved, conscious of their eyes as he gripped the door’s handle and shoved it open. He stumbled forward, but was outside… at least he was outside.

Dead. No other thoughts. No memories. Only a cursory glance in his mind revealed a name. Sousuke Yamazaki. His name. That at least he knew. But the rest was strangely empty, like his chest was filled with a frozen air that wanted to fall and rise all at once. It weighed on his shoulders, and yet he felt no reason to care. He walked, wandered, but without aim. Structures that seemed both out of place and oddly at home lined the grounds as he moved. Their grand designs mingled with smaller buildings, roads, shrines, one place after another until his head swam and he longed to see something, anything, else.

Something wet brushed along the bottom of his feet and he glanced down as he quickly jerked to the side. Water… Trickling over the firm pavement. Only then did he even realize his clothing. Or lack thereof. Just a pair of tight pants (were they pants?) clung to his hips and legs, their dark coloration cut through with white and gray triangular shapes that resembled shark fins. He reached down and pulled at one side, peeling the material back from his pelvis. Then released it; it snapped back against his skin like it belonged there. Shivering, he wrapped his arms around his torso, rubbing once or twice at his shoulders. He wasn’t cold…

Follow the water. There was nothing better to do. Something about it… called. Not his voice this time. Not a voice. Only a feeling. So he followed. Streets wound, buildings passed, the concrete remained as firm as always, further and further until his heels ached and his calves asked him what in the world he was doing right now, walking around like this.

Pink…?

Something pink drifted past his eyes and he looked up. Stopped. There were trees. Several of them. Laden with pink petals that floated through the air. This… this was a garden? No, some kind of grove. A grove of sakura trees. Sousuke lifted his gaze towards the boughs spreading above him. Unaware he’d walked through gilded gates who knew how many steps ago. So many… His fingers twitched and he reached upward, brushing through the gentle breeze. Until one of those petals sighed down into the palm of his hand, coming to rest against his skin. Sousuke curled his fingers halfway, blocking the petal from leaving his hand.

So… it’s over.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, simply staring just as he had the day before when his head protested and drove him to come back to this place whether he wanted to or not. Thankfully, these trees were different, though he couldn't quite explain the reason, and if he could he supposed he could have stayed there all day, seated at the base of one tree, curled up, maybe asleep. If he did that, even for just an hour, surely he'd have enough energy to at least explore--

--A sudden ring between his ears. Like a bell, like an alarm, soft but persistent, pulling him away from the sight above and back to the world around him. Rin held his head in his hand and at first thought he might have stumbled upon another stupid trick. What would it be this time? Would he pass out? Lose control of his limbs? He wanted to leave... but this heaviness, like water pouring over his head and deep into his chest, into his heart-- It was familiar. He couldn't explain why, but.

There.

Quickly, sharply, Rin turned, eyes turned towards the end of the path before him, and when he settled on the figure in the distance the weight in his chest burst throughout the rest of his body. Petals fluttered faster and in greater numbers, pushed his hair back and wiped his mind clean. That presence, that body. He'd recognize him anywhere.

So he ran, each step faster than the last and bringing with it a wide smile on Rin's face. Of course he knew who that was. I just saw you. I just swam with you. I wanted more time to tell you, but... Our relay was incredible, wasn't it?

"Sousuke!" he called out, his tone light but full of joy and just loud enough to be heard over the little splashes of water beneath his feet. Where he was and what they were was all far from his mind.

How long he looked at the petal in his hand, he didn’t know. Was this really what he would be content with? Death. Only to end up standing still before some strange gilded gate, eternally gazing at a cherry blossom in the middle of his palm. No. He curled his thumb, brushed at the petal, felt its smoothness wander over one of the callouses centered on his hand. There was more… wasn’t there? Was he really so content as to let it all turn out this way? As calm as he felt, beneath it, his chest rolled amid the cold void filling it.

But leaving this spot, for some reason, didn’t feel right. This place, the trees, something about it held him fast. Lifting his gaze again, Sousuke followed the trunk of the tree. Up to the branches where those pink blooms spread out above him. Too much effort to question. Yet too uncomfortable to leave it alone. He lowered his hand and his eyes, a soft sigh slipping past his lips. Whatever this place was, he was here. And standing around wasn’t going to get him anywhere.

Hm? He felt it. Like a soft tug somewhere inside him. Sousuke touched his fingertips to his chest, a frown playing on his lips. That was a strange sensation. It didn’t release him either, never increased, never decreased. Perhaps it had been a mistake to leave the place he’d woken up; as discomforting as the crowds were, people had been there. Ones he might be able to ask questions to. About this place, about this feeling in his body… or about nothing in particular.

Another sound wandered into his mind, the sound of footsteps. Sousuke turned his head, the lines of the fence rushing staccato blended in an illusion through the corner of his eye. Someone? Someone was running towards him. For a second, surprise flicked over his face. Who just ran at someone like that? But it melted back into a frown, even deeper that before, brows furrowing in a mixture of annoyance and defense. Fingers curled around the sakura petal and he lowered both arms, instinctively moving to put his hands in his pockets—Oh right, he wasn’t wearing any. Tsk.

It was easy to tell this guy was in a good mood. Why… of course he didn’t know. Wait… His name. He knew his name? Teal eyes narrowed as the other person approached him. Questions flitted up into his mind. But he held his tongue, waiting until the other was close enough. Stopped enough. He made sure to keep a small distance between them regardless. His voice again, but this time from his own mouth. Quiet and deep, guarded.

“Who are you?”

The run to him felt like it lasted forever, but he could see the end up ahead and pushed for it all the same, even if he might have stumbled a little once or twice from getting his foot caught on the path. Heh. He'd probably tease him for it once he got there. And Rin knew exactly what he'd say to that. At least I didn't get lost! Then they'd laugh, lift up their hands and greet each other just as always, as if time and space never distanced them at all. That's how they always were, after all. Coming back together time and time again...

Always.

... But as he drew closer, his steps slowed, and the smile on his face fell just a touch. Because normally, wouldn't Sousuke be there to meet him halfway? Or at the very least, he would have turned to him by now, smiled, and said his name. So what was he waiting for? What are you waiting for, Sousuke? This was no time to be messing around, even if they were both caught in this strange predicament together. This isn't like you at all...

Though now that he was closer and the image of his best friend was clear and precise, Rin's steps pulled to a full stop no more than five feet away and the petals rushing to catch up with him all dispersed and fell, saturated in the puddles before they slowly sank to the bottom. It... felt cold. Empty. Like something could have been there but no amount of searching would reveal it. Cold. Empty. Sinking. That one morning in spring when he turned around in his little desk, faced the new boy in class with a bright smile and a laugh...

... What do you want?

Stumbling back a step, Rin unconsciously brought his own hand to his chest and clutched at his shirt. No... No, if he was looking at him like that-- Please don't ask me. Don't say it.

Who are you?

... Fingers shook, his head spun, and the once bursting sensation in his body suddenly shrunk back to settle in his heart and sink right into the pit of his stomach. He heard about this. Makoto told him, explained as best he could, but he didn't want to believe it. Not you. Not you too. Please.

"Sousuke..." he started, quiet and soft, voice shaking, "... come on. You-- You really don't know?"

This guy didn’t have good footing if he stumbled twice on the way over here… or maybe he was injured. Idiot, you shouldn’t be running if that’s the case. He had wondered at first if the other guy was intending on charging right into him. But twice, his speed slowed. The closer he got, the more Sousuke could see the definitions of his face. The emotions slowly growing and changing. From a brilliant smile to something less, from something less to a look he could only think of as ‘shattered.’ As the stranger’s pace came to a full stop, Sousuke regarded him with that same distance, glad he wasn’t in danger of getting tackled or run over.

Maroon hair… red eyes… sharp teeth… He silently took him all in, from his appearance to his stance. Even the gentle billow of sakura petals as they washed out behind him and floated down towards the wet ground. Sinking to the stone below the water. His eyes… changed. Though he didn’t understand why, he’d seen them as he ran forward. Such light and joy blazing from them. And now… faded. Like a fire caught in the wind and struggling to stay alight. His lips parted and a soft, brief exhale slipped out. It felt like something clenched in his chest, in his head, somewhere amid that void of space and nothingness. I’m dead… but I feel…

Sousuke tightened his hands a little as the other boy stepped backwards—no, stumbled—and the muscles in his body visibly tightened, as if he were preparing to move. Even if he had no idea who this person was, he wasn’t about to let him pitch backwards onto hard ground. “Oy…” Teal eyes narrowed and his expression turned to light concern. His hand, his shirt, clutching at his chest. Was he really not well? “Idiot,” Sousuke murmured under his breath. “Don’t push yourself if you’re sick.”

Whether the words made it across the space between them didn’t matter. So long as they were said. But pursuing that wasn’t an option. Not when the other boy spoke again. Again with his name… The shaking in his voice didn’t sit well with him and he glanced to the side, wondering if the massive house (castle?) he thought he’d seen through the grove of sakura trees was real? Even more, was it close enough to carry this guy to if he collapsed? He turned his attention back forward, head tilting slightly in a mixture of caution and focus.

“Why do you know my name?” His words were as quiet and calm as before, but sharper. “Who are you?”

For a moment, there might have been a glimmer of hope in Rin's eyes as he watched Sousuke silently judge him. Surely... he couldn't forget everything. Any part of him from his voice to the color of his hair-- It had to spark something. That's how it worked sometimes, wasn't it? Maybe he just stayed still, gave him the chance to work through his thoughts, he'd trigger something, anything. After all, if there was anyone who could overcome any obstacle, any wall, it was his best friend. Physically, mentally...

... He felt like he was choking. Instinctively, Rin's hand rose from his chest to his neck, two fingers just lightly grazing the skin before pressing down to feel his own heartbeat transferring weak vibrations into his wrist. With every passing second, however, that rhythm quickened, faster and faster until he felt as if he'd been running... no... swimming for several miles. He could hear water. Feel it in the back of his throat, taste it at the back of his tongue. And it was choking him. Looking up from the ground and back at that same absent gaze in Sousuke's eyes only served to snap nearly all of the last vestiges of his strength.

I don't want to see this... I don't want to see you like this.

But it was him, wasn't it? Choking. Drowning. ... Dying. So heavy and helpless and in pain, pain which radiated all the way out from the right side, into his chest and down his legs. Rin's fingers wandered again, this time settling on his own shoulder where he could grip and pull and try to will those phantom sensations away for good. But they wouldn't leave. Memory after memory, detail after detail flashed in his mind's eye like several vivid moving snapshots and no matter if his kept his eyes open or squeezed them shut they would always be there one after the other. No...

We're gods. But Haru... he's not a god.

No.

He's my shinki.

No.

And he doesn't have any memory of us.

"No!" In a single visceral instant, the grove fell silent. The gentle coo from mourning doves faded with the wind, the rustle of leaves and faint splashes of water nothing more than whispers, and the sakura surrounding them-- Every single petal froze in time save for one, breaking free from a weak bough above to flutter and eventually blow away into the sky. Rin clutched his shoulder where it burned, his fingers squeezing so tightly his joints twitched and his knuckles tinted white. All of it, every last bit of it, was real. Instinctively, he knew that... and instinctively he denied it. Sousuke-- He was supposed to overcome everything, even himself. But he supposed, in the end, not even the strongest person could overcome death.

Jaw clenched and tight, Rin slowly but surely relaxed his shoulders and his hands. His chest followed, breathing soundly, and though it pained him more than anything to do it, he closed his lips, and with a quiver forced them to straighten into the smallest smile. A single teardrop fell from the tip of his nose onto the wet pavement and all at once the environment seemed to ease back into as it was before like a huge sigh of resignation.

"... No," he started again, and though his tone was calm it was distinctively distant. "I'm not sick." Idiot. Even like this you have the gall to tell me not to push myself. Slowly then, as if that single moment had taken a great strain on him, Rin lifted his head, and through the mess of tears and pink cheeks, hair sticking to his face and lashes... he smiled. Sad. Weak. Nowhere near as brilliant as it had been when he ran all the way across the little grove. ... But there. For you... You who thought about me even all the way until the end--

Hi, Sousuke! My name is--!

"Rin," he stumbled as stronger trails of tears forced their way through his facade. "... I'm your god."

Would you like to swim with me?

"... And you're my shinki."

Edited 2016-09-18 08:05 (UTC)

Who are you… The question felt like it got no further than his lips, sitting there against his mouth like a warm cloud. This person kept staring at him so intently. He could see the flicker in his eyes, the briefest gleam of hope, and then it vanished the moment he asked that question. Unnerving, heavy. A shiver rippled down his spine. All he wanted to know was the answer to that question. A name, an explanation, something that might give him a handhold to grip onto and make sense of all of this. He was confused, hardly remembered how he got to this area in the first place. Everything was a blur between those waking moments and now.

Sousuke turned his head slightly, a gentle aversion as the stranger moved his hand to his neck. Stumbling, staggering, now this… Was he checking his pulse? Strange guy. And yet, he felt no urge to leave. If this guy really wasn’t well, he couldn’t just walk away and leave him to collapse here on the ground. Why are you looking at me like that? It was almost like he was choking, struggling with something. The silence between them stretched thick and he let a noiseless breath drift past his lips. Urging him to respond was pointless; he didn’t want to trigger some other kind of ailment or exacerbate what already was…

Or not. First his chest, then his neck, now his shoulder. Was he having a heart attack? He quickly looked to the side, scanning the surrounding areas for anyone else or some building that might be able to take someone in. He didn’t know the first thing about helping someone who was having a heart attack! Back to the stranger. “Oy.” His voice hovered between concern and irritation again, more the former now as he watched the other boy practically crumble inside. He could see it. See it in his eyes again. Sousuke took a step forward, hand opening and the single sakura petal floated away to the ground below. “Are you okay?” Distanced concern, but worried nonetheless—

The sudden shout sliced into the air and he went silent instantly, frozen in place, eyes widened in surprise. Everything seemed to fall silent as well. The breeze, the rustle of tree branches, the sound of birds, even the water’s rippling fading into a ghost of a sound. He remained as he was, time passing, or not passing, he couldn’t tell. He could only watch. Watch as this person clutched at his shoulder, watch the way his face creased and broke in pain, something so visceral through the way his fingers white knuckled in obvious agony. …what’s happened to you?

“Oy… Don’t cry.”

Sousuke listened to his own voice, quiet and soft among the stillness of the air. The words came without his realizing; he didn’t know why he said them, only felt them roll off his tongue and reach out for this strange, maybe-injured person. Unknown, unsure, and yet… He didn’t want to see him cry… It hurts. He felt it in his chest, a thick, wet grip that threatened to crawl up the back of his throat and choke him. Each tear burned itself into his mind, pushing aside the fog of his empty head. A memory, new and fresh, standing here amid the fallen cherry blossoms in front of this person. His voice, his face, all of him.

And like that, everything began to move again. The pain smoothed a little and he watched as the stranger’s shoulders relaxed, his hands loosen from their clenching grips. Breathing softened and the quivering of his lips settled into… a smile? Tiny, barely there, but very much present. As real as the teardrop curling at the end of his nose and dripping onto the pavement. The sound of the breeze started, the sigh of the trees, a rippling water… more pink falling from above.

Sousuke slowly drew his leg back, retracting the step forward and straightening again. An eternal moment. He frowned, not at all convinced at the other’s comment about him not being sick. The disagreement showed on his face and he said nothing. Half because he didn’t want to… half because he couldn’t. Something about his smile pierced through his nerves and such a strange calmness spilled into his chest it almost startled him.

“Rin?”

At least he got a name. But the next comment earned an arched brow. “… what?” His voice hiked a little in surprised disbelief. His god? Like something he should worship or pray to? Who went around saying something like that? That was crazy talk. And yet… there was nothing else. Nothing he knew that countered that statement. His shinki? Some part of him thought about taking a step back, maybe slowly—slowly—turn the other way and walk off. But the other part of him once again noted there was nothing else. Apart from wandering.

“What are you talking about?”

He didn't want to be this way in front of Sousuke. Not then and not now. Especially not now. Because of course he didn't expect Sousuke to understand why he was this way to begin with. He didn't know Rin had always been a crybaby. He didn't know why he was in pain, why he smiled and knew his name, called out to him because all he wanted was to see him smile back-- He didn't know Rin. And for all he knew, maybe he never would. Though most importantly... There was everything else. Would he still know how to swim? Would he still know all his favorite foods and places and songs? Every letter they ever sent each other across the sea and back again...

No. Of course not.

But, perhaps, forgetting was all for the best, because he knew for certain now that there were certain memories within him he could do without. Losing his career to his own body, succumbing to it and letting it drag him beneath the waves... Rin didn't want to know it. If he had the power to, he would have chosen to forget it himself. But better him than Sousuke. Better for him to carry that burden than Sousuke.

A faint scoff escaped him then, eyes shutting for only a beat. Don't cry, he says... Even now, can't you think of anyone else but yourself? He could have easily turned right back around to leave Rin by now. Surely there were more important things, less strange and emotional things to deal with. But despite that, despite all of this, there he still was, just like the stubborn guy he always was. Always beside him, quietly supporting him, telling him not to cry. Don't cry, don't cry, Rin... All right. Maybe he could try.

His eyes opened and this time around they stayed locked onto Sousuke's own, tears obscuring his vision but never blinding or distracting. Sadness and pain were both still present, but there was no way around that no matter how strongly he fought and yelled. And when Sousuke repeated his name back he had to bite his tongue to suppress a stronger reaction from tearing its way right out of his heart. He didn't know what that name meant, none of the history or emotions attached to it... but now, at the very least, he could say it.

You won't come back to me one way or another... But maybe--

"I know it's complicated... and I don't really understand all of it either." A small gust of wind picked up and blew through his hair, pushing it back and drying some of the tears on his cheeks. In the midday sun the maroon strands tinted pink and his eyes, still damp and quivering, reflected Sousuke's figure like the surface of a ruby. Undoubtedly there was a connection between them, and whether that was intentional or not, whether the heavens planned this or not, Rin couldn't help but feel bittersweet. A cruel joke, he thought. Bringing him here, immortalizing him here, only to take away everything that makes him Sousuke... You should have saved him. If I knew, maybe I could have done it instead. But... his best friend wasn't an empty vessel. He wasn't a shell, wasn't devoid of his emotions, and as he witnessed the concern in his face and the way he reached for him, Rin smiled again, perhaps even a little bit hopeful.

You won't come back... not exactly as you were before. But you can start over.

And I won't let anyone take that away.

With a soft, shaking sigh, Rin clenched his hands into fists at his sides, a new sense of determination coursing through him and slowly pushing his sadness into the shadows. Later. Later he could be sad. Later he could curse and scorn every god for bringing this upon him and those he held dear. But for now-- I can do this. I can do this for you.

"... But you feel it, don't you?" he asks as he glances down at Sousuke's chest. "You and I are connected." Another brush of wind and flutter of petals at his feet, swirling in a full circle beneath him before breaking off to reach towards Sousuke. Rin watches them quietly for only a moment before meeting Sousuke eye to eye once again. It all sounds ridiculous, even coming out of him like this, but it's all he knows and all he can say. Sousuke would call this stupid. He wouldn't believe a single word. But he has to try. "We're going to be expected to fight together. Protect each other. ... Because this place can be dangerous-- And I can't let you wander around on your own."

I can't let you wander farther than you already are.

"... Ok?"

Nothing. There’s nothing there. Only this moment that continued to unravel before him like some tapestry he’d never seen before. This person he’d never seen before. Didn’t know. Running to him, smiling at him, calling his name, and ultimately breaking apart right in front of him. Why? Why was he acting this way? It was like he knew him or something. Felt like it… Confusing. The images flittered through his mind like so many schools of fish in the water, replaying over and over. The tears down Rin’s face, the expression in his eyes, from joy to sorrow. The sounds of his voice, calling his name, crying so painfully. The way he moved, touching himself, gripping to the point of pain… And yet no matter what happened, no matter how weird… he couldn’t leave.

As the silence stretched on, Sousuke even turned his head and looked behind him. The pavement continued on, sliding past the gilded fence as it danced along in a straight row, holding in those pink blooms of sakura trees and lawns. Continuing down that road would lead him somewhere else. Away from here. From this strangeness that left his mind feeling unsettled and his body thrumming with wariness. He could simply turn around and walk away… Leave Rin here alone with sunken cherry blossoms scattered about the wet ground around him.

It would be easier… wouldn’t it? … wouldn’t it? He turned his head again and faced the other boy once more. He was sad. The tears were still there despite his efforts to contain them. Sousuke closed his eyes, drawing in and letting out a silent, deep breath. Tsk. He couldn’t leave him here like this. Crying and a mess. What a pain. Didn’t even know this guy and yet here he was thinking about spending more time with Rin. Crybaby… He lifted his hands and slipped them into his pockets—Arms jerked and he blinked his eyes open. Then scowled a little downward. Oh right. No pockets. Really, what were these things? Tights?

He pushed the thought from his mind and looked up again. Only to find himself gazing into the other boy’s eyes. They locked with his own and he couldn’t look away if he wanted to. Emerald shimmered slightly, reflecting the ruby gaze across from his own. Their tears, their sadness and pain… Come on. Don’t look at me like that… It doesn’t suit you. The thoughts came unbidden, drifting out of his mind in a gentle mixture of exasperation and reluctant concern. That pain still lingered in his chest, an unknown feeling of dislike directed right at Rin’s eyes. He didn’t know why… but he knew he didn’t like seeing Rin cry.

Well, not understanding any of this makes two of them. Least they agree on that. Sousuke shivered as the small brush of wind picked up and wandered around them, carrying cold over his exposed torso and arms. He resisted the urge to rub at his body again, but silently folded his arms over his chest instead. So… it looked like Rin was finally making up his mind about something. The sadness faded from his eyes and for that, Sousuke was glad… relieved actually.

At least until he started talking again. One brow twitched, the other furrowing. What was this talk? The only thing he felt right now was irritation at some strange boy crying in front of him and now some relief that he’d finally stopped. The rest remained empty and confused and the same frustration as he’d felt earlier. But… he hadn’t left. Had he. Amid those two feelings, there was something else. A quiet agreement with himself to stay here. He could have followed the path behind him and vanished long ago… but… I didn’t leave you. Feeling something between them? Connected? He followed the petals that floated from the ground with his eyes, watching them circle and break away towards him… lifting his gaze until once more he was looking into Rin’s eyes.

It did sound ridiculous. Fighting together. Protecting each other. He knew nothing about this place either. Whether it was dangerous or not. A quiet scoff slipped out at the notion of Rin not ‘letting’ him walk around on his own. (It’s not like he’d get lost or something.) And yet… as strange, as stupid, as ridiculous… nothing was wrong. And he had no way of knowing whether it was untrue or not. The road behind him… wasn’t it the same as the one in front of him? Unknown.

“Fine.”

All the rest of that crap was who knew what. But… if it’ll make you stop crying.

“I’ll stay.”

He could sense Sousuke's wariness without needing to watch him, and really, he didn't blame him. No matter how desperately he wanted his trust or for him to stay, however, he knew there was no way to keep him here against his will. Alive or dead, Sousuke didn't function that way, and ultimately it would be up to him to decide whether or not to leave. But... as someone close to him, of course Rin could only hope he would think this through before making any rash decisions. It wouldn't make sense, no. And honestly Rin didn't fare any better. But that never stopped them before. Memories or none at all, he wouldn't let any of that come between them.

So Rin waited, because even if he had a responsibility as a god, he didn't want to treat Sousuke unfairly. There would be no sense in rushing or forcing him. Sousuke needed to answer to this himself.

Don't focus on me. I know I'm acting and looking like a complete fool right now, but don't let that stop you from trusting your intuition. I know it's there, I know you have a heart... You need to do what's best for you.

... Was he cold? Well. That was a dumb question, wasn't it? He supposed even someone like them could feel things like that, dressed down... wearing the legskins he picked out for him, out of all things. For a moment, Rin's thoughts drifted, and images of their world eased into his mind like warm water. Where were the others? Ai, Momo, his sister. He hadn't seen them within Sousuke's repressed memories, which only led him to believe no one else was there when he-- Shaking his head, he dismissed the thought before it could blossom and undo the progress he already made. They weren't here. As far as he knew, they weren't. And Rin could be content enough with that.

Fine.

"Huh?" Not... expecting the response, Rin glanced up and blinked softly. He'll... stay. He'll stay? As he considered Sousuke's answer, the petals still twirling at their feet picked up and with them more followed, creating something of a dusty pink barrier which hovered just above the ground. Warmth. He felt that as well, radiating off of him like the afternoon sun and transferring that feeling into the breeze. For Rin, it all seemed natural, but truthfully this was anything but. Yes. Strange. Stupid. Ridiculous. You and I would have laughed about something like this until our sides fell sore. Nothing about this would ever be part of their normal lives. But they weren't normal, not anymore, and with one more resigned smile, Rin shut his eyes and tucked his chin in towards his chest.

"... Thank you." It seemed silly to say, but necessary all the same. And with those words he felt a slight pull from deep within his core, pulling inwards before shifting out to where Sousuke stood. An invisible wire, that's what it felt like, stretching out and calling until it latched onto something small but warm. A soul, he thought, though he couldn't explain why he thought it. It simply came naturally and once he accepted that, the weight in his chest anchored off then traveled quickly through his arms and into his fingertips. Was he doing this? Rin couldn't be sure. He only knew it felt too normal to stop and as his fingers uncurled, the energy within him ignited to awaken a soft, red glow on his middle and index fingers.

All at once, the world shifted. Delicate petals below halted and trembled before suddenly bursting outward into the glade with a dull pulse. In their wake, the sky and ground darkened into rich indigo, leaving himself and Sousuke glowing and emanating a bright red aura around the outline of their bodies. The once powder pink blossoms and branches gleamed like several wild, captured stars. Warm from the light, warm from the energy and the strength he felt growing steadily between them... and there, stretching as far as the eye could see behind him, were hundreds upon thousands of vibrant kanji characters, floating, drifting, occupying time and space itself. But for as uncertain and mystical as this all seemed, there was no fear, no anger, no hatred or ill will... because from deep inside his heart did every last bit of this emerge.

Hair blowing back, feet spread and planted firmly to the ground, Rin finally lifted his chin and opened his eyes a final time, the determination and intensity within them demanding total focus and attention.

He wasn't crying.

"You, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return," he announced quietly, his tone surprisingly human and calm. The red glow from his fingers lifted with his arm and without breaking eye contact he reached out and cut through the air with precise yet fluid motions, almost as if he were writing and conducting all at once. "I grant you a place to belong." Another swipe, another flick of the wrist, until the first character completed and displayed between them: 宗. Onto the next, the first gesture quick and sharp, the next slower and more refined. What he saw within those emerald eyes and deeper still continued to tug at Rin's own heartstrings, but he could take them and turn them into enough energy to keep this ritual alive. Yes... The lightning and the thunder, the splash of waves on rocks and sand... your own voice in your head, so stubborn, so afraid, calling for me and saying--

--One last swipe downward. 介.

"Grasping thy true name, I bind thee here. With borrowed name, I dub thee my servant. The name answers, the vessel to sound. ...I call thee as my divine instrument." Each word flowed off his tongue so effortlessly. Like water, like rain, like blood rushing from his head to his feet and through his heart once again. Rin was vaguely aware of his own heart beating or how it rushed and cried forward by that invisible string's command. Pulling Sousuke to him, enveloping every last inch of him, until he was certain he left nothing untouched. ... No. He didn't want it to be this way. And as he stood there watching between the strokes of his name, Rin knew he could have stopped this at any time if he could. But he couldn't leave Sousuke to the outside world. He couldn't risk anyone else, especially a stranger, taking advantage of his strength. He didn't want it to be this way... I don't want to call you an instrument.

Please. Forgive me.

And with jaw clenched, eyes wide and heart an absolute jumbled mess, Rin swiped his arm upward and raised his voice for it to echo brilliantly amongst the trees.

"Come... Yumeki!"

A small part of him wanted to think those words had come from his mouth without his consent. But… they hadn’t. He meant them, even if they were surface-level means to an end. To stop more tears from being shed. Once said, there was no taking back and he closed his mouth, as if finalizing his own decision for himself and not just Rin across from him. Strange though… It didn’t feel wrong to agree like that. No tug of regret or a whispered urge to look over his shoulder at the other path behind him. Nor was there a sense of suddenly “belonging” either; he wasn’t so willing to simply sign himself over to someone so easily.

Besides, “staying” meant just that: staying. He didn’t have to go along with any of the other prattles about gods and shinki and how dangerous this world was (though Sousuke wasn’t so thickheaded as to instantly dismiss the latter). He certainly didn’t know about this place.

But that still didn’t answer the now-staring-him-in-the-face fact: he’d agreed to stay. What did that even entail? As far as he knew, Rin was some strange boy who cried too easily and said he was fine when he definitely hadn’t been acting like he was. Though… Sousuke admitted in his mind Rin was probably telling the truth. Once his tears eased and all, he wasn’t wobbling or cringing in pain anymore.

Sigh. He unconsciously rolled his right shoulder, head tilting slightly towards it as he worked some warmth down into his arm. For being the middle of the day, something about this was chilling. He couldn’t be sure if it was the event, the atmosphere, or the fact he wasn’t wearing much of anything. His mind wandered around the past few moments, a curious shark circling and looking at something strange and unusual so suddenly plunged into empty waters. It actually made his head feel heavier. So much in such a short amount of time.

Sousuke fixed his eyes back on Rin again. Oy… Don’t give him that dumb look. Didn’t you just practically thrown the book at him on why he should stay? His expression flattened… just a little. This guy… was something else. But it only lasted for a moment before his attention slipped down. Arrested by the slowly-rising swirl of pink petals revolving around Rin’s legs. He had brushed the first two instances of the sakura’s ghostly motions off as a strange wind. But this time, there was no way he could. They were reacting. To Rin.

He missed the resigned smile. But not the gratitude. Sousuke pulled his eyes from the petals and looked up once more. Why was he thanking him? A wry flicker crossed his expression, but he let it pass. It wasn’t worth the risk of making him cry again. So he stood still and watched. Watched as something unfolded in front of him that shouldn’t be happening, wasn’t possible, and yet occurred in his eyes as smooth as water flowing through a riverbed. Light, a crimson glow, wandering along Rin’s fingers and illuminating… and the world changed.

Sousuke looked to the side, head up, a soft sound of surprise slipping past his lips. It felt like the air around them was holding its breath. And released it a moment later, bringing a flurry of pink petals. Darkness swept the ground and he was only afterwards aware of his own body glowing in that same color. I’ll stay. He lowered his head and faced Rin once more, hands sliding down to his sides as he straightened. Whatever was happening, he’d handle it. Because it was warm… In his chest, on his skin, filling his body, or pouring over it, he didn’t know. But it wrapped around him as the trees became like the night sky… and the air became filled with the shape of kanji. The vibrant silhouettes filled his eyes and the space around him. Around them. He didn’t feel fear, didn’t feel anger. Only a quiet acceptance despite all the strangeness that should’ve had him backpedaling several seconds ago.

That was when Rin lifted his head and Sousuke felt his chest still. There were no tears in his eyes… replaced by determination and intensity that were as crystal clear as the sadness that had rolled down his cheeks in glass orbs. His eyes, they called his attention, and he couldn’t look away… didn’t want to.

With every word, with every motion of his hand, Sousuke felt… something. Indescribable, but it was as if an opening was happening inside him. Something awakening and reaching out towards illuminated fingers as they drew one stroke after another. Lost… now found. His name, forming in the air with every one of Rin’s movements. Calling to him, offering a hand, a place to belong. You feel it, don’t you? You and I… are connected. The single reminder penetrated from his mind to his chest the same moment that Rin’s fingers finished the downward motion and finished spelling his name in the air. It drew him, not as a pull, not a demand, but an invitation that he found no will of his own to wish to resist. It was Rin’s warmth that enveloped him, leaving nothing untouched. The emptiness in his mind, the coldness that filled his body, they seemed to fade quietly. Not completely, but as mist drawing away from a sparking pool in the morning sunlight…

Yumeki!

Every stroke of his name shivered in the air and at once all streamed forward, spreading out overhead in and arch and separating before spiraling down through the air towards him. His name… The glowing energy splashed against his right shoulder, spilling brilliant against his flesh. Warmth became heat, the kind that soothed an ache, and spread along his collar, down his arm, over his chest. Radiating from that one area as the water twisted upon itself, as if absorbing into his body. Strokes of white flickered to light on his skin, growing at the center of the quiet whirl. Until all of it vanished inside with a soft, audible ’drip’.

夢輝.

‘Yumeki.’ His name, emblazoned upon the curve of his shoulder. Sousuke had only a moment to look at it before the same glow blazed from the kanji. A torrent of water spilled forth from his name, carrying the glistening pink of multitudes of cherry blossoms within its stream and upon its surface. The flow twisted in the air and spiraled around his body, blocking everything from view except for sakura and water. Until the entire host sprang into the skies, cutting sharp and powerful through the air in an almost-wild show. It arched and dove, trailing behind it a stream of its making, the gentle sakura, the intense water, the droplets of tears. And all at once plunged downward towards Rin. The water soaking the ground below his feet bubbled upward in droplets and with a splash, the shinki’s aura settled beside the god.

Water rippled and smoothed before peeling backwards as if a shell opening. Shadow moved and a canine shape emerged from the vanishing spiral of the pool. His front legs touched down first, as if he were alighting from a previous leap, and a graceful, but powerful figure of a German Shepherd settled amid the falling droplets and sakura petals. Standing beside Rin, his teal eyes clear and gazing ahead of him. No longer looking against Rin’s path, but instead looking down the same road as the him. A moment’s more of lingering strength and the water and petals fell, sprinkling the ground once more.

Still and quiet… Stay. And Sousuke’s voice floated into Rin’s mind, though it sounded like he was speaking right by his side.

“You turned me into a dog?”

Seriously, when Rin looked, he’d seen the shepherd’s face was… well… as flat as a dog’s face could get.

From start to finish, Rin was barely aware of his own actions, feeling more like an onlooker than anything else. He was conscious and sentient, that much he knew, but as far as he was concerned, he had never done this before, never practiced or rehearsed... It all came naturally like speaking an language or riding a bike. This was something he needed to do, his own emotions and feelings be damned, but, at the very least, he still held onto a bit of control. He could stop this at any time. If he so much as spotted a twinge of fear or hesitation in Sousuke's eyes, he could retract and bring everything back to his hands. But to his surprise, there was never a moment he needed to reel himself in. There was never a moment Sousuke fought back, resisted or refused.

You're too accepting of this, he wanted to say... but really, maybe this just showed how strong his best friend truly was. That's it. That's it, Sousuke. That true power... Show it to me!

And with that flash of light rocketing high into the air, a stronger gust of energy burst past them and into the grove. He knew it could have easily barrelled them over if they gave it the chance, but this was far from normal and they held their ground, unaffected and quiet while the bright light branded Sousuke's body. It wouldn't hurt, he knew that, but Rin was still human beneath all this and winced anyway once the light connected and dispersed with a single drip.

From there it was all too fast, too strong, like a passing storm on an ocean shore, and once Rin lowered his arm to his side the environment spiraled and followed, every last bit of light and darkness absorbing back towards him along with faint echoes of that name. He should have been afraid. Both of them should have been afraid. But this was how it was now, what they needed to grow accustomed to and include in their new lives. If they were going to start over, if Rin was going to help Sousuke return... then what was there to fear?

And as soon as legs touched the darkened ground beneath, the colors all peeled away and left the peaceful, beautiful pathway just as it was. Petals fluttered above and below and the faint call of a dove could be heard in the distance. The sound of running water, rustle of branches and leaves, a gentle bell chiming in the breeze--

Oy! Wait for me... Rin!

Yes. He could still see everything stretching before him like an endless ocean. He could still taste the water and hear every vein constricting in his body. But as soon as he reached over and his fingers rested atop Sousuke's head, the thoughts cleared until all that was left was a bright and brilliant sea. As a child, he could always gaze across this very sight and think of who stood at the other side. My friends, Haru--

--you.

"... Don't look at me that way," he said gently, not having to look down to know exactly what face Sousuke gave him. "I didn't think it at first... but--" Finally, shifting from where he stood and keeping his hand between Sousuke's ears, Rin lowered himself onto one knee so he could come face to face with this new form. Teal eyes... Both palms rested on either side of his face. So. This is how it works. ... And with a tiny scoff Rin shut his eyes and leaned forward until he could lightly bump his forehead to Sousuke's own, the gesture instantly warming the surrounding air and pulling with it more petals to dance between them.

"--It suits you."

He doesn’t… know how to think about this. Everything since Rin changed the world around them has run on a quiet autopilot. He watches without being involved, as if his body moves and his mind merely goes along for the ride. It steals his control, renders him powerless, and yet, he feels no fear, no hesitation. In two words… he’s made a decision that not only decides his life… but redefines it. A servant, a vessel, a shinki. He’s still him. And now, he’s standing beside Rin. The road before him is the same as the one Rin faces. And he’s done it all without a regret. No… true regret that is. Honestly, at the moment he’s thinking about how he’s supposed to get used to life as a dog. Half a tall, on all fours, it definitely feels strange. Physically at least. His mind’s still normal as much as he can gauge.

I’ll stay. He accepted to stay by his side, but had he really meant he accepted whatever that entailed? Apparently. Even now as he stands here, feels the wet pavement beneath his paws, there’s a lack of resistance or refusal. To abandon Rin would have been to fade away into the unknown. He has no idea what lies out there beyond this. While he’s not scared of that unknown… he’s not stupid either.

To be a wandering spirit, numb to everything, with no path or aim… or to be a shinki, bound to a stranger, yet with a goal.

Sousuke doesn’t know anything about Rin, and yet, in this form, he feels connected to him. Sensations and emotions ripple around the edges of his mind, warm inside his chest. Relief, resolve, acceptance, sadness, gratitude, happiness… promise. There’s no trapping here; his freedom is still held. A quiet thought drifts by and he reaches out to take it and hold it close. The sensations fade softly, their connection slowly becoming more one way. But it’s all right. He’s here. Rin’s here.

I don’t know you… but I trust you.

The world’s returned to normal at least. He can see the ground closer now and it’s no longer the dark indigo, but the same shade of pavement as before. Stars return to sakura trees, floating kanji fade their glows to become air whence they came, even the breeze settles down and finally leave the cherry blossoms alone in exchange for natural tumbles. It’s peaceful…

A hand on his head. Oy… For a second, he has the innate desire to both nip it and lean into it. Ultimately, he does neither. Instead, his body relaxes beneath the coat of fur and he dips his head only slightly to shift Rin’s hand to a more comfortable place, moving one leg, then the other, trying out this new form of his. He still feels like himself, Sousuke. The trim athleticism of his human form translates well to the canine figure, a sleek, deep chested creature with strong muscles and a powerful structure. Tall enough that his head’s above Rin’s waist easily. Instinctively he swivels his ears to hone in on the sound of water bubbling nearby… in that direction. But he doesn’t get too far in exploring.

Because someone’s talking.

“You earned it.” Rin doesn’t even look at him and yet he knows the face he’s making. Caught red-handed (but not really caring), Sousuke instinctively flattens his ears a little on either side of that rubbing hand. It’s not that he doesn’t like dogs (and ironically he feels… he doesn’t know, comfortable? … no… but ‘all right’ with this form); it’s more he was a human moments ago. But that hand is still there and he doesn’t want to admit that it feels nice. To be touched, acknowledged. Things he might never have been if he had gone off on his own. He looks up as Rin when the god lowers down in front of him. Face to face… his eyes a lot closer now.

Sousuke twitches a little when Rin puts his other hand on his head and he suddenly finds himself with two hands cupping him, holding him… and—bump—a forehead right against his own. He jerks back a little without thinking about it, one paw lifting up from the ground, but it’s not enough to pull out of his hands or get Rin’s forehead off his own. A little too close there, Rin! But… he’s not moving and Sousuke finds himself eventually, semi-reluctantly, leaning forward. The pressure butts back against the god’s head and Sousuke lets his own eyes close as well. Fine… He can handle this.

Once again, it’s warm.

“If you think so.”

It wouldn't suit Sousuke to wander. It wouldn't suit him to not have a purpose and to be so stagnant. So while he was surprised he agreed to stay after that huge rush of emotion, he couldn't say he felt the same way to him handling this as well as he was. After all, Sousuke didn't need his memories to still hold onto his personality. This stubborn guy, always working and overworking because he could never sit still for long... Rin always found time to call him lazy when he could, sure. But even then he knew that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

I know you don't know me. I know I've burdened you with all this too fast and too soon. ... But thank you.

Thank you for trusting me.

It might have seemed a little silly though, choosing to change him into something as simple and innocent as a dog. After such a powerful display and transformation, anyone would have expected something different. But nothing else would have made sense. Nothing else would have been Sousuke. Strong, yes... but he wasn't destructive. And as his fingers settled more into soft fur, Rin felt that connection between them grow just a little stronger. Stronger and tighter until there were more images to see. More glimpses, more memories, all floating by slowly like lanterns on a peaceful river. Water. Everywhere he looked there was water. Darker, deeper, but slowly fading into crystal blue where the sun shined the brightest. There, he thought. Your happiest memories-- Let me protect them for you.

The soft press in return interrupted the moment, and with lips and eyes trembling, Rin laughed while a few stray tears couldn't help but trail down his cheeks. He wasn't one to focus on or live in the past. He always chose to charge forward and look towards a bigger and better future. But for once... For once he thought he could have stayed here forever.

"... I know so," he muttered before pulling back and ruffling up the fur a little atop Sousuke's head. He wondered how this would work, how both he and a dog could ever hope to come up against whatever foes and shadows this world had to offer, but that didn't really matter. Because he felt it. Being "all right" just like this. At the very least, he could still move and make decisions for himself. He was still stroking between his shinki's ears when that thought hit him and slowly his fingers came to a stop.

"Listen." Behind the tears, his gaze was sincere and soft. "If I could have prevented any of this, I would've done it in a heartbeat. ... I'm sorry it all happened so fast." He swallowed down the lump in his throat then started again. "But you and I-- We're a team now. And I'm going to do whatever it takes--" To bring you back. "--to keep you safe."

Both hands slipped away at that, but one carefully lifted between them, fingers curled inward, knuckles facing Sousuke in a loose fist. A common gesture. Probably silly and immature. There could have been no significance to it at all. ... But it was safe.

"I promise."

Edited 2016-09-20 09:10 (UTC)

Rin wasn’t the only one surprised by it, but by this time, Sousuke’d already accepted the choice. Even if Rin was going to be an emotional mess some of the times. In this form, the salty scent of tears, so close to his face and nose, swept into his lungs. Despite the acrid bitterness, it took a conscious effort (and an obvious, bewildered realization) not to follow instinct—canine instinct, he swore—and swipe his tongue across one of those still-wet trails. He was tolerating the forehead against his own and way Rin was coddling his head in his hands, but licking his cheek?! … No.

It was still confusing to him that he should feel so comfortable to readily trust Rin, some stranger he just met. But with the display of power and his own transformation, at least the notion of “god” and “shinki” and that relationship had abruptly gone from a stubbornly-denied speculation to a very-present reality. He could no more dismiss it as stupid prattling than he could refute his own standing here on all fours wearing a coat of golden tan and black fur. Well… at least seeing the reflection of himself in the water puddles lying around them relieved Sousuke that he hadn’t transformed into something like a Poodle or Chihuahua. If he was going to be a dog, a German Shepherd was a top choice. The name came to him unconsciously and drifted into loom of his mind as it continued to weave this entire time into his slate-blank memory. Rin. Sakura. Water. Rin’s voice. This warmth…

Fingers settling into his fur. He didn’t admit that it felt good. Even if it was still pretty close. He just met this guy; it wasn’t entirely comforting to have his private space invaded so far so easily so suddenly. Ugh. His ears flattened against his head. Maybe he could suck it up to see him cry again if it meant wriggling out of his arms and putting some of that distance between them again. … So much for that. He ruefully glared at his own body because it made no effort to move itself apart from the swivel of his ears.

Only to open his eyes and look upward as the sound of laughter slipped into the air. More tears… but they didn’t hurt as much as the previous ones had. It brought another flow of that scent into his nose, carrying the warmth as well this time. Ugh, did he really have to tell him not to cry again? His god was going to be a handful; Sousuke knew that already.

“Cut it out,” he grumbled as Rin ruffled the top of his head. He averted his gaze, looking as pouting as a dog could. Just because he was in a dog’s form didn’t mean he wanted to be petted and treated like one! Which… made him wonder more. Was he really going to be in this form forever? Was this also part of his new life? He changed into a dog; could he change back? As “all right” as he was accepting it, the memory of standing on two legs and curling his fingers was still extremely fresh in his mind. And that hand still wasn’t stopping… Oh, wait. It did. Finally. Good, because he was starting to get some kind of shivers down his spine and he really didn’t want to end up following that insane urge to lift his head and nuzzle…

Apology. Reminder. Promise. Three things from Rin, carried to him via his voice, still soft and sad. He heard the lump in his throat, present even after swallowing it down. Sousuke kept his silence as hands finally slipped away from his head. But instead of leaving entirely… The shinki tilted his head back in a slight start when Rin presented a loose fist to his face. Obviously it wasn’t a punch. But… I have no idea what that means. He kept the dry comment inside, but it probably showed on his face, head drooped a little and ears still flat, eyes giving Rin a very wry “what?” sort of expression.

But. He promised. Sousuke wasn’t going to consider it nothing. “Ugh. Fine.” He pushed himself forward and walked into a sakura-strewn puddle. Half to try out his new body and half because he was tired of not doing anything. Another breeze picked up, rustling around them and Sousuke paused, lifting his head to the scent of the pink trees around them. Then turned and looked over his shoulder at the god. His god. One more thing he wanted to clear up before they moved on.

“Don’t apologize for any of this.” His being dead, their strange meeting, the sudden pact and partnership, all of that wasn’t Rin’s fault. He already gathered that. Rin… was trying to help. There was nothing wrong or untrue about it. So… he didn’t have to apologize for being true to his heart.

“I understand, Rin.”

Funny. Embarrassing. That one of Sousuke's first new memories would be seeing Rin cry... He wasn't proud of that, but he also knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent it. No matter how strongly he denied and protested, Rin would always be an emotional crybaby. He supposed that would be his image from now on too. A little fragile, a little weak, too touchy, too close. He would have liked to stand up straighter for him, smile and make this closer to how it was when they first met as children. But that was the past. And Sousuke wouldn't remember it anyway. New memories... a future they had to rebuild and accept together. Whatever that would all be, Rin wanted to be ready. He wanted it to work. And if that meant a little bit of crying (or a lot), well... he couldn't do much more than be sorry.

Rin did laugh ago though when Sousuke looked away and tried to get him to stop, because he was happy to see him just as grumpy and difficult as always. It was hard at first, as he recalls, trying to break him out of that shell bit by bit... but it wasn't impossible. Difficult, but not impossible. And anyway, it wasn't like he hated this. He didn't need to be spiritually connected to him to sense that.

But ok. He could stop. And once he did, he honestly could have left it at that. Let them both get up and walk, get used to all this and where they were going to be staying from now on. But no. He had to reach one more time, because obviously his heart just wouldn't rest. Stubborn, hopeful, Rin just had to lift his hand between them and wait. Even before they were acquaintances, at least he knew what this was, right? Maybe he'd catch on. Just this once, this one time. ... But when those eyes narrowed and he ended up pushing forward and past, the very last strand broke and he slowly uncurled his fingers, releasing tension, resigning, letting go.

Of course not, he told himself while that smile faltered and those same shaking fingers came up to briefly cover his face. Even something like this... The one thing we always shared and brought us together time and time again--

"You really did forget..." he whispered to himself in a shuddering, unstable tone. Everything that used to be ours... You and I, us-- Later. He could think about it all later. So after lowering his hand once more, Rin pushed himself up onto his feet and with a bit of a sway managed to catch his balance before he fell back down. No matter how tempting it was, how much he needed to hold onto something for hours if he could, he knew Sousuke wouldn't let him. In front of him, looking back at him, watching him cry from under the summer trees.

Let's go. The race is about to start. ... I want to become true friends with you.

Rin. With you.

"... Sousuke," he said which would prompt the vessel form to break and return his shinki back to how he was. No, he didn't have to stay that way forever. He wouldn't expect him to. And once that was settled, Rin too looked over his shoulder, the smile on his face sad and small, but sincere. "You can look around inside if you want." He tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear just as the wind carried a few tears away from his lashes. "... I need to go lie down."

This memory… Already it had done so much. From wandering his way to a shower of cherry blossoms to the sight of a strange boy running towards him with a face aglow with happiness as he called his name… to seeing everything crumble into such an intense sadness because Sousuke didn’t know him… to the quiet resolve amid such sadness as a partnership was formed and he became Rin’s shinki. You’re a strange person. You cry. You do weird things. You shout. You’re emotional… But you’re strong. That, amid all the other first impressions he got of Rin, stood out the most in its own silent way. It wasn’t hard to see someone’s heart breaking, it wasn’t hard to see them admit defeat and frustration… Yet it was the look in Rin’s eyes that Sousuke knew he would remember the most. Their brilliance, their sorrow, their resolve. You’re strong.

Not that he was going to tell him all of that. Rin was still Rin… who he was only just now seeing. First impressions were just that: impressions. He agreed to stay with this guy, became his shinki. Now he would get to see beyond those impressions. He really hoped it wasn’t going to turn out to be a huge pain for him. Still, Sousuke admitted to himself that he was curious. Both about Rin and about himself. He didn’t feel like the kind of person who would arbitrarily agree to something like this on a whim. He weighed his options. Even if he agreed on the surface because it would stop his tears… he knew below that it was because he wanted to. There’s something about you. I guess I’ll let you lead me until I figure that out.

Maybe he’d even find out what it was Rin was trying to convey with that random fist hanging in the air a moment ago. Sousuke regarded the other boy from his current place a few steps away. When he saw fingers slowly open, his shoulders and body melting a little in resignation… he followed, from his fist to his shoulders to his face. Again? Shaking fingers, a breaking smile, hands covering his face to hide what Sousuke knew were tears. He flattened his ears again and lowered his head, a soft sigh slipping out of his mouth. But he heard his words. Being a dog had its advantages… You really did forget. The sound of it rubbed him wrong and he felt the back of his neck prickle in a mixture of apprehension and irritation. With a snort, he shook his head a few times, trying to clear his mind. This had better not be a big mistake.

Sousuke turned around again, jowls set in a slight frown. But before he could say anything, Rin was moving. Standing up again, tears one more flowing amid the glowing sun sprinkled through the pink branches above them. And his name… That feeling welled up inside him again, a connection that reached from god to shinki. As before, the same light, his name glowing on his right shoulder, appeared and from it spilled another rush of sakura-filled water. It spiraled outward and wrapped around him in multiple ribbons; in far less time than the initial change, the water dispersed in a breaking crest and Sousuke blinked at the sensation. He… he was normal again. Ignoring Rin, he looked down at himself, twisted at the hips, lifted his arms and shifted his weight on his legs. Everything checked out… Well, that answered one question.

He lowered his arms and looked back at the god. His god. “Che…” The wry words about Rin crying again swallowed down his throat. He didn’t need that right now. Not with that sad, small smile resting on his face as Rin looked at him over his shoulder. Sincere… Once again, he was surprised at how readily he felt like he could trust Rin. “Oh.” Look around inside? He looked over to his side, finding the mansion-like castle once more peeking through the sakura grove and gilded gates. It was the only structure inside and he knew Rin was referring to it… but… Sousuke tilted his head towards it.

“You mean you live there?”

And by proxy, he was… going to live there too? He hadn’t even seen the full grandeur of the place and yet he felt something quiver inside. Curiosity, speculation… maybe some excitement. A few minutes ago, he’d been some wandering shinki, lost and alone with no direction or purpose but to exist and know he was dead. But now… because of this guy… Why? That was a question for another time. “All right.” And stepped forward, walking towards Rin.

Lead the way.

Similarly, Rin hoped this wouldn't come back to bite both of them in the ass. He knew they worked well together, but it took a lot of time and patience for that to become reality. So starting over at square one might have worried Rin more than he let on. They were kids back then. It was always easier to get along and make friends and rivals at that age. Now like this-- He didn't want this to be a struggle for either of them. Well. Now that he thought about it, wasn't that a stupid idea? Of course it would be a struggle. Hell, he was struggling right now, barely able to stay standing on his own two feet because his own heart felt so drained. And this place expected him to be a god? How could he protect and fight if this was how they were going to start?

... Would he have to see those memories every day? From this moment on, every time he looked at Sousuke, every time he heard him or sensed him from halfway across the world... would he have to watch him die?

Maybe Sousuke would grow tired of it. He could leave and find someone else to be with if this became too much. But Rin didn't want to think that way. He didn't want to be this negative, this much of a burden. Perhaps for now, at least until he could sort all this rampant thoughts and feelings out, he could put a little distance between them. At least that could give Sousuke the chance to do the same, especially now that he was back in his human form. How fitting, he thought as he studied and admired the way the petals and the water combined and performed a graceful display. A bit delicate for someone like Sousuke--then again, his new name wasn't exactly much different--but, again, in its own way, it still suited him.

He didn't hear that scoff, that being said. Too focused on how he was, what he could be... The marking on his right shoulder to replace the once red and tender skin he could remember so well. It doesn't hurt, does it? Your shoulder, your heart, your mind-- Are you at peace?

Rin softly shook his head after a moment to clear those thoughts and with drooping eyes and that same weak smile he walked on, leading and directing even if his legs felt like jelly. "Both of us will now." Was that supposed to be funny too? Putting them together as a team and now putting them in the same living space... Rin laughed as he tucked his hands into his pockets. Thankfully he was able to change out of his swim gear when he first arrived, so he didn't see why Sousuke wouldn't be able to do the same once they stepped inside. Though speaking of inside-- Looking up at the castle as they approached, Rin couldn't help but feel uneasy. He hadn't explored all of it himself just yet, which, really, wasn't hard to believe considering how spacious this whole place was, but he didn't need to look at everything to feel as if it didn't exactly suit him.

"To be honest, I haven't even figured out where my own bedroom is. I just picked the first bed I found." Isn't that supposed to be your forte? Getting lost? Another smile, this time with a slight hike of his shoulders, before he looked over to see if Sousuke was still close behind, or, as he would hope, beside him. A bit sheepish, "But I, uh-- I can help you look for one for yourself. You can at least get a more comfortable change of clothes." Walking around in a pair of legskins... He wondered just how many looks he got for that.

Edited 2016-09-22 10:11 (UTC)

He was still feeling it. Sousuke saw it in the way Rin’s eyes fell, how he tried to force his smile through. You’re keeping yourself up just because of me, aren’t you. Something twinged in his chest and his expression fell towards a quiet, miffed look. It was uncomfortable, watching someone trying to sacrifice their comfort for his. He didn’t need that kind of thing. He could stand on his own without the coddling. Rin should focus on keeping himself strong, not trying to spread himself too thin because he thought Sousuke needed it. You don’t have to pretend you’re all right around me. Whatever thing decided that they should be paired up was either messed up in the head or knew something both of them didn’t. Right now, as he looked at their relationship, their outset, he was pretty suspicious about whether this was even going to work out.

Unconsciously, his eyes wandered down Rin’s body, lingering on his legs for a moment, before rising again. He didn’t want to deal with the other boy collapsing on him, but he would if he had to. However, Sousuke lost some of the scowl when Rin replied to him. Both of us will now. It… It was a gesture he accepted. Reminding him that he wasn’t some guest or some temporary thing, but that Rin was instead accepting him, wanting him, to come and be a part of that life. And yet as much as he accepted it, Sousuke avoided it. He had no idea why Rin picked him, no idea why his god had cried over him, and no idea if they’d even be staying together for long. What if it didn’t work out? What am I to you? A shinki, yes, a tool, a weapon… a burden? He glanced down at the marking on his shoulder. His name… Yumeki.

But when he looked up, the wet road and gilded fence had changed. Instead of a horizontal track, he came face to face with a grand pathway, surrounded on both sides with blooming sakura trees. The breeze made it seem as if you could actually swim among their dark branches in a sea of pink petals and glittering sunbeams. But as lovely as they were, their decoration and blanketing only served to draw his eyes towards the image they enhanced. A castle… Without thinking, his steps slowed, mind too caught up in the sprawling majesty of the building. Amid its green lawn and golden fences, the structured walls and rows of windows supporting sweeping rooftops, towers and steeples, threatened to take his breath away. He had no dreams, no memories of any… but if he did, surely this would be considered one of them. He felt the urge to back up, uncomfortable with even considering living in such splendor, and the urge to move forward, something inside lighting up with a childish eagerness to rush in and explore.

Apparently the latter won out, because when Rin spoke up again, Sousuke blinked, coming out of his awestruck daze. And found himself walking nigh-beside the other boy, long legs keeping his stride easily. He turned his head only enough to include Rin in the peripheral of his vision, eyes lingering at the corner of his eyelids. “Do you even have a bedroom?” Stupid question to ask when he didn’t even know how Rin got this castle in the first place. He assumed it was because Rin was a god (why else would one single person have such a huge space?). Only to offer a terse breath as Rin sheepishly offered to help him; Sousuke averted his gaze, arms folding silently over his bare stomach.

“Later,” he responded, his voice quiet, but clipped. This guy had already put himself through a lot just being around him and making him his shinki, apparently. I don’t need you to hurt yourself for me. “You’re tired, so go get some rest.” After all, Rin’d said he needed to go lie down. Maybe it was far out of his line to go ordering his god around, but Sousuke didn’t think about that. He agreed to stay, agreed to become Rin’s shinki, but in his eyes, showing clear through the teal gaze, was a firm self-reliance that refused to truly submit so easily. Besides, the notion of the god helping him look around was pretty embarrassing. What, did Rin think he’d get lost or something? He could take care of himself, thanks.

Though, truth be told, he wanted to find some clothes. Sousuke’d be thankful to get out of these clinging legskins. He’d noticed more than a few times the number of people staring at him as he’d woken up on that cold floor back there and gone stumbling off in a daze into this huge, open world. And it hadn’t taken more than a second of sensing to find out he wasn’t even wearing anything under them. They were tight enough that the breeze ghosting by him sometimes made him feel like he was walking around naked. Not to mention his feet hurt… wandering the world without shoes and alternating between sun-warmed stone, breeze-chilled pavement, and wet puddles weren’t doing his legs any favors.

However… when they reached the doorway, the one question still nagging him finally slipped out. “How long have you been here?”

Edited 2016-09-23 03:25 (UTC)

Rin knew Sousuke would be uncomfortable with it. He knew he'd be pissed and might even try to point it out if it continued for too long. But there wasn't much to be done to fix it and he had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn't be able to hide it, much less tone it down. What could he say? This bothered him and it bothered him because this wasn't how they were supposed to be. He didn't want to be responsible for all this power. He didn't want to be told he was all knowing, all important, all wise and strong and everything in between. And most importantly, he didn't want Sousuke to be on uneven ground with him. How else was he supposed to feel? Was he honestly just expected to accept this new reality and pretend it wouldn't tear him apart each and every time he looked at his own best friend and couldn't tell him anything about who they used to be, who they were supposed to be?

Rin wasn't comfortable with this any more than Sousuke was... and just because he had his memories, both of theirs, it didn't mean he was any better. It didn't mean he was luckier.

Suddenly, from within those dark thoughts and emotions came a sudden spark of light which startled Rin and had him raising a hand to his chest as they walked and it wasn't until Sousuke strode up beside him that he knew from where and why it appeared. ... Sousuke was eager. Excited. And maybe if he focused long enough he would be able to see just how brightly his eyes shone as they gazed up at the castle through the petals and the trees. Would it always be that way, he wondered? Would he always be able to feel whatever Sousuke felt just like that? Strange, maybe a little more than evasive... but not an unpleasant sensation at all. So with a sigh he pocketed his hand again and let his eyes wander ahead as well, his lashes cold and still a little damp, but, yes, tear free. Admittedly it was tempting yesterday too, to just run up, throw back the doors and count all the rooms one by one. He thought about how many stairs there would be, if there were any expensive fireplaces or chandeliers, tables and ballrooms. And in hindsight, Rin supposed it wasn't entirely unfitting. After all... this was all pretty romantic, wasn't it?

"I'm sure I do. Just haven't found it." And towards those clipped responses, Rin raised a brow and turned his head towards Sousuke beside him. Huh. Now when did he think he could try and boss him around? He didn't say anything at first, but after a few beats he glanced down at their feet, back up to the pathway-- And picked up his footsteps a bit with a confident stretch of his legs. Yeah, he might have been wobbling a little earlier and he probably wasn't in the right state to walk faster, but that didn't matter. "I'm not that tired," he quipped just before they finally reached the grand entryway. Up close, the castle might have seemed more imposing based on sheer size alone. But the windows were clean, not a stone was out of place, and as soon as Rin stepped near, the large wooden doors slowly swung open in invitation. He could have done that himself. But no matter. Figuring out the ins and outs of how this massive estate functioned would have to wait until tomorrow. Until then, Rin nudged his head, gesturing for Sousuke to follow him into the entrance hall, where gold trim and red carpet stood bold and bright against polished white marble and a bubbling fountain beneath the crystal chandelier.

He already ventured beyond the foyer, between the twin stairs, right into the grand salon, and he already had a fair enough peek into the library down the left hall, but beyond that (aside from the one bedroom he all but collapsed in upstairs), the rest remained more or less a mystery. Needless to say though, that while this place was extravagant and even a little daunting, it was bright and offered more than enough space for the two of them to live comfortably.

"I only just got here yesterday," Rin finally replied once the doors shut behind them. And like it or not, he started walking towards the right stair case with all intentions of taking Sousuke along with him. "Come on. Keep up."

Sousuke glanced to Rin. His chest… Why was he holding his chest again? A gentle nudge against the back of his lips and he parted them before holding back the question and swallowing it. Rin already said he was all right; Sousuke didn’t believe him, but would badgering the other boy help any? He knew what he was doing, even if Sousuke didn’t agree with it. He let his lips slide shut again and moved forward with a soft hum in answer. Hadn’t found his own room yet… but if Rin’d just arrived here yesterday, he couldn’t fault him too much for it. This place was massive and if his own first day had any weight in his opinion, it wasn’t a surprise Rin hadn’t felt like exploring all over the house. What was one bed compared to another for a night?

He didn’t miss that look though. Arched brow, a little taken aback but curious. Hn, something told him they might see more of those between them. I’m not that tired. A black brow arched of his own and he looked at Rin, lips in a frow frown because he totally wasn’t buying that. Did Rin forget he’d just watched him stumble and struggle to stay upright, that he’d just listened to him say he needed to go lie down? I told you, you don’t need to push yourself for me. But as much as he wanted to protest, growl at him, maybe even push him off towards a bedroom (not that he had any idea what direction that could be), he held his tongue. Rin was a god, all powerful, right? He should know his own limits, right? He wouldn’t try to do something beyond them… right?

Sousuke closed his eyes as he looked away from Rin, resigning himself for the time being as the mental Do whatever you want came clear through his heavy, quiet sigh. Whatever. He was too distracted by the castle itself to keep fighting him on it. The doors swung open as they approached and nary a groan or creak, but instead a smooth motion that welcomed in the breath of cherry blossoms and exhaled a soft scent of its own. Stone, water, clean… They came to him as he breathed, wandered around his body as he stepped through the threshold of the castle. Where he’d be living from now on… where they’d be living.

Barefoot steps brushed over the luxurious spread of red carpet, trimmed in gold, and he didn’t stop himself from shuffling his steps a little. Feeling the rich material brush the soles of his feet and slip between his toes. It was a welcome relief from wandering around the unforgiving pavement outside and his shoulders drooped a little in obvious respite. The rest of the estate was quite to swallow him up. From the sakura-groved lawn to the imposing stone walls with their clean, strong windows rising upward, the entire outside had already seized his attention. But now the interior… it was impressive. More than. White marble shone beneath the sunlight and he followed some of the darker wisps running through the stone. Romantic. That’s the word that came to his mind as he took in the grand foyer. Strong and romantic.

Keep up. Sousuke broke his staring and looked over his shoulder towards the god again. Ordering him around already, huh? He furrowed his brows and set his lips in a firm, unconscious pout of annoyance at getting talked to like that. But… the doors closed behind him and the other boy was heading for one of the stair cases already. “Ugh,” Sousuke grumbled. Rin was determined to give him a tour, apparently. So he pushed off the carpet, glancing upward to the chandelier and the fountain filling the front area of the castle with its splashing and merriment. “If you fall over somewhere, I’m not picking you up.” And stepped onto the stair case to follow him.

Still. “… this suits you.” And gave a quiet tilt of his head to indicate the area, the castle, all of it. Maybe not the size, not the scope, but the colors, the atmosphere. A strong, romantic... maniac.

Of course he remembered what he told him. He needed to lie down, he needed to take a few hours to recharge and center himself. But he didn't want Sousuke thinking this was something major. He didn't need him to focus on Rin and feel skeptical or concerned. Because it was just as Sousuke thought: he was a god in this place, and aside from his usual stubbornness and pride, he should have been physically capable of holding himself up just fine. Over time he'd figure out exactly where his limits and barriers lied, but for now he wanted to believe he could handle this. Walking like this, making sure his best friend wouldn't get himself lost-- He could handle that just fine.

This is nothing compared to what you've done for me.

Once they reached the top of the stairs, Rin walked through the tall archway where the maroon carpet divided left and right into a wide hall. There were several doors on each end as well as matching regal decor in the same white and gold scheme. Large paintings hung from the walls, each one different from the last but somehow never clashing in style. Flowers, skylines, angels and seascapes one after the other. Relatable to his god probably, but certainly not to himself. Right?

Scoffing, Rin took the right wing. "I won't fall over," he said, perhaps a touch cocky. That's something you would say, isn't it? "And if you end up stuck in a doorway, I won't help you get out." Not like he could, but, hey. Sousuke wasn't exactly a little guy. Who knew? Maybe there was a particularly narrow crawl space around here somewhere he could wander into and accidentally trap himself in. He chuckled softly at the image before raising a brow in question. Suits him?

"What makes you say that?" Another laugh and this time a wider smile to go with it. It felt comfortable talking just like this, he felt. ... Maybe they didn't need memories to be just as they were before. "You've only known me for less than an hour, you know."

For all the glamor of the castle, he can’t completely keep himself from glancing over to Rin every now and then. Taking note of him. What was the way he walked? Did he have a swing in his step or did he seem to drag at all? How high did he hold his head? Was he looking straight in front of him, around at the castle, or was he looking down, showing exhaustion in his eyes? Did his shoulders remain strong and back or did they slump as his arms hung? It bothered him that he should even care so much in the first place. This guy said he was tired, that he needed to lie down, and then changed his mind in exchange for giving Sousuke a tour of the castle? Who was Sousuke to challenge his strength and say he wasn’t feeling up to the task? Rin was allowed to change his mind as often as he wanted, right? If he wanted to sacrifice for him, he should let him. He didn’t control Rin; Rin was free.

Are you sure you’re all right?

It was still there. Sousuke sighed inwardly at himself. He tried to shove the thoughts away and focus more on the castle. The tour. The top of the stairs that branched into elevated archways and maroon carpets. Actually… did Rin even know where he was going? “We might get lost. You haven’t explored this place either,” he reminded as he switched his gaze from the window back to Rin. So many doors… What did they lead to? Paintings passed by and he found himself quietly getting lost himself. Flowers and skylines were nice, angels being an interesting choice… but the seascapes were the ones that captivated him. Crashing waves, white beaches, flying seagulls, the foam of the ocean playing over the sandy shores…

…and a sunset sky.

He paused in the hallways, eyes lifted to the painted that reached above them. The sun turning the waves a deep blue, the sky golden and orange with the clouds teetering between brown and yellow. A horizon that was at once an infinite blaze of light and a finite cut between the ocean and the sky. Sousuke found himself gazing at it for a long time. As if somehow he might be able to see something on the other side of the horizon…

… fall over. The shinki blinked, stumbling back into the conversation with a quick shake of his head. Rin’s cocky voice called him and he glanced once more at the picture before turning away, head lingering on his neck until finally physical law forced him to look away. The spell broke almost instantly and he scowled at Rin as he walked over to join him again. “And if you get lost in your own castle, I’m not going to come find you,” he tossed back, missing his pockets again and glaring down at his hands for a moment. Ugh, he needed pants. … different pants.

But the question… earned a quiet, thoughtful look off towards the walls. The windows. The castle. Why did he say such a thing? It suits you. “I know,” he murmured, voice tinged off in thought. He didn’t know Rin much, at all even. Only a first impression that wasn’t very flattering on the one side. And yet… he’d seen more than a crybaby and a romantic. He’d seen a strong, brave person to. He’d seen his heart break and seen him put it back together. Now he saw him move forward, keeping those feelings Sousuke knew were still there inside. Moving forward because of him… “I’m not sure,” he said, voice less soft and more nonchalant.

“It’s romantic, maybe egotistical. Proud,” he added with a little scoff. But then it softened a little. “But it’s open.” With its windows and light, its richness and the sakura outside in view every time he looked through the glass. The sound of the fountain splashing, the breath of the wind.

“It feels free.”

Rin walked with purpose and direction, and even if he didn't know exactly where he was going, he had a goal in mind, and that was all he needed to keep going. His steps were broad, confident and steady, his shoulders were squared and he seemed fairly comfortable to be in his own skin. ... That being said, it wasn't obvious, at least to anyone not paying close attention, the myriad of emotions eating away at him from the inside out. But Rin was used to this. Sad as it was to say, this face and this facade used to be second nature to him just a few years ago. His host family would ask him how he was every day after he walked home alone from school. They brought him to the water, to the sea, to all the places that reminded him so much of home. And yet behind his smile, something was always wrong... Something was always missing. So as the two of them walked quietly, their footsteps soft and shadows cast long behind them, yes, Rin held himself as anyone would want to see. Powerful, strong, stable.

I'm fine... For you, I'll be fine.

"We won't. I have a great sense of direction." He tried to be lighthearted about it--teasing Sousuke wouldn't have made sense anyway--and anyway, he wasn't lying. Getting around school campus and big cities was never a feat for Rin. Exploring and finding new things was just a big part of who he was. Within a week, maybe he'd have this whole place memorized. Maybe by then it would feel a little bit more like a place to live. ... He wanted to be hopeful, more than anything.

Halfway through that thought though, Rin noticed the stalled steps beside him and turned to look and see the other boy focused on one of the paintings they passed, set in an elaborate white frame. He paused himself in wait, but where he expected Sousuke to break away and follow, he stayed instead, still focused and studying, eyes curious, unblinking...

Actually, I’m quite worried about Sousuke. I mean, you changed school in elementary, and then left for Australia next. ... Sousuke was really lonely afterwards.

... Is that what he looked like, he wondered? Lost just like this but searching. Even if what Kisumi told him was fake and overdramatic-- Did he ever look at the sea just as Rin did on the other side? Of course he knew it would have been easy just to peek at a memory and know. He could have gone as far back as he wanted and replayed any memory in the blink of an eye. But, as tempting as it was, Rin decided against it and in the end turned his attention towards the side and nothing in particular. It didn't feel right, knowing everything about Sousuke inside and out, because even if they used to know each other better than anyone else, there were always certain things they never told and respected. If Sousuke never mentioned it, then there was a reason for that, wasn't there?

... find you. Rin lifted his head then and once Sousuke rejoined him his lips pulled into a small but quick smile. "Like you'd be able to find me anyway." Normal. Comfortable. Just stay in this moment, Rin. Focus.

He turned the corner up ahead, revealing another hallway with a smaller flight of stairs at the very end. He hadn't made it this far just yet, but if there was any time to do that, it might as well be now. So on he walked, passing each window and stepping into each ray of sunlight... head lifted but eyes focused towards the ground. Why did he ask him? Why did he ask him if he knew it would hurt him so much? But it couldn't have been a coincidence, could it? For Sousuke to say those little things-- Rin shook his head once and mentally berated himself. Was he really this hopeless, this desperate? Of course Sousuke didn't know him. He had nothing to go on, no memories, no nothing. Just assumptions. Guesses.

Now it was his turn to pause, his head turned towards a large window, his body drenched in brilliant yellow sunlight... eyes quivering, damp, but refusing to concede. How could you know? There's no way for you to know. ... You don't know who I am.

He doesn't know who I am!

Rin swallowed down the lump in his throat, let it sink into his chest and stomach and leave him feeling heavy, before finally turning back and laughing weakly as he forced himself to walk just a little faster. As if it was a funny joke. As if Sousuke gave it his best shot but might have slipped up here and there. Romantic. Proud. Free... There's no way he could have known. He had to believe that.

"You're perceptive," he said with another laugh to try and cover himself up, his voice echoing slightly once they reached the end of the hall and started to climb the little staircase. ... But he didn't look at him this time. He couldn't. They just had to find a room, their rooms, and this could be over. A goal, something to focus on. I'm fine, I said I would be fine. "All that from me just... being like this?" An awkward gesture to himself and another laugh, a little more forced, a little less natural... less fine. But they were up the stairs again and moving, and he could sense this was the right way. It had to be.

"Maybe later on you'll figure out if you're right." B-but enough about that. They could cover that later... and over time if he was lucky enough. So after clearing his throat, Rin walked straight into the next hall, turning his head left and right a little more frantically to make sure he wouldn't miss a single door. No... Not that one. Couldn't be that one either. Dammit, did there have to be so many rooms in this place? All he needed was one! Er. Two in this case, he supposed. "Hn. Even just a house would have been fine... Oy, Sousuke, don't lag behind, ok? If you want new pants, you'll have to stay right beside me!" Good. Right. Casual. Off topic and casual.

Edited 2016-09-25 06:42 (UTC)

Sousuke didn’t quite trust the other boy’s expression at the moment. Though Rin said he was fine, was obviously leading him through the castle on his self-guided tour, was he really all right? Each time, that thought came back to him. The window captured his attention and he gazed at the mixture of strong, wrought iron and clear glass perfectly fitting the stone frame. He turned away and found himself glancing at Rin again. Another painting passed by him and he turned to look at it, wonder why this guy would have such a romantic scene surrounded by a gilded portrait. He didn’t ask, but upon leaving the picture, flicked his eyes to the young god. What was behind this door, were they going to look inside it, or were they just going to walk past without… apparently they were walking past it. And he once more took note of Rin’s positioning and how he walked through the sun-soaked halls. So much so that it came to bother him inside. What in the world was he being so concerned about? Why did he care whether or not Rin ran himself into the ground out of stubbornness or pride? Rin was his god, yes, but Sousuke wasn’t his personal caretaker.

So why does your smile not reach your eyes?

A small scoff slipped out. “I’m relieved.” Leave it to Rin to wonder if he was being sincere or sarcastic. But he trusted him to at least make a path for them to follow. He went where Rin went, from one hall to the next, through another archway, past rows of windows. Wandering. They were wandering. In a way, Rin was right. It was impossible to get lost if you didn’t have any idea where you were doing in the first place. Which… Sousuke guessed was okay for a tour where neither of them had the time to get familiar with the structure. ~~It was most definitely not some kind of bonding experience.~~

Even after he found himself returning from getting lost in that sunset sky, his eyes took another onceover, as if there was something he might be able to see in Rin that the other boy simply didn’t want to admit. He shoved the thought aside again and focused on the smile and those words—Ugh, should’ve stayed lost in the painting if this is what he came back to. “I could find you without a problem,” Sousuke shot back with a frown, head lifting some to make that comment sink in. Yeah, take that.

The carpet skimmed under his toes again as he followed the other boy round the corner. Another hallway. Another flight of stairs. More wandering. His legs were tired and his feet, despite the luxurious carpet, still ached from the walking and running earlier. Once or twice he found himself lingering just to scuff over the rugs, wondering if he could just sit down for a bit… But then something else would catch his attention and he’d be up once more, moving forward to look at a mirror or out another window. The rays of sunlight began to mingle between silent clock ticking, second chiming each time a ray washed over Rin’s back, and a soporific metronome. Maybe Rin wasn’t the only one who could use a rest… Sousuke pushed himself forward, not at all willing to consider something like that. Especially not after making such a deal about Rin’s state.

He paused mid-step when Rin stopped. Once again, he was looking at him, taking in not only his body, but the way the sunlight… did things. Drenching him in a halo of glowing gold, took the light in his eyes and flashed like rubies shaking under a thin surface of water. Sousuke wasn’t sure if Rin was surprised or if something else happened. Something that brought back memories of that moment an hour ago out there in front of the mansion. A broken heart amid the sakura trees.

Rin couldn’t hide that even if he was two meters away from him. The lump in his throat slid down visibly as the cords in his neck flexed and pulled taut from the weight of it. It wasn’t a normal swallow; that was easy to see. Before he could comment though, Rin was turning away from him and a weak laugh floated out behind him. But it was only due to Sousuke’s tired legs that he really noticed the way their pace picked up. Rin was walking faster… He’d offered him his answer based on what he thought; that was all. So why was it having this kind of affect?

Sousuke frowned at the compliment. Yeah, he was. And he was noticing something else too. That cover up. He took the first step silently, following after Rin as they ascended the staircase. There was no glancing backwards from the god before him. Wouldn’t be with the way his shoulders and neck were so tense like that. As if he was determined not to look over his shoulder and see him. His eyes lidded, their teal gaze sharpening in the gentle shadows of the twisting steps. Yes. All this. This caslte is romantic. Your proud and strong. As for ‘free’… well, Sousuke’d admit he didn’t really know why he said that word. He was a shinki bound to Rin; that wasn’t exactly free… though if it was true that shinki couldn’t survive without a god binding them, maybe it was. Ugh, stop thinking about that!

That laugh, verging on strange and forced, earned a slight twitch at the corner of Sousuke’s upper lip. Okay this was getting ridiculous. He stepped off the stairs onto the landing and moved forward, picking up some speed along the way. Turning another corner—Rin was swerving! Going from left to right like he was searching for something a lot more desperately than before. Don’t talk to me in that kind of voice, damn you. The notion about lagging behind, about pants, all of it went out the window and the shinki shoved forward.

In one motion, he caught onto Rin’s wrist, planted his foot to the ground to haul him to a stop, and then abruptly drew him backwards and to the side in a firm, but controlled spin. ‘Thud!’ Wood rattled as the young god’s back hit the door and Sousuke slammed his forearm and fist against the sturdy door above Rin’s head. Shadow swallowed the small space between them, from the door’s arching frame alcove and Sousuke’s tall body leaning over Rin and blocking the sunlight. Teal eyes narrowed onto the red, threatening, angry, intense. Sousuke didn’t know it, but Rin was definitely going to feel the icy irritation welling inside the shinki’s body.

“Stop it.” His voice dropped to a steely quality, quiet and hard. “I don’t know what’s driving you, but don’t ever try to sacrifice yourself for me.” Fingers tightened, the side of his hand shifting against the door above Rin’s head. “You’re pushing yourself right now.” He heard it in his voice, saw it in the way he refused to look at him, felt it in the way that stupid laugh was so forced and unnatural. “Because of me.”

Sousuke breath came out silent and dark. “Now tell me. If my being here is a problem; spit it out now and we can be done with it.”

I won't allow you to hurt yourself because of me.

He wished it felt more natural to speak to Sousuke like this. Each one of their little quips and teases, snide remarks and grumbles-- That was all normal for them, after all. And yet behind those words, Rin knew... there was nothing there. Sousuke wouldn't know why he said what he did and for all Rin knew, he would take one of his own responses the wrong way. Yeah, this was how Sousuke was normally. This was how he was before they were even rivals. Rin knew that better than anyone. But back then, it was easier to accept. It was easier to pester and mess with him without worry because they were kids. Would he have to relearn everything, he wondered? Or was he just overthinking it?

In the end, Rin said nothing to those comments and barely acknowledged them with little more than a glance. He was just... tired. They were both tired. And the sooner he found someplace for them to rest, the sooner he could put all this behind him and focus more on how to proceed. Not right now. They couldn't waste time being slow and talking right now. Every second they spent lingering opened up more and more opportunities for questions and emotions he didn't want to deal with all at once. This did feel normal at first. He thought-- He thought it would feel just like the two of them again. Ok, in a way it did, but that's what bothered him. It was getting too familiar, too close... and from a god and shinki standpoint, that wasn't supposed to happen. Right?

We aren't like that anymore. And maybe we shouldn't be, because otherwise something might happen to jeopardize your safety. Was this a bad idea? Was I too quick to find you and drag you into this mess? Dammit, pick up the pace--!

But with a sudden spike of pain in his chest--cold and numb, like being tossed into a frozen pool--Rin's footsteps abruptly stopped and with a quick twist and turn he found himself stumbling back straight into a door. Caught off guard by the icy sensation, he didn't register the hand on his wrist at first, but a beat later and with darkness quickly blocking out the sun, Rin's pupils dilated--he's holding me--and flickered upward to meet Sousuke's glaring right back. ... Ah. So that's where it came from. Unwavering, bright, intense.

You're angry.

And of course, just as with everything else, even those words seemed to mock him and leave his heart begging for relief. After all, they were here before, exactly like this, with green light glowing ominously from the trees and darkness crowding them from every angle. He remembered that same sound--thud--his own fingers grabbing and shoving with his anger... Sousuke yelling at him, holding him, tightening his fingers and pulling him in just as close, exactly like this. But that was another memory, one he didn't ask to revisit or replay moment to moment, and as soon as Sousuke's voice lowered, Rin broke eye contact completely to try and find somewhere else to focus. ... But all he could see was him. Forward, left, right. He could feel the frustration in his calloused fingers, sense his irritation piercing him straight through his frantically beating heart, and the memories-- The godforsaken memories wouldn't stop coming.

The relay isn't for me. The smell of chlorine. A younger Rin standing in front of him with his swim cap in his hand. I don't like losing because someone else messed up, or having to share the win with everyone else. A flash of red, Rin reaching, pulling, screaming.

Without thinking and in a moment of panic, Rin fumbled around with his free hand, and as soon as he felt the right grooves at his fingertips he pushed down, held on, and shoved himself backward as the door swung wide open into a brightly lit bedroom. He used the momentum to his advantage and yanked Sousuke inside as well, and by the time he was done and left panting, the whirlwind finally subsided long enough for him to find his voice.

"Stay!" he exclaimed, though his voice shook and came out as more of a plea than anything else. It didn't make sense, of course it didn't, and it contradicted everything he said about wanting to keep his distance. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to regret it even if he tried to force it. Because he made him a promise. He found him, chose him, branded him even knowing all this would come back to stab him where he hurt the most. ... There was a problem, yes. But that wasn't Sousuke's fault.

"... Just stay."

Even if it hurts.

He didn’t know what to expect. Some kind of retort, a divine intervention, hell maybe a burst of wind and cherry blossoms everywhere since that seemed to happen so regularly around Rin while they had their meeting outside. He might not know all that much about gods and shinki, but wouldn’t it be seen as rude, disrespectful, dangerous even, to so forcefully manhandle his god? The person who owned him, branded him, who could command and change him as he saw fit. And here Sousuke was, grabbing him by the arm and all but slamming his back against the nearest door out of a spur of irritation and frustration. His heartbeat spiked in his chest, his breath momentarily caught, muscles hardening as he instinctively braced for anything that might rush against him from Rin’s reaction.

But… nothing. Only the fading echo of the other boy’s body thudding against the door and the memory of the handle rattling slightly from the impact. Sousuke narrowed his eyes and he tightened his hand around Rin’s wrist. Not enough to hurt him, but not indicating he’d be so easily shaken off. The light from the windows was cut off in the shadows, covering Rin’s body with his own and the door’s alcove in such a way it seemed to swallow him. He saw his pupils blow open wide, the way his eyes flicked upward to stare into his own. Fear? Surprise? Frustration? What… what was in his eyes?

Of course he was angry! He didn’t have any real idea what or who he was supposed to be in this world, was trying to adjust and parse through the multifaceted information that strangers had thrown at him yesterday, struggled with coming to terms about being a shinki beneath a god, and still half-reeling from the transformation earlier that all-but stripped away any lingering haze of denial he might’ve been able to throw at this damn event! All of that coupled with the emotional issues that Rin was dealing with and putting Sousuke through at the same time. He wanted to be angry with him, wanted to find it in his head to regret accepting this deal, to let go and turn away in frustration as he headed right for the door and back out onto the streets.

But he didn’t. Oh he was angry at Rin. But not because he’d claimed Sousuke as his shinki, not because he turned him into a dog, not even because he’d cried in front of him in front of the gates. He was pissed because... you keep pushing yourself and you won’t tell me why! He wanted Rin to finally snap, to finally spit out whatever it was that made him clutch at his chest or laugh in that stupid, false way. Yell at me, curse, shout why you have to force yourself to keep going! Hadn’t he already told Rin to go lie down? Hadn’t Sousuke already told him he was fine and he didn’t have to worry about him? He knew Rin wasn’t feeling well right now, was struggling with something that maybe he couldn’t tell Sousuke. Fine! Say that then! But don’t keep pretending to be okay and expect me to believe that lie!

But he didn’t. Sousuke heard the scramble of fingers on wood and the soft ‘click’ of a lock being lifted, both too fast and sudden for him to try and stop it. The door swung open and he winced as light plunged over Rin’s shoulders and smacked him right in the face. He stumbled forward as Rin shoved backwards, doing some kind of awkward dance in an attempt not to fall over and not to knock the young god to the floor. But his arm abruptly went forward and he grunted in surprise as Rin yanked him into the room. He went. Ultimately ended up in a strange half-lunge position with his hand still wrapped tight around Rin’s wrist and his body tense from the sudden whirl of action.

Stay!

Sousuke jerked upright and stared at Rin, mouth hanging open halfway in a look of surprise. The command—no, plea—rung through the air in a voice that shivered despite its intensity. The shinki’s jaw set and flexed beneath the light tan of his skin and his lips twitched just slightly, as if he wanted to bare his teeth and growl, but was doing a fair job of holding the reaction back. The same kind of feeling came from before, when he’d stood there in the wet and the sakura, watching Rin with his tears and listening to his words. Even after all that, his distrust and speculation, Rin’s emotions and the confusion that twined taut between them, his own words drifted back to his mind, as permanently imprinted on his memories as the name etched into the curve of his shoulder. Fine. I’ll stay. He’d said that… hadn’t he.

A small part of him, detached from all the rest of this, was a little piqued that Rin would give that kind of command after turning Sousuke into a dog…

… Just stay.

And there it came again. Sousuke narrowed his eyes, lips pressing into a disappointed and irritated pout. This guy… honestly. And he wasn’t getting an answer to his demand either. Only another plea for him to stay. A plea, order, request, command… that he was apparently going along with. Sousuke released Rin’s wrist, letting their arms fall apart. His expression didn’t change, still frustrated. Finally, with a sharp “che-” of annoyance, Sousuke turned away from the other boy and headed towards the window. That icy feeling in Rin’s chest relinquished some of its stab, but instead dissolved into something warmer, heavy, and turbulent. Distanced. He didn’t stop until he was standing in front of the window and leaned his marked shoulder against the sill. Teal eyes glared out into the sakura grove covering the landscape around the castle and he crossed his arms over his chest, his broad shoulders and the expanse of his back blocking out the other boy by the door

“Maybe you can’t tell me what’s bothering you. Or you won’t. I don’t know.” He refused to look at Rin, focused on the trees outside so he didn’t risk the chance of seeing him in the reflection of the glass. “But stop pretending you’re fine around me. I know you’re not.” Strange to think this was their relationship after deciding to accept one another as god and shinki. This was his partner from now on… Yeah well no one said it was going to be instantaneously best friends. “Go lie down and rest.”

The silent undercurrent of his tone and the abrasiveness of his position conveyed the other comment fairly easily: I’m not talking to you anymore for now.

He wondered if he supposed to act defensively. No one gave him the rules to this, no one told him a shinki could rebel or refuse, even just act out whenever they wanted to. But even without that knowledge, Rin knew he wasn't in any position to be afraid. Rin was a stranger, yes, but he still knew Sousuke and he knew him better than anyone else. Even like this-- This was the most he'd ever do. So what reason did he have to be defensive? It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault he forgot, it wasn't his fault for wandering... for dying. So he pulled him into the room, steadied himself and balanced their weight to keep them from toppling over, because he felt awful and didn't know what else to do. He said he'd protect him, help him in any way he could, but what did that even mean? Where was he supposed to start?

I know you better than anyone, but can I really know how to do this?

Once inside, Rin didn't look up, but he didn't try to slip his hand away either. He simply gave them a moment to breathe, to relax, to dispel the icy chill crystallizing and blooming in his chest. Of course he was angry. And maybe he'd be angry for a long time after this. But I can't tell you. If I tell you why-- I don't even know what will happen, but what if it's bad? What if it comes back to harm you? The growing apprehension held Rin's silence until finally his arm lowered and Sousuke's shadow faded from sight. Light, he thought, relieved and breathing, fingers absently touching his wrist before dropping back to his side. Warm, heavy... but drenched in light. ... So he was going to stay. Begrudgingly maybe. But he would stay nonetheless.

Well... he supposed if there was any place to stay, it would be here in this room, which Rin could finally glance over and silently scrutinize while Sousuke stood before the window. A single bed, black and gold velvet curtains, dressers and a mirror all made of rich cherry wood... an open view of the sea of pink trees fluttering and standing tall in the breeze. A little extravagant as usual, but it would do. And maybe in a way it even suited him.

Of course you'd be standing all the way over there. Shielding yourself, blocking me out.

Unconsciously Rin's eyes wandered over Sousuke's back. Every hill and valley, slope and turn, until they led him straight to his shoulder where that name stood bold against his tanned skin. No longer red, hopefully no longer aching, but still covered and clinging to a dream even here. His brows furrowed slightly at the thought and the look in his eyes turned sharp and cold. ... This same boy with his back to him, once held a deep, heavily guarded secret. He lied to him, didn't even trust him, and now here Rin was mirroring exactly that. Was this how it felt, he wondered? Like a constant, violent storm rocking and battering a tiny, fragile boat. Could this honestly be what this world expected him to harbor for as long as he lived? Why didn't you just tell me, Sousuke? If this is how it felt all that time, why didn't you just tell me?

Blood rushed through his veins, quick and hot, and without any effort the blossoms in the grove below began to still. His fingers ached, eyes stung, but the one thing on his mind was his own voice, chained up, locked away but desperate to call out to the boy across the room. If he only looked at him, he could tell him. If he just turned his head, he could show him. But just as the temperature in the room bloomed along with the phantom scent of roses, Rin blinked, shook his head, and everything abruptly returned to as it was. Whatever invisible aura consuming him retreated back into his chest and he did his best to contain it, to keep it from reaching Sousuke and his thoughts in the glow of the sun. This power... He didn't understand it. But it was so strong, so intoxicating.

I wanted to see you smiling at me.

"... You're right," he finally replied, his tone tired and weary, done. "I've got a lot on my mind. But I need time to figure out what I can and can't tell you." He turned and walked back towards the door, and just before stepping out into the hall, a single cherry blossom petal fluttered behind him to settle softly on the windowsill. "I know you're upset. And I know you have no reason to trust me..." A brief glance over his shoulder-- "But I'll be waiting for you."

--And he was gone.

Silence. Seconds of it. If he was being immature, he had an excuse for it. The start of this day, coupled with yesterday, his new life, his new role, could he really be expected to be so eager and calm about it? But… despite his frustration and frown, a small pang lanced through his chest as Rin spoke. Agreeing with him, and yet his voice was so drained, so tired. Sousuke knew he was the reason for it. Not all of it, but some of it. Behaving like this, demanding answers from Rin that the other boy probably couldn’t even give him, literally turning his back on him. He listened though. Listened to that exhausted tone admitting—finally admitting—that he wasn’t as ready to go as he’d been trying to pretend.

Both of them had a lot on their mind, though he wasn’t sure he liked the idea of what Rin could and couldn’t tell him. Unfortunately, he expected it. Rin’s moments of silence over their brief hour together pretty much confirmed it. And he remembered from yesterday that gods retained their memories, while shinki didn’t. Sousuke tilted his head to the side, letting it clunk gently on the window frame, the cool stone leaking its chill against his scalp. Footsteps retreated, the door opened, and a flash of pink wisped along the bottom peripheral of his vision. I’ll be waiting for you. Sousuke tightened his fingers around his biceps, eyes narrowing at the sea of pink resting outside the window. The ones that seemed so in tune with Rin’s emotions. You’re upset too. The door closed and he was alone.

It was a long, long time he stayed there. His mind was busy, troubled, spinning around in a maelstrom of confusion and frustration. He wanted to be angry, he was angry, but whether it was at Rin, at himself, at this world, he didn’t know anymore. Probably some of everything. What was true and what was false remained to be seen, but regardless of Rin’s lies, regardless of Sousuke not fading away through the night, regardless of this world promising and threatening shinki like him… the truth of the matter was, Rin helped him. Even now, when he looked at the mark, his name, branded on his shoulder, that help was there. Sousuke could have kept wandering, could have stayed by himself. Who knows what would’ve happened. He could’ve been completely fine. Or he might have vanished entirely.

But despite Sousuke’s brusque attitude and his words, Rin contracted him all the same. It was more than being a servant or a partner. He wasn’t blind enough to not see the power Rin had given him. Beyond that, Rin trusted him. He gave him a place to stay. Took him in and was intent on taking care of him for all Sousuke knew. He pushed himself beyond his discomfort to give the shinki a tour around his castle, even when he felt like a wreck. No, it wasn’t ideal and he still didn’t like the fact he had to rely on Rin. But… nothing Rin ever did gave Sousuke reason to doubt him. Even that lie was a petty matter, merely Rin trying to be kind to him. And Sousuke’d treated him like it was some grave offense. He frowned at himself again, remembering the dismissive tone he took before they parted. You just wanted me to be all right. That was the simple truth here, wasn’t it.

They might not be best friends right off the bat; they’d probably fight more. But…If you decide to pair up with a God, they'll be really lucky to be with you and I hope that they'll appreciate you. Makoto’s words came back; of course they’d come back. Time passed, frustrations slowly lessened, giving him time to think and work through these strange things. It was embarrassing and much of that cold anger and turbulent frustration faded away into a heavy guilt. He should’ve been more appreciative for what Rin was doing. He didn’t even know Sousuke, and yet he obviously cared for him. Didn’t help matters that his time away from Rin only rubbed other facts in even more. Rin was frustrated too; he probably didn’t know any more than Sousuke about this place (after all, hadn’t he arrived yesterday as well). Rin had his memories to deal with also, though the thought made Sousuke feel sick again and he quickly avoided pursuing that track. But through all of that… Rin reached for him, made him his shinki, gave him strength and purpose, gave him a place to stay and someone to be with. He didn’t doubt that Rin would protect him. And even if Sousuke was proud and self-reliant… it was pretty rude to get pissed at someone for trying their hardest to help you.

Hours passed before he finally pushed away from the window sill. The sun was already beginning to crawl towards the horizon, casting deepening light through the window on the other side of the castle this time. The single cherry blossom rested in Sousuke’s hand; he’d been unwilling to brush it away or leave without it. Of course, without pockets, the only other option was to put it into the waist of these leggings but… no. He kept it in his hand as he stepped out of the room and into the hallway. He wanted to find him…

But he got lost. For hours. Wandering the castle, through halls, up and down stairs, wondering where the hell he was even going! Of course he had no idea which direction Rin had gone when he left. No idea which room he was in. Of course there was no map either and he even embarrassed himself to the point of getting pink under his cheeks when he stood still and tried to “feel” where Rin might be. Ultimately, he got tired and began the process of elimination. Sousuke went from door to door and opened them. One after another. Started at one halfway and stuck to the left-hand wall. Like finding his way through a maze. He’d been more than relieved to hear the sound of the fountain and find himself back by the grand front doors again. But, that didn’t mean he found Rin. Off he went again, up the stairs (dreading the fact that this place had multiple floors too). But it gave him more time to think, more time to feel guilty and foolish for his actions, more time to calm down. It wasn’t until nigh-nightfall that Sousuke finally the door.

No, he had no idea Rin was behind it. All he’d done was silently move the handle and open the door just as quietly. But… it was obvious from the moment he looked into the room that he’d found his god. Found Rin. Without a sound, he pushed the door open and stepped through, moving his large body out of the darkness of the hallway and into the bedroom. Even if the other boy had said he had no “assigned” bedroom, this one wasn’t at all bad… But he wasn’t here for the room. He was here for the person inside it. Sousuke closed the door behind him, trying to keep as soundless as possible so as to not interrupt him (or wake him). But, for everything that he thought and came to terms with in those hours of thinking and getting lost… there was a simple want crystalized in his mind.

I want to stay with you.

Truthfully, Rin didn't find a place to stay as soon as he left Sousuke's room. Instead, he chose to wander himself, even when his legs wobbled and his toes began to cramp in his shoes. Everything about the world felt abnormal and uncomfortable, small and incomplete, and even though he had all this space and time and luxury, he felt so incredibly small. Like a fish in a tiny puddle, swimming around and around in countless circles. It was suffocating and unbearable and really he should have done just as Sousuke said. Lie down. Rest. ... Go away. Who are you. But how could he? How could he rest when his mind wouldn't stay silent? How could he rest when all he wanted to do was find solutions and answers, to fix this even if it took forever?

He didn't know where to start. His own duties aside, he had to live knowing his own friends had no idea who he was. These were the people he dreamed for, the people he fought and swam for. But who were they now and who was he to them? Only tools? Only a master expected to own and train and hold secrets from them? These are my friends, he told himself as he walked alone down another empty hallway. I can't do this to them... but I can't leave them alone. Still. What was he doing now? Where was he now? All powerful, all knowing and immortal. A god.

Alone.

He wandered until the sun finally set and his heart fell numb, and when his feet finally gave up he turned to the first door he set eyes on and walked with whatever energy he had left to give. Maybe it wasn't his designated room, whatever that was supposed to be, but Rin couldn't have cared less as long as he had somewhere to go. Wherever it was, at least he made sure to be far enough away from that first hallway as possible. He knew it was far; he could sense it--a little flicker of energy on the other side of the castle. As long as he gave him room, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. You couldn't have given me an ocean instead, huh, he thought to whatever gods-that-be while shutting the door behind him and watching the last bit of orange sunlight disappear behind the silk curtains. No. Whoever they were, they had to be cruel. They had to give him everything and anyone he could ever need... only to take his sunshine away.

He didn't hear the handle turn or feel the brush of cold air when the door slowly opened. To anyone not paying much attention, the room might as well have been empty. But as the hallway light spilled in, it reached a single shoe, then another, left behind on the floor leading to the four poster bed on the other side of the bedroom. Someone was here, and upon closer inspection Sousuke would sure enough find Rin curled up on his side, uncovered and still, one foot dangling off the edge of the bed as if he barely managed to drag himself up. But he was asleep and breathing steadily, one hand tucked beneath his pillow... the other halfway reaching for the vacant spot beside him. Really, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep once he lay down, but judging by the dusting of pink on both damp and cold cheeks, he spared a moment anyway for a few last tears.

It'd been a while since he last slept by himself.

It felt like some sort of decision was made the moment that door slid shut behind him. Just how many times was he going to remind himself he was going to stay with Rin? Three times now. Once under the sakura, once in that room far across the castle, and once more right now after all that thought-churning wandering. The darkness of the room only made those thoughts heavier. For a moment, he thought he got the wrong room, but just as quickly dismissed the thought. Sousuke gave himself a few to look around the darkened room, the moonlight spilling through the windows illuminating the décor and size. The scattered drop of shoes on the floor. A soft sigh and Sousuke quietly skimmed Rin’s shoes over to the wall nearby the door, safely put out of the way. Then lifted his gaze again to the room. The bed across from him, with its four posts rising into the air like some kind of beacon calling his eyes to what they held between them.

He moved forward, from stone floor to luxurious carpet, until he stood beside the bed. Rin was sleeping… Sousuke let himself look this time. No sakura petals, no strange breezes, no light or confusing words. Only silence and Rin. His god. Curled up without blanket or sheet atop the bed. You really were tired… He could see it plain as the moon. Rin hadn’t even bothered to pull his other leg onto the bed. How fast had he fallen asleep? He wanted to think instantly. But the color on Rin’s cheeks, pink and still glistening faintly in the moonlight, told him otherwise. For all his frustration and Rin’s own troubles, he still had tears to shed. Sousuke knew it was probably due to him the majority of those tears shed. A silent mixture of disappointment and relief slid through him at seeing Rin’s slumber. Disappointment that he couldn’t say the words he wanted to say. Relief that he didn’t have to say them to his face. Don’t cry so much, Rin…

Sousuke felt something clench inside him when he saw his outstretched arm. Reaching across the bed. He couldn’t convince himself it was some stretch or casual fall. Rin was reaching for something, someone. And the only thing he had to answer for it was the empty sheets of a cold bed. Who slept next to you? A question he couldn’t answer, wasn’t sure he ever would be able to. Sousuke leaned away from the bed and silently moved around it to the other side. Ever so gently, so as to not wake him, he slipped one of the pillows from the head of the mattress. And then eased it under Rin’s outstretched arm. It wasn’t what or who he had… but maybe it would help. Done, he backed up and with all the stealth of a shark in the dark sea, vanished out of the room.

Only to return a few minutes later, loaded with blankets, pillows, and sheets he’d stripped from the rooms flanking this one. No one else was going to use them, right? Kneeling beside the bed, he slipped the load down onto the floor, doing everything as silently as he could. Blankets spread on the floor, sheets atop them, pillows settled, arranged enough that he had something soft to lie down. Of course, the rug under the bed was so lush he probably shouldn’t have bothered but… he wasn’t about to fall asleep uncovered wearing these legskins… His own bed made, Sousuke slipped a heavy sheet from the makeshift bed. With a quiet motion, he pulled the thing into a spread. And carefully draped it over Rin’s body, covering him from the cool air. Even took the effort to nudge that dangling foot up onto the mattress so he wouldn’t wake up numb.

Satisfied he’d given the distressed boy some comfort, Sousuke finally sank down on the blankets and pillows beside the bed. Maybe it was odd, his new form being that of a dog and here he was, sleeping beside his god’s bed. Like a good dog. But… he didn’t feel sore or upset about it, only a little wry in amusement. Rin was taking care of him, protecting him… Then Sousuke would do the same. His guard dog. His companion. He knew they’d have fights, he knew they’d but heads, probably hurt each other. He pulled the blankets up and covered himself, lying on his back and tucking one arm under the pillow, his right arm lying protectively over his chest. They’d make it work. For all the unease and frustration, he never forgot the feeling of that first change. When he felt so connected to Rin. Trusted him. Saw his strength and resolve.

Well… at the very least… they’d both sleep well tonight. And if Sousuke could help it, you wouldn’t have to spend another night alone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Closed] we were both young when I first saw you

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject